Month: July 2013

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“Actually we propose doing this with all energies that you face – you know, define it for yourself – what is your relationship to it – what is your relationship to it and define it for yourself – meaning – go in depth into it – you know, what does the energy feel like – what is it doing to the physical body – what is it doing to your presence, your beingness – it’s like just literally taking a step back within yourself and watching and observing how the energy moves in relation to your physical body. This becomes beneficial because it allows you to understand the energy, you know, to see it as a manifestation, a construct, a substance or a design – see it for what it is – an energy, a program – that you need to understand your relationship to it, what it does, how it creates itself, effects it has on which part of your existence so that within understanding and seeing and investigation, you’ve got more objectivity to be able to approach it and direct it and change it.”

Extract from Atlantean’s Support 84

Support – meaning to me – like from the ground up – first of all understanding that this miasma of emotion and feeling is in fact energy, and different energies that can be defined with different names, that makes them recognizable – this support here in finding a place to stand and to observe, to introspect – to no longer be part of the turbulence – and then support in recognizing that I have been responsible for allowing it to happen – these have all been steps of learning in the history of my energy experience – points of support through which I have gradually established some stability – to be able to articulate with words, for example what energy, specifically – and to have an observation platform in myself to see realise and understand and observe the movement, the pattern of this energy – and then to further self support in becoming able to ask the questions, like what is my relationship to this experience, and to understand the nature of experience itself in which I have been participating in and as this energy. As with a child, developing from an experience of who I am as global suffering, to the realization that in fact I hurt my finger, in which a solution is possible and stability need no longer be totally lost, that is kind of like how it’s been for me, that I am able to articulate what is this support. Support too in the writing down of the words into the physical from out of the shifting dimensions of the mind – where gradually the realization of responsibility sinks in deeper into my awareness, so that self support becomes an aspect of my nature – there’s a way to go on this one – so often still I find myself, eventually, having allowed myself to be swept into an overwhelmingness of multiple energy experience, in which who I am as the decision in my breath, here in the stability of the physical, I have allowed to have been taken for me, and I have become possessed by a character of consciousness, where within and as that possession, support takes on a different tone, and the programs of the consciousness are seeking ways to maximize the energy. So, a supportive realization – that without the realizations of self responsibility, there can be no real self support because how can I change something that was imposed upon me without my participation as acceptance and allowance. Going back to the history of my experience, and I have enjoyed writing this phrase, because in itself it is a landmark of support – it is an expression of the consequence of having a perspective of a time-line in which there was no self support, in which I followed blindly the unfolding road of energy experience, and that was my relationship to me – I see how I have emerged gradually out of a perspective of blame for my experience in which responsibility was foisted onto others – onto my body, or onto my mind, or onto my family or onto the ‘world’ in which I did not allow myself to see that holding on to this position that I was therefore unable to change, that I was in fact responsible for my enslavement.

Was? – Again, there is a way to go –

Support – the quote at the head of this post is a snippet from one of the Eqafe Interviews, which are yet to become widely known and utilized – Here is an example of support that comes to me from the outside world – objective voices, words, perspectives, instructions, explanations – from which realisations, understandings and clarifications come so that we can deliberately learn within the realization of how we have become the way we are – and that we can change ourselves.

Follow these online blogs:

Heaven’s Journey To Life: Day 425: We’ve got the past, present, future, and also ‘The Now’, but what about Here?

Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 456: Inflation and the Living Income Guaranteed

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 215: Reality and Paranoia

July 20, 2013 ~ Journey into Life ~ Leave a comment

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • Equalmoney.org

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Day 215: Reality and Paranoia

I Walk with Desteni

What has happened to who I am in this existence where my language has been hijacked cast adrift from Earth, where the words of my being are hanging strung out crucified on alien frameworks of energy systems within me and without me according to the evolutions of my own consent of what must be to stay within the bounds of who I am as Energy and so be comforted, entertained, distracted, enthralled….

More and more I realize how totally that I have lived this period of manifestation in the physical dimensions not on Earth at all but in and as a System of Energy. The Earth is Real – having to remind myself of this is a symptom of my conformity to Mainstream Paranoia, in which I have accepted and allowed my mind to arbitrate Reality, and have then subscribed to its interpretations. How paranoia slips into and corrupts the word ‘reality’ so that I do not live in/ physically grasp reality itself is in the energy charge that I have connected to the word reality so that I do not live it, but rather exist in an accepted idea of it that I have justified in my mind – the charge being the positive self righteous charge of humanity as apparently superior to life itself, and within that delusion of superiority, claimed the right to designate reality as we see fit according to our apparent superior ‘intelligence’, to actually make it up, and assemble it in and as the consciousness in which we have come to experience our existence. The Eqafe interview ‘The Consciousness of the Ant’ is great support on this point.

This is where Destonian blogs, Destonian materials of reference to physical reality are to me like water in the universal desert of the mind. Destonian Science, Destonian Psychology, Destonian Perspective of Everything, because my only reference to physical reality is through this new information and the intimate processes of self honesty and self forgiveness of what I have accepted and allowed within the words I live, and the realization that what I have accumulated as these words extend into my experience of me.

Desteni represents the practical instructions the How of human beings one by one realigning themselves to actual physical reality. The sharing of our mind experience exposes the mechanics of the brainwashing because the structure of our consciousness is the same for all of us. The evolution of our brainwashing begins with our departure from the living reality of Equality and Oneness of who we are as substance that emerged from Earth. The ripping of the veil of brainwashing is the gradual process of rewriting and realignment of the self accepted and allowed and hence self programmed energy equations of our belief systems.

So this is not an invitation to join a ‘cult’ – as presented by the cognitive disinformation networks – this is though an invitation to dare to consider, take seriously, and to do research into an entirely different perspective of who we are in physical reality and in existence as a whole. The fact is – and I can attest to this – that we can change our selves.

Daring to find out about what is reality, daring to speak about reality, daring to look into this word ‘reality’ as I have accepted and allowed it in my mind, daring to explore what is this reality that I have lived, this reality that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can assess through my mind, this reality that I have participated in as a separated word, in which I have been and lived this separation – where I have looked through the eyes of my mind and listened through the ears of my mind into a separated world – within an acquiescence to not being here – this ‘daringness’ – defines my fear relationship to reality itself, in which I have accepted and allowed myself as less than, and hence enslaved to ‘fear’.

Having investigated the Desteni Material over the last five years, I stand as a witness to the veