Day 336: Gathering the Information: The word List
Seeing and realising that through my experiences of lists drawn up for me by someone in authority about what I should be doing and in what order I should be doing them, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected a negative emotional charge to the word List.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a negative experience within myself when I see that making a list of things for me to do in support of me, and in support of clarity within me, that I then avoid this structuring of self support, because I have accepted and allowed myself to react to negative energies coming up inside me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that even though I am proposing making a List for me of things that I might do which altogether will assist me to make real changes to me and support me in making clear to me the various points of sabotage that I have accepted and allowed, that still the charges that I have accepted and allowed to exist within the word List have an influence and affect on me in terms of giving up on me for the sake of my negative relationship to List.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store in List reactions to coercion, to control, to obligation, and connections to who I am within refusal, retaliation, and rebellion, and within these connections also fear of conflict in the consequences of disobedience and childish naughtiness. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that in making lists for me that I have given up on my own plans for me and then formed judgements of myself as having Failed. I forgive myself therefore that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of these negative judgements of my failures to arise within me when I consider for myself to make a structural list of things that I need to do for my own benefit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the facts that I have discovered to exist within me with further emotion: to charge the fact that I have believed the failures to be real as seen through my self judgements, that fact that I have accepted and allowed this experience of who I am as having failed to follow up my plans, to exist within me, not just simply as a neutral fact that I can therefore work with, but as a fact that is charged with energy such as guilt, that even though I see and realise the fact to be real as what I have actually done, believed, accepted and allowed, to through the guilt then allow myself to hide myself from the realities about myself that I have found within me.
Therefore I commit myself to release these emotional contents that I have accepted and allowed to exist within the word List, as part of the definition of who I am within the word, because I see and realise and understand that if I am to use the list as a neutral tool of self support to organise myself, to organise my approach to me that if I accept and allow myself to not remove the sabotage that I have accepted and allowed to exist within it, then I am indeed accepting and allowing my own pre-programmed failure to carry out a structured plan that I require within this current project of redefining Diligence in my life, and actually practically changing who I am within and towards Diligence.
Continuing next time…
What does it mean, this Redefinition and living of words? Self Creation : SOUL
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