Day 304: Meaninglessness, and Changing who I am Within ‘Audacity’

 

Looking at a moment when rather than facing and stabilizing myself before a task that needed to done, I had instead gone into guilt, and was hovering over in a way, pressing the entertainment button on it all; I noticed how I was accepting and allowing a search process to be going on, a reaching out for a formulation of audacity, or for possible ways I might be able to embody this, not from a starting point of supporting myself to face this task, and who I am within and as it, and in disregard for all the energy distractions that were coming up – which would be supportive in a real audacity – towards the systems of my mind – if that word audacity itself had not become so wired with energy designs.

 

So not from a starting point of supporting myself to face this task, but from a starting point of attempting to realize a personality, to materialize a definition of ‘audacity’ that I held within me, to become and move into an embodiment of that. As in accepting and allowing a judgement of myself defined as not good enough to even begin the task, or as unworthy of the effort, and then an experience of how I had defined myself within this, and then in this pattern gone into guilt; it was in relation to accepting and allowing the play out of all of this, that ‘audacity’ came up, kind of looking for a backdoor through which I justify both denying and then changing the entire context of the situation, so that I can continue to fool myself that I am feeling good, when in point of reality I am not happy with myself at all, and I am alarmed at what I have accepted and allowed myself to become within my own self judgements.

 

So this is about using a word for an energy maneuver and allowing it to become defined within this function, where the exact same word if cleared of energy designs could instead be used and lived in the exact same situation in support of self and in support of Life.

 

Promulgated through the media comes this trickle-down effect of personality example. From out of absolute power and absolute corruption now comes a mutated form of audacity: as a flagrant flaunting of the law, as power expressed as righteous supremacy, as having miraculously transcended accountability. We see on screens politicians wriggling amongst their lies, and then when cornered becoming stone-faced in absolute denial – hold it there – that was the specific frame, the memory clip as an example of the ‘audacity’ that I was accepting and allowing myself to put myself in reference to within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to dare to look upon and see my own wrath that I have put on me, but have instead projected this onto an image in my mind of another being. I forgive myself that I have stored this image in my mind as a trophy of blame and a source of energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look upon this image on the screen, and define it in a damning judgement, saying the words, Such Audacity!

 

Now looking into this word, I see how it first appeared during the writing of the previous post, in which I was looking at the choice of defining that which I was attending to as a processing of what I had become – as Art – and I can see now looking at this that what I saw in Art that attracted me was differing expressions of audacity.

 

Walking into Life, like stepping stones into a matrix, I took on and absorbed definitions of myself, word by word, not seeing realizing or understanding that the energy designs within the words would synchronize and lead eventually into a structure that was separate from Life, which was as a system of reactions to myself within my mind.

 

So here in this blog, looking at a moment in which a lockdown of the resulting programming had occurred, in an epiphany of who I am as ‘lost’ in meaninglessness, in which I had succumbed to experience of myself as a working constellation of beliefs, beliefs of who I am derived from comparison with others, who I am in relationship to the energies inside of me, who I am within and as these patterns into which I have awarded an offering of my own authority, and through that means responded to the voices of these patterns as if to an expression of leadership in my mind.

 

And so, in the accepted and allowed context of my world, examples of audacity stood out for me, as I scanned my repressed world, as precious objects. Here were contained the blueprint lessons to be memorized absorbed and inwardly digested. A demonstrated disregard for energy beliefs, non recognition of the fear initiatives that accompanied authority, moments of cheek or impudence. Within all of this it seemed to me there was a chink of light; I was not aware of looking at the point that ‘audacity’ was a fact of word, that it could not be un-existed, could not be eradicated; but instead, this understanding filtered through, as if through frosted glass, an emotional screen, and so what I looked at was a light of hope, I saw a demonstration of a world in which experience of lightness, fun, enjoyment, laughter, play, invention and creation, remained inviolable to this version of ‘authority’ as I had accepted and allowed it to exist within my mind. And within all of this there was an awareness in myself that I could not as yet embrace, which was as a glimpse of my potentiality as my own authority within and as myself, not as a point of competition but simply as a quality of this immediate existentiality with reference to how each and everyone had opened up their eyes and found themselves to be.

