‘How’ the question of ‘why’ we are here specifies into ‘what’ is our purpose – ‘here’ – meaning on this ‘Earth’ – Were we ‘meant’ to be someone, do something? In using the word ‘meant’ it is clear that we are referencing the question of our definition – where from out of our awareness spills a spectrum of interrogatives – where the existence of the question attests to an expansion of our awareness. A world bereft of questions is an automation, an unfolding consequence of algorithms – in such a world, what would be the function of mere witnesses, except as kind of like inspection portals within the great machine…
Okay grounding myself here, I breathe.
How have I in my life defined the word ‘purpose’ and lived accordingly? Because seeing this in itself as being a massive question – then what of this question asked of all of the awarenesses within humanity at once – that is so vast as to be incomprehensible – like how does each of us everywhere define and hence live and experience this word? Seven plus billion definitions of a single word, within seven plus billion individualized vocabularies… and the consequential chaos of a mass of beings unable to see why they cannot walk in one direction.
I remember as a teenager, a moment where this question of my purpose on Earth had come up – I was looking at my hands – I was asking what these hands were for, with their palm lines and their finger prints, their size, their strength, their sensitivity – like were they specialized in some way – could I read from them some clue about my purpose? It’s a significant memory, to me, because it is a record of the fact that I was searching to find my purpose, rather than seeing and realizing that my purpose was in my hands, and that it was a decision that I wanted support in making, but instead I was kind of looking for a label in a way, some pre-written function.
Even within making my purpose ‘my own’ – it was not clear to me that though this was my decision, it was a decision to follow my programming – to reinforce, protect, defend, maintain my mind constructs – within which, ‘justification’ had become acceptable to me as a substitute for reality, and within that, I defined this word purpose as subservient to ‘who I am’ as defined and limited by my relationships to energy. That is, I utilized my definition of purpose as justification to follow absolutely my self interest as a working system of energy relationships to which I was enslaved, but in which I saw myself as ‘free’. That these energy relationships were based on words such as also this word ‘free’ that I had, like the word ‘purpose’, taken up within my mind, slanted and shaped and energized, brought to side within the preference of the personality configurations within my mind, that I had become possessed by.
Again, bringing this all back here, very much not a pretty sight, though I have decided for and with myself in self forgiveness and understanding of these things – not at all pretty – because in seeing how I might have answered, what is purpose, what does purpose mean to me, and through that, what I am ‘meant’ to do here on this ‘Earth’ – I would have answered emphatically, to be free, to be free to express myself, to live the life of an artist, in total disregard of others, in total disregard of the practicality of taking care of my body – where ‘art’ had seemed to me to be convenient channel to glorify my reaction to ‘the system’ – where out of that word ‘glory’ came a resource of justification, as being ‘special’, as having special dispensation.
It’s interesting how my definition of purpose was kind of like an outflow of ‘entitlement’ – a combined belief about suffering arising out of my own imposed self secrecy in guilt and constrictions of self punishment through judgements – transcending as energy into the positive domains – where I was somehow ‘free’ to build and inhabit my own design of Xanadu in the form of massive extravaganzas of colour, and through which I had resolved to live a life of energetic pleasure. It is as an example of how I had incorporated this word purpose into primarily the exigencies of energy management. In a sense I had stolen purpose from the world, possessing it with this automated ‘my’ and snipping off all reference lines to the physical reality, to who I really am within myself as located in the physical world. And from there in such serious realization, to shift again into the pattern and feed the voracious guilt in the darkened underworld of secrecy.
Man, where is your fucking dignity? Sounding these words, I realise that I have in my abuse of purpose, become separated from the word dignity – where what comes up is shame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exiled myself from living dignity. I commit myself to learn to live this word.
Back to this emphatic purpose: ‘to be free’ – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom of expression within and as a positive energy, and for not allowing myself to see that what is really in fact expressed in this is who I am as possessed by this pattern of energy, acquiescent to the programming, hidden away from my responsibility and my own directive principle within the folds of guilt. Therefore I redefine this ‘freedom’ as my decision to release myself from energy, where as directive principle I learn to move myself, in which freedom I can stand in purpose, and strengthen it, expand it, specifize it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom in such a way that sabotages constant and consistent purpose.
Two very supportive interviews on Purpose: Crucifixion of Jesus Parts 41, and 42
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
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