Day 463: My Precious

Day 463: My Precious

How it was today that I arrived here – that I made landfall in a way, as if upon a firm white beach – swept ashore by the ocean of my sleep – by the oceanic experience of words – experience as a kind of turbulence of pictures, feelings, fragments, in suspension from the words themselves – or from a single word – but from being swept and totally adrift within that turbulence, I gradually assimilate that familiar sense of no way back, no memory track into the cause of things, that word, that word that resonated my unconscious, resonating with where I am within myself, stirring up those pictured connotations, as if there were a perspective of awareness seeking to connect and show me something, a word I can’t yet face except in metaphor, presented in the fragments of a dream, fragments that recede and dissipate in the clutches of my waking mind.

And yet being comfortably stretched out on the bed, comfortable within the weightiness of rested limbs – without a need to move myself – but just to gently stretch and readjust the arms and legs – I felt no need to go into that mental clutching process that I know so well – but instead to simply stay within that weightiness of spine and limb, that simplicity of extension in my waking in my body – where still the sheet and blanket and physical sensations are slightly merged with the feelings in my body, such as where some coolness in a pocket of the sheets spreads without a boundary to become the cooling of my blood; and I move my ankle slightly into congress with that source of coolness and as well, that source of relaxation; and opening my eyes I see that still I’m in that same place in which I fell asleep, though different in that now the room is bathed in daylight and the world beyond the lighted curtains now is full of sounds of early morning. And so connecting with those sounds, carefully I swing my legs outside the bed and place my feet upon the tiled floor. That form of carefulness is for me a kind of practice; that on getting up I do not get hooked straight into the programs of my waking mind.

Sometimes words can seem so fine, and dazzling in their virtue, like these points of light by which we navigate the voyage of our lives, and yet a single point of light can make the world that is surrounding it a world of darkness. In my previous post I wrote about a point of value, a precious moment, something deeply cherished – and looking into Cherished what I found was that point of giving unto something that I would want for me: that point of being believed in, valued, cared for, that point within me, that in seeing it in others for me, it supports me in allowing it for myself, to give to me, and so to live, and so also to extend into the world. And yet that even though I stand by it, deep within me, in spite of who I am, mostly I forget it, overlook it, only come across it in a way, in a dramatic moment now and then, and so those moments I then put a value on, as if those moments were different to the other moments in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anywhere there existed a special moment, measured out in preciousness, distinctly from the other moments that are here. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see what kind of world that I create around this single point of light, to look around this point and see the wasteland that I have created. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see this wasteland that exists within my life, of moments tagged with lesser value, where I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the moments as less than extraordinary, and then to live accordingly.

If there did exist that ‘writing on the wall’ saying only simply ‘this is life’; could we handle it, could we even begin to get it, while believing in ourselves that, yes we already know that, not seeing how that believing in our knowing robs us of the essence of it, and so with all the moments that we know. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand beside this medium of knowledge in reference to my life and so the lives of others.

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

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Day 462: Lexis

Storm light on the gardens of the farm

Lexis

The elements of the world
the elements of the earth and wind and sea,
and fire of human passion being and history abound
within each and every word
and overfill these vessels
these crucibles of life

while between our selves, the earth itself,
the wind itself, the sea itself the fire itself
the physical expresses us
emerges from and reaches through our words

while with the forest standing here
as a witness to the depth of time
the rushing of the wind through trees
tells me in the inner quietness of my shelter
of the value of these moments

that breath with which to speak our thoughts
and make them physical,
the sounds that are
our life force and intention both as one
distracted in the alchemy of words
in which our footsteps lose their way
and find themselves again
in those moments of a stillness cherished

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 461: Enthusiasm

Day 461: Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm – within sharing the delight of a discovery in life – and in the nature of such discoveries – being each a gift for me but also those around me – where within this it is more like I am taking part in the discovery, and within this there is also an expression of Gratitude, that I can enjoy me within and as a part of Giving.

Clarifying for myself this word Enthusiasm, I begin to see now how it plied into my life; like as in a river, with me furthering and furthering a decision that I made when I was young – to make that effort, push myself to be specific, to use my time to specify those goings-on within me, to articulate those feelings, movements, shades, as much as possible; that, I realise now, was and is an expression of the why of me, to focus that responsibility, to articulate the discoveries that I made inside myself and in the outer world, and so to then express them.

