Day 477: Authority and Extending Living Principle as Release
Redefining the word Writing (Part 6)
In this post I continue my enquiry into how I have personally defined the word Authority, having seen to what extent I have accepted and allowed this word to define my relationship to Writing. Yes, having seen, how Authority, the word, had become in the dimensions of my mind, as an obstruction, as a block of concrete, like a massive building, as a ‘ministry’, a department of ‘government’, something dark and drab and hostile, labyrinthine; a place, a part of me that I’d avoid, imagining that in entering into it, that I would be forced to submit to alien directions, and pre-established systems, to being processed, to having my existence as dependent on a file, to be waiting at a desk for that file to be located…
…Interesting to see how easily a story unfolds, and just how in writing out these points I show myself how much the content of this word is charged – that is, parts to which I had delegated charge… to be charged, to be in charge… all these words as angles of the word Authority that extend and straggle into my personal thesaurus, into memories and representations of my experience of emotion, the histories of my participations: and ultimately to see that every document and file has been undersigned by me.
Yes, undersigned by me, and yet not seeing or realizing that each and every brick or wall or corridor or stairwell or department, desk, official, ticket, file… all the words that together contributed to the impression of immovability of the block, that contributed to the overall impression that: This word cannot be redefined, cannot be dismantled, that the bonds which hold the structure all together cannot be released, that the complexity of the bondage is overwhelming, that at every turning place there will arise a set of new distractions – I see that what I am exposing here are the beliefs that braid together as groups of word designs and formulations to which I had awarded function and reality and had connected to a charge, and given them a bearing to the structure of Authority as a whole. And in ‘as a whole’ I see now how I had conferred onto this word a wholeness, a completeness, an isolation, a self containment, a separation of itself from me – as a concrete block, with me as if outside of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this word can’t be changed, that it cannot be dismantled, that the bonds which hold the structure all together cannot be released, that my only choice towards it is to avoid; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these thoughts and beliefs to become embedded into me, to continue to have existence in me, to have assumed authority in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that in believing in these thoughts I have accepted and allowed my judgements and definitions as being reality.
In ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed’ what I stand by is the realization that I have in fact given my permission for such a thing to be, and in that realization therefore I also have the choice to withdraw that permission, and in so doing, to release myself:
In view of this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a double life, a life in which I both live my own authority as the choice and decision to forgive myself, while at the same time live my choice of avoidance of that which in my mind pertains to the word Authority; that while I utilize Directive Principle in releasing me from bonds that are not aligned with the Principle of Life, I am at the same time not seeing how I have made of the word Authority an exception; I am at the same time undermining that Directive Principle by looking at the bonds within Authority itself as if they can’t be changed.
Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how – in keeping how I have defined and lived Authority suppressed – how I have accepted and allowed myself to live a contradiction. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as less and as inferior to Authority, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as denial of Directive Principle. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a double life in which Authority and Directive Principle appear to me as different things. I forgive myself that through the word Authority I have accepted and allowed myself to live a split reality.
Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the word Authority to represent my willingness for my reality to be split, for there being places in my mind and in my world in which Directive Principle does not exist, and therefore also in my imagined representation of Authority as being this massive concrete block with unchangeable component parts, parts as places in my mind that there is no Me as Life. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me the word Authority as a monument to Death. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are parts and places in reality in which there is no Life.
In my journey to life I commit myself to release the word Authority, to allow it to be one with who I am as Directive Principle, I commit myself to learn to live Directive Principle, while right now immediately to face the bondage that I have accepted and allowed within how I have defined and lived my version of authority, and to bring instead Release.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the word Authority as an emblem in my mind of bondage. Therefore in my Self Forgiveness for how I have Wrought Authority in my mind, I walk the word Release. In Authority as me as the Living Principle of Awareness I commit myself to live Release. I commit myself to release myself from commitments that I’ve made and undersigned within the construct of authority. I commit myself to use the principle of Release as a tool to redefine and live Authority as one with Life. I commit myself to redefine myself within and as authority through actions of release.
The living principle of me is what I have been practicing to extend in releasing me in specific acts of Self Forgiveness, therefore what I see here for me in redefining Authority is to be taking Authority back to me in practicing this authority – not as a tool of power, or as a reminder of a powerlessness – but instead as an agent of release, knowing in myself that in doing this I am extending Living Principle through me into the physical, into practical reality.
I commit myself to bring Release more into the forefront as I approach the world, and seeing that it already does exist in my relationships I commit myself to being more aware of it and more aware of who I am extending it, to understand more deeply why this should feel so natural, knowing that what I am extending and expanding is me as Living Principle in practicality.
That someone stands beside me, as I make a choice – standing with – reminding me in their presence that the choice is not constricted – that for example my choice does not have to be to participate in fear – that company – through a living being – extends the principle of release, that in a moment of support is allowing me to see that I too have the choice to release myself. I commit myself in walking this new version of authority to also be the presence standing with, the one extending that release.
From that false authority that I have accepted and allowed and so become a victim of, I release myself: when and as I feel that general restraining order in my body, I stop and I breathe: the new authority that I am living is the authority of release: I do not any longer accept that authority of constraint that I have previously believed in, I do not accept the authority of those beliefs.
When and as I see that I am holding someone in my mind, interpreting them through labels that I have asserted onto them, and in myself simulating authority within believing in my judgements and interpretations; I stop and I breathe I do not any longer accept the authority implied in believing these interpretations of another being. Living the authority of release, I let this being be, I release them from my own constrictions, and in doing this I release myself from that false authority that I have been living and asserting.
…continuing… next post
Adam's Journey Into Life 