Day 351: A moment during Washing Up
Though my mind tells me there’s nothing to write about today, yet I am anyway kind of writing my way in here, while at the same time writing me out, yes, and out also of this blank layer: there was something that I realised while doing the washing up, which I usually enjoy, having got my hands into hot water, and what I realised was to do with an energy that came up in me while I was handling a soapy plate, and the energy that had come up in me was clearly an impatience.
And I stood back for a second to have a look at this energy that was kind of busy rattling about inside me, and I noticed that there was a thought in my head saying, Yes, but what else, what else is there, what else can I have, as if some kind of energy reward or comfort of some kind was required. It was as if a vacancy or a lackingness had suddenly opened up that needed to be filled, as if maybe there was some urgent mission that I had forgotten about, and needed to be reminded of, that I was maybe missing something, or at least these were the sort of thoughts that were kind of reaching for attention.
And yet as I stood there, standing back for this moment, I noticed something really interesting as well; that this energy of impatience rattling around did not in fact have any direct connection to the actual washing up, and that that was a connection that I would usually supply, getting swept up in all of this, where what I saw was that in a moment like this I would habitually feel the impatience, the frustration also maybe, and then immediately blame the presence of this energy inside me on to the physical event of washing up. But it was that the washing up itself had really nothing to do with it. Seeing that, it was very easy to release this impatience, and in a way, seeing how it was in fact redundant, not having been connected up with blame, it was already released; it needed to be validated.
As well as this, with the thoughts that came up in me I had already turned my head, looking toward a radio set, a possible distraction entertainment option. So it was kindly no thanks to that as well, and so I released my neck muscles that had already turned my head. And I then allowed myself to continue with this physical process of the washing up, and enjoy myself within it.
It was like I suppose in a way that my mind wanted to be part of it, to be involved, to have a say, through me within a habitual framing process of what is going on: like with words: such as for example defining what is going on as a ‘chore’, and with such framing, then my mind could easily supply a range of thoughts and energies with which to trigger further reactions and conflict games, and means of involvement.
So here in the context of living diligence, in which I am simply physically keeping abreast of time, with attending to the tasks and details that crop up as part of a physical day: the element of Impatience arises as an undermining factor to that diligence, along with a corrupted definition of work. Seeing these things, I see how also how inadvertently I’m testing out this new diligence in my practical life.
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