Day 450: The word Steadfast (1)

Living in and as a part of the Desteni Farm Community in South Africa I have the great fortune of being able to sit in with the Portal, as Dimensional beings come through and make recordings. A couple of days ago, sharing how it was that I had started into redefining Steadfast, Mykey came through to share his experience also with this word. You can find this recording in the Demons in the Afterlife series on Eqafe.

Steadfast – when the word came up in me, I recognized it as a word that I might live – that I recognized it as such –was kind of an inspiration: that I might actually in fact consider this, and find a way of letting go of that demurring side of me in which I held myself as less than up to living Steadfastness, and so as well to find a way of letting go the story I have lived in which I must somehow make-do and make my way in life without this word, where in that story Inconsistency hung over me as if it were my basic nature; through which no matter what it was that I applied myself to, a sort capriciousness would eventually rear it’s head, and it would seem that everything I’d done had been like the wrong path in the maze of me.

A word can somehow fit into the story of the nature of the hand that you were dealt, and then become coloured by it, charged by it; you can keep it to yourself within the darkness of your self, and embrace it in a way, notwithstanding everything, still playing the game, never questioning that it was real; and this was what I did, never questioning the statement to myself that therefore I can never have faith in me. And so it was that I became entwined in that embrace, in fear of trusting my commitment.

So it kind of follows out of that I could come to so admire the quality of the word Steadfast, that in making it so great, so strong, that the effect of this can make it seem as if it’s out of bounds; that admiration in itself within this construct, acts like another point of sabotage. Comparing me to Steadfast, I judged myself as less than that, and in that less-than definition of myself I would listen to the familiar comfort of demurring voices, that would work in me to curb such aspirations, to keep me in that story that I’d spun of the hand that I’d been dealt.

This is why the process of defining and redefining and living words is so important; seeing within ourselves what we’ve done to words, what meanings we have infused into them and then accepted, and how and what we’ve lived accordingly, and then in seeing the reality of ourselves as dictated by our very words, we see that we do not have to be the victims of our definitions of ourselves, we are empowered to change ourselves to the selves that we would want to be, and we have the tools with which to do it.

So with Steadfast: that momentary recognition of this word as it came up in me as a word to live was like in seeing it anew, and seeing myself anew, that, why not take this word and see how I might redefine it for me, see if I might make it useful for me, see if I might even enhance, develop and expand the qualities within me that I have neglected, those neglected parts of me that gave rise to my projection of this admiration. ‘Seeing anew’ was also in a way a realization of the fact that I could challenge this perfect finish with which I’d veiled the word, that instead I could be handling it, taking it apart and re-assembling it, becoming more familiar with it, seeing how it works.

Here are some self-forgiveness statements that come from facing the reality of me as in relation to Steadfast, as a practical step towards the purifying of this word:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in admiration of the word Steadfast, and so of those I see who live expressions of this word, not seeing how within this admiration I was showing me a part of me that I was denying for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or look at what this positive energy of admiration was actually showing me of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Steadfastness could not exist for me; that it was for others only, that even if I simulated such a thing, I could never own it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of myself simulating Steadfastness, and to judge myself in trying that. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my judgements of myself and take them as a kind of warning, that only calamity could come out of it, that sooner or later I would fall, and prove that steadfastness was impossible for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the backchats of these judgements and interpret them as protection, not seeing that who it is that is supported here is me as less-than Steadfast. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on the opportunity of living the word Steadfast and only distancing myself from it, seeing it through the lens of admiration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might happen if I tried to live as steadfastness, not seeing how within the act of trying I was sowing the seeds of giving up on me.

Seeing what has been my relationship to this word, I look at also what the context was in which the word came up and what was going on within me, and it was a kind of weariness that I am still accepting so much inner chat, seeing it in a way like a constant carping, and seeing that cycle in which I listen to it, do forgiveness, clear my mind, and yet before too long slip back into it.

You know that feeling like the drag around your legs when you wade through shallow water: in my process a similar point to this, that realization of I’m tired of this, I must do something about this. That’s when the word Steadfast came up in me, this context of how I could do something for myself here – choose a word to live – give myself some more support in the face of constant distraction.

How can I live Steadfast, not with the expectation that I might just magically find a way to live it – as it stands – as if I could just suddenly take the reality of me in my relationship to this word, and then suddenly shove me into it – What I mean is, how can I practically find a way to really live it, meaning how can I redefine this word for me, in support of me, for the sake of better living me, because within that weariness of tolerating levels of distraction, that is what I want, to put that habitual argument to rest, to better live this me.

Yes for sure within that inner chatter there are points that I must deal with, clear, but there is also another point which is who I am towards that process, the point that I must kind of wake myself even in relation to this waking process. So within this question that I am asking of how to find a way to own this word, how to make this word intimately real for me, I see that first it is to realise the importance of this question, to breathe it in, to take it seriously into me, to give it priority, to give it my immediate attention.

In Steadfast there are for me these main components: steadiness and fasten. Steady, as with being the master of the ship, grasping the wheel, holding a steady course through the storm; fastening, as in that grasp, in that grip. As I sound the words and play with them, a new arrangement of the question comes: How can I fasten myself in – stead – to straight direction? And what is straight direction? To me this version of the question raises the point of where do I stand, where in – the word Instead – literally, a point is standing in an alternative position – so within that, steadiness comes up as a reference to standing.

And ‘straight direction’: in the metaphor of the ship at sea, the meaning of straight direction implies the course of the ship, unwavering, while within myself this straight direction is, to me, being straight with me, that my direction of my choices and decisions is straight, in the sense of being honest, true to me. Going back into the context of where the word Steadfast came up in me for that moment, as a word to live: there was a simplicity to that moment, that I could see that in relation to what was going on in my mind, the simple truth of it was that I was accepting and allowing myself to not be doing the best that I can – a knowing that this is not my best – a knowing that there is a limit to how seriously I take myself and so how much I respond to what I know is best for me.

As for Seriously: it’s more like I take myself seriously or not, there is no grey area there. What is real is that some moments I do and other moments I do not; as outlined in the beginning of this post, that lack of faith in me in relation to consistency, and to self-commitment: revisiting that now I see how much I use that apparent grey area of taking myself seriously or not as an excuse I tell myself, feeling at home with the belief that inconsistency is just part of being me, and so this steadfastness is really such an effort, so why not be kind to me, renege on me again, a little, take a break, tell myself this serious thing is such a burden, placate myself with: I’ll get back on this later, or else: I know that this is not the best for me, but I can live with that, I always have, it’s what I know, I’ve made an effort…

That ‘renege on me again’ was a point of self awareness new to me; it was a point of exasperation, and a point of ‘Enough’, that was when the word Steadfast occurred to me, perhaps it was that in that moment I was reaching for a particular kind of strength.

Self-forgiveness statements on my relationship with the word Inconsistent:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I was being born into Life was determined by the stars. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use this belief to justify how I found myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in absolute as Inconsistent. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that inconsistency is the nature of my being. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change my fundamental nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am victim to my fundamental nature. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from me in this belief. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this life set a limit on my responsibility for who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my definition of myself on external forces. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in regard to inconsistency live a life of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word inconsistent to influence and affect my relationship with steadfastness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed through this belief for me to have perspectives on steadfastness that it is not possible for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my definition of myself as inconsistent, as a constant sabotage of steadfastness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my belief in who I am as inconsistent, as an excuse and a justification to not be doing the best for me, to make decisions for myself that I know to be not the best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify myself within not doing my best for me, within my blame of Life not doing it’s best for me, in believing that a hand of cards that I was dealt by Life was somehow fixed against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Humanity in terms of a game of cards, in terms of competition. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a loser. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my victimhood on Life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through this to justify a cursory approach to living life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and so become a form of chagrin on the basis of these self definitions and beliefs. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to recognize this Chagrin in my presence, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a comfort zone within and as this Chagrin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when seeing the reality of me accepting and allowing decisions and actions that I know within myself are not best for me, and within that not recognizing and so not taking responsibility for the Chagrin element within it, but seeing and judging who I am within the disempowerment that came along with it, for seeing and interpreting and defining me in weakness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this state of disempowerment and for giving up on me in the very prospect of Steadfastness as a word to live.

 

 

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Day 449: The word Loss

 

A bit of a Pandora’s box this one: a world of self-manipulation, competition, jealousy, self-treachery, opened up for me as an aspect of my own as-is reality, in looking at the question of how I had defined and lived out Loss.

It is in the nature of judgement that definitions are imposed onto other beings; it is a form of arrogance: one assumes a righteous knowingness of others, and then asserts this knowing, claiming that they are this one thing or that one thing in absolute. That I made the choice to simulate and to embody such a form of consciousness, and in so doing, apply it to myself, it had the consequence of my living out of definitions of myself that were absolutes, I became within me the assertion that who I was could not be changed. Within this starting-point I see at once the very source of a depression: that if who I am cannot be changed, the belief that – with learning being change – that therefore learning is impossible, except on superficial levels. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this belief to exist within me, and so for this belief to have played a role in the shaping my life.

In a way it was like I made a home for me from that feel-good righteousness positioning while at the same time accepting that I was the victim as subjected to the assertions I was making, such as that who I am is bad, or less-than others, of no value, worth, these were definitions of myself that my righteousness depended on. Seeing righteousness embodied and expressed by those around me, such as in the playground, I made the mistake of interpreting this as strength, and since what I really needed in myself was to develop strength it seemed to me that it would be supportive to simulate such things. It was in such mistakes of interpretation that I made these choices. In the choice of giving up on my own authority I came to see that same authority imposed upon me from the recipients of it; from seeing that authority expressed as righteousness, I became subject to it.

On listening to the recent Loss recordings in the Future of Awareness series, (114, and 115), I took some time to look into my early years in which Loss played quite a part; I’ve looked into these years quite a bit, but this time returning with the deeper question of, What was it more precisely that I had defined generally as Loss?

Much of what I had previously included into Loss was the story of the victim of it, seeing myself as being deserted, let down, being left behind, abandoned, or rejected in some way; the experience of those interpretations. In fact there were many circumstances that were outside of my control: the financial stability of my family, the decisions of my parents in the face of that, a crisis in their relationship, my father’s sudden death, the loss of house and home: a story of the sudden break-up of a family. And yet my experience within all of this was entirely my responsibility; because the experience was the play-out of how I had defined myself within it, and the thought that came up in me, and it was probably a thought that comes up into many children’s minds in situations like this, which was: [therefore] Who I am is not worth caring for. It was from out of seeing the play-out of this thought and writing out myself in self forgiveness statements, that a very different story then unfolded, not the story that I liked to tell myself, but the story of who I actually was and to some extent, still am, in telling it.

Strength from understanding; and understanding from self-forgiveness: here I stand within and as my own authority of self-investigation. And here I share some unraveling self forgiveness statements from out of the assertion of who I am as an absolute, defined as Not Worth Caring For, and looking at the specific experience of Loss that came out of this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the conclusion that came up in me at this crucial time, a definition of myself that sprang up in me from the idea in my mind that, I wasn’t worth caring for.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take this personally, that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that this new situation that I was in was an expression of others’ lack of care for me, and so within that for me, a measure of my lack of worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my worth according to my judgement of whether or not that people cared for me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define worth according to the care for me of others. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on the care of others for my sense of worth. I forgive myself that I have accepted and myself to define care as something that bestows value, worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not define my own worth for me as me within me but to instead trust my worth to how I saw my relationships to others from how I saw others relationships to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess others’ relationships to me, and hence my worth, by comparing their relationships to me with their relationships to others.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my assumption that I can assess my worth by observations of relationships between other people in my outside world, and drawing conclusions about the value of who I am within myself through comparison of these observations.

I forgive myself that I have limited my observations and comparisons of other’s relationships to me and other’s relationships to others to those others in my life that were significant to me: such as to my mother and my father in relationship to my siblings; such as partners in relationship to friends; such as friends in relationship to friends; such as teachers in relationship to pupils in my class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within all of these relationships, for it to become a part of my normality for my sense of worth to be going up and down on the waves according to the moment and to the situation. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to question this or look too closely into this dependence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear of what I might see if I were to look into this point of dependence in which I had put my worth into the hands of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of loss in losing people in my life and in that loss experience self pity and depression, and through becoming addicted to those emotions feared to look beyond them and see that this sense of loss was actually as well the loss of my access to an experience of self worth through what I saw as being the care of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have value only when it is plain to me that I have value in the eyes of another being, when in moments of insight I see that it is so, and my own value worth of me is released from out of the suppression. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that life itself, living, being alive without condition is actually what Value is. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself instead of seeing Value as it is, to believe instead in an experience of energy in my mind as the potentiality of my value/worth, and not question why the experience would fade in time and return me into the suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adopt the experiences of self pity and depression as a default experience in my mind as a comfort zone of my resignation in this sense of loss, not seeing honestly within myself what it is that I have lost, not seeing that it is not the case that I am the victim, that I do not have control of how other beings are toward me, and in that, seeing myself as ‘abandoned’ or ‘left behind’, but seeing that what is real about my loss is that I do not any more get that sense of worth as supplied by others in my mind, and therefore must begin to learn how to value me, how to take responsibility for my worth, how to see my worth anew as something that I can develop, as something that I can accept for me, give to me, return to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my own authority into the hands of others that relate to me in modes of judgement, that through doing this I have come to accept definitions of myself ascribed to me, definitions of myself as absolutes, that I am this, or I am that; that I have come to relate to myself in this exact same way, settling the judgements of definition on myself in such a way that written into them is that who I am is who I am that cannot change myself, that understanding who I am is not going to help me, that written into loss – that who I am is not worth caring for – the definition of myself as – not worth – I stop the ‘therefore I won’t care for me’ – and so ignore myself, and leave myself, the same as what I see as others doing to me – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change this sense of loss into a form of spite towards myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed, extending from my definition of myself as loss, as validating my victim status, to have in my secret mind, rejoiced that I could reap from this a treasury of righteousness.

It’s not that righteousness is ‘bad’: it’s that ‘being right’ as a point of superiority is both illusory and a transient energy reward: being ‘right’ begins and ends within the mind, there is no anchorage for it in the physical reality of Life. A future of righteousness fuelled unconsciously by loss and blame is not a Life, so much as a reaction to it and against it, an ongoing argument for the mind.

 

 

 

 

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Day 448: The word Principle

 

Is it possible for the Fact of Life to be at the forefront of my everyday reality, would that be too intense, would it even be possible for me to then get on with the practicalities of my days? And is this really such an odd question, or is it that the oddness of it brings my own relationship to it into focus, seeing in the question that I keep it to the margins, taking it as granted, and then, from the premise of ‘Given that we are here in the Fact of Life, then this, then that…’we kind of lose the premise and everything becomes just only this then that and so on, it becomes an institution of Then this Then that, giving rise to groundlessness as if it were just the way things are, like living on a train that comes from, goes to, nowhere…

 

Also, looking at this question, I come to look at ‘too intense’, and the reaction of something to the effect of Holy Shit I am Alive, we are all Alive, Oh My God, can I even be aware of that and at the same time do this thing that I am doing? There is like a fear of that intensity, of realizing the profundity of the situation, while at the same time, implicit in the question, a fear of becoming lost in the distractions of the day.

 

The Fact of Life, The Principle of Life: it was from realizing that somehow and in some way I felt uncomfortable with the word Principle that I write this, and now I see more clearly that the word for me was kind of problematic, so that in saying the words ‘The Principle of Life’, that I was in some way accepting a definition of Life by the measure of this discomfort in me, by the measure of my experience within and as the word.

 

Principle: here is a word that stands within all things: the Beginning/starting-point/infrastructure/law/blueprint… and yet looking at these words that spill from Principle they do not to me describe a living thing, but more my personal way of sketching out attempts of understanding it, that maybe possibly with these and other words, I might eventually embrace it. I mean the Principle of Life must obviously be a living thing, that the Principle of Life as Oneness and Equality as What is Best for All has to be within and as itself a living thing.

 

Looking into this I see how much I had absorbed and so imprinted into me the context of religious morality, as determining the compass of the word, and with that a relationship of less-than to it. That to me a life of ‘principle’ was a life devoted to some higher thing than life itself, that the paragons of Principle were statues raised on pedestals, that the Principles were the domains of high philosophy, that for me in my early days of meeting with this word, the teachers of principle in my early years were usually coming down at me from righteousness and judgement.

 

So this is what I begin to see now within this: the nature of that vague discomfort that I sort of skirted round in writing out this word, and of sounding it. Really the discomfort of resonating my own dishonesty in how I had defined it into me, and in overlooking how I in consequence was actually living it, saying unconsciously ‘me, talking about Principle? come on’, ‘this is not me’, ’I can’t live this’, ‘who I am is less than this’; and then within my sounding of the words ‘the Principle of Life’ experiencing my own hypocrisy and my own self judgement without awareness of the detailed nature of my own discomfort, or awareness of the fact that what I had accepted and allowed in skirting round my physical experience of what I had become within this word was to limit my expression of the Principle of Life to something of the mind.

 

With Self-Forgiveness, releasing me from these as-is conditions of the word, and of my acceptance and allowance of how I’ve placed myself within it, I give myself the space now to look more at how I’d like to be, how I’d like to place this word, how I’d like to live it, how I’d like the Principle of Life to be clear within me, as an intimate part of me, recognizing the Principle of Life as a living thing and me within in it living one and equal.

 

What comes up for me as I write this are the Eqafe recordings of the Clouds: in which examples are described of the nature and extent of communications in just a single moment, within even just a handful of atmospheric substance, a group of countless living particles, organizing what is best for all both collectively and on an individual level to manifest some rain, or else to do some other thing: and using that example of that handful of the atmospheric substance, and extending it and applying it to the infinite particles of the air around the Earth, and the water substance of the Oceans, the continents, Nature as a whole, that exact same nature and extent of communication happening constantly, that we embrace as one, as the Fact of Life: within that, Principle stands out as permeating all things everywhere, my physical body one and equal, my fifty trillion cells, all universes of their own, and yet dedicated unconditionally in the name of All.

