Misalignments within the attributes of Authority: Correction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind in thoughts of ‘self-change’ as a single big event, and that within that, that I have inferiorized myself towards it and in seeing it in a future scenario in my mind, that I have laid the groundwork for postponement. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-change. As and when that I see and realise that I am participating in a thought of change as a future event, and that within that, that I am participating in fear towards it, I stop and I breathe: I see and realise that in this thought and projection of myself as ‘changed’ I am looking at an image of myself that is changed without any path of change that I am walking, or have walked, that in seeing myself as ‘changed’ without my immediate connection to this change as in my direction of my path of self correction, that therefore how I see myself within this ‘change’ that is in my mind, is ‘changed’ without my self-direction, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to some future image of me as changed, as if by some miraculous intervention. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this miracle thinking to exist within me, like a positive experience connected to a ‘Great Leap Forward’ or a ‘Giant Step’, existing in a world that has no practicality, and is not real.
Reviewing how I shaped this life I find that my recourse to the personality that I evolved in retaliation to authority is like a key – it’s almost as if in theory if one asked, What kind of a life would you expect to emerge out of retaliation towards authority, and it’s attributes; of correction, discipline, principle, obedience, conformity – with the retaliation itself not as an open rebellion, but more as an avoidance – then out of this formulation would emerge – a life experience like this – where looking through it all – I see so much of it has been as an emotional possession. As such, the authority that I have lived has been like a ‘torch of freedom’; with that freedom being defined against my own best interests, a ‘freedom’ actually defined within the confines of subservience to the authority of this consciousness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘correction’ as an attribute of the authority that I have put into contempt, and that within this that I have given to the word ‘correction’ a charge of negative energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad when I see myself in need of a correction. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in guilt when I see myself in need of a correction. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a belief that who I am is wrong in the totality of myself when I see that I am in need of a correction. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience ‘correction’ personally, in which I have experienced correction as a put-down. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less for not having the knowledge and information. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those around me that seem to be abusing me in the process of their aggrandizement, using ‘correction’ as a means. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the beings involved within these ‘monkey games’ and within that to have superiorized myself to those correcting me in this way. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to look upon and see the games that I myself am playing here, in which accepting and allowing myself to be ‘abused’ as I am seeing it through my mind, I remain in competition, that is in my secret terms, in which I win. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the consequences of this game, train and manipulate others around me into a perception of who I am as inferior. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have found a solution to a situation in which I feel that I cannot meet the expectations of others such as in my ‘school’ environment, a means of lowering the expectation, so that I do not have to experience the conflict that arises in me towards meeting the expectations of others in skills and knowledge and information that I feel that I am unable fulfill. Within the realm of expectations I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my self acceptance into the hands of others in my world, and I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that I have accepted and allowed this word ‘correction’ as a point in which I do not get this self acceptance that I have not accepted or allowed myself to give to me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook, brush aside, gloss over, the sabotage that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me as the contents of the word ‘correction’, and within that not to see how accepting and allowing this word to exist within me with such baggage, that it has functioned as a lock-in for my personality of retaliation to authority. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a personality founded on self-contempt to allow to exist ‘correction’ as a trigger of the experience of self-contempt, and as such, a point to be avoided.
I commit myself to walk the redefinition of ‘self-correction’ as in self-directed alignment with the principle of Life. I see realise and understand that in my inclusion of ‘correction’ as a negative experience that I have abdicated from my own ability to learn, to hear the words of common sense, that in reacting to being ‘wrong’ in some way that I have failed to recognize an opportunity to learn, where rather than having a sense of gratitude for the fact of being shown something that I have missed or not considered, that instead I have gone into and as a sense of resentment, and have taken the ‘correction’ personally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my self-correction as my practical means of change, a reaction of self-judgement. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from myself in the very act of self-support as in realignment. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect an idea in my mind of who I am as in contempt of ‘authority’.
continuing with the attributes next post…
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