Day 150: Postponement and Positive Energy Temptation

Walking the Dimensions of the Postponement Personality

Continuation from previous posts, starting at Day 139 

 

For further context on the Backchat Dimension, see Heaven’s Journey to Life, Days 167, 168, 169

 

Postponement and Positive Energy Temptation

 

 

 

What is this situation all about when in postponement processes I seek out images of myself to fulfill as a positive energy experience that I could give myself to consume right now, rather than the simplicity of being Here with myself in physical reality?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to expose to me the reality of myself  and for not seeing realizing and understanding that this fear has been created by me for the purpose of protecting my beliefs in who I am according to my negative self judgements.

 

Over and over again looking into the mirror of my face or of a reflection in my mind as a memory or of a converted memory into some imagining, or listening to some backchat, or some internal dialogue or gossip in my mind, and finding in there always something disappointing, or repulsive, or unacceptable in some way, something lacking, or some horrid revelation or realization, like endlessly entertaining ways and routes towards this exact same self-rejection, condemnation, shame, and every time I fell for it, believing in these thoughts apparently so various that came up in my mind, that they were true, not realizing that within all this that this was so because it was into this savage perception of myself that I had put my trust, standing alone and eagle eyed within my mind, in which I had actually become severity itself, devoid of sympathy or mercy. And so I had become accustomed to being torn to shreds and cut down and my self torture had become as normal, routine, and within normality, and it had become kind of distant and automated, and after that required just memos and reminders and hints, to deliver up the exact same pound of flesh.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to understand how this impulse to feel better, good, more comfortable in who and how I am comes out of this substance of myself that I have programmed into me as this bad experience of myself in and as my own accepted negative self-judgement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize or understand that none of this had been me here in physical reality or as life in awareness of myself within my physical breath, but only in and as the mind as a process of energy extraction, and further evolution of this consciousness to the conditioning of the physical for consumption.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this process as normal in the context of familiarity and what I know of how I am that I am drawn within myself as if by magnetism into this negativity experience of myself through which I come back up in and as the mind as good and righteous and honest and in humility about my failings while in absolute denial about my darkest sins.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this experience of energy of and as myself as positive self judgement and for not allowing myself to see and realize the possibility that I am simply Here, and that I do not need or require this positive assessment of myself according to my own best judgement as the mind because the negative assessment of myself does not reflect my physical reality but only single points about myself that I have judged and feared and felt angry in and at myself towards and then hidden away in secret so that no one will ever find out who I really am.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see this thought or energy arise within these dimensions of fear and backchat and imagination to stop immediately and come back here to me deliberately breathing in this physical reality, I see and realize and understand the direction that these thoughts will lead me, and I do not accept this or allow this any more, I will not participate, I will not feed this negative experience of myself, and I do not accept this process of becoming this experience of myself as a positive reflection in my mind.

 

 

 

  

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Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
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Day 149: BackChat: ‘this is SO important’

 

Walking the Dimensions of the Postponement Personality

Continuation from previous posts, starting at Day 139 

 

For further context on the Backchat Dimension, see Heaven’s Journey to Life, Days 167, 168, 169

 

… ‘this is SO important’

 

Going into the polarity of ‘it doesn’t matter’ backchat judgement into this is such an important point that I have to be absolutely clear and cool and totally ready to take it on, and obviously I am not these things, so I can do it later!

