Day 332: Incoherence and Structure and the Poet Personality

Day 332: Incoherence and Structure and the Poet Personality 

 

… continuing this series of posts in which I am looking at my relationships to the word Structure.

 Accepting structure for myself to use for me has been one of the gifts of writing out my mind, where I have been giving shape to goings on within me using words.

 So: looking back at how I saw my mind when I was young, I saw how much of what I once accepted in my mind as ‘joined up’ thought, had really been more like fragments of phrases and significant seeming words in loose association, with the occasional realization of this incoherence, when I had for a moment stepped back, but towards which I then reacted, and within reacting, stepped back in again, where I then defined and judged myself as having a shattered mind, and within that, something wrong with me, with emotions of disappointment, self pity, loss, and shame.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in these emotions, in looking at my consciousness and seeing its incoherence and then believing that my mind was shattered; and that I then accepted and allowed myself to experience these things that came out of a disappointment in who I found myself to be, as a tragedy within myself, as someone that is irretrievably broken, and so therefore useless and without any prospects, and somehow in the system of the world, as inapplicable.

Within that I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a starting point for a personality out of this: taking off the peg the long black coat, the dark depressed poet figure, drifting along the roads without direction, sort of glorious in tragedy, in which I channeled into hope that maybe I could utilize these incoherencies of isolated words, and hide away the inconsistency I saw, because although the words that swirled around within my consciousness did not fit together in any formal way, all the same I realized what powerful effects they had upon me: shifting my moods, exerting strong influences on me, triggering yet more incoherence, and more emotion, and yet through the eyes of the poet personality, seeing the words as being radiant with mystery. And in poetic solitude, I would dwell on single lines, mesmerized for hours, hoping to evince some inner essence out from them, and within that, hoping to eventually communicate some unfathomable thing.

Here is an example of some structures that I accepted and allowed to fall into place, stemming from emotional reactions to how I found myself to be, and beliefs I jumped into, looking into my consciousness, accepting and allowing what existed there as me, defined within and as emotional and feeling energies, as conflict and confusion, as swirling backchat and inner dialogues, and haunting memories, and how within all of that I was attempting to give structure, shape, consistency, to all of these ‘I am’ this and that reactions and beliefs, and unite them into some coherence, that then gave rise to living out that personality at times, trudging the road, living out the drifter, of being driven, without direction, living out a metaphor, and then a shape, a narrative of not having self direction.

 

 

 

Find out: What is Soul

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

 

 

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