 

It’s like here in these examples coming up I am showing me how there is nowhere in physical space in which Principle is not the active, crucial, organizing element, nowhere that is not replete with particles of awareness in constant actions of adjustment and decision. The revolution in my definition/redefinition process is to turn deliberately from a definition coined in consciousness – of Principle – as preference, or as a virtue, as something morally good, superior – and my definition of myself in relation to that, as separate to that, as less than that – to Principle as an integral part of everything and everywhere – and who I am the same as All, a manifestation of that Principle, an example of that Fact of Life. In this redefinition process then there is the recognition of the Principle of Life as a living thing and of me also as a living thing in which for Principle to become a living word for me I see that I must kind of learn to merge with it.

In the process of redefining and living words, it is like deliberately making a bridge from belief in self as an isolated being to realisation of self as an integral part of the reality of living awareness.

 

Some personal Self Forgiveness statements that assisted and supported me to release some self definitions that I had been existed as and so resonating in my sounding of the word Principle:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Principle when it has seemed to me to undermine my choices and decisions taken in my self interest; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle as a threat to my furtherance of my self interest.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect my choice of giving to my consciousness directive principle by blaming principle, by judging Principle.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle within and as Morality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Morality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a personality of reaction to Morality and hence within that to Principle.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people as inferior in interpreting their stand within Morality and Principle as being examples of subservience to the system, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this for me to not see my own subservience to my mind in acting to protect my decision for the mind and for the furtherance of my self interest.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to beings that stand in principle and then to judge myself and define myself as less than in my self. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle as the domain of intellectuals and then to compare me to other beings that I have defined as intellectual, and in that comparison, find me lacking and so judge myself as less than and define myself as less than those I see as being equal to understanding, living and defining principle.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle as something isolated, something separate from me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an isolated being in a world of isolated forms. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle as something that exists only in the minds of human beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me in relation to the word Principle, backchats such as ‘this is not me’, ’I can’t live this’, ‘who I am is less than this’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to this backchat and in doing so strengthening my definition of myself as less-than others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these definitions of myself that I have attached into the word Principle. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress a judgement of myself as fraudulent in speaking of the Principle of Life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see into or pay heed to the discomfort that was in me saying these words.

 

I commit myself to clear this word Principle for me; I commit myself to clear the limitations of myself that I have defined for me to live within this word. I commit myself to continue to release the energies that I have stored within this word. I commit myself to clear the Principle of Life in support of learning how to live the Principle of What is Best for All in my immediate world. I commit myself to walk the redefinition of this word Principle, and to expand myself from out of the constrictions that I have imprinted into it.

 

 

References to the permeation of communication and decision and the application of Principle within the substance of the atmosphere come from these two recordings of The Cloud in the Earth, Nature, and Weather series from Eqafe:

 

Clouds: Purpose and Responsibility

Clouds: Purification and Consequence

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
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Day 447: The word Choice

Although I can see it in the logic of my mind that What is Best for All is also Best for me, how can I learn to really live that in the choices and decisions that I make?

What would it be to borrow and to live a moment of Choice as in the Eyes of Life, from the glimpses, from the inklings, to borrow with the intention of learning how to live that choice, how to extend the moment of that choice into the next and so the next, to learn that in that step, at once an opening and a borrowing, for that choice to so become no longer borrowing, but something owned? Perhaps to set up circumstance for intrigue would be best support for us to take the invitation to turn towards our home, to come in from the cold, intrigue as best support for curiosity, for that curiosity to become something owned, and so acted on, rather than to just instead be given something that cannot be directly understood, as something that just glitters with potential but is yet unusable.

 

Within the compass of the Eqafe recordings there are hundreds of perspectives that could be described as ‘through the Eyes of Life’; they come as gifts and as support for all of us on Earth, from Dimensional beings beyond the confines of this consciousness which we have accepted as everyday reality, they come as news and confirmation of a broader deeper more intimate world than the one we’ve known. The very fact of a new perspective is a waking call. Just a glimpse of what might be seen through the eyes of life, or just an inkling of the gist of what’s being shown is strong support for me; it assists my own endeavor to from that guidance further find my way to be for moments standing in the shoes of Life while at the same time standing in my own reality as an expression of Life. That for me is the value of the Eqafe recordings.

 

In the principle of Equality and Oneness – Reality – “Who and What I Am as a being, is a living choice.” In the actual reality in which we live, the reality of Equality and Oneness as What is Best for All as Life: that is the Fact, that is what is.

 

In this post I write about and out of realisations that came up for me in listening to the recent Future of Awareness recordings: Choice in the Eyes of Life, Beyond Choice, and Choice as a Bridge.

 

Sometimes you might come across a sentence or a statement so incisive that you recognize immediately that it could change your life, that potentially it could blow your mind, rock the foundations of everything you are, and also that potentially realizations stemming from that statement could mark a turning point from out of a routine illusion and into the fact of reality, if put into immediate application. In my reception of an opportunity of such value I would want for others to receive it also. That is what I mean here by recommend. I am kind of pointing to the source of inspiration, even though I know that I can’t point it out directly, in saying, look at this, but saying, look, this is where I got this inspiration, this is where I got an insight and an understanding in how to walk this process out of what exists as consciousness, out of what prevails as everyday reality, and yet makes no sense, and how to steadily walk into awareness as Life.

 

I realise now that I must have had the assumption that the Dimensionals had somehow had it easy, had just kind of shuffled off their mortal coils and or else somehow just magically walked into a limitless awareness, of looking individually or together through the eyes of life. And yet hearing how it did not work like this at all was practical support for me. That there was no magic in this, that the processes of redefining Choice had been the same for All, whether in environments of consciousness on Earth or in the Dimensions. [In the reality of Equality and Oneness…] “Who and what I am as a being is a living Choice.” Here is literally, a mind-blowing fact, a fact of life that becomes accessible in the process of redefining Choice. Seeing realizing and understanding how the definition of choice that we had lived had also been a choice, a choice to give away directive principle to consciousness, and so from that, accept the authority of the consciousness’s definition of Choice; these are keys to understanding who and what we are and what we have become.

