Day 190: Care


 

Care is the starting point of standing for and looking out for the best interests of all life, within the recognition that as part of this and as an expression of this life, that is here, what is best for all includes me, is best for me also. The principle of equality and oneness, and of ‘give as you would like to receive’, and directly hence an Equal Money System in support of all in line with this is a common sense expression of this care and of the realisations of the nature of ourselves one and equal as expressions of life.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed this common sense to become a living reality as who I am because I see and realize that I have accepted and allowed an exception in and as myself as a personality of ‘I don’t Care’ applied to me and to my world as me.

 

Looking into who I have accepted and allowed myself to be within the word futility, I find the ‘I don’t care’ personality keeps looming up as something that is here to be investigated and explored, and it is something, a system that I have accepted and allowed to act for me of which I am very much not proud. Because when I look into this, I see a point of ‘care’ but it is a desperate care placed into me as an energy system, protecting and defending this idea, concept, image, investment of myself as consciousness, in outright denial of who I am as life. What would be the opposite of care would be an act of deliberate spite.

 

When I look towards the roots of this spitefulness, I see that I must investigate and face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as blame, where I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into line with a system in which I put the responsibility of how I feel onto others, that I am trying to make it real that it is someone else’s fault the way I feel, and that also if they had acted differently the way I wanted as an input of positive energy, towards me then I would be feeling better in myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need this positive energy input from others to make me feel better about myself, to equalize the negative experience of me that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see as an experience of energy, but instead to see as real, as who I really am within my being. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take ‘on board’ immediately the negative or inferiorizing put downs of others as an input in which I have accepted and allowed myself to use this to define who I am, and within that again to blame it on the people around me in my world, that they ‘made’ me feel the way I feel.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need this positive input of energy, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in the situation of not getting what I want as positive energy from others to have developed ways and means to give this to myself so as not to experience myself as this negative energy that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand has been my own choice. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to layer into my physical being these negative judgements of myself that I have accepted and allowed as real, so that feeling this negative experience within my very flesh that I have programmed, that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this my belief in this because I feel it in my physical, that then it ‘must’ be real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within the belief that I need this positive energy within belief of who I am as negative energy, feeling this within my flesh, to have become desperate to get for me this energy. Within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make it of utmost importance to me that someone in the world cared at least a shit for me, because I had accepted and allowed this ‘care’ as positive energy in the form of ‘liking me’, or as ‘approval’ or as ‘recognition’, and within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that to have any sense of worth or value that I depended on this as a judgement from an other being, and within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not value or give to me any any kind of positive worth at all because my only positive feeling about myself that I would give to me was in feeling ‘good’ and righteous in seeing and facing the truth within me secretly that I was actually bad and that the negative judgements that I had accepted and allowed were actually real.

 

Therefore I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to need want and desire for someone to care or at least give a shit about me, so that I could hear or see a disagreement to my own harsh judgements about myself, and in this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to find ways of creating positive energy for myself in hoping and waiting for a reprieve, and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself, when that did not come, to believe that this must prove my case against me, so that finally I had won and within that gained some positive energy in finally not giving a shit about me either.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stand up not for or with me but as an energetic version of myself as righteousness, as consciousness as the harshest judgement of myself so that within that I could feel good about myself that I must be so good to judge myself so harshly.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to find positive energy experience for myself in judging who I am as superior to others and others as inferior to me because I had found a way to protect myself from their carelessness of/for me, and within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘hurt’ in an act self spite and self pity that I utilized in act of blame for the feelings that I accepted and allowed as my experience of myself.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify myself in not caring or giving a shit about other people as an act of revenge.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that the anger that came up in me was as towards myself that I was not standing in any way for me but in hostility towards myself in my total negative judgement of myself in which I had accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by the mind, but instead I accepted and allowed myself to exert this anger towards the world in blame and in revenge. In this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become supercharged with energy by standing as an absolute self righteousness in absolute defiance of all life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become as consciousness entirely in my own reality in which I accepted and allowed myself to reverse the principles of life in experiments of evil, in which give as you would like to receive became do unto all what I believe was done to me.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself as a system of consciousness to believe that I had power because I did not care if I lived or if I died.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that with this power, that I had conquered fear, and within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had transcended who I am as fear, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that rather than conquering or transcending fear, that I had accepted and allowed myself to suppress it and in doing that I had accepted and allowed and established it as something real.