 

Audacity: as a suppression of guilt in which I have accepted and allowed myself to swell into this-is-me glorification, self justification, and, I don’t care, I am just doing it anyway. Within this, passively accepting and allowing this gesture to hold sway where this audacity is no longer as a manipulation strategy of a moment, but has become ingrained, has become the page from which I intend to go on; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody this emotion of audacity, to embody a ‘leadership’ placement of myself as an energy point, as a personality within my mind, as an illusion of empowerment in which I have twisted that guilt that I have accepted and allowed, so as to yield an apparent victory over energy, and connected into and as an image of who I am as ‘freedom’ within my sovereign state of ego.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in notions of winning and losing in relationship to the energy experience of guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am empowered within this audacity relationship to guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define accumulation of energy into the word empower. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my responsibility as power over to guilt, through which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish and enfeeble who I am to guilt, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear of being overwhelmed by guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into a righteousness of superiority as an accumulation of positive energy through fear of the experience of guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this self manipulation to become as a personality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘leadership’ with this experience of myself within and as ‘audacity’, in which apparently I take back ‘control’ and become as a conflict of energy. I see realise and understand that within and as this conflict of energy that I am not in fact leading myself or leading my life in any way but instead I am accepting and allowing me to be lead by energy addiction as this personality of audacity. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge audacity when seeing it in the outside world, I forgive myself that I have given to audacity a negative charge, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within and as audacity.

 

I forgive myself that I did not accept or allow myself to see that in the situation of guilt that I was looking for audacity as a way to free myself to be able to move myself, be able to address the guilt, see what judgements of myself I have accepted and allowed as real, and what judgements of myself have in fact been real in relation to what is best for me in support of me and of others. Therefore in audacity, I can use audacity to support me, in a moment of following the audacity pattern, instead I lead myself, I take a breath, I stabilize myself. In breath here I lead myself in life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and confine ‘audacity’ within having defined the word in judgement, and through this, seen it as an expression of spite or anger only. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition the word audacity with my relationship experience and blame towards and as the energies that arise within me.

 

I commit myself to realign ‘audacity’ with physical reality in which the simple boldness of a gesture comes from a starting point of trust in self as life, in support of life. I commit myself to realign ‘audacity’ with simple movement of the body in the flow of breath and life that is without regard to the systems of the mind control, such as stepping through the fear.

 

continuing… 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 303: Meaninglessness and Significance

 

Putting up these paintings through this blog: I am glad to show these paintings in parallel to this investigation into meaninglessness, there is a sense of completion in this, the right place for them, because in a way the painting process, and much of how I shaped my life followed from this point of meaning-lessness, the paintings themselves came out of a process that I had instigated with this evolution and confinement of myself into and as the systems and words which I have been describing in recent posts.

 

Where seemingly living self unknowingly through the filter of these words as I had accepted and allowed them to be, at the time I could see no other way but to investigate the consequence of these things that had come up in my life with the word meaninglessness.

 

I see now, the passion was more connected to it being a matter of life or death for me unconsciously to investigate this meaninglessness, to rescue myself from this in a way, while at the same time, not being able to articulate how it was that I had got here. So like in a way, having a large part of self trapped within a box labelled meaninglessness, is going to hold some fascination and attention. So it was that I gave a high priority to this process of investigation.

 

The fact of there being a preprogrammed channel in the system which was called ‘Art’ was convenient to me, and I realized that I could use it as a cover: finding as it were a loop-hole in the system where I could pass off processing/investigation of who and what I had become, confined within this systemization of meaning-lessness.

In my mind what I was aware of at the time was ‘meaninglessness’ holding great significance, something that should be investigated, that should be brought into distinct focus, I felt I was at the brink of a discovery. Sketching out a subtlety of texture of some kind that would enhance projection, I was looking for a form of meaninglessness that was redolent with possible interpretation.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that within this idea in my mind of designing a texture through which unconscious projections would become obvious, I was seeking out some evidence for me of having meaning, some means through which to find it, not seeing the significance of the fact that the evidence of me was always immediately before me within my very perception and projection overlay on things.