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point that has come up here as being so important that I must give to it very much thought and scrutiny and figuring out in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point that has come up here as being so important that I see myself as less than it and fear that I am not going to be able to walk through it like any other point.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through judgement as the mind to separate myself from this point and not allow myself to see it in and as myself as who I am within this point, but to instead see it at a distance and measure it according to the values of my mind as ‘It is so important’ or as ‘ It doesn’t matter’. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I have an overview of all the points I have to face, within which I assume that I already know the process that I have to walk, and so am in a superior position to teach myself and guide myself and give myself advice about what points to choose and what points to ignore and what points I must prepare myself to face.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this pattern where I judge a point as so important and vital to be looked at, that then I think and think and think and then become confused and overwhelmed and then the backchat comes up, ‘I feel tired’, and I accept this thought as ‘me’, so rather than returning in to me as Here in breath, I follow the postponement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point as ‘so important’, and for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach in emotions of fear and feelings of excitement to ‘importance’ with the consequence that I do not see the point at all but only my relationship towards it which is energy.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the evaluations of the mind rather than to trust myself and to stay with myself here in breath, just walking it without recourse to energy, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to make a new relationship of me towards the point, in which the point has now become my reactions to myself in seeing a point, and then my reactions to my reactions in seeing myself, accumulating into total mind-possession and confusion, and then to giving up.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a point that I have seen within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear simply looking at a relationship that I have accepted and allowed within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this energy experience of fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see the reality of what I have accepted and allowed, through the means of simply writing down what is here before me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see the simplicity of my self-dishonesty I have accepted and allowed, within which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see that there is no way that I can avoid to face myself in and as my responsibility within what I have accepted and allowed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand in judgement of my self-dishonesty, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to define my separation from myself as ‘bad’ and therefore something that should be concealed and hidden, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my very separation of myself, within a relationship that I have made in essentially hiding myself within a definition of myself in being this judgement of myself as ‘good’ and superior in judging me as ‘bad’.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an idea of myself in conflict with myself without any reference to physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘good’ within my patterns of self-judgement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in seeing and realising this polarity game that I have lived, this pattern of reverting constantly into and as a negative self-judgement as a negative experience of myself, that I then go into a positive experience that I have made as being ‘good’ and ‘righteous’ in condemning me, that in realizing this I have reacted to this realization within and as this pattern, by leaping up to beat myself up about what I have done, rather than to simply walk these points of what I have accepted and allowed as who I am and to forgive myself and to correct myself and realign these relationships that I have made so that they are no longer relationships of energy in secrecy that control my actions and that justify this righteousness as in being enslaved to them as a victim that is in fact the victimizer of myself, that I have accepted and allowed as who I am, but are exposed and realigned to equality and oneness and what is best for all.

 

 

 

 

In relation to this post: definitely see Heaven’s Journey to Life –Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing–

 

 

 

  

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The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

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Day 148: Back Chat ‘It Doesn’t Matter’

          It Doesn’t Matter? WTF

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see images everyday of the consequential playout in the world of continual postponement and hence neglect and then destruction, and not to see and realize that I am in fact responsible for this because I have accepted and allowed within myself and so for all as myself the personality system of postponement to be justified and to continue to exist.

 

 

Walking the Dimensions of the Postponement Personality

Continuation from previous posts, starting at Day 139 

 

For further context on the Backchat Dimension, see Heaven’s Journey to Life, Days 167, 168, 169

 

 

‘It Doesn’t Matter’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this sentencing of myself as backchat in my mind to exist within me and as me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this statement of  ‘It doesn’t Matter’ as a judgement of a point that I am facing by and through this character of postponement that for me with my permission for me as importance and superiority itself, as the arbiter of reality within the starting-point of ‘what is real here in this point that I am facing is, ‘It has no consequence’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify letting go of a moment and letting it slip by, by accepting and allowing a judgement in my mind of it being of minor importance, or trivial, or without consequence, and therefore can be overlooked or passed on by.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and to define myself through implication one and equal to this point I face as trivial or of minor importance or of no relevance and without consequence.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a back seat in this journey of my life and to let the energy drive for me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become accustomed to, conditioned in, and comfortable to be not driving me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in this judgement of myself by me that ‘I don’t matter’, and therefore what I do does not matter, so that when I hear this backchat statement in my mind that says that ‘It doesn’t Matter’, it’s easy for me to feel glad that I may not have to face the worthlessness of me that is my own judgement of myself that I have accepted as being something real, and so to go from here into positive energy temptations rather than to simply stay with me in breath and do the task that is here before me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and judge myself as ‘good’ within this stance of ‘I don’t matter’, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ‘good’ because I have looked at who I am and judged myself as less-than, not important, and without consequence, and therefore stand as good within being the first one if necessary to step forth and to condemn myself, judging myself before being judged by others, and in that way somehow winning.

 

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the backchat in my mind that says ‘It doesn’t matter’, and to be open to this judgement, for within this secretly I can connect to this positive judgement and hence experience of myself as ‘good’, in the acceptance and allowance of myself and what is here for me to do, as something that doesn’t matter.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cross a bridge into possession of postponement and so possession of the mind within this acceptance of myself as being the winner in complying with my judgement of myself that I don’t matter, and that therefore what I do that is in support of me does not matter either.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself in this pattern that I have lived as ‘secretly good’, because in condemning myself, then I have avoided the point of correcting myself, as if I were to take responsibility and change this pattern that I am condemned for in and through my own judgement, then I would lose my definition of myself as good. So therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing this definition of myself as good in which I have protected myself from realizing and facing my fear of change.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this character of postponement to step in for me if there is the possibility of change.

 

I commit myself to expose and walk and deconstruct this reasoning that I have accepted in my mind to not change myself, that are in support of the postponement character, to expose this secret evil in my mind that is my image of myself as ‘good’.

I shall walk through this point next post.

 

 

 

  

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Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
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Day 147: ‘Later, Tomorrow, the Future’

Walking the Dimensions of the Postponement Personality

Continuation from previous posts, starting at Day 139 

 

For further context on the Backchat Dimension, see Heaven’s Journey to Life, Days167, 168, 169

 

 

It doesn’t matter, I don’t need to do this right now, it’s not important that I do it now, it could be ‘later’.

 

Later, tomorrow, the future.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word ‘later’ a positive charge of energy, and for not seeing and realizing that the manipulation I accept within the word later is not a commitment to actually do this task before me but simply a point in time to start up this whole postponement loop again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word ‘later’ a positive charge of energy, in which I see a picture of ‘being let off the hook’ like a fish that can swim away freely, and I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that it is exactly opposite to this, that in taking in the easy bait of ‘later’ that I am actually being hooked by my own permission back into the mind, and out of possibility of awareness of myself through change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word ‘tomorrow’ a positive charge of energy, and for not seeing and realizing that the manipulation I accept within the word tomorrow is not a commitment to actually do this task before me but simply a point in time to start up this whole postponement loop again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  define myself according to a picture in my mind of me in a future world called ‘later’ or ‘tomorrow’ in which I have satisfied my urgent and self-interested desires and now am ready to embrace my commitments and responsibilities.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word ‘future’ a positive charge of energy, and for not seeing and realizing that the manipulation I accept within the word future is not a commitment to actually do this task before me but simply a point in time to start up this whole postponement loop again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word ‘futuristic’ a positive charge of energy, in which I see pictures of technological utopias, with flying machines, glass domes and strange shaped buildings, and I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to question how or why I came to connect this positive charge of energy to the word ‘futuristic’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see in the word of ‘futuristic’ the obvious common sense of given no change in the nature of humanity, a continuation of the same world that is here now into the extremes of its consequences which is a world of living beings that has been destroyed for money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to welcome positive feelings of excitement and wonder in a coming ‘space age’ through seeing films and science-fictions, and to not consider the physical reality of populations paying with their lives for this.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in possession of the postponement character accepting and allowing these temptations into energy as positively charged in and as the words of later and tomorrow and the future, that I am overlooking my own reality and responsibility to me as here as life itself just so that I can continue in this energy experience illusion of myself in service of a consciousness that exists in spite of life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe these pictures in my mind of me in different circumstances called ‘later’ and ‘tomorrow’ and ‘the future’, in which I have somehow as if by magic changed and now am able to take on the tasks before me, when in common sense there is no reason for this to be actually so.

 

I commit myself to debunk these steps of fuzzy logic that I have accepted and allowed within this backchat of my mind. I commit myself to take the charges out of words such as later and tomorrow and ‘the future’, through which I have accepted and allowed myself to be persuaded to be moved by promises of energy and continuations of myself as the easy option in and as the system of my mind.

 

 

 continuing backchat dimension next post…

 

 

 

 

 

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Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

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Day 146: ‘It’s Just a Waste of Time’

 

Walking the Dimensions of Procrastination as the Postponement Personality

Continuation from previous posts, starting at Day 139

 

For further context on the Backchat Dimension, see Heaven’s Journey to Life, Days 167, 168, 169

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in this specific case of writing out myself in practical assistance and support of me in my process of realization of who I am as actual physical life in this real world, rather than within and as an energy experience of me as separated mind that never has known life in awareness or in physicality, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as this character of postponement to compromise my own commitment to this effort.

 

How did I get to this point where I am accepting and allowing myself to be evaluating with and as my mind this task in terms of success or failure, achievement, product, time and motion?

 

In this post I start to look at backchat statements that come up into my mind.

“It’s just a waste of time”. 

This backchat comes up when I am already in an experience of frustration as I sit before the task; it has a conclusive and final and dismissive tone, like implied within it is ‘let’s cut our losses’, we have wasted valuable time, so much better off to put no more effort in, but leave it till later.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to this backchat sentence in my mind as a judgement of the task that I am doing, or about to do or face, through which I accept and allow myself to believe that this task has no value, so that my efforts are useless, and my experience of myself within all this is negative.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a judgement of myself within and as me of being a waste of time, or of wasting my time that I have suppressed because I do not want to experience myself as this negative energy that I have accepted and allowed as who I am in having no value and being useless in the world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that if this judgement stands within and as me in suppression then I am in fear of who I am as it and have given it power to manipulate my actions in the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that the only real value of myself is life as one and equal and that if my starting point has not been in assistance and support of me as life then I must correct myself and realign myself to what is real and that it is not necessary or supportive of myself to make an energy relationship towards my actions or to define myself as negative according to this point of what and how I am before this task that is here for me to do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid this task on accepting it to be ‘a waste of time’, and for not realizing that within this I am avoiding this negative experience of myself that I have accepted and allowed and have suppressed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to this backchat statement by immediately going towards a positive energy experience of myself and giving up upon this task that is here before me.

 

“I would be ‘better off’ doing something useful with my time.”

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within and as this negative experience of ‘a waste of time’, and my efforts being ‘useless’ to have created a positive alternative in which I would rather now be doing an activity that was enjoyable and useful or constructive such as doing some work on that painting that my eyes have already drifted to where already my imagination is ‘calling me’ because I have not taken responsibility in preparing to embrace my positive judgements of myself in playing about with paint, and feeling better about myself because rather than seeing and realizing that I have given up on my commitment and my responsibility, I now see myself as managing my time appropriately, in doing what I feel like doing now, and then doing what this task that I have before me later on, when ‘I feel like’ doing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from listening to this backchat statement judgement of ‘it’s just a waste of time’, to have been drawn back into the guidance and directions of the mind into ‘what I feel like, don’t feel like’ as energy experience and my criteria for actions that I make such as turning from this task and giving up on it in favour of doing something else.

 

I commit myself to, when and as I become aware that I am listening to this backchat spoken ‘It’s just a waste of time’, to stop, and breathe, I immediately support myself to move from myself as this mind energy experience into and as breath as the physical. I do not accept this trigger to giving up that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in before. My value here is who I am as life, the value of this task is me, I do not accept a definition of myself within this energy of uselessness that comes up within me. This is not who I am. I see and realize that I am experiencing a judgement of myself and that in fear I am accepting and allowing myself to not look at what is happening here but instead I am accepting and allowing my mind to direct me somewhere else. I stay with me here in breath and look at who I am within this moment and in self honesty what is going on inside me.

 

 

 

 

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Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
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Desteni.org

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Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

Day 145: Procrastination 6: Back to the Corner

Procrastination is an aspect of mind control that I have accepted and allowed as a character to walk for me, in separation from myself.

This series of posts about procrastination is my walk through the different dimensions of this postponement character, which represent different stages of possession. Starting with the fear dimension out of which a character or personality is at first scripted into existence, and finishing in the physical dimension as all dimensions together hard-wired as it were into the physical, wherein possession is complete, and directing myself is at its most difficult. In slowing down within and as the breath, I start to recognize the different dimensions and their progressive developments from one to another, and then I can begin this deconstruction process of self forgiveness of the relationships that I have created, accepted and allowed as who I am towards the points involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just stand by and not stop the processing of energy as and for myself, in my absence and separation from myself into possession by the mind instead of me being Here within and as my physical breath simply stopping and asserting my directive principle to do what it is that is here for me to do to assist and support myself within and as all life.

Corner

At this stage of my walk through this character, I notice that the corner of the physical, an image that came up within the fear dimension, is where dimensions meet, and therefore is an image of my relationship to consequence.

The story of how I came through my family history and my schooling history to a point of losing trust in myself as well as trust in physical reality is a whole blog series in itself, which I will get to. But for now in how this relates to my habitual procrastination as the postponement character:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived in self interest as a belief in an inconsequential reality while at the same time living in total self contradiction, fearing the consequence of this belief because what I have been living and trying to make real is this denial of reality itself and while at the same time as welcoming and embracing an energetic experience of myself that I like, I have lived in fear knowing in myself that I cannot make this false belief into reality, and I have existed on the edge of this denial within postponement fearing to let go of this denial as this belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not see realize and understand the consequential bedrock of reality itself, the consequence of physicality that I have looked upon as in the meeting of dimensions in stability, that I have looked upon without comprehension but only within and as self interested fear and avoidance of myself and everything I’ve stood for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not identify the shame that I have lived in this absolute abuse of me against all life including me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not identify the fear that gave requirement for this postponement character to exist and to ultimately possess me.

I continue with the imagination dimension.

Imaginary Time Scenarios

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into procrastinating through images of time spent and time lost in play-outs of imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have within this moment of delay as me as in procrastination to have seen a thought play-out in imagination in which I see me in this experience of being stuck in front of a blank page in writing out myself, and in this play-out of imagination to have seen this experience to be going on and on in endless time. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in this future experience projection of myself in and as imagination of being stuck in front of a blank page going on and on in endless time, through which I have accepted and allowed myself to not do this because ‘it will be a waste of time’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see and realize my starting point of absolute denial of reality, because if I did see this, then I would see and realize the waste of time and waste of life that was my own reality and therefore I have accepted and allowed this thought of facing me and being ‘stuck’ as being a ‘waste of time’ as being a powerful incentive to return into this experience of energy within and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved into postponement through this sentence that ‘it will be a waste of time’ because I have accepted in my imagination a demonstration of what this will be like to be stuck in endless time, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook and not see that what I am avoiding is me exposed to me in  an experience of fear and hopelessness and in an experience of being stuck, and that this ‘endless time’ is also an expression of this ‘stuckness’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that it is in and as my starting point of denial of reality that I am really in fact ‘stuck’, because if I change this starting point then I have to see and realize that my whole life has been in wastage and abuse of life, and if I do not change this starting point then I will continue to live beneath a hanging axe of expected consequence of this abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a relationship to time of fear in which I have accepted and allowed myself to be less than and separated from time ‘passing by’ instead of realizing that what is going on here is that I am experiencing myself as all my memories of procrastination in which I have existed as a sequence of procrastinations and therefore of moments of opportunity to direct myself in which I did not direct myself but accepted and allowed myself to instead be seduced into experiences of myself as positive energy and deliberately ignoring my responsibility to myself to fulfill my own commitments to myself, because ultimately within my starting point I could not see myself as real.

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of shame that I have felt and programmed into my physical layer on layer on layer within my not responding to myself in the context of who I am in and as the physical reality responsible to life, but instead responding to temptations to remain in comfort zones that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as experiences of positive energy. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear discomfort in stepping out of this succession of postponements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to twist this perception of time into something that is overwhelming and passing me by, in which I am apparently not responsible, instead of realizing and facing the reality of the fact that I am the one that is allowing myself to be passed by through me accepting and allowing myself to be suspended from this moment here within and as an energy experience that I am in because I have deliberately abdicated my power of self direction and then allowed myself to manipulate myself with this fear in this imagination of ‘passing time’, whereas the lie within this is that I am deliberately accepting and allowing myself to each time pass by my opportunity as myself to assert the self-direction of myself within and as fulfilling my own commitments to myself because I have accepted and allowed this positive experience of myself as energy as superior and more important to be fulfilled right now in these moments where I have accepted and allowed postponement and procrastination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that within accepting and allowing imagination to be taking me into what I ‘want’ to do that I within and as the word ‘want’ am accepting and allowing who I am as energetic polarity because within ‘want’ there is a double meaning of both ‘lacking’ and ‘desiring’ at the same time, so that going into the experience of what ‘I want’ I am accepting and allowing myself to move towards the positive polarity from out of fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that the actual fear of loss that I am facing is the fear of loss of my starting point of denial of reality, because if I let go of that then I would have to face myself and face the shame of what I have done.

I commit myself to walk on through the layers and the dimensions of this postponement character in the realization that I have required this to be so that I can continue to try to make real this belief in an inconsequential reality.

Within this I commit myself to change this hostile orientation that I have accepted and allowed within and as myself towards existence as a whole.

 

 

 

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

Day 144: Procrastination 5: Imagination Dimension 1

 Imagination Dimension

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go further into my mind and separation from reality by manipulating the thoughts as single images that have come into my mind into ‘imaginations’ as extensions and developments of those thoughts, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to put more and more of my attention on the pictures until I have accepted and allowed them to develop into dramas and movies of scenarios in my mind, exaggerating the thoughts that first appeared in my awareness into alternative realities, adding details, adding hooks for possible reactions, and cues for backchats, internal conversations, making up play-outs of desired consequences both negative and positive, and all of it to emphasize the directions of my mind to not do this task immediately, but to give up on myself and on my self direction.  

 

 

The ‘my’ of ‘my imagination’ is the word that holds my relationship to imagination, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to personalize this energy experience as something other than what it is. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a relationship towards myself of liking this ‘me’ in separation from myself within and as imaginative processes of energy within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize or understand that this judgement of myself as in liking me within and as imaginative processing of energies has been derived from my personalized methodology of avoiding and postponing facing me within and as the context of reality as who I am as Life, and that within this ‘liking me’ relationship that I have over and over again confirmed my own support and assistance and continued service to the energy requirements and survival strategies of consciousness.

 

I forgive myself that I have deliberately not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize or understand that I have been within this taking up the cause of consciousness within and as myself in absolute abuse of who I am as Life because within this connection of ‘me’ as ‘my- imagination’ I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself in separation from myself to this who I am as Here as Life as lacking and irrelevant and less-than and inferior, and therefore within all of this I have justified within myself to postpone all work and effort in myself to strengthen my relationship to life as who I am devoid of energy but simply Here as breath.

 

I commit myself to depersonalize this imagination experience that slides into my awareness in my conscious mind, to stop and to breathe and to let myself be Here and remind myself that this me-imagination is in itself an entertainment system that I have accepted and allowed that I have founded on a judgement of myself as in not having a liking in this who I am as in and through comparison an experience of boredom and ‘colourlessness’ within not having energy, and not having developed a relationship with who I am as reality and as Life, and not having automatic pathways and familiar loops at my ‘disposal’ which I have accepted and allowed myself to have been a ‘choice’ within and as superiority and power to manipulate and mould perceptions in my mind in an alternative reality that I have accepted and allowed as me.

 

 

 

Imagination Dimension continuing next post…

 

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

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Day 143: Procrastination 4, Fear and Thought

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed procrastination to become a character and a personality within my mind through which I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility as humanity so that I can participate as positive energy games and entertainments and distractions in my mind. I commit myself to take apart this character and to understand its functions so that I can take back self direction to myself and change this human nature that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become and walk myself into equality as life.

 

continuing from previous post…

 

(see also Heaven’s Journey to Life  Day 183 I Want it I want it now! )

 

 

The Moment of Delay

 

In suddenly looking away at nothing in particular I am kind of simulating physically that my attention has been caught by ‘something else’ that could possibly need to be done, as if I am scanning, and yet, as yet I have not thought of what it is. It’s like I am saying to myself there must be some excuse or justification somewhere here that can be a new diversion.

And the laptop screen seems suddenly so small and fiddly, I want to expand the page on which I am writing, to make more space, because I feel constricted, then I notice that my breaths are really small and only in my upper chest, and so I take a moment to just breathe and let my breathing sink down deeper and find my way back to being here in this physical location. An actual chair and table.

 

I am still looking at this moment of delay that I have accepted and allowed as a mode of operation in my relationship to myself and to the physical, and I realize now and see and understand that this is an expression of my lack of trust in who I am. I want to open up this moment of delay to see what’s in it, and to change what is there that I have deliberately put in it, and then to close it up so that it no longer exists, so that I can live directly with and as myself.

 

The outline of this postponement strategy is in how I manage to become convinced that I would prefer not to be here with me, but instead be with in and as a habitual positive energy experience in the mind where I have decided that

I do not prefer to be with me here any longer because suddenly I am believing in this negative experience as a fear that has come up in me as actually who I am, and that ‘I am’ stuck, that ‘I am’ unable to proceed, that ‘I am’ up against a wall, or trapped.

 

I commit myself to stop this self-sabotage in which I have made a system that literally lures me back into being directed by the mind and energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not notice how in the fear dimension and the start of this moment of delay I go into fear of regret in which I fear how I might possibly experience myself when I see that I have actually manifested my fear of loss and have actually lost my opportunity of returning into my habitual energy experience in the mind, as positivity, and within this I forgive myself that that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize or understand that in as regret or fear of regret that already I have wandered back into being directed by the mind, within which I am believing in myself as a choice between a negative experience of energy or a positive one rather than staying with myself in the realization that I am here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not notice how it is that in this moment of delay, what I have accepted and allowed is a preparation time to come up with excuses and justifications of why not to just extend the delay for a little longer.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if immediacy is gone, then it’s too late, and then, so what’s the harm, relax, and listen to the backchat, select a backchat that would suit yourself and ride with that… and feel better, you can always get back to what you were about to do later on, when you feel like it…

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold this belief about immediacy within my mind, which opens up a backdoor for the backchat dimension, and internal conversations to make myself feel better about myself ‘after the event’ of having deliberately missed my opportunity to simply carry out the task that is here for me to do.

 

From fear dimension to thought dimension, putting a different interpretation on to the same symbol.

 

A negative corner (as a fear described in previous post.)

A picture of being stood up in a corner, cornered. In this picture, I am up against the wall, like in an experience of being coerced into something that I do not wish to do, I have lost my identity as in having Choice, and I have accepted and allowed myself to prepare to then react with retaliation and stubbornness against authority.

Within this I have tacitly accepted that what I am doing is not for me but for someone else as authority, but since it is for me that I am doing this, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have already crossed over into defending and justifying myself as the mind, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into competition against myself as superiority, through which I see this task that is before me as something that is beneath myself and a step down. I commit myself to the realization of myself as humility within the reality of equality and oneness and to let go of these notions of myself that I have tried to live as superiority as the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a starting point of negativity as spitefulness in not doing something for someone else which is actually me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to slide into anxiety of fear of doing something wrong or having done something wrong either in not doing this as in postponing it or in doing this in which I am presenting me before another in the field of my own self-judgement, so that in either doing or not doing there is a negative experience and an emphasis on this ‘being trapped’, from which the solution of the mind is obvious, just dwam off into another reality, where the problem does not exist. Within this one lurks an entrance or a possible trigger point for the ‘I’m not good enough’ character to come on stage.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify delay through fear of experiencing myself as ‘not good enough’, I commit myself to standing equal to this character and realigning it to what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that once I have started listening to the backchat, that I am already believing that these directions of the mind are actually me, so that rather than seeing and realizing the backchat for what it is, I am actually trying to justify and excuse myself as the mind rather than who I am here, so that I can go on to not do what it was that I directed myself to do but instead to give up on myself, and to feel better about it at the same time, and return into and as a positive experience of energy in the mind.

 

 

 

A positive corner, as in a picture of me in the corner of ‘my’ armchair, supported and backed up and relaxed. And I am going into let me just sit back and relax and enjoy to go into my imagination or my thinking character and see in my mind what I might possibly write before I do it, within which I am accepting that I cannot simply be with myself in writing this breathing and being here with me, but will somehow be better off to rehearse myself before I open up that door and go in ‘there’. Here I completely overlook that I am defining me as this theoretical version of myself which is in fact the mind, and I am trusting into diagrams and symbols formulas frequencies instead of trusting in me as what is here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with images of powerlessness and physical constriction, and loss of choice as in being ‘cornered’; and images of power and choice and physical expansion, comfort and protection, in being in the ‘corner’ of an armchair.

 

 

 

I commit myself to further expand this ‘moment of delay’.

I commit myself to slowing down myself in breath and to developing and accumulating self-trust practically through writing out myself and self forgiveness, so that being here, and responding to what is here is no longer conditional, as I have previously in this life accepted and allowed it to be, as I have shown myself in this requirement that I have made of a postponement personality to exist.

 

 continuing next post…

 

 

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

Day 142: Procrastination 3 Fear Dimension

 

A fear about being cornered, in which rather than looking upon and simply taking up the task that is in front of me, I am suddenly preoccupied with my position that I have assumed towards being pushed, or ordered, or told to do things, which is in fact entirely not the situation, because the task at hand is me facing my commitment in my agreement with myself, and within the writing, facing me. And yet I am accepting and allowing this postponement character to initiate this fear through which I accept myself to be manipulated to move towards doing ‘what I want instead’ which is essentially to move away from ‘work’ to ‘play’. And then moving from the fear into the next dimension, step along into an image/thought /imagination of hope of a positive experience as me, would be as it were the further temptation/inducement to give up on myself and to feel better within an image of ‘tomorrow’ and a picture of me in ‘tomorrow’ as in a brand new day, and I am apparently in this alternative reality, someone completely different, who just gets down to work. Even in this image of ‘tomorrow’, I have accepted and allowed a groundwork preparation through images of not only having some ‘play’ time, but also of actually going off to bed as well, and shutting down entirely.

 

Back to the fear.

 

This is a situation where I have this writing to get done, and yet through accepting this fear experience as who I am in this moment, I am suddenly convinced or have an opinion in my mind which I think and believe is me, that ‘I’ do not want to do it, or that what ‘I’ want is to NOT do it.

Having connected this fear to an image in my mind of being ‘cornered’ or possibly forced, or obligated into doing a ‘task’, in being cornered I see myself as having lost control, I have lost my choice of escape into a positive experience. I am looking at this task before me and seeing that if I go ahead I will have lost my possibility of escape.

 

Work 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in defining the task that I have in front of me as ‘work’ that I have defined it also according to the energies and relationships and experiences that I have connected in my mind to the word ‘work’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word ‘work’ a negative charge of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word ‘work’ memories of experiences of frustration and physical pain and exertion in which I was attempting to force my body to do more than it was capable to do because I saw no other means of getting money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word ‘work’ memories of experiences of monotony and tediousness and frustration and boredom standing next to a conveyor belt repeating actions over and over again and doing things that I did not want to do but did because I saw no other means of getting money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word ‘work’ memories of me accepting to be ordered and pushed and made to go faster and allowing bullying and abuse from people who had the power to stop my money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word ‘work’ memories of experiences in which I believed I was wasting my life away for need of getting money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word ‘work’ memories of experiences in which I felt trapped.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word ‘work’ memories of experiences in which I was constantly depressed because I was angry with myself that I had not considered the reality of my life in which I would obviously need to prepare myself to have some means of making money.

  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry in my mind this word work without allowing myself to see the experiences and energies that were attached to it.

 

I no longer accept these connections of emotion and feeling and energy and money and judgements of myself in these experiences and memories to the word ‘work’. I release the word from these connections.

 

Work is simply a focused effort towards an end.

I commit myself to this work, to this effort, to this task. I commit myself to move my physical as me without the hindrances of energy.

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

Day 141: Procrastination 2 Fear Dimension

 

“What one will find with regards to Personalities – is that the Origin will always be a FEAR, as Personalities are essentially systems/personas of the Mind that protect the self-interest of ENERGY. So, if one have a look at for example the Postponement Character, it protect/validate the Self-Interest of the Mind for that Positive Energy Experience of the SOMETHING ELSE, and in so doing compromise/sabotage self’s relationship to self, the physical body and so one’s world/reality.”

Extract from Heaven’s Journey to Life: Day 182

 

Fear Dimension.

 

Fear of entering into an experience that I remember that I’ve had before, and did not like:

 

Such as fear of starting the work and then being overwhelmed with all the ramifications and issues that need to be covered in order to make it complete.

This one goes into the Oh My God but this is my whole life story sort of experience, when I see for a moment the consequences and the ripples of this point that I am writing resonate through everything. And what would be ‘complete’, but writing out everything, and everything, like what tonight? There’s not enough time! But when I breathe I move along, and I let go of this picture of the finished object. Within this a fear of being unable to embrace it all at once in an idea in my mind of an experience of understanding, which would be a fear of loss. And understanding? But so what if the knowledge and information jigsaw goes together perfectly, if I have not walked myself out of these relationships of energy. In this also is a fear of being unable to finish what I started. This would link to memories of half finished or abandoned projects in relation to which I did not feel good, and made a judgement that it was a waste of time.

 

So multiple fears here, but all of them fears that I have created myself through judgements that I have put onto things, where I have defined a negative experience of myself and then have sought to avoid.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to enter into an experience I remember and did not like.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within this to fear a memory in which I have accepted and allowed myself as less-than some information in my mind. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing an energy that I have defined within my mind as something that I do not like. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing myself as my own judgements. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and trust in thoughts within my mind that are telling me what and how I am going to experience myself in the future.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fearing a memory in my mind, to have avoided engaging myself here in physical reality

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions according to my preferences within my mind of like and do not like, within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is me that is making the decision when in fact it is me that is accepting and allowing the mind to gauge the energetic value of an action and then to act for me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assist and support the consequential process of an energy awareness rather than to stand up and assist and support myself to move and make an action that has less prospect of energy accumulation. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give consent to maximize my own sacrifice as the physical in the service of the mind.

 

 

“I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to create and become the postponement character where I would divert my attention away from what is here because I do not like the experience that I am facing within and as the moment, thus through my act of diverting my attention away from what is here within and as the moment, I am compounding my experience of having to deal with the things that I am diverting my attention away from and through this I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to see, realise and understand that I am running away from the negative experiences within and as the physical as to how I had given these experiences a negative polarity charge through the judgements that I had associated with these experiences and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that I am the one who gave these experiences a negative charge by judging these experiences as experiences that I don’t like and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that my act of running away from these experiences is how I sabotage myself in not accepting and allowing myself to take self responsibility for and as my life, but to instead only exist as an positive energy seeking person, who seeks gratification of positive energy experiences, who does not in fact stand one and equal to life.”

Self Forgiveness statement from Earth’s Journey to Life Day 112

 

 

This Oh My God but this is my whole life story realization in writing out is an interesting one, because it is a diversion into energy experience as both positive and negative; at the same time as being an overwhelming experience as masses of information that comes up suddenly out of an opposite feeling of constriction of information, there comes up a feeling of jubilation as positive energy, I’ve got it, an experience that I have predefined as positive in my own judgement in which I revert into a definition of myself as knowledge and information, satisfied, while and at the same time, there’s too much information, and I fear I cannot grasp it, so I accept and allow myself to be dumped back into the negative as fear of loss. This whole drama is like a diversion into energy, and another temptation to at this point stop, because I go into then comparison, and find that obviously how far I’ve ventured into this seems miniscule compared with how far there is to go.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this experience of realization as positive, so that within this definition that I have given to realization as in information that fits together, I experience myself as positive energy and within and as this I am no longer here in breath, but gone into the mind.

 

When and as this realization as positive energy experience comes up in me I stop and breathe, I understand this for what it is, distraction, I do not accept this temptation into an experience of myself as positive energy, I will not allow this pattern to unfold into fear of loss, and giving up. Instead I breathe and I focus on the point that I was looking at.

 

 

 

I commit myself to use the time that I have while in this physical existence to share this process that I am walking here and I dedicate myself to walk this change with all into a world aligned in common sense as what is best for all.

 

 

 

 

More on this next post…

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com