 

 

I commit myself to start to care for myself as my immediate responsibility to who I am as life, to within this learn to stand with myself as self awareness, to practice movement of myself. I commit myself to move myself beyond the knowledge and information that I have understood of energy and polarity systems within and as myself by learning to apply this information within my actual life, and practicing the decision to move myself rather than to let myself be moved by energy.

 

I commit myself to walk this process of self forgiveness and self correction of these patterns that I have accepted and allowed, and to further understand the development and evolution of this personality so that I may deconstruct it and remove it from my life, and to physically move on from this.

 

I commit myself to, when and as the statement of I don’t care comes up within my mind, to stop and breathe, I realize that if I accept and allow myself to participate in this that I am consenting to myself to remain as energy and to remain as directed by a consciousness that does not care for life, that I remain as an illusion of superiority to and separation from life and from reality, and that within this I stand as self deceit.

 

I commit myself to learn to live as care as who I am.

 

 

 

 

Sunette Spies: Self Change through Self Movement (Part Two): DAY 333

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCuIOLdUhq0

 

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

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Day 189: Failure Back-chat

birds-on-a-wire

 

Continuing with my investigations into the word ‘futility’ as I have accepted and allowed it in my mind, and its relationship to the failure personality that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody and to act for me.

 

Here I look into how I have accepted and allowed various fears of failure to interfere within my process of writing.

 

It’s not that this is complicated in itself, though it is multidimensional, in the sense that many simple things connect from different angles, and as I write I am trying to keep up with the points that open up, trying and attempting to lay them out in a linear arrangement such as writing one word after another, and attempting and trying to do this, the construction then becomes crowded out with clauses, sub-clauses, and ramifications, points opening up, and I stray into a relationship towards the writing in which I accept and allow myself to become overwhelmed, and then there is the temptation of the backchat of the failure personality that says, well, so what’s the point? And listening to this I do not interpret it as a simple question, but as a stark statement of ‘there is no point’. When the commonsense question here is ‘how can I walk through this in a practical way?’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might possibly write myself past or forget a crucial connection, where I fear that I have missed something, and therefore failed to gather all the relevant information together, and so have sabotaged my understanding, and so have wasted my effort, in which I fear that I might have to re-experience myself as failure, and so fall into the temptation of giving up. And so I remind myself that the practicality in walking this would be to take each simple point and undo the illusion that I had accepted and allowed myself to be within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have failed to express what is here, and I remind myself that this does not represent a failure as me to express the understanding of myself that I am working on, developing, expanding, so as to face myself in what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that what I write is incomplete, and I remind myself that this does not represent a failure as me but that I simply have not so far yet uncovered all the points involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not understand myself, and I remind myself that this does not represent a failure as me as in lacking so far to completely understand myself and I see and realize and understand that that my understanding and my awareness of myself is limited according to how much I accept and allow myself to open up to me as I walk this process step by step and breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of me as failure, instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that this fear is actually a part of the personality of failure that I have accepted and allowed as me; and so I breathe, I do not have to accept and allow this personality as who I am to interfere with this writing, but I can instead utilize and forgive myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be within this backchat, so that I can further understand myself, and through this to not allow the temptation to give up and to give in.

 

It has been supportive to realize the common sense that resistance comes when I am trying to get access to that which I have structured and designed myself to avoid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

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Creation’s Journey to Life

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Day 188: The Futility Word.

futility

 

Futile. (adjective) Dictionary Definition: incapable of producing any useful result; pointless:

Futility (noun) pointlessness or uselessness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word futility to the word failure, in which I have defined Futility as the context of the inevitability of Failure, that within Futility, Failure is unavoidable, so that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word futility as an early warning of the experience of failure, through which I have accepted and allowed myself to charge Futility with positive energy as a ‘protection’ from a bad experience.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word futile/futility through giving it a positive value, where I have charged it with hope of it being a justification for me to not be making an effort, and therefore feeling better about myself in avoiding the experience of failure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word futile/futility through giving it a negative value, where I have charged it with a negative judgement of my own self worth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior or stupid for attempting to carry out a task that I have defined as futile.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the judgements of my mind assessing the results/rewards/value of the task that I have started on, where I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word futile/futility according to the lack of energy return that I will get from doing what it is that I have decided to set myself to do, or else I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid or give up what I am doing because I see in it a negative energy return.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the judgements of my mind through which I have decided to carry out a task because I will get a positive return of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word futile/futility according to my self interest of energy accumulation as who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word futility to the word hope, through defining futility within hopelessness, so that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am in futility as a negative state of energy, and through this have accepted and allowed myself to react to word futile/futility when it comes into my mind, as something to be avoided. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved by fear of negative energy experience.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse and merge the word futile with feelings of interrupted energy within my physical body where the flow of actions and activities in my muscles and limbs and breathing are suddenly stopped and cut off, and the end/purpose/result/reward has suddenly been suspended. A doubt has entered into a process that was certain, like suddenly I realize I am going in the wrong direction, or that I have made a mistake, following a wrong assumption.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word futility with negative energy because I have connected to it experiences of regret, where I look back into the past of something that I have done, and see it as a waste of time.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word futility with energy so that when and as the word arises in my mind that I react to it, not seeing realizing and understanding that I am reacting to myself as energy, that I am reacting in my own accepted and allowed control of me as triggered by this word, that I am accepting who I am within and as the experience of energy within my mind within and as this consciousness only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, as futility, to have given up on making efforts to change who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as futility my efforts and my actions have no consequence. I forgive myself within this that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize futility to justify giving up on myself but to collapse into my programming of who I am as failure. Thus I forgive myself that I have utilized who I am as futility to justify myself as a program of the mind, accepting and allowing myself as having no effect. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as futility to believe that it is just, that I am justified in giving up responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give futility such power within my world that it has become as if a condition of the world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame futility, while at the same time hide within it.

 

I forgive myself that I have projected my blame onto futility to make it so large and massive and overpowering that within its shadows I accept and allow myself to believe and listen to respond to react to such backchat statements as ‘there’s nothing I can do’, ‘there is no point’, ‘it’s a waste of time’.

 

I commit myself to take away from futility these dramas that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to it, to accumulate around it, to hype it up for the purposes of me to not change, to not realize my responsibilities within my world and reality, but to instead to entertain myself with my self victimized relationship that I have made towards it.

 

I commit myself to reinstate futility simple and complete within itself without the energy polarities, so that when and as I see futility, I realize and see and understand that my efforts to do something, to carry out a task for me in support of who I am, need not be a one-shot, do-it-or-fail situation, that seeing and realizing futility can assist my learning process in which I can experiment and find a different way, a different method a different approach.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See this video:

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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The Quantum Mind
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4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
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Day 187: Futility and Fear of Failure

 

Reading Heaven’s Journey to Life (322, 323) posts, it becomes clear how it is that I have been fighting with my mind in this issue of trying to clear the word strict recognizing it as part of my own retaliation program towards discipline, in the wider desire to facilitate actual change, because I see now how it is that I have fallen into the polarity of desire for success and fear of failure, an energy against energy fight, in which behind it all this fear of failure and basic program of who I am as failure remains. Remains as the negative definition platform of success. Remains respected and believed. How am I to support myself in the resultant burn-out becomes the question now, because, reading these posts, I see and realize and understand how and why exhaustion and collapse have gradually crept over me. And there is an opposite to this where fear of discipline and desire for failure are part of the dynamic, where an opposite conflict of energy against energy forms another dimension in this total war.

Articulation of these points has opened up a breathing space for me in this. Articulation as the un-mergence of thoughts, in which I begin to see and realize what it is that I have been doing, and to recognize my responsibility in hiding from myself my motives. And so I breathe a breath in a space that was not there. And I get up and start from the beginning.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as an existence and as a world and as a mind reality that is based on something lost or missing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this missingness as a motive and a basis for a purpose in existence.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this missingness as a consequence of my fear, in which what has become missing in my existence is awareness of life itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in this programming in my mind of who I am as ‘failure’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to experience this who I am as ‘failure’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself from this fear of experiencing the consequence of this belief of who I am as failure, by creating characters to act for me within and as my mind of being ‘not good enough’, so that I can justify myself to not stand up and try again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my characters of being ‘not good enough’ upon my family, my culture, and my education, when all the time it has been my secret choice to reward myself with energy as righteousness with being the victim, while at the same time protecting myself from the fear of this experience of failure that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe must be inevitable if I were to make an effort with and as and for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts and feelings of futility around my efforts to understand myself and efforts to move myself and efforts to change myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up and give in and to submit to thoughts and feelings of futility, and for not allowing myself to see and realize and understand how I have used futility to protect myself from the experience of fear of the experience of who I am as failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of futility, where what I fear in this is the inevitable realization of who I am as failure, and I forgive myself in this that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity to futility which is a kind of magicalized hopefulness in which the reality of who I believe myself to be has been somehow bypassed and avoided.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sabotaged my efforts by accepting and allowing this ‘futility’ to exist within me and as me and to have made this ‘futility’ as something real because I have refused to see and realize and understand its function that I have given to it in protecting me from fear of experiencing myself as the consequence of my belief that I have accepted and allowed of me as failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in making commitments as directions for and as myself to stand within, that while I stand within a world of futility that I have accepted and allowed to exist as me, that my trust in me within my self direction has to inevitably fall according to my own self sabotage design, because I am standing in a world in which I am less than and inferior to this belief in who I am as failure, and therefore who I am within this as commitment is like a stand of magic hope against futility in which somehow my commitment according to the force of my intention with my mind will somehow break the futility that pervades the environment of me.

 

I commit myself to investigate the word ‘futility’ when and as it comes up in my mind.

 

I commit myself to stand up from this system that I have accepted and allowed as me, I commit myself to further walk and understand in detail this system that I have accepted and allowed as me, so that in walking my commitment clearly and without the riders of the backchat and other dimensions of consciousness as voices of futility in my mind, that then I can gather and accumulate my trust in me as the principle of self direction in my world.

 

to be continued… 

 

 

 

See this video:

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
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Day 186: Veto System

nitty gritty

 

…In the last post on the word ‘strict’ that I was looking at in relation to strengthening my self discipline, or simply accepting and allowing myself to walk directive principle, and I was ‘shocked’ to discover the extent of the web of negative charges that I had accumulated around this word ‘strict’. This reaction sort of jangled alarm bells in successive days, because I had not realized who or what I was initiating in myself with using strict according to my unconscious definition, which was in effect a key to an absolute and thorough veto of self direction.

 

So, kind of opening up the Pandora’s Box of who I am as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, and some moments pause amongst and as the language in which I have my being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these moments to slide into days. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a moment’s hesitation spread into an overwhelmingness experience of energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lost within this energy when all the time I am here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take these systems personally. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposure of who I am in writing out myself in these blogs.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the realization of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as my programs that I have made of personal experience through this exposure of myself in written words.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this fear through accepting and allowing myself to believe in and to become possessed by self judgement. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power to a personality system of self judgement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to the systems I have created.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this basic pattern of my existence, in which I strive to avoid a negative experience of and in myself by going into hope of positive experience in separation from myself within my mind.

 

I commit myself to when I open up a dimension of consciousness or automatic system that I have accepted and allowed to be, that in this walking I trust who I am that is here that walks, I breathe, I remind myself that loss in trust in who I am is loss of something that is not real, because I am here.

 

 

 

See this video:

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

NEW

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The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
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Desteni.org

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Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

Day 185: Strict (Part 2)

 

 

Continuation from previous post…  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consent to the construction of safe-guards within and as myself as a system of energy so as to remain as energy, focused only on the process of supporting who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as energy as this ‘me’ personality system only dedicated to an illusion of myself as system consciousness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind in separation from myself that I am protecting and defending me while really I am standing by, while energy directs me in self interest to protect itself as me, for me, and in my name, and to defend it’s own survival.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall down over and over again into energy in which I have accepted and allowed myself to become the energy itself that I have then personalized as feelings and emotions.

 