 

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
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DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 446: The word that is my Name

Day 446: The word that is my Name

Talking of Dimensional beings in their processes of starting to define themselves personally in who they are, The Cloud, in The Power in Your Own Name, says this:

“….what they first and foremost did was familiarize themselves with [the question]: What is my Name? The name that, yes, you may have been given, but it’s like the same with anything else, you’ve been given a name, you’ve been given a life, you’ve been given a mind, you’ve been given a body, but everyone mostly thinks that that makes you a victim to it all, but it actually places you in the greatest position of power; when you have been given something, you have it, it is here, you have the power to do something about it. And you really do; it’s all about perspective, it’s all about how you look at things. And I mean if we take it back into on a very deep existential philosophical level, if you will, in the principle of Life, that we are all inter-connected and of Life: you have given yourself this, this name, this body, this mind, this life. So it’s like you kind of ask yourself, Why? But not a why in a victimized or disempowered state – what is the More to it, what is my role position and purpose in the context of life as a whole, as a collective?”

How can it be possible to reach out for and embrace the life which so obviously I already am, when at the same time there exists as who I am my absolute acceptance of a stance of victimhood to life itself and to pre-programming, a stance I have embodied in so many forms of blame towards the all and everything of me: my name, my upbringing, my history on Earth, my generation, my perspectives of the circumstance of being here, everything of who I am, couched in blame, with a sort of focus of this all, as standing as a flame of righteousness, as the ‘I’ experience, that itself denies the obvious truth of me, that I am here, that I am of this life, that my very substance here is no different to the life I blame.

Redefining the word that is my Name: a word that I’ve been living as: first comes the question: What is in this word that I have accepted and allowed to be there, and lived, as a reference to who I am? So as to open up, gain access to, the Name I Stand in, I must firstly face within it, as with all words, what it is I’ve lived. Before I redefine myself within and as this word, what must I first release?

What would the way be, into my own name, is there an opening here for me, or am I myself the opening, my name as folded round me in this life till now, arranged to be so that I cannot simply just walk straight in. As I write the words that convey that, I remember those feelings as a child – of being seen right through – and as I look at that, I see that what I was interpreting was coming from a starting-point of accepting and allowing and so trusting who and what I was to be defined through the eyes of others, and following from that how much I then accepted and allowed myself to be a victim to a quality of mutability that I came to see as part of me.

Why that would be so in my mind would be down to fate, where in asking such a question I accepted and allowed my own mythology of being fated to this life, of being in myself of the shape of water, taking on the outline of the vessels that were imposed, by what I saw as being the perceptions of other beings around me, and the feelings that I had about this apparent circumstance were of a kind of bitterness, that I did not want to go there, or to re-experience, by looking too far into it, and so from time to time, when this why came up, I would come across a shape that I had imposed upon myself, a sort of crouching figure in the darkness by this wall of bitterness, a closely guarded secret to myself. These were aspects of the feelings of being seen right through, and how this became imprinted on my name was in closing off the openings between and in the letter hieroglyphs, both to me, and to others also. I also gave myself the trick of absolute dissociation, in which my name was like a random label that happened to be stuck to me, in which ‘that is just my name’ seemed to serve as a diversion.

Looking on the word and letters as an architecture – coming from a perspective of the world as simplified, as something less alive, something slowed down to being beyond some imaginary line of liveliness – and so from that perspective – of those letters, of my name, as a hieroglyphic formula, as an architecture, where I look upon this aspect of myself in these simple terms, and so then see in terms of having access into doors and windows or having apertures and alcoves, as a static building, having an interior, having rooms and passageways, and walls.

And this is useful for me, assisting me to open up this relationship with my name. And yet also there exist within these hieroglyphic forms, perspectives not as architectures, but as living beings, in which the hieroglyphic arms and legs are animate expressions of myself, in which the footing of a serif for example or a letter shape corresponds into expressions of my body, of my footing in the world, as an expression of my stability in standing as my name, from which I move, my starting-point of action. Both of these perspectives are intertwined, and are intertwined with a multitude of others: our receptions of these hieroglyphs in sound have become so natural that what we tend to emphasize is our experience of them as who we are within and as our responses and our understanding, such as in the act of listening to a stream of words, or in what we refer to as an act of reading, not seeing in our everyday practicality the depth of history represented by the hieroglyphs, the depth of resonance within them, and so within myself.

Here are some Self Forgiveness statements in deliberate release of these entanglements. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my name was something that was imposed on me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from an early age abdicate my self responsibility in giving away to others the power to define me: I forgive myself within this that I have accepted and allowed the experience of when hearing my own name being spoken by others to be hearing it as a reference purely to who I am not seeing how much it resonates other people’s opinions, reactions, and projections, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to absorb and incorporate other people’s definitions of me in the way they sound my name. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in hearing other people’s definitions of me that I have not seen myself, to sometimes automatically believe that they are seeing something real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust what others tell me of myself without first checking for myself what I see inside of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others in trusting others saying to me that they can see through me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed for myself within and as a stance of blame to not see it, and within not seeing it, to be in an experience of being stuck in it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within this stuckness, bitterness and disempowerment, and self-pity. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to re-experience these emotions; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then avoid my own self honesty of facing in this where I am in relation to myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and so the name I stand in within and as this energy experience. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me the belief that people can see through each other. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through these beliefs and these self-judgements to have made my own name into something that is obscure to me, as if existing only on the surfaces of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a relationship with my own name in which I blame those who gave it to me, and through that, that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame life itself for putting this name upon me.

I commit myself to let go of these emotional relationships that I have layer on layer incorporated into me. I commit myself to free myself from these definitions. I commit myself to purify this name and through this process purify the points of abdicated self-responsibility that I have accepted and allowed to continue to exist within it. I commit myself to free my name, and to free myself to stand one and equal to my name as a name I can be proud of. I commit myself to learn to stand on a platform as myself, as my name, in the name of me, one and equal to the name of Life.