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 302: Meaninglessness and ‘Lost’ ‘Control’

 Reference –>Here to the Atlantean perspective/series on the system of meaninglessness.

 

Continuing this series of posts from Day 291, and the decision to bring ‘lost’ into and as an energy source within a system of meaninglessness, and a further look into the semantic world or network of memory, experience and self definition that I had installed into the word ‘lost’.

 

A reminder of the critical experience (from 293): “…over summer, at the end of school when all the kids I hung around with were going off to different universities, and a comparison came up: they have all got futures, I have not: I have got no future. Their different futures are expressions of their different meaning – therefore: I have no meaning – and so I accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of myself as meaninglessness…”

  

‘Control’

A sense of having lost control: in which ‘control’ had been defined in maintaining various definitions of self, to be integrated into an illusion of self, definitions that were determined by my interpretations of the experience of me through the eyes of others: that was the sense of control that now seemed ‘lost’, so that experience of this became an element of ‘lost’ within my mind.

 

Writing this I remember thoughts I had at that time, perspectives in which I was looking at an image of myself through the eyes of those around me, such as in imagining my own death, and being buried in the ground, and then, gone, ‘lost’ from the view of those around me. Accepting and allowing this imagination in my mind, I then accepted and allowed this experience of ‘lost’ to then invade and occupy how I had accepted and allowed myself to be in ‘death.’ My simulation of death within my mind then involved this consequential experience of ‘lost’ that played out of the loss of this definition of control.

 

A memory of a thought in which I was busily defining things long time ago serves to show me a couple more aspects to this: that in this graveyard scene there was much self pity, and also blame towards the people who would apparently walk away and return to their own meanings purposes and lives. Having integrated an illusion of self that was based on projections onto others, the victim role was kind of implicit, and then the option of blame; now that I look at this I see how bringing judgement into it might have been required. Judgement as I had defined it in my experience of life had been an expression of authority and control, coupled with anger and fear inducements: how better else in my mind experience, within and as this paranoia, could I bring about and enforce some black and white simplicity into this grey experience of fear and multiple emotion that I had invested into lost? Control through fear and blame had been the context of my childhood, and in what seemed to me to be an emergency situation, I reverted to it, almost as a natural tool or tendency in my inheritance. This to me at this time was simply the 101 of how to assert control in a tumultuous situation.

 

How this judgement had an impact on me was through comparison of my being to the beings of others and their ‘worth’, was that I had arrived suddenly into and as a formulation of myself as worthless within this meaninglessness, this was like a lightning strike, in my perception this was like a catastrophic experience. Within this, my respect for me fell down like a stone. What were the constituents of this catastrophe? Looking into this I see through the eyes of who I was in that moment, seeing the ‘End of The World’ closing in on me, and a feeling of collapse into nothingness, within the realization and belief that All had been a fabrication.

 

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 301: Freedom

 

Day 301: Freedom

 

Freedom: how is this word to be other than decorative or weaponized unless it is lived? Coupled with ‘Democracy’, it has become like a brand name that seems to justify and normalize the killing of human beings using high explosives. How so? What has gone so wrong in our world and our shared reality in which “Something rotten in the state of Denmark,” does not immediately lead us to examine what is actually in fact rotten in our minds that leads this way?

 

Applying something akin to the Propaganda Model upon our self media broadcasts of our own minds; what kind of behavior and thought and deed would we expect to arise from out of an independent pattern of energy awareness inside of which we are let’s say totally somnambulant, in the furthest reach of separation from our awareness of ourselves as the responsibility within it, in a state in which it is all ok to give authority into the hands of corporation as personality and personality as corporation?

 

The reality of our collective mass consciousness is that we are the microcosmic units of it, while the words that are the components of it all resonate without and resonate within. Bringing back the question: in which the Propaganda Model may assist us – the question arises out of a realization of how much and to what extent is our very reality being packaged and presented to us by ourselves in our own perceptions – by our personalities of consciousness – not with reliable reference to physical fact as source material – but more with reference to unchecked stories, memory impressions, and who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be within and as experience, as the essence of the words that we write into the scripts of our reports.

