Day 258: Trust – Word Sweep
Okay so, a backchat of not ‘trusting’ words that rise from seeming ‘uncertain’ depths into the surface… seeing and realising that the central word within this backchat is ‘trust’ as the trigger of a judgement, one that I have accepted and allowed, where the words that are written, I have then reacted to, and then believed somehow that they reflect an illusion of myself – as filtered through the ‘mind’ – as bad, as a sign of self-dishonesty as bad, and then go into a belief that I am ‘right’ to not trust this, therefore I am in ‘control’ of this – there is fear of trusting an illusion – specifically: fear of exposing who I am as an illusion that I have secretly trusted in, operated through, and as.
Here is an example of who I am as less than, within the word ‘trust’ – there is a feeling in it of being fooled, of being let down, of a bubble popped – all of these as forms of blame.
‘Trust’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and then live the word trust with connection to emotional and feeling energy. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to self honestly look inside this word so as to see what I have accepted and allowed this word to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I may possibly see when I look inside this word trust and see how I have used it, how I have lived it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word trust to become a trigger point in a line of backchat. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the line ‘I don’t trust this’ to exist within me, for me to believe in it, as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what this ‘trust’ consists of as a trigger of judgement and censoring and self suppression and separation from myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the word ‘trust’ as a disaster, and for not allowing myself to see that it is how I have defined this word and lived it, that has lead me to this point of disaster and dis-illusion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in regret for lost illusion. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize this regret in my commitment to not do that again, to not go into and live as a belief of who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word ‘doubt’ to exist as a polarity within ‘trust’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘doubt’ and ‘trust’ within a protocol of ‘belief’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a protocol of belief as the way to live this physical life.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see the arrogance of belief itself, that who I am in acceptance of this is as a god within my mind, as an arbitrator of the truth of things. I forgive myself that I have given my self-authority into and as this perspective in my mind where I have accepted and allowed for me to become a relationship as less than it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger towards myself in being made into a fool, in having fooled myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself the space to see realize and understand that this anger is towards myself in accepting and allowing a definition of myself in absolute as ‘a fool’ rather than allowing myself to see realize and understand that I have made decisions in mistake. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through the channel of this word ‘trust’ to have constricted myself through judgement into a definition of myself as a fool, as a judgemental closed box, as a definition of myself that has removed the possibility of solution. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed through these means to have justified myself in giving up.
I commit myself to clarify the word ‘trust’, to clear it of these energy equations that I have accepted and allowed myself to wire into it, and through that, into me. I commit myself to as and when the word ‘trust’ comes into my awareness, to stop and breathe and assess self honestly what it is that this word carries, what it means, who I am in meaning this. I commit myself to substantiate this word ‘trust’ with my furthering cross-reference with myself here in the physical, to in fact take this word back to me and through me as a word that I can live without self sabotage, without self conflict.
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
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