 

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
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DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 445: The words Elation and Dependence

Day 445: The words Elation and Dependence

A memory came up as I began my walk into the word Elation, a word that came up for me recently: the memory came from years ago, a trek into some unknown hills one night in Scotland, for various reasons, such as missing trains  and late night buses, and so I walked. An interesting effect: as the roads closed in, grew smaller, and less straight, and then turned into meandering lanes, and thence to tracks, and thence to barely even paths, so at the same time, the surrounding hills grew bigger, opened up, grew wider, darker, more remote, and as the miles went slowly by in starlit darkness I became more and more convinced that I was lost. But then the moment came along when the sun came almost bouncing up, and suddenly in those warming rays of light I could see the fields and hills and valleys all around me and in that moment I realized that I was not lost, and it was like my heart went out towards the sun in simple gratitude, and I love you were the words that coursed up through my body: here I lived the word Elation.

Now, looking on this past experience of this word, I question what it was that I was living within and as ‘I lived’: for sure there was extreme intensity, and a high of energy, in contrast with the shapeless fear and definitionlessness within and as being immeasureably in the experience of lost. That suddenly what was thrust into my world was specificity and definition and so relief of ‘knowing where I was’ all were contributory to this experience of Elation.

And yet looking at this now, especially in the light of what was shared by the Ocean, I see how I had defined the experience of ‘knowing where I am’ according to the outside world and according to the source of light, the sun. It was as if my belief of being in the hands of greater purpose had been confirmed, that in the experience of this moment that everything of me came racing up through me to acknowledge that.

So as the journey goes, I see how through this word Elation it serves me now as an outlook on religious programming that had infiltrated into my very nature: ‘knowing where I am’ dependent on projections of the outside world, as if it were a solution to the lostness in myself, that I had suddenly reached for that interpretation and had then accepted it as real.

And so the question comes of how to venture past and beyond this outlook in the hills and through this programming, which had become so much a part of me. Stepping from a point of ‘everything I thought was true is real’ as in this experience of Elation, to the point of ‘everything I thought was true is wrong’, and yet within this, ‘I am lost’ comes not as wordless feeling, but as an inspiration, as something real within me. I recognise here also many points that Jack brought up in My Second Death in a recent recording in Journeys into the Afterlife.  Not that my experience in life has been as extreme as Jack’s, but something that I realise is that questions that could lead into experiences such as Jack’s have always been for me kind of close at hand, waiting to be asked.

You could say that dependence on this religious programming had always been, and had been always known, to part of me, as a starting point of self dishonesty in which I had accepted and allowed an idea of the nature of existence as a reality, that I had the arrogance in my mind to decide on what was real and what was not. Awareness of this self-dishonesty dawning in me had added to the dissonance within the word Dependence, that experience of a negativity within the word itself. And within my experience of Elation, an experience of triumph over self dishonesty.

So to the word Dependence, my personal approach to it, in seeing how for me a negative charge exists within it, is to look here right into this negativity, seeing that in this word there is a depth to it, and so maybe see and understand the history of it, and clarify the nature of it.

This continues from the previous post, on points that came up for me, listening to the Ocean sharing realisations of some basic programming of Consciousness, and the basic nature of Religion, and the Wake-up call coming from the questioning of the base belief of a greater being ‘out there’ and so questioning the acceptance of ourselves defined within the hands of greater purpose: Up comes the question of what is my relationship to dependence on this base belief, do I really actually want to see, acknowledge, recognize that this is a belief, when in doing so my dependence on what I have accepted is exposed to me, so that then I do not have excuses for it, I cannot be the victim of it any more.

A consequence, as mentioned by the Ocean, of believing that ultimately we are in the hands of greater forces, is a kind of listlessness, an indolence, a lack of drive; that in the context of this greater purpose of the world I experience myself as insignificant. I see now how this consequence itself is adding to the difficulty of standing up and also to the experience of drag in facing that dependence on that primordial vision or belief of being in the hands of something greater, while layers of acceptance over lives and generations also add to the resistance, lives and generations shaped by this belief.

So here, within the word Dependence are histories of fear of questioning this belief, and of failing to actually grasp it, and me protecting me from ultimately, what, the imaginary consequence of questioning a program I have accepted and allowed and on which I’ve built this life. So within the word Dependence, also fear of seeing distinctly what exists within this word, and fear of letting go of the belief in who I am, defined as ultimately in the hands of ‘something greater’.

As mentioned in my story of my experience of Elation, I am not writing here about this ‘something greater’ simply as belief in God, or not, which in a way is how it manifests in world religions, but in the way that this religious programming exists within and as the very core of how I reason, how I experience myself, it exists within the very definitions of myself that I had always taken as a given, and so not seen, and also had refused to see, had feared to see, had invested in this fear as my guardian, as my protection.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a definition of and so experience of the word Elation as a victory over my own awareness of my self dishonesty, in experiencing a definition of reality that is false.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the dissonance within the word Dependence is also my awareness of my own self dishonesty, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to live dependence on my own acceptance of a world that is not real, but a programming from which to propagate a tree of consciousness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear of seeing this as it is. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this fear to guard me from my own awareness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see my self dishonesty. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the extent of questions in me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose control of questioning. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set a limit on my questioning. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might happen if I question the basic definitions of myself that I have come to be dependent on and recognize within myself as who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress within me a fear of a reality of Equality, in which my definitions of myself that I have lived do not exist. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realise what might there be for me beneath the programming of the context of ‘a greater being out there, a greater purpose.’

 

 

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 444: The word Acceptance

 

 

Day 444: The word Acceptance

Gratitude is the main feeling that I have in listening to the words of the Ocean. This sentence coming out like this, as I open up this writing, is interesting to me because it’s something that I might have also said long time ago when the physical ocean of the world was like to me, my personal companion. That I could just sit quietly with myself beside this vast wild presence was a constant source of wonder: in a way it was to me like a God, a symbol of Reality, and I could ground myself beside the roaring and the crashing water and a pulse that I could not quite connect with, it was a source of comfort.

And in later years when I became an adult, I would feel a yearning now and then for that, and so go check in with that same experience of being there amid the elements. And so in the event of the Ocean speaking through the Portal, I was kind of well disposed towards this being, welcoming whatever words might come. Sometimes beings come through where I have this feeling of affinity; my experience of being is kind of oceanic. The word Affinity comes up here, it becomes available in the out-play of remembering the lost connections. And for sure what the Ocean had to share about its process shone much light into my own, in which many parallels opened up, and standing out specifically for me amongst these points, the depths within the word Acceptance, showing me dimensions of this word that I had previously just glanced over.

