Day 353: Challenge and Releasing Failure

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Day 353: Challenge and Releasing Failure

 

Daring to actually take a look into who I am within and in relationship to the word Challenge, and how I might embrace this word and live it.

 

And so first of all, opening with the word Daring, I am acknowledging the fear that I have attached to living the word Challenge, and how I have defined myself in Challenge as having fear of embracing Challenge, and seeing that I have responded to the word Challenge, not by embracing but rather instead avoiding it, and up till now, avoided looking into these moments where I have accepted and allowed myself to be avoiding it.

 

So yes, daring to venture into challenge in the realization of the existence of fear around it and in it. What fear? I mean: Fear attached to what? What I see here is a point in which in avoiding seriously taking up a challenge, that I am making sure that I do not open up even the slightest possibility of experiencing myself in Failure. So for me it looks like avoiding challenge is like a strategy to make sure that I do not enter into the experience of failure, and that how I have defined myself in Failure has played a big part in my relationship to Challenge.

 

And also seeing  already that I have as yet very little intimate relationship to Challenge itself, because of the connection that I have made to Failure, where Challenge in a way has acted like only the lid to the Pandora’s Box of experience of Failure. This is not how I would want it to continue to be, and even in these moments of actually approaching these points I see already how Challenge might become so much more than this for me, where already it is opening in a way, as I begin to see how it is that I have accepted me as being defined within it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Challenge to the word Failure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist inside the word Challenge the word Failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Failure to an emotional experience, to a negative energy experience. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Failure to an experience of myself in which I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined as Failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how it is that I have stored inside me memories of me as failure and connected all of them into an experience of myself that I have suppressed within me, of me as failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less-than, as inferior, as worthless through this definition of myself that I have accepted and allowed of me as being failure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being-failure exists.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of failure, together with the memories of failure to come up within me when and as I see a challenge. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let these thoughts and memories and fears to become a controlling influence in my decisions and actions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word Failure to exist within me as a judgement and a definition of who I am as being inferior, less-than, and worthless.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Challenge to refer to Failure, and Failure to exist as a reference to a hidden reality within myself of and as a Failure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide this belief away inside me, and so this part of me that I have judged.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide this definition of myself away from me, so as not to experience this part of me, by making sure that I do not respond to Challenge by embracing it, where in embracing Challenge I would imagine in my mind that I am opening a trap in which I would inevitably experience myself as Failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience that I have connected to the word Failure to be affecting me whenever I push myself to do something new, and that even though I might push myself to do it, that still I am accepting and allowing the fear to be there.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a personality design to ease me through a moment in which I am avoiding Challenge, and continuing to suppress the fear of failure, by rising above such things; seeing it through a frame of being superior to competition and it’s elements of winning and losing.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself in justifying my reaction to Challenge by defining Challenge into Competition only, and so not seeing how really that my main concern within this is to avoid the emotional experience of Failure. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in competition only in a cursory way.

 

 

 

As I look into this point of Failure and question how it is that Failure came to have for me such intense emotional roots, what I see is memories of Failure in personal relationships where I experience myself as having Failed to live up to another person’s expectations, such as examples of someone that I am depending on in some way to be approving of me, and that in having done something or said something, I am seeing myself as having failed to meet their expectations, and then them within reacting, seeing themselves as having been wrong about me, or disappointed in me, and then suddenly being changed and being dismissive of me, that point right there I have accepted and allowed as being a devastating and shameful realization experience, where I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Failure into having failed to live up to another person’s expectations of me; seeing that I have in fact completely blown it, by being for a moment who I am as some personality or other that is not truly me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the experience of Failure to live up to an other beings’ expectations of me, for me then to become trapped in this experience, in which it is as if I am imprisoned in it: in which I am only released from this when the whole experience gradually eases off. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be waiting in this imprisonment experience of my own worthlessness for this experience to be lifted from me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear within the experience of Failure, in which I am existing as a worthlessness, to be fearing also the experience of being trapped within the systems of the mind, and to be waiting till the systems of the mind release me, because I have so completely given up my power of self direction.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in Failure within failing to live up to another being’s expectations of me that I am accepting and allowing myself to be defined according to the approval of others, and that in this experience of Failure what I am seeing is my own Failure to be standing with and for me in who I am with reference to myself, and that in this Failure that I am apparently seeing a hole in which I do not exist because I have never actually given to me the time and the attention that I have instead sought for in the approval of others, within which I have become dependent on a positive experience of myself as who I am, rather than a real genuine experience of myself within me, that I can in fact nurture for myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as nothing in a negative sense, when I have lost the approval of others, having Failed to live up to expectations, and within this seeing realizing and understanding that I am experiencing the consequential reality of having Failed to stand for me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid to see that I have failed to stand, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that in failing to stand that I therefore have no standing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of taking responsibility for myself in not standing, that I have instead accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in being as something that has no standing and that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as being a failure. I forgive myself therefore that I have accepted and allowed myself to define failure in myself as a reason for, as a form of blame for why it is that I do not stand.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide within myself to not simply see me not standing, but rather instead to see me within the consequence of this as ‘having no standing’ that I have then accepted and allowed myself to define as being Failure, as ‘something’ that I do not have. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as real my judgements of me in not standing, and that through accepting and allowing judgements of me that I have accepted and allowed a guilt experience connected to me not standing, and within this guilt then accepted and allowed myself to fear responsibility.

 

  

…Ok I’ll continue with this next post.

 

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

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Day 352: How I’m Walking Me in This

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Day 352: How I’m Walking Me in This

 

On being asked a Question: a Request to share HOW I am walking me in this, my process, now. My immediate response was this: That it’s like on some level I am walking my process ‘any way I possibly can’ and kind of making it up as I go along, experiencing support from everywhere, and within that feeling strengthened.

 

So, here, looking at who I am within my immediate response, and so first of all, acknowledging that these reflections are coming from a Question that I may not have asked myself, and so, acknowledging that the Question itself is offering a different angle onto things. And in myself I am grateful for a different angle, because I realise that there are so many questions that I do not ask myself, questions that may throw a new light onto things, especially where I’m liable to get some perspective stuck and so be unaware of a tunnel vision that I may be in, and as.

 

This morning as I awoke, this phrase, ‘Any way I can’ was somehow lingering there, as if washed up on the shore (uh oh, another note for me: ‘washing up’ in a different dimension) of a night of processing in dreams. And in ‘Any way I can’, I noticed that there was a tone of urgency, where it’s like: Ready or not, here I come. As if in playing games of Hide and Seek there has come this point of Enough.

 

I mean, just in writing out these words, I am in a way splashing out references to whole as yet unwalked processes, left and right, (there I go again lol) and yet aware that also I am writing this point here in focusing on ‘Any way I can’ with reference to How within the how of me in walking process now. And so there is this element of urgency; that there is not endless time in this physical life, and so I must take the understandings that I can work with here, and practically apply them, not in the perspective of years and months, but in the access to reality of me that is in moments.

 

Such as in the process of redefining and living words: where in deciding in me, in support of me I realized how Diligence would be required by me to facilitate a physical learning, expansion, growth, process: that I must therefore redefine this word and who I am within it to actually live it, and make friends with it in a way, to bring it intimately into me, to understand and realign the contents of it, so that for example I can make a tool box for myself with which as me to efficiently apply a focus on these moments.

 

And something that I’m finding in this redefinition process that I am beginning to realise, though not yet fully understand, is how in making Diligence my own, I have through ‘any way I can’ applying what I have been shown created for myself an access to self honesty. Where in accessing this new part of me, as diligence, there are not any longer lingering objections and complaints, resistances, and within those, fears or emotional constructions; because I have through any way I can made clear these things and set the tools to suit me personally, and where I find as I go along that there still remains some difficulty, that I am stable enough now to make further adjustments, and so refine my own stability.

 

So, what within ‘making it up as I go along’ in How I am walking process now? There is a reference here to how I have removed many limitations that I have through life imposed on me, such as within this very point of my relationship to words, and who I am within and as them, and then how I chose to be within the very substance of them, where ‘making it up as I go along’ is how I have chosen in a way to redesign my own resources for me and in support of me.

 

So in this ‘making it up as I go along’ is not a point of ignoring or disregarding guide-lines, or walking separately to others, but partaking of the exact same principles and applying them for me, through me, where in listening to and hearing new information and perspectives onto things, that ‘take-away’ for me is that part that I can work with and apply for me, that I can build on, use, and walk in my everyday life.

 

That ‘experience of support from everywhere’ I cannot as yet go into very much – but it is an experience of synchronicity with the many beings who are walking in their own individual lives and ways and paths, the same principles of Life – and are sharing their perspectives – where in this experience of support – it is as if we all are looking from the same location somehow – and indications of this kind of show up all the time for me in the Eqafe interviews and Journey to Life blogs and vlogs, in everyday life, in diverse ways. And simply that this synchronicity exists, is for me a constant point of support.

 

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 351: A Moment during Washing Up

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Day 351: A moment during Washing Up

Though my mind tells me there’s nothing to write about today, yet I am anyway kind of writing my way in here, while at the same time writing me out, yes, and out also of this blank layer: there was something that I realised while doing the washing up, which I usually enjoy, having got my hands into hot water, and what I realised was to do with an energy that came up in me while I was handling a soapy plate, and the energy that had come up in me was clearly an impatience.

And I stood back for a second to have a look at this energy that was kind of busy rattling about inside me, and I noticed that there was a thought in my head saying, Yes, but what else, what else is there, what else can I have, as if some kind of energy reward or comfort of some kind was required. It was as if a vacancy or a lackingness had suddenly opened up that needed to be filled, as if maybe there was some urgent mission that I had forgotten about, and needed to be reminded of, that I was maybe missing something, or at least these were the sort of thoughts that were kind of reaching for attention.

And yet as I stood there, standing back for this moment, I noticed something really interesting as well; that this energy of impatience rattling around did not in fact have any direct connection to the actual washing up, and that that was a connection that I would usually supply, getting swept up in all of this, where what I saw was that in a moment like this I would habitually feel the impatience, the frustration also maybe, and then immediately blame the presence of this energy inside me on to the physical event of washing up. But it was that the washing up itself had really nothing to do with it. Seeing that, it was very easy to release this impatience, and in a way, seeing how it was in fact redundant, not having been connected up with blame, it was already released; it needed to be validated.

As well as this, with the thoughts that came up in me I had already turned my head, looking toward a radio set, a possible distraction entertainment option. So it was kindly no thanks to that as well, and so I released my neck muscles that had already turned my head. And I then allowed myself to continue with this physical process of the washing up, and enjoy myself within it.

It was like I suppose in a way that my mind wanted to be part of it, to be involved, to have a say, through me within a habitual framing process of what is going on: like with words: such as for example defining what is going on as a ‘chore’, and with such framing, then my mind could easily supply a range of thoughts and energies with which to trigger further reactions and conflict games, and means of involvement.

So here in the context of living diligence, in which I am simply physically keeping abreast of time, with attending to the tasks and details that crop up as part of a physical day: the element of Impatience arises as an undermining factor to that diligence, along with a corrupted definition of work. Seeing these things, I see how also how inadvertently I’m testing out this new diligence in my practical life.

 

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 350: Unforgivability

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Unforgivability and resistance to Self-Forgiveness and releasing self from guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that unforgivability exists.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in what I have said and done with defining who I am within this judgement as being unforgivable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the judgements that I have made of me within my mind as being real, and through judging who I am as unforgivable, that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience me as unforgivable, and so have within myself accepted and allowed a darkness in my life that is not necessary.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in believing unforgivability to be real, that in applying this to me, that I have drawn a line across my life beyond which forgiveness of myself is impossible, and so have disempowered myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through this judgement of myself as unforgivable, to have accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience of guilt to be as something I deserve. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be serving guilt as a part of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me feel better about myself and comfort me in defining who I am as guilt, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be in some way good to be punishing myself with bad feelings about what I have said or done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through believing in unforgivability that I have disempowered myself of the ability to make the decision in myself to forgive myself, to release myself from guilt and so instead to learn from what I’ve said or done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become accustomed to my experience of myself as guilty, and to believe in judgements of myself as good in being the punisher of myself, and so within my mind to be on the side of what is right.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in righteousness in relation to who I am within accepting and allowing myself to participate in guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in judgements of myself as good, in punishing me, as something real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist forgiveness of myself in guilt for fearing that I might lose the good that I have believed as me, and defined myself within and as, in being the punisher of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within resisting forgiveness of myself in guilt to be attempting in my mind to validate unforgivability.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed unforgivability as a place in which to hide myself, as a place in which to validate my disempowerment of myself, so that I can continue in my comfort zone that I have accepted and allowed myself to make for me in my experience of guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a fear of loss to exist in me in forgiving me for accepting and allowing myself to participate in guilt, and so a fear of loss within releasing me from guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my perceived unforgivability and thence the outflow of my experience of guilt, because within and as my own damnation of myself I have created in my mind a fear of my responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see the ways in which I have validated participating in fear of seeing and realizing my responsibility, through protecting who I am remaining in a comfort zone of guilt within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within and as being judgement of myself, in damning me, condemning me, as being with and as religious programming within my mind that I have accepted and absorbed as being real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this an absolute superiority within myself in relation to that part of me that I see within my mind as having crossed the line that I have made into and as unforgivability.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in believing unforgivability as something that exists, to also believe that there are exceptions to self forgiveness, and within that to be standing as and for conditionality in self forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are exceptions to self forgiveness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in believing that there are exceptions to self forgiveness, to validate my own resistances to forgiving me in guilt, and so within that making decisions in my life in which I decide for not forgiving me, but brushing it aside, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this will be useless and will not work.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in spite towards myself in judging me for making an attempt to do something that is not possible, to stand beside belittling myself as being foolish to be considering releasing me from guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise and understand the nature of who I am within resistance to forgiveness of myself in guilt.

 

I commit myself to learn to be aware of me within the moment of making a decision in my life, to with diligence slow me down and expand the moments of decision in my day, to give me space to be considering what it is that I am making a decision for: to really take a look at – and see – who I am accepting and allowing myself to be within this moment of decision, and where I am accepting and allowing a decision that I know is within the intentions of self interest and energy reward, that I know will lead to consequence, and that I realise that I have trained myself to cope with in my comfort zone of guilt, rather than taking a different new direction of myself within my life.

 

I commit myself to redefine myself within who I am and how I see myself within making mistakes, that instead of automatically leaping to judgements of myself, and that in making a mistake I can see that in support of me that I can learn from this, and that yes I can see flaws in me in what I have done and said, and so in the consequence of what I have become from this, and that yes I am in fact guilty in the sense that I am responsible for what has happened, but I can learn from this mistake, and not allow myself to chastise myself in this with the energy and emotional construct of this guilt.

 

 

 

See Eqafe’s Self Forgiveness series, and Self Forgiveness on the Experience of Guilt 

See: Eqafe’s Atlanteans series starting: 123 Understanding Guilt

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 349: Diligence in Decision Making

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…Part of an ongoing process walking the word Diligence 

 

 

 Day 349: Diligence in Decision Making  

In slowing down, more slowing down, and in Patience, another depth of patience, where there comes a moment in which the energy is not there: who I am within myself within this patience is like a stranger to myself. I am not used to following this path, I am not used to an experience of me in which I do not have the usual references, where my dishonesties toward myself would be almost naturally supplied, such as walking in my well-practiced paths of instant self avoidance.

 

Staying with my breath I find a quality of slow that I can kind of latch on to that is for me an aspect of Patience. I realise now that that sort of ‘latch’ is like a reference too, and that in becoming more familiar with it I can practice this and so make this accessing of patience a faster process.

 

With Patience like being a component part of Diligence, and Diligence itself being like a package of supportive words, standing with Care, Purpose, and Work, my practice as it stands is to bring this new diligence through into my life in the small moments, and the potential that I see for me is through practice having instant access to this word, with it’s combined dimensions.

 

Such as within exploring patience while at the same time embracing who I am in Care, as redefined, so that rather in that habitual moment of instantly deciding for avoidance of myself, that I can with patience give me time to take who I am within myself into consideration, where it is like I am learning to apply diligence to my decision making processes.

 

 

See: Atlanteans, The Avoidance series, and 278, Avoidance: Not So Honest, Actually 

See this SOUL video: Ignite your Utmost Potential

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 348: The Discovery of Honour

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…Part of an ongoing process walking the word Diligence 

 

Opening up a point – such as of a personality design – that then becomes revealed and realized as having had a panoramic role in one’s inner world, and yet through living in and as it, had for so long been ignored – such an occurrence really opens up the question of so then to what extent have I ever really seen this world in which I have been living?

Forgiveness of my physical body in the sense of lifting the sentence of blame that I had put upon it, that I had become so accustomed to and so in a way oblivious to, such as with this mind system where I had been shifting the burden of guilt onto the shoulders of my physical body, and into and as an irritation or a sufferance with my body as a whole, and a cursory relationship towards my caring for it – so forgiveness in that sense, along with also forgiveness of myself in creating that relationship – that has been an ongoing act of cruelty in a way, and so in the realization of Enough, Now this has to Stop, I now feel openings within me that were not there before.

 

Here, in terms of words: Honour and Honouring, take on a new dimension for me, in the sense that honour becomes more tangible, as I actually feel this lifting of the burden, and so in a way through this there is a new definition within Honour, as Expansion, where what I realise, and experience within my body is how in the lifting of a global judgement, or an accepted and allowed dishonouring in a way, a whole new relationship is opening up – no longer confined within the judgement of blame.

So noting here a moment that arrives for me, like a gift in lifting guilt is in how the word Honour shows up as something tangible for me, where something that is clear is how Self Forgiveness has not only been a release of emotional energies but also a release of the energies of thought, and of the structures of some previous definitions, and self limitations.

 

 

See this SOUL video: A Conflictual Relationship with Conflict

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 347: Self-Forgiveness on a Conversation

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Day 347: Self-Forgiveness on a Conversation

 

Here I share some self-forgiveness statements that I have written out for me in relation to a conversation.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realise that a placing guard over my mouth is a as well as being a principle, is a matter of practice in actual real time communication with other beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that in not meeting others very often in my present life, how meeting itself has become an unusual event in my life in which I have not practiced corrections of myself in my experience of how I am with others, and ways and methods of being with others in which I have learned to remain with myself and stable in the presence of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear and accept and allow fear to exist within me as who I am in my relationship to conflict, in which rather than embracing who I am in a moment of fear connected to conflict, and so gifting me the space to consider and reflect who I am that I am experiencing inside myself, that I instead project this fear of conflict onto others blaming them for this conflict that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I see the reality of who I am as reacting to fear of conflict inside myself, and that through that judgement of myself have accepted and allowed strategies of projection and blame as seeing this conflict as being the fault of others in my world that they are causing these conflicts to exist inside me, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disempowered within myself in not allowing myself to see that I am responsible for what I am projecting, and within that also that I am responsible for what I am experiencing inside myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within tolerating fear of conflict with others in my world, that I have justified being nice in honesty equations as a comfort zone for me to exist in and return into when and as the fear of conflict in myself projected looms up in my mind as a possibility that this conflict may or might happen.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk out on others in relationships when there has been conflict present, and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others may or might walk out on me if I do not resolve this conflict, not by embracing me in these moments and sharing who I am, but instead going into and as the comfort zone of honesty and niceness within myself, and so in turn I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and supported this comfort zone to exist within the minds of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my comfort zone onto the minds of others in my world, and within that never really considered that for other people’s minds their comfort zones may exist in different ways, and that if fear exists within the minds of others that it may have been connected up in different ways to different points to the ways that I have accepted and allowed within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that with accepting and allowing projection and blame to avoid experiencing my own judgement of who I really am in a point of conflict, that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself within and through this blame, and that in this disempowerment of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as stuck within the niceties of honesty relationships, and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give to me the opportunity to learn to live but have instead accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a programming of who I am, and so within this have accepted and allowed myself to promote this as an example of a way to be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in beingness, communication barriers or rifts exist, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that these barriers or rifts are actually projections of my beliefs in my own limitations. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my own responsibility for my beliefs in my own limitations by projecting these barriers and rifts as things that actually exist onto others, and between myself and others. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the existence of barriers and rifts in others, and so within that, support the beliefs of limitations in the minds of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk out of relationships with others, rather than standing with and standing besides and for and in support of others, as within and for myself in my relationship with me, and that through this that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will react to me in the same way: in this point I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a value onto concord in relationships as something to be maintained above all other things, in which I have accepted and allowed the niceties of program-speak exchange games as a substitute for real communication, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define communication as such exchange of information rather than in mutual growth and learning and mutual realization and mutual change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and so define a relaxation between two beings as within the context of having a foundation of both beings within and as their comfort zones as a starting point for communications, and so within these comfort zones to be comfortable within their self accepted limitations and defence and protections from their fears. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to question me within this definition of a common ground from which to start communications, and to not see realise and understand that this is not a ground at all. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not return to me in breath and being here comfortable within myself as an example of a way to be, as a way to demonstrate real ground, both for me and in support of me and as well as for another being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as quantities of knowledge and information and derived opinion within accepting and allowing myself to live the words Agree and Disagree as references of where I stand in relation to what it is that we are speaking of. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give negative and positive charges of energy to the words Agree and Disagree. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how within me utilizing these words charged with energy that I am accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as a comparison of opinions, where I can only be derived from these comparisons as values of my mind in winning and losing and being right or wrong. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiences of myself in winning and losing and being right or wrong are real.

 

 

 

See this SOUL video: A Conflictual Relationship with Conflict

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 346: Self Forgiveness on Guilt

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Day 346: Self Forgiveness on Guilt

 

Self Forgiveness on Guilt, and release of energetic charges that I have accepted and allowed in my relationship to the word Suicide, and further deconstruction of the Cursory Personality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a cursory personality design that exists and feeds upon a tolerance to guilt and a platform imperviousness to responsibility in the consequence of guilt, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate a constant diminishment of my own conscience as my awareness of what is real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative energy charge of guilt to the word Suicide. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face myself and see myself in the reality that I have stood within and as in absolute self interest within my mind as in making the decision to kill myself, in absolute disregard of care in consideration of the consequence of those around me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not approach this point of guilt that has accumulated in my mind over decisions that I have made, and that I have not enquired within myself and exposed for me the facts of what it is that I have been living, and so within that given myself the chance of finding a solution.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of guilt through which I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress this guilt and live in fear of it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of my own experience rather than instead to take responsibility for all and everything that comes up in me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that, in participating in fear of guilt, that I have come to live as one energy in relation to another, rather than accepted and allowing myself to stand up in myself as responsible for the energies that move inside me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear of guilt, become enslaved by guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed both guilt and fear of guilt to define who I am in any moment within my thoughts and within my decisions and actions in the world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in guilt within a constant and abiding judgement of myself that I deserve to feel bad always in myself in some way, and that wherever I go and whatever I do that I deserve for the experience to be there with me.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve that my experience of joy in simply living can never now be whole.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in having attacked life itself within me and blamed existence as a whole, that I have lived in fear of judgement, that within myself that I have believed those expected judgements to be real. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be attacked, or be exposed, or be caught out by life itself or by someone acting for it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress my body and specifically my shoulders in the expectation of an attack that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve. Therefore in my self forgiveness I include asking for forgiveness from my body that I have stood for punishment of me to be targeted instead onto my body.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in hiding from life, and my own life, where I have made a comfort zone for me within my mind, living in fear or what I have accepted and allowed myself to believe to be a hostile reality, where in guilt I have accepted and allowed myself to expect retaliation. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am fated, doomed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed through processes of suppression that I have instigated in my mind that I have accepted and allowed for for my own guilt experience to become invisible to me.

 

 

Continuing next time…

 

See this SOUL video: Regret – Remembering the Great

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 345: Dark Mind, Dark World

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Day 345: Dark Mind, Dark World

That aspect of Diligence where through new experience of myself with new perspectives seeing Diligence in looking at my past and reviewing old relationships, I saw how often I had done the same old thing of dusting off my feet of someone or their house and walked away from them, forever. Such a final judgement I had made, where looking at it now I see how walking away had become a part of me from a young age as my stock solution to a problem, where I see now that I had defined myself as always ready to go.

 

And through Diligence I saw there were these instances scattered through my life of relationships left behind and torn with ragged edges, unfinished, unresolved, seeing people who had come into my life that I had later on abandoned, that I could have stuck with, stood beside, and yet had chosen not to. A perspective of my past that is something new to me, like opening my eyes and seeing these beings far away from me in darkened lands, foundering into consequence that need not perhaps to have been like that, had I been different in myself.

 

And when I consider who I was within and as the embodiment of the cursory personality, I can understand how Diligence itself was at that time something alien to me: diligence in the form of bearing with myself in the midst of making mistakes, and bad experiences, rather than just simply going away from them, with learning from a situation as a completion in a way, in which it may have been possible for differences to be resolved, and for decisions to be made not in conflict or anger. And yet walking out on someone or from something in myself I had accepted and allowed a pattern in which I did not learn but instead returned into the pattern of following my old way of walking out and embodying that arrogance of the cursory personality in relation to other beings that I had met along the way.

 

And here in allowing myself to see things differently through redefining diligence and seeing it unfolding new perspectives of myself as well in slowing down within myself and noticing these references to relationships of the past that remain within me unresolved, I see also the points of both regret and guilt within me that I had accepted and allowed as part of me, as consequences in a way that I had accepted that came along with living out this cursory

design, within which what I had learned was how to tolerate and cope with a shadow in my life that accompanied my walking out and leaving things as unresolved.

 

And so within that what I’d done was to define myself as burdened by these things, as willing in myself to be burdened, I saw myself as burdened, carrying a burden, and I was careless whether or not my body could take the strain. Being as within my mind, I passed the burden on and did not care, while in my mind I found some sign of inner righteousness to support the punishment of myself, or in my willingness to pay the fine for some transgression that enabled me to go on as before, because I could afford it more and more as guilt became more tolerable within me.

 

But something that I saw within the guilt surrounding the regret of, in this example of walking out on someone in some way and losing contact with them through the years, and then finally altogether, was in my relationship to guilt itself of: Here is a little guilt, that is nothing compared to the greater guilt that I have learned to tolerate as part of my experience of myself, so I can deal with that, I can cope with that, I know that I can overlook it, in my greater current of benevolence in my mind, where my good intentions I have accepted and allowed myself to believe outweigh my actual deeds that remain as physical incidents within my secret past.

 

And so of course I hardly need to ask myself, as if I do not know, what exactly is the greater guilt that overshadows and makes trivial all the lesser guilts, the greater guilt that in a way justifies them all, that makes me certain in my cursory designs that I can tolerate each and every burden. And just as obviously this is something that I would find so hard to talk about, to open up, and to admit to, and to share with even me, that relationship that I walked out on, having walked out of all relationships to everyone in my teenage life, I rounded up with only me, and then decided in my mind to walk out on this one too.

 

Imagine: when you curse the entire universe with all your heart, send out a shockwave of blame at all in life and at living itself and then decide to kill your own physical body, and put an end to everything – and then to fail, fail to die, fail to draw attention even – then something that comes back from that can be a guilt as universal, equally as universal as the blame itself, a guilt that darkens one’s life, a guilt that creates a dark world, and a life from which one hides and cowers away from, as if the truth of who one really is is too intense and piercing and too deeply criminal to be exposed, and yet all the time is quietly if unconsciously fully viewed by all.

 

Something like that would be the main dramatic background of this emotional life – something that I had managed to not notice, to become accustomed to, a life in which I was certain that other guilt experience could easily be managed, and so be tolerated within the greater scheme of things.

 

Towards taking the charge out of the word Suicide, I realise as I am writing this, that seeing it in the context that I have described – as another instance of me walking out on a relationship – I see that looking at it in this way, that I can look at all the instances when I actually and in fact did do this, walk out on other beings in my life, as well as walk out on my own, and though I do not feel good about these events – I sense an opening for me – where I can remain upon the ground and can forgive myself. And in making self forgiveness possible for me, that I can see it would be a necessary gift for me to go into that experience that I have so far only partially opened up for me which would be to redefine myself into and as self forgiveness as who I am.

 

 

Ok: So posting this – and more on this to come…

 

 

See this SOUL video: Regret – Remembering the Great

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 344: Discoveries in Diligence 2

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Day 344: Discoveries in Diligence 2

 

It is both interesting and crucial, how I have made many discoveries in opening up the word Diligence in myself and in my everyday life in the process of walking this word, and yet a list of these experiences of openings and of personal discoveries does not exist as such, while at the same time as I walk this word it is like I have recurring experiences of the word as if opening up or unfolding yet another new dimension of itself that had not previously existed as a part of me.

 

That I have made the word through the process of redefining it for me available to me for application in so many ways, in everyday moments of conversation, or in self reflections, or reviews of past relationships, or in actually writing this now, that I am aware that there exists in me in many intrinsic ways in who I am with Diligence this new found word, as supportive and present, as included in my experience of myself. And this experience includes both an ongoing release of obstructive energies, and at the same time an expansion of stability within me.

 

With awareness that wrapped into Diligence exists redefinitions of who I am in Care, and Purpose, in Work, and Patience, which altogether, as I see it so far into this, make for dimensions of Diligence itself, I also have the means to look at when Diligence within the moments of my life, falls or falters, or fades or fails in some way, that I can look at this and ask myself the How of this: Is this a moment in which for example the Cursory personality has popped up with it’s dark-mind versions of Care? Is this a moment in which I have lost touch with my Purpose in this task? Is this a moment in which I have slipped into my old-self definition of Work? Or is this a moment in which I am not remembering that I can live the word Patience, and gift myself with this?

 

 

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.