Continuing with the Self Forgiveness (from last post) in de-constructing  the definition that I have lived through my energy experience of me, my personalization of the word ‘strict’, that I see and realize and understand now to be an obstruction of self direction as precise and specific self-direction, self discipline.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the word ‘strict’ to ‘authority’, where I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘strict’ to negative energy and ‘authority’ to negative energy also.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that this word ‘authority’ within my mind, stands not alone but as a definition of an entire construct of relationships that I have accepted and allowed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as less-than to authority, and hence that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘oppressed’ by authority, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in relationship towards authority as a relationship of blame. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my own responsibility for who I have defined myself to be as an unequal to an other being, or a group of beings, and so have become in this self-made unequalness a personality of energy, and rather than seeing and facing what it is that I have done and taking responsibility for this self abuse, and giving myself the opportunity of correcting my mistake, I have sought to put the blame as energy as anger as retaliation and spite upon the one’s that I have defined as the ‘oppressors’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘strictness’ to ‘authority’ through my experiences of school, where I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a victim in which I was having rules and regulations and systems ‘imposed’ upon me, and because none of this seemed advantageous to my self-interests, of having positive energy experiences only, such as having fun, doing only what I liked to do, and avoiding experiences that I had judged and defined as negative, such as learning things that I believed I could not understand, and in meeting personalities as teachers who were ‘strict’, that they would not let me avoid these negative experiences that I had defined for me, and they did not accept excuses or manipulations in their strictness, and so I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to charge this word ‘strict’ with my negative experience of being trapped without an access to my positive energy resources.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a picture of myself as inferior to others and humanity, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own Authority to stand up and speak for and as Humanity as who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to realize who I am as Humanity. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize my own Authority as Humanity and to stand up.

 

I commit myself to align myself with what is required of Humanity at this stage of Existence, to remove the energy that has become our consciousness, as constructs and systems of personality, and to walk into awareness of ourselves as the physical and to become as life. 

I commit myself to divest myself of personalized perceptions of Humanity in which I have accepted and allowed myself to see only me in relationships to personalities, rather than a real and common sense perception of the Global Physical Humanity that is in fact Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to ‘strict’, ‘restriction’, as an experience of punishment, or as a loss of freedom, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that restriction and punishment follows as a consequence of being ‘bad’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in my totality as ‘bad’, and for not seeing and realizing immediately that such a thing does not in fact exist. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a negative judgement of the mind, as a value of energy, as this ‘badness’ that is punished in alignment to the rules and regulations of a system. I forgive myself that I did not accept or allow myself to realize that I was being awarded restriction as punishment as an imposed negative energy as an alternative method to make me learn. So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of my own judgement of me according to the belief that I could not understand and hence could not learn, and rather than realizing my own responsibility within this situation and questioning this belief that I could not understand, and asking for assistance in how to understand and how to learn, instead I avoided the experience of the reluctant effort that would always lead me to this negative experience of being unable to understand. Within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to as a consequence be entirely responsible for restricting my own education and the scope of my possibilities in future life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to the word ‘strict’, the word ‘constrict’ which I have accepted and allowed myself to charge with negative energy. Here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience that I have defined and labelled as ‘constriction’ in my physical body, such as the physical experiences of fear. Where rather than taking responsibility for my acceptance and allowance of the reaction to exist, and moving it or removing the source of it, I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my body, so that again I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of victimization and blame, in a relationship that I have myself made in which I am not equal but inferior to my reactions.

 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize and understand that in the example of my physical body as a system of equality and oneness, both restriction and constriction are necessary aspects for me to move my muscles, digest my food, for blood to flow in specific directions, to take in a lungful of air, to express my voice and to physically live, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define restriction and constriction in my mind with only reference to me as my energy experiences as personalities as consciousness. So I commit myself to let go of these energy connections to these words and so also to the word ‘strict’, while my actual life depends upon the strictness of my physical to specifically fulfill its functions.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize or understand that my physical existence depends entirely on the strictness and the discipline of my physical, and that when and as I have manifested the word ‘strict’ within me as an aspect of my self-direction, that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to it and used it as a support and an excuse to return me to the systems of my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within a relationship of retaliation towards control, and for not allowing myself to see and realize and understand that through defining ‘strict’ as negative energy experience that I therefore ‘must’ avoid, I have accepted and allowed myself to become controlled completely because I am automatically reacting towards and against any move I make of self-direction.

 

I commit myself to when and as I utilize this word ‘strict’ in limiting the movement of myself in focusing on one direction to stay exactly in alignment with how it is that I require to walk, I see and realize and understand that I define for me exactly the outline of my path to further exploration of myself.

 

I commit myself to: when and as I see myself manipulating myself with preparing excuses for giving in or giving up, I stop. And I breathe, not just once, but breathe deliberately until I have stabilized myself, and I ask myself this question: What is it that I in fact am holding on to here, what is it specifically that I am refusing to let go? And then I utilize my answer to this question as an opening for me to walk the points that I have discovered.

 

more on this next post… 

 

 

 

 

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Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

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