That decision was in a way to go with who I am, and I accepted Enthusiasm as an aspect of it, and yet how had I defined this word? It was clear that it was my own responsibility to me to answer for myself that question of, ‘What does it mean, to live?’ and it was my decision to share what I had found. That I felt liberated within making this decision confirmed for me that it also was an expression of the why of me, I could easily own it as a natural part of me, and so accept how this would then define a path for me in life.

Youth can have such an easiness about it, sometimes: as an artist it became my purpose then to earnestly express a Joi-De-Vivre in painting, where in giving form to this enthusiasm I believed that I could start a conflagration, or at least help to tip the balance in some way to the programming that seemed rife around me. I did not see to what extent going with the gut could also be a falling into step with just another aspect of the program, and it would be another 30 years and more until the Desteni Group came together and the Portal opened; so in terms of understanding consciousness and the workings of the mind, and the significance of living out the definitions of our words, I was still at that time very much illiterate and in the dark.

So with that original decision in my life to be and to become that constant effort to specify, to articulate, to discover, it’s now for me to look into the Enthusiasm that I lived, that came up in me, on discovering and going with these motives in me, that the reward which I experienced was that there was something I could give, in celebration and affirmation of the We in our existence, that the Discovery was not for me, though it was my joy to be conveying it. That is very different to that general ‘Joi-De-Vivre’ that I saw as like a magic antidote when I was young. That Joi-De-Vivre was cool in itself and sometimes acted as cool reminder, and yet it led to, came from nowhere in a way.

So in redefining Enthusiasm I bring into it this new component – the awareness, presence, affirmation, of this reality of the We that is here – who we are as discovering this Life together, who we are as present in each other’s discoveries, who we are as empowered in and through our shared discoveries, that acting as a group we can become a single force to change this world in which we find ourselves to be.

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 460: The Unknown Eqafe Recordings

Day 460: The Unknown Eqafe Recordings

What has now become a library of previously unheard information, I mean the content of the Eqafe recordings: amongst and with those questions asked and answered also in and as Abundance, there is that glimpse of truth for which we have not asked, for which we could not ask; because beneath those layers of acceptance and allowance those key questions have become submerged, and we have till now been content with coping with their absence, accustomed to a life of exile from ourselves… a life in which those questions have no place to come from.

The Eqafe recordings: it is now some ten years since they started, yet awareness of even their existence spreads so very slowly throughout the world. We thought at first that it would spread across the net like fire, that millions would be listening to the message of the Dimensionals, to be interested in the existence of the Portal, in perspectives of our human reality, and the reality of others in our world beside ourselves for the first time coming through, and that our gratitude for an outside view of things would be shared by all, and yet perhaps it was our own enthusiasm that down-played the fact that spreading news of this would not be easy.

And in a way, my own enthusiasm messed things up because even with a glimpse of what is real I myself caught fire and went round ranting and raving, attempting to break down the walls of programming, causing those around me to back away and wonder if I might be mad; that was how inadvertently I actually strengthened the resistance.

Enthusiasm: what is in this word? Looking up the roots of enthusiasm I find literally, ‘possession by a god’, as in excitement as possession, being ‘with God.’ And while looking up enthusiasm also I noticed listed there, in the dictionary, an antonym: ‘indifference.’ I mention this within the consideration that indeed there was in retrospect a kind of madness in my ravings: I had suddenly gone into reaction to a kind of resigned indifference that I’d been living, and so swung into a polarity of that within and as enthusiastic ravings.

What is done is done; to those whom I subjected this I ask for their forgiveness; and I forgive myself; gradually I learn to walk in equanimity with myself, and to express my understandings from a grounded place inside me. If I were to redefine myself within and as Enthusiasm, I would change the word of God within it to the word of Life, because it was in the realisations that I was not in the context that I had ascribed myself as playing a role as insignificant, in the ‘greater’ scheme of things, but that actually in living I therefore was involved no less or more than Life itself. So the enthusiasm that I lived had the emotional charge of the lost within and as myself as found; and the release that I expressed was the release of that oppression that I’d been living, of that damnation that I had imposed upon myself and had so much believed in.

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life