For example, I had never with the word Acceptance, given me the space to ask the question, but what is my experience with this word, how does it feel to me, what effects does it have on me? But when The Ocean described the experience of Acceptance, I realized that yes, my experience of this is similar… an experience of a dullness… “like this dark oily substance that would ooze within me and completely cloud me from any access into my thinking, my ability to think, to question, to see direct, to step back, to realise that I have the right to essentially wait, pause, spend time for a moment and first look at whatever is presented to me, and consider all my options, all perspectives, all dimensions, and from there, first decide whether I’m going to accept or allow this and from there make a decision to act or not.”

 

It was quite soon after the Portal had opened that I began the deliberate walk of process; listening to what the beings in the Portal had to say had opened up for me extensively the wider reality of our existence, and of myself as part of it. Seeing realizing and understanding my personal responsibility in a history/life that was largely shaped by my acceptance of designs of consciousness, I tested out the tools of writing and of Self-Forgiveness, and more recently, of Redefining and Living words. The Self-Forgiveness statement of changing things that I had previously accepted and so allowed I have by now applied to many aspects of myself as I unfold the layers and reassert myself or deliberately give back the presence of myself into what I have become. And yet with what the Ocean shared in fathoming the word Acceptance, the support for me has been in seeing how I can really deepen the effectiveness of my application of the tool of Self-Forgiveness.

 

And in the case of the experience of dullness of acceptance here comes a reminder for me to sharpen up the questions, meaning that the sharpness of a question to myself as to who I really am within accepting this or that will likely bring me to a point of change; that such a question asked could actually change my own reality, it has a kind of scariness about it. Do I really dare to ask myself? Around the presence of the question forming in me, I feel a kind of holding on within me coming up, a fear of change. Here is where I know within myself that I have been depending on an acceptance of some sort, and that I must now let go of that acceptance, and of that dependence on it. How much do we all depend upon beliefs and within dependence so protect them from the risk of questions? It’s like we do not want to see that house of cards.

So many times in my life I have withdrawn from such enquiries into what is real because of such a fear, and because of all these times, it has become quite easy, I have built a layer of acceptance of myself in making such maneuvers: and within that, a tolerance for not being real with me but only playing games.

Such as in forgiveness of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears, reactions, judgements and projections and beliefs: it’s not that those forgiveness statements have been futile, and after all it’s brought me to here, and forgiveness of myself for participating in the play-outs of what I’m living as Acceptance has supported me to face the reality of myself with less reaction, though sometimes what I have accepted on top of everything has often been not to look too deeply into that acceptance.

Something that I saw looking into this was how judgements that I made had misinterpreted this ‘not focusing on what in fact I had accepted’ as me just giving up – where in my mind I thought that the correction here would be to somehow stop this giving-up – that I must do some work to strengthen me – all of which may have been true – but what I did not see was how it was that I had not really questioned the acceptance, and that I had let the belief within it stand, so that while I may have been forgiving the outplays of it, the outplays would continue to crop up wherever the belief had an opportunity to express, and so really in myself blaming me for not having the strength to finally stop these things, without clearly realizing that I had not stopped the source of them. Here is where the experience comes up in me having forgiven myself quite often for the same sorts of reactions, but not with any lasting effect, where instead of seeing that within it all I have made no approach to the underlying belief or acceptance, I have gone into instead reactions toward the persistence of the mind and judged me in my weakness in this situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am somehow and in some way in the hands of a greater force or wider purpose in the scheme of things, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this idea of a greater force to define me, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody this. I forgive myself that within and as this same acceptance, that I have set a limit on my own responsibility for me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the absoluteness of my self responsibility, not seeing realizing or understanding that it is my fear of questioning this base acceptance in my mind on which I have built my life, and built my comfort zones. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a life in which I see myself as playing a lesser part, that I have become content with being as an observer of these greater beings.

 

The four Ocean recordings are part of the Earth Nature and Weather Series on Eqafe, quotes in this blog come from the second recording: Acceptance Decision and Action are a Single Package. There are many other aspects to these four recordings than I have mentioned in this post; this post is by no means a review of their entirety, but some points that stood out for me within them.

 

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 443: Opening the word Support

Day 443: Opening the word Support

“…an interesting principal of What’s Best for All: is how would you want to be approached, be taken care of, be in a relationship with something or someone, how would you want to be treated? What’s best for all essentially exists and stands in the principle of, Do unto others, as you’d want done unto yourself. That’s the key practical principle that measures What’s Best for All, because you are in Do unto others as you’d want to done unto you: you are doing what’s best for you, and that is doing what’s best for you – is how you will treat others – and it will come through like for example walking into your work or a place or a moment and even into your day, even waking up in your body. It’s like asking your self how would I want to be greeted by this day, if I were a day? Like imagine the day itself is you, and the day can kind of embrace you in its arms, and you are waking up into it: it’s like asking, What of me do I want to give here, how do I want to experience walking into myself? And that can really awaken you to more of an awareness of how much we tend to accept and allow ourselves to shift into multiple moments of these polarities of positive and negative and neutral where you just need to shift your awareness more into who am I? How am I being received by the day, by others, by the moment, by my own body? It’s like placing yourself more in the shoes of others.” Extract from Reptilians 605

 

… As this day, as this field, as these beings, as this that is in front of me… listening to Anu in this recording I get a sense of the reality of Oneness and Equality, it becomes almost tangible in his very words, a sense of an awakening awareness opening within my mind, and within and in response to these words also I realise that what exists for me here is the essence of the word Support. Placing myself more in the shoes of others: within this very thought there is expansion, expansion into what, a world in which how I’d want to be taken care of by the world is exactly equal to the nature of my taking care of all and each that is the world. That experience I have with listening to these words is for me an intimation of a world in which Embrace exists like this in multiple dimensions, for all awarenesses, not as an option or a preference, but as a principle of being. That doing unto others as you’d like to be done unto, existing as the same relationship of All to All, creating like a fabric of Support.