 

Reality: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store inside this word a system of who I am that stands for limitation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wrapped existence into a package, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the designs of wrapping of my culture, in which I have accepted and allowed that all the ends of the world are folded neatly in.

 

Continuing…

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 300: Meaninglessness, Lost, and Freedom Mind Spin.

Day 300: Meaninglessness, Lost, and Freedom Mind Spin.

 

 

A direction: From meaninglessness to a hereness, a connection to all, an intimacy.

 

From who I am within and as meaninglessness to who I am in awareness of myself and in awareness of the relationships and scripts that I have written for myself within this word, all coming from decisions that I have made of who I am within and as emotion, where as described last post I made the decision to bring ‘lost’ into and as an energy source within this system of meaninglessness.

 

Continuing, with an exploration of the contents of the word ‘lost’ as defined into a system of meaninglessness – in which I support myself deliberately within and as ‘exploration’ – In which, rather than being in constant reaction to myself I am on the ground, taking steps of investigation into ‘lost.’

 

In my life, today, now 1st of February 2016, to log it down into physical time record – I write this to support myself – in living ‘persistence’ as who I am in physical time – because so much I still live out a mind experience of time, or a time on hold while in the mind everything apparently must stop to look at this or that and then have exist within that pause, an image of foreverness.

 

So: deliberately here coming back from that, with something like, Remember Life, this physical existence that is here? With my hand resting on the certainty of this table top, with this incremental physical time, life-time, and so within that a reminder to myself to not just only remember this but to slow down into it and live it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘there is no time for physical life’ to exist within my mind as I am drawn towards some ‘important’ point, or some attraction of some thought, or the attraction of some fear of loss that I have accepted and allowed with regards to some fleeting realization that I see in my mind as being reabsorbed into the oblivion.

 

Seeing how it was that I had included ‘freedom’ as a positive spin of ‘lost’ and ‘meaninglessness’, opening up as yet another point as I write these posts, is like an example of how in my life now still operate this meaninglessness as I had formulated in myself when I was young; where in the sound of ‘No’ as spoken in my mind in current time, I see how these connections span my life, in which as a reminder, all my life is here.

 

Saying No, a refusal, in the advent of a responsibility, such as No, I’ll do it later, and, ‘Not now’: I noticed how within that reaction was like taking up the opportunity to assert who I have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as ‘Freedom.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom with feeling good, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom with not being controlled by structures or plans. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself define freedom with doing exactly ‘as I like’, and that I have accepted and allowed this ‘like’ to be equal to feeling good.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess the responsibility before me in terms of how good I might feel. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to responsibility with a fear of loss of the good feeling in my mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into judging what it is that is here to be done, defining it as something that does not matter, something that is less than me, something that can wait, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this freedom as a right, and not seen realized and understood that what I have defined within myself as a right is to follow the demands of energy as self interest, with freedom as this positive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight for, to protect, and to defend.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out freedom not seeing how I had defined it as a limitation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the thrill of asserting who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as ‘freedom.’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enslaved to energy within this word that I have accepted and allowed as ‘freedom.’

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be free to move myself without the motivations of the energy. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be free to embrace this responsibility that instead I have reacted to and then said ‘No.’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word freedom to obstruct my own expansion in which in saying ‘No’ I am in fact saying yes to the systems of the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘No’ with ‘Yes’ to the systems of the mind as who I am in ‘freedom’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that I have grown comfortable within this arrangement, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as unworthy within this comfort. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of who I am as unworthy in my judgement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enshrine this word ‘freedom’ within my mind, as an existential birth right, as a sacred resource, or an inner fire, as a reference to an inner definition that I have accepted and allowed as who I am, but never really looked at closely. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize that who I am as defined in freedom is as an emotional/feeling experience.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at how I am to then define for me who I am in freedom, how I am to apply this freedom in practice in my life, how in application of this freedom I can then direct myself to learn to be for example free to speak the words that are within me, free to move my body, free to reach out to others in my world, free to collaborate with others plans to make this freedom practical and real.

 

 continuing…

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal