Day 248: Overwhelmingness 2

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of Rights    Living Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 

 

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Day 248: Overwhelmingness 2

 

The ‘whelm’ in overwhelmingness has a history, it has reference to a wave that overturns the boat – here, connecting this to me, this word, contained in ancient symbols as ‘letters’, preserved in the unconscious, radiating into my experience, so that ‘overwhelming’ as a place-holder gathered up a storage of remembered moments when my world turned upside down – and how the experience of that and who I was within it in the start of my behaviour, in the actions that I took and the consequence of those I did not take in time and space, in physical history, all of that as a dimension of the whelm in overwhelmingness as coming into consequence within the physical world through my actions and reactions.

 

So within the word itself stored my experience of ‘worlds turned upside down’, – such as moments when I was shown that I was living in a false reality – and yet rather than considering the new information, instead I reacted emotionally to it as a fear of something lost, as a grief, as a regret, where I had invested all of me into a personality that had suddenly become untenable. The foundations of the structure had been called into question.

 

Such as comes into my awareness a specific moment in relation to the ground I stood on – when knees sank, my projected world of family, collapsing like a fantasy of the love of my mother that I had fabricated so as to protect me from the answer to the question, which in words would be, “Why don’t you love me, Mummy?” Answering that fearful question for myself through my own projections, I had accepted and allowed an experience of myself in total disempowerment, as a negative existence, and being powerless to any longer hold the fantasy together, I fell into the powerlessness of becoming as a definition through the eyes of my mother. So, within this memory like a definition floating up towards me, it is a definition that in this powerlessness I believe I have to wear, that I have to embody, that I can’t resist it – where the solution seems to be to stop it at a distance while it still can be re-suppressed – a holding down manoeuvre – and how to do this thing – the solution to that seemingly in transcending this unacceptable belief about myself with recourse to a self empowerment with and as energy, as self judgement, wielding the powers of self attack and self disparagement, within and as a system of being at one time so much above myself and at others times so much beneath myself, each polarity feeding the other, with friction and conflict in my being a constant.

 

So here in this walk through specifizing ‘overwhelmingness’, I pace myself, rather than going with the temptation of moving on to other examples in a bid to gather and collect more samples so as to ‘embrace it all’ and return into the regions of generality, and so by this route return into the experience of overwhelmingness. It’s interesting because even in writing this I realise that there have been examples of ‘worlds turned upside down’ in my life in which for example the ‘everything you know is wrong’ has been like an experience of opening and of expansion – and realizing that I am tempted to move along towards it – where a positive future vision seems to consolidate the decision of postponement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the preferences of my mother.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ask myself who I am in myself in relation to what I see around me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I have different preferences to my mother then I am at risk of not being amongst my mother’s preferences, and so I risk not getting her attention.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being liked by my mother. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what definition I may or might become in not being liked by my mother.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the situation of realizing that my mother does not like me, and within that, to fear the definition of myself that I would then become within that realization.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enslaved by my desire to be loved by my mother.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need a realization of her love of me as symbolized by her attention so that I can then love myself, accept myself, give attention to myself, value this life that is me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create in my imagination a false reality in which my mother loves me, so as to give myself some ground to stand on.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise and understand that this ground I stand on is based within my mind and my imagination.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power of deciding who I am in each moment to my mother. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to invest my trust in me into the hands of my mother.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to impose a false reality onto my world for the sake of feeling okay about the fact of my existence, for the sake of showing interest in myself, in what I am, in how I find myself to be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear, dismay, regret, when this illusion falls apart. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put in efforts to try and bind this illusion back together, rather than to see realise and understand what it is that I am being shown, that simply I have placed this trust in me outside of me, that this is why my support of me has been displaced by me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within my version of this overwhelmingness as an experience, a sense of ‘doom’ as of becoming a negative definition of myself according to a ‘final’ judgement of my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck between releasing a suppression and reinforcing it at the same time, in which I have accepted and allowed the energy to escalate and accumulate into an experience of overwhelmingness, in which I have accepted and allowed self intimacy to be impossible.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the contents of this specific memory of ‘worlds turned upside down’ to have become a part of my experience of myself in current life, in which the word of overwhelmingness contains such memories that contain and preserve a fear of self intimacy.

 

 

Continuing…

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Day 247: Overwhelmingness

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of Rights    Living Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 

 

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Day 247: Overwhelmingness

 

I can’t take any more, it’s all too much – such lines of backchat have been tried and tested and found to be effective, presaging the experience of overwhelmingness, and thence into giving up. The effectiveness is directly related to me believing that this is absolutely me saying these things inside my mind, not realizing that they are formulations of words that arise automatically, through constant consent. The lines themselves have gathered and acquired all kinds of dramatic content, such as now that I focus on them I see there is for me a victimized tone to them, a plea for mercy, I am playing the plaintiff in the court of some harsh authority, or I am playing at being chastised in some way. It’s fascinating to see how within the implications of the tones of this backchat in my mind, this branch as ‘a plea for mercy’ opens up the door for self righteousness, and as such a possible conversion of the negative experience that I accepted for myself into a positive experience, and through that, I have justified myself as feeling ok within the process of giving up on myself. Or else within and as these lines, I am on my knees in some way, connecting prayers to pleas, so therefore goodness and mercy ‘should’ follow, and the doors to self pity are flung open wide, and giving up acquires a spirituality dimension…

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to these lines of backchat, and to substantiate them with my voice, and to then believe that these formulas of words that come up in my mind are actually me, rather than seeing that they are recurring memories of reactions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself over and over to follow my own well-trodden paths of giving up when facing the challenge of walking out of my own programming.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this word of ‘overwhelmingness’ to gain such weight in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this relationship of me as so much less than overwhelmingness, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of being overwhelmed, of within it experiencing my lack of power to change myself, and so to giving up on me.

 

I decided today, ok in fact, what really ‘I can’t take any more’ now – is this experience of overwhelmingness, and so this is my commitment to as and when I think in my mind that ‘I cannot do this, because if I do, then I will be overwhelmed, that then I will be in that experience of myself that I am in fear of, in which I cannot clarify, in which I cannot specify or articulate, in which I am in awe of a compounded energy and generalizations of thoughts, and implications of multiple dimensions – when such thoughts and chains of thoughts arise – to stop, and breathe, and deliberately bring myself back to the physical, to being here. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this thought of overwhelmingness, to have been swept away by it, to have become mesmerized by it, how much I have increased the energy of it, to have amplified it in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become content with waiting for a time that the overwhelmingness will clear, in which I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in that waiting, that I have in fact given up, that I have justified postponement and procrastination.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as energy in yet another way in my relationship to overwhelmingness – where existing in the positive experience of and as hope that the overwhelmingness will ‘clear’, that I have justified within this that the overwhelmingness has the power, that I am separate from it. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in ‘waiting in hope’, I have in fact defined this overwhelmingness as a superior power.

 

Okay this is where I am today. This decision that this is in fact what ‘I really can’t take any more’, as a decision to actually just write out overwhelmingness – and realizing yes in fact it is multi dimensional, well okay, so let’s look at one specific dimension, rather than overwhelm myself with attempting to – or imagining to – write it out in its entirety. And this I realise now is in itself, a dimension of it – this ‘entirety’ is like an absolute image in my mind, it is an idea, it is an image of all the different kinds of overwhelmingness together, sort of organized and in their ‘true’ relationships to each other – so that – what – so that I can then begin to walk them through specifically, as I am doing now? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a value in this ‘entirety’, attaching to it a positive energy as a future vision of my understanding of me. I commit myself to walk this process step by step in the realization that walking thus I am walking in time with my physical reality, that I am walking with myself rather than ahead of myself, in a future in my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Day 246: Movie Hook – ‘…because I need to know…’

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of Rights    Living Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 

 

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Day 246: Movie Hook – ‘…because I need to know…’

 

So here, having already written out this post, I add a heading, and how I discovered in walking this that continuing from the last two posts, I am looking at another aspect of the fear of the experience of powerlessness – this time in connection to ‘adamant’ judgement.

Another heading for this could be a question like, how can a movie hook tweak at the strings of consciousness, trigger movements of energy, engage a deeper interest, establish intrigue…?

 

In watching a movie, and the shift out of seeing and into participation, and opening up the reaction that has energized a specific movie-hook – Here I share some of my experience within a momentary shift within a specific movie-hook. ‘The Vanishing’, at 57:50. 

 

The shift point was into a potentially a tear-jerk experience, though it did not come up that far – there was the screenplay line, “…because I need to know…”

In the film, the view of a TV set, black and white, an interview, a man’s face full on, his opportunity to speak it to the world, this ‘need to know’ expressed in intensity, and desperation, Je veux savoir…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in this energy experience reaction to these words ‘because I need to know’, that I see as written as a caption beneath this picture of a face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to a memory or memories inside myself in which the exact same desperation exists within this emotional expression of this ‘need to know’.

So a realization here of showing myself how that thus within my relationship to exploring researching investigating, these outflows from the question ‘why?’, that I have accepted and allowed to exist emotional connection, emotional self relationship, with a need to know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this participation with the film, that I have then become this representation of the energies of as a longing spoken out as these words, ‘because I need to know’, the voice of a prisoner, spoken out, going on-air, a simulation of myself in the projection that then goes into the experience of possible release, within all of this there has been this movement in me – self pity, sadness, longing, guilt, and hope of release –

With the question of where in my life have I gone into such an experience of this need to know, comes up a memory of an entrance to a house, a family all busy within their own minds, and within this memory, the experience that I created through taking it personally – a concerted absence of attention – as contempt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through an image in my mind of what is in the eyes of others, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my being as contemptuous. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look upon this contemptuousness as who I am, who I fear that I must be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that thus I have accepted and allowed myself be in contempt of myself, deliberately not seeing me beyond these judgements, deliberately suppressing the question why. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as uninteresting and as unworthy of my attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as guilt in being who I am, as who I fear I must be, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become as a bad experience as a penance for the way I am. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take me personally, reacting to myself and then getting to the experience of feeling bad, and thence into the positive central nectar of self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the powerlessness experience in seeing the absolute nature of who I am, the unchangeability of it, according to the grips of definitionizing judgements. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how this ‘unchangeability’, adamance – had been a quality of the superior and trusted authority of my judgement that I had projected in my mind onto my own nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of self pity within the realization of the truth of my being as inferiority itself, or as something hostile, in truth, beneath the layers – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have put my trust in and given authority to judgements, and hence believed in the truth of them and the immediate effect of them upon my life and my living experience, that they can be sudden, absolute, and final. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a sort of volatility within these games of mystery as self deceit and victimhood to judgement attacks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a value to the core energy of self pity as a positive charge to an absolute process of self diminishment in giving up, that somehow for a moment it seems glorious to give up, a sort of return into the sweetness of energy, and the access of hope. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become accustomed to such patterns as accepted ways of my existence, therefore I commit myself to remove this pattern from my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a positive charge of energy to surrender to the ‘higher power’ of judgement where I also have misplaced my trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a life in which I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by these emotions and feelings and judgements of who I am within my being according to the consciousness of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a personality within and as a mystification that surrounds the fear of what may be found out in asking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enslaved within my automatic acceptance of definitions of myself according to the assertions of others, in which out of fear of this, I do not give the opportunity to others to reflect me to myself.

Within this, I see and realise how it is that in my family/school days, I became spikey and unapproachable to others – as a strategy to not see my feared reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress awareness of myself within and as this spikiness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the game being named, or pointed out or referred back to me in some way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see that within this and behind this all there is a game going on, this source that is hidden in the game, as who I am manipulating the world in self dishonesty, that is in and for the means of separation from who I am as this physical being in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be showing myself over and over again how my trust had been misplaced, and yet had never allowed myself to see what was hidden in plain sight, that I am here as and with this breath, that my trust in me is what I have misplaced, over and over into those around me. And then finding that trust to have been broken, I forgive myself that I have then gone into blame of those around me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see realise and understand how these experiences of myself and my relationships to those around me would have a play-out, a consequence that could manifest as an actual consensual disdain, like what I saw and then believed in my projections was conspiracy and gossip, which then became in physical reality, Coventry.

Realising my total isolation amid my peers, I was mystified, and the question that was suppressed was ‘why?’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this ‘why?’, a projection of who I am as the innocent one, totally mystified and offended, and then justified within withdrawal and surliness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ‘responsibility’ in this atmosphere of contempt, is one and equal to a definition of myself in self judgement as bad and as inferior, thus I forgive myself that I have included in the word responsibility actually a point of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see this resonance that I have accepted and allowed within this ‘need to know’ as an emotion – not just sadness or just self pity but with it all longing, and desperation – and also an image of eventual release –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within reacting to myself thus, have distracted myself from a realization of the real expression of ‘I must release myself from mystery – I must find solutions to this example of suppression of my natural interest in who I am as this awareness in the context of existence – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put limits on the exploration of who I am and have become – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame these feelings of constriction for my discomfort, and at the same time stand within and as a decision to keep the constrictions going – and hence, for the fear to continue to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me a relationship of contempt towards myself, expressed as an invisible atmosphere as a context of my experience of me in which I am as ‘mystified’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within such situations as ‘coventry’ in my outer world experience, that I have taken such things personally, absorbed them, turned them round, then as defined through the eyes of the world I have aligned an image of myself with that, and turned against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an emotional experience in relationship to what I find within me, when rather than in common sense seeing and looking at what is there and understanding how I came to that, but instead, reacting to it.

 

 

(continuing…)

 

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————— 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Day 245: Effort and ‘Waste of Time’

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of Rights    Living Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 

 

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Day 245: Effort and ‘Waste of Time’

 

From (previous 2 posts) looking at the issues within the word ‘effort’, and seeing the fear of the experience of powerlessness that I have accepted and allowed, that through finding myself over and again in my past unable to change a situation regardless of how much effort, I have accepted and allowed it as my ‘prerogative’ to judge and pre-judge what is or is ‘going to be’ a ‘waste of time’ – as a means of self protection, as well as a means of self manipulation in which I can feel ok with myself in giving up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in this a belief as real a self-empowerment of myself as an experience of energy within and as this judgement of what is ‘a waste of time’, and within this waste of time, specifically a waste of possible ‘me-time’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this self-empowerment as judgement of what is or not a waste of time – that I have become the servant of self interest as the starting point of energy as who I am within this self empowerment through the attributions of values as the judgements of my mind.

 

A ‘waste of time’ as a waste of possible ‘me-time’.

 

I forgive myself that within seeing, judging, asserting ‘a waste of time’ within what I am doing, that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of possible ‘me-time’, and that behind this I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand the hidden starting point of fear of the experience of powerlessness, and within that, fear of fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this me-time and to have become greedy for it, and to have become resentful about it’s loss. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to substantiate a personality of energy as a guardian protector of this ‘me-time’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me-time within and as a comfort zone of ‘not having to do anything’, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a ‘right’ to do nothing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this ‘right’ exists. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this belief, for me to depend upon it as a justification of this me-time. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an experience of who I am as righteousness as a dimension of this me-time. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed a question to arise of what is the nature of this ‘right’, or whether or not this right is actually something real on which I stand as protector and guardian of this me-time.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this me-time as my priority within the day, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the times in which I am fulfilling my responsibilities or obligations to work and to earn money as inferior or as in service to or in competition with this ‘me-time’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this ‘me-time’ as a reward of positive feeling of energy experience – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define reward within and as this positive experience – therefore I commit myself to re-define ‘reward’ not as re-warred, within which I re-set the war, to repeat it’s cycle into negative and positive experience of energy, and ‘respite’ no longer as a period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant, as a negative experience of energy, in which within that rest, I re-set the spite, and hence the war of energy within and as me – so therefore within this I commit myself to change this positivity for practicality, to change my starting point from me as energy to a starting point of me as physicality – because I see and realise and understand that the reward of energy is a cycle of energy, whereas the reward of practicality is solution and actual change.

 

 

 

 

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————— 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Day 244: Effort, continued

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of Rights    Living Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 

 

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Day 244: Effort 2

 

To start with, I stop here, and breathe! As the breath within the physical, I remind myself of the turning point that I have made, and that I determine to support and to consolidate – this step from considering ‘my life’ as a state of ownership within my mind to the realization and the living of the presence of actual real life within the physical that is here.

 

And so in writing this, to not become embroiled within the world of who I am as a personality configuration, reacting in fear to images of who I am as powerless within my automations, such as visions of writing myself out uselessly, making words and sentences without effect, but only as appearances, and getting nowhere.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in and give up on myself when and as the experience of myself as powerlessness arises like a trigger in my mind. For example, in the form of seeing my own lack of clarity before me in my writing where I go into blaming this lack of clarity in myself as my excuse for not going on.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in and give up on myself when and as I experience myself as powerlessness within an insight of my systemized automation – in which I blame this automation as an excuse and a justification for not looking into it and deconstructing it and understanding why and how I have made such systems. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed such excuses as ‘it’s too ingrained’, ‘it’s too late’, it’s too much a part of who I am to see it any more…

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a fear of this experience of a future-giving-up-ness, where I see myself as having run out of the resource of tenacity. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see within my admiration of tenacity in others that I am showing myself that I do not give myself this gift, therefore, I commit myself to learn to live this word tenacity, to bring it with me and as me in my trust of me.

 

With seeing how I have conditioned the words ‘trying’ and ‘effort’, I am seeing realizing and understanding how a single word can encapsulate like a micro learning disability in the total structure of my life, in which how I live within and as words and relationships between the words form the fundamentals of my experience of myself, and the limitations of who I am, as imposed by me.

 

So…continuing from the previous post, I make a start in the area of the ‘powerlessness’ experience and the ways I have connected it into the word ’effort’. Here first of all to specify this experience of ‘powerlessness’, because as a generalization it is so much less amenable to investigation, and resolution – and this, I assess as important, because I can see having attached a fear to this experience, and having created a personality that automatically protects me from this fear, that it would be within the interests of keeping the personality, to keep it all generalized and blurry edged, so that one manifestation of powerlessness can sort of feed into another.

 

With fear of the experience of powerlessness as the platform of a personality of deliberate or ‘militant’ laziness, that stands in and on not making an ‘effort’, so as to automate not going ‘there’, therefore the fear itself must first be specified. So yes in the process of deconstructing and letting go of this automation first of all to look into and specify the fears on which it is based.

 

There is an actual real powerlessness as a consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be going into energetic reaction – in which going into a belief of my non-responsibility, in other words, into victimhood in relationship to the energies of my emotions, I therefore have decided on me as powerless within the very acceptance and allowance of being and becoming a reaction of energy, and therefore not as a real factor of the world, and as such as powerless.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conform to a way of life in which I have continuously disempowered myself within and as reactions of energy, and in realizing what I have in fact done, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for this, and rather than assisting and supporting me to stay in breath with me here from this point on learning to accept myself within responsibility, and so to change myself – that I have instead gone into blame of who I am as less-than, as weak, inferior, and cumulatively as powerless.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my definition of myself as powerless. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of powerlessness a judgement through which I experience a self diminishment and undermining. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this experience of myself as diminished, and as undermined, and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that this is how I have created it, that all of this is in reactions to my own reactions in relationships to me within my own mind, within a mirror world, where I am as an enclosed system of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know my whole totality as a being, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be then as the judge of that, and I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that within doing this that I justify self abuse in the form of blame of me, that in projecting on myself a single quality, that I can then make evaluations of that within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as a real power in my life, this facility of judgement and the attribution of values onto things, the mind based values of right and wrong and good and bad that do not have existence in reality, that have no reference to the physical reality that is here.

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Day 243: Effort

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of Rights    Living Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 

 

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Day 243: Effort

 

It’s funny how I learned quite a while ago not to listen to my mind when it came to doing or not doing the washing up – it was the realisation of how completely little my mind actually ‘knew’ about washing up, itself – I mean there was really no memory of the actual physical experiences of water on the skin, or water sounds and the clinking surfaces of steel and ceramic, and within that of my enjoyment of water on my hands, of hot water and cold water and warm water clear fresh water that I could even drink – no – I was reminded that – I had these ‘relationships’ with ‘washing up’ – such as that: I didn’t ‘like’ it, that it was a ‘chore’, that it was a ‘waste’ of my time, even when I wasn’t in fact doing anything much else really, except walking around, having thoughts, and listening to my mind, and for example putting negative and positive values onto this and that, here and there, and really being on guard in a way to protect my comfort zones of who I am and must remain within the mind. And if I look at who I am within this, having agreed to it, if I were to listen to the requirement listings of my relationships to ‘washing up’ – from these instruction booklets of how to run this person in it’s absence – then I would be as described within this writing, superior to the task of it, not at all ‘liking’ doing a ‘chore’, using my time for something of higher value, simulating a drama in which I had this other lofty task, and in not doing it, I was wasting the opportunity of my time. It was really an actual kitchen-sink drama in which I was becoming so superior in front of some washing up, with no one else involved.

 

This came up when I was looking at the word ‘effort’ and how it came into and as part of the ‘idea’ of movement. That one puts an ‘effort’ into something to make it move, to make me move – like in the situation of my resistance, where within and as my resistance it seems that I have to make this huge effort, to what, overpower it, sort of thing. So, it seems like reasonable advice, coming from reason, that in order to go from not moving to moving, an effort will be necessary. And with ‘effort’ defined simply as in physics, no problem. But with ‘effort’ defined within me, by me in my life experience, completely different story. Because what I found was that to the word effort I had given a negative charge of energy, it contained my experiences of trying and trying and trying and giving up, and then going into powerlessness experiences in which I defined my total being negatively and less-than in comparison to the task in hand.

 

This experience of who I am as powerless as useless according to my self judgements was not at all an experience I enjoyed, and because I connected it to the task, I kind of blamed the task for who I was, as well as my body for not being good enough in not being able to simply carry out the commands of my imagination. So within this word effort I had connected up the physical pains of over exertion of my body in being lashed on by my mind, and the experience of myself as powerless and useless within accepting these self definitions and self judgements. Added to this the negatives values of failure, I see what I have done to this innocent or straight forward word ‘effort’ is to load it up with all kinds of information as personal reactions.

 

So this brings into question who I really honestly was in bringing into my consciousness this word ‘effort’ in relation to apparently assisting and supporting myself to move – where bringing in between me and ‘just doing it’ I have put that – ‘I must make an effort’ – where effectively I have placed a reaction resource as a back door to giving in and giving up.

 

So I find in this word, also an issue, and how the issue of ‘effort’ was in use as an instrument within a strategy of self manipulation, through which it had been passed, and accepted as true information of the predicted experience, speculations of the future experience, the energy forecast and within this, a relationship between effort and failure, sort of lodged into the word itself, where: in the past, there had been instances of all that effort having been to no avail, and records of it, memories. And the emotional reaction within this ‘effort to no avail’, being of powerlessness, and harsh self judgements in the realms of wasted time and wrong direction, and the haunting sense of: what I am trying to do is impossible… or the experience of that what I have just discovered is that I have no ground to stand on… So, how a sense of powerlessness in the area of this defined as failure – so that failure intervenes and energizes the word effort – so that in effort in self movement is like a trigger for reaction and into distraction and separation.

 

Also in relationship to this ‘effort’, another reaction – the instigation of a sort of militant laziness personality – to protect me from the powerlessness experience – another automated self manipulation – where as a consequence of giving up I reward myself with justification within the comfort zones.

 

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————— 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR