Day 353: Challenge and Releasing Failure

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Day 353: Challenge and Releasing Failure

 

Daring to actually take a look into who I am within and in relationship to the word Challenge, and how I might embrace this word and live it.

 

And so first of all, opening with the word Daring, I am acknowledging the fear that I have attached to living the word Challenge, and how I have defined myself in Challenge as having fear of embracing Challenge, and seeing that I have responded to the word Challenge, not by embracing but rather instead avoiding it, and up till now, avoided looking into these moments where I have accepted and allowed myself to be avoiding it.

 

So yes, daring to venture into challenge in the realization of the existence of fear around it and in it. What fear? I mean: Fear attached to what? What I see here is a point in which in avoiding seriously taking up a challenge, that I am making sure that I do not open up even the slightest possibility of experiencing myself in Failure. So for me it looks like avoiding challenge is like a strategy to make sure that I do not enter into the experience of failure, and that how I have defined myself in Failure has played a big part in my relationship to Challenge.

 

And also seeing  already that I have as yet very little intimate relationship to Challenge itself, because of the connection that I have made to Failure, where Challenge in a way has acted like only the lid to the Pandora’s Box of experience of Failure. This is not how I would want it to continue to be, and even in these moments of actually approaching these points I see already how Challenge might become so much more than this for me, where already it is opening in a way, as I begin to see how it is that I have accepted me as being defined within it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Challenge to the word Failure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist inside the word Challenge the word Failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Failure to an emotional experience, to a negative energy experience. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Failure to an experience of myself in which I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined as Failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how it is that I have stored inside me memories of me as failure and connected all of them into an experience of myself that I have suppressed within me, of me as failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less-than, as inferior, as worthless through this definition of myself that I have accepted and allowed of me as being failure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being-failure exists.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of failure, together with the memories of failure to come up within me when and as I see a challenge. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let these thoughts and memories and fears to become a controlling influence in my decisions and actions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word Failure to exist within me as a judgement and a definition of who I am as being inferior, less-than, and worthless.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Challenge to refer to Failure, and Failure to exist as a reference to a hidden reality within myself of and as a Failure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide this belief away inside me, and so this part of me that I have judged.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide this definition of myself away from me, so as not to experience this part of me, by making sure that I do not respond to Challenge by embracing it, where in embracing Challenge I would imagine in my mind that I am opening a trap in which I would inevitably experience myself as Failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience that I have connected to the word Failure to be affecting me whenever I push myself to do something new, and that even though I might push myself to do it, that still I am accepting and allowing the fear to be there.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a personality design to ease me through a moment in which I am avoiding Challenge, and continuing to suppress the fear of failure, by rising above such things; seeing it through a frame of being superior to competition and it’s elements of winning and losing.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself in justifying my reaction to Challenge by defining Challenge into Competition only, and so not seeing how really that my main concern within this is to avoid the emotional experience of Failure. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in competition only in a cursory way.

 

 

 

As I look into this point of Failure and question how it is that Failure came to have for me such intense emotional roots, what I see is memories of Failure in personal relationships where I experience myself as having Failed to live up to another person’s expectations, such as examples of someone that I am depending on in some way to be approving of me, and that in having done something or said something, I am seeing myself as having failed to meet their expectations, and then them within reacting, seeing themselves as having been wrong about me, or disappointed in me, and then suddenly being changed and being dismissive of me, that point right there I have accepted and allowed as being a devastating and shameful realization experience, where I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Failure into having failed to live up to another person’s expectations of me; seeing that I have in fact completely blown it, by being for a moment who I am as some personality or other that is not truly me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the experience of Failure to live up to an other beings’ expectations of me, for me then to become trapped in this experience, in which it is as if I am imprisoned in it: in which I am only released from this when the whole experience gradually eases off. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be waiting in this imprisonment experience of my own worthlessness for this experience to be lifted from me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear within the experience of Failure, in which I am existing as a worthlessness, to be fearing also the experience of being trapped within the systems of the mind, and to be waiting till the systems of the mind release me, because I have so completely given up my power of self direction.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in Failure within failing to live up to another being’s expectations of me that I am accepting and allowing myself to be defined according to the approval of others, and that in this experience of Failure what I am seeing is my own Failure to be standing with and for me in who I am with reference to myself, and that in this Failure that I am apparently seeing a hole in which I do not exist because I have never actually given to me the time and the attention that I have instead sought for in the approval of others, within which I have become dependent on a positive experience of myself as who I am, rather than a real genuine experience of myself within me, that I can in fact nurture for myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as nothing in a negative sense, when I have lost the approval of others, having Failed to live up to expectations, and within this seeing realizing and understanding that I am experiencing the consequential reality of having Failed to stand for me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid to see that I have failed to stand, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that in failing to stand that I therefore have no standing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of taking responsibility for myself in not standing, that I have instead accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in being as something that has no standing and that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as being a failure. I forgive myself therefore that I have accepted and allowed myself to define failure in myself as a reason for, as a form of blame for why it is that I do not stand.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide within myself to not simply see me not standing, but rather instead to see me within the consequence of this as ‘having no standing’ that I have then accepted and allowed myself to define as being Failure, as ‘something’ that I do not have. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as real my judgements of me in not standing, and that through accepting and allowing judgements of me that I have accepted and allowed a guilt experience connected to me not standing, and within this guilt then accepted and allowed myself to fear responsibility.

 

  

…Ok I’ll continue with this next post.

 

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

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~ by adamsblogs on November 30, 2016.

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