 

How am I to use this intimation, turn it from an inspiration into something practical for me? Placing myself more into the shoes of others is something I can practice more: seeing and understanding that this is truly Best for me as is Best for All gives certainty to the practice of these steps. When I check this in my life I find that those moments of support that really meant something to me, all had these ingredients, these principles; they were moments of actual contact, meeting, recognition, another being standing in my shoes, seeing the world with me for a moment, sharing my position, freeing me up from the constraints of isolation, seeing the strength in me that I myself had up till then refused to see.

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 442: The word Initiative

 

Day 441: The word Initiative

 

Sometimes words come up for me in a new light, or else I hear them differently as if for the first time, as if with a renewed supply from their source – from their specific natures – from their specific worlds – suddenly without the dissonance of my personal history and experience – in which I first absorbed it, accepted it, defined it, and so subsequently had been (vaguely) living it, ‘knowing’ it – and within all this, much of the work of the discovery process of Redefining words kind of happened in a moment, and so with this I experience myself in a different way, I expand into and with the word, and my life is different. It is as if I’d heard the word directly, without distraction, and hearing thus, the word becomes a gift, a valuable support.

 

Living in an age in which the words are opening, the word Initiative has been for me an example of this opening: looking down within myself at the question of who am I within and as this specific word I saw immediately a point of fire, like my own subjective cosmic bang, as in that moment when the universe comes through the needle’s eye, and out of nothingness – and so for me this word Initiative contains like a direct access into the spark of me. I’ve never come across a word like this: a word that in and of itself as the subject of some introspection, would burst so obviously into vigor, into life.

 

And yet when I ask myself, then what is my Initiative, what else is there anywhere but in myself that I can refer to? Who knows what may be found within this word for others. And yet when I look into my past, I realise that whenever I was advised to deal with a situation by ‘using my initiative’ it was always a comfort to me: I kind of knew that I would come up with something. And so I always knew that I could rely on this. The advice I found most worrying was full of detailed instruction, fraught with well meant warnings of what might happen if I did not follow them. I suppose the best advice I got was like a few pointers and the confidence of my advisor that I would find my way.

 

And so with this word Initiative, a story then began of things that happened as I walked my daily life with and as this new component, in which I was aware of who I am as this word in the very start of Action, with no reference to anything but to this phenomena of me, this nothingness with this self reliance. My personal story would involve the practical twists and turns of making things, putting things together, solving problems, I felt inspired to try new things.

 

Initiative: involves Beginning, Action, Purpose, Intention, Direction, and yet all of these expressions flow from that single point of Self. The Initiative of Desteni: so now I hear these words in this new light, a call to each of us to find our way within and through ourselves – and yet not by ourselves – there never has existed such support for us to change ourselves: the support of others sharing how this process to awareness goes for them, the support of the Dimensionals who are also sharing, speaking through the Portal, making the recordings that are Eqafe.

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
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Day 440: Righteous Exile

This point of “…me not being able to conceptualize myself as part of this Equality and Oneness, of this life that is here, as the physical body, this physical existence…” Explored by Jack, in Journeys into the Afterlife, 92: Listening to this recording, I remembered a point that was a crucial step for me, back ten years ago, to, from simply reading postings in the Desteni Forum, and listening to the words being spoken in the Portal interviews, to then actually take the step and move myself to start participating in the forum, the point being, that, Each and everyone is part of this: and so I am part of this.

It is odd to try and simulate exactly how I stood back then, resigned in some way as only worthy to observe, but there was certainly an element of, as shared by Jack, that with how I’d lived my life I did not deserve to be a part of it. And this polarity: that Jack spells out in this interview: …the polarity of feeling, looking back, that I could have done More, while at the same time, thinking I myself to be More, and realizing that as long we inside ourselves think that we are more, superior, we cannot really do the More of changing ourselves, of walking this process of the principle of Equality and Oneness as Best for All, because if you on any level within yourself think you’re more, you cannot work on an equal and one level…

Here within the question, How can I forgive myself if I believe that who I am is not worthy of forgiveness, is the question also: How can I forgive myself if I believe that who I am is superior? Seeing and realizing how I could have done more, and judging myself with, therefore I am not worthy, while not seeing how in my starting point of me I am already more, and therefore within and as a reality that I have structured thus, what is there to change, where is the push to really actually come from, into movement, into action if these elements of superiority remain within the starting point of me, it’s like there is a backchat going with that, that would say, why bother? That feel-good righteousness component of my mind giving that apparent edge where somewhere deeply I believe it does not matter, and then in the polarity I judge my indolence and so loop back into the unworthiness, and the recourse of being outside, being the observer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a judgement of myself that who I am is unworthy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the voices in my mind of righteousness, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose this righteous feeling in me as my guide. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that my judgements of myself as being unworthy are coming from a starting point of superiority as who I am in righteous judgement. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see this loop of energy.

I forgive myself that in my past I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I can choose whether or not to live or die, that therefore I am superior to life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that choosing death would be a victory over life, that it would be proof of my superiority.

I forgive myself that though I have chosen long time not to die, I have not rooted out this belief, but have instead allowed it to exist within me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge superiority that exists within me and so suppress this belief within me, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize this belief as a support to a feeling of righteousness and of superiority, as if all the time somewhere in my being, up my sleeve I held the joker card, that I could opt out any time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within this that I am trapped by life, to fear that I may be trapped by life, to look for means of fighting life, of overcoming life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within all of these relationships to life that it can be real that I am separate from life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a reality that is only of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that superiority based on feelings of righteousness can be real. I forgive myself that I have accepted within and as superiority that I can dictate the nature of reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the reality of me that I dictate in judging me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the reality of my judgement definition of me, of my unworthiness, as being less than good enough to be a part of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the judgements of my own superiority that who I am within myself is bad. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within accepting and allowing these beliefs to separate myself from being whole-hearted in participation in the physical world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the limitation of the role of an observer. I forgive myself that I have given observation value over participation, and that I have not seen through the sentence meted out by my judgements of my own unworthiness.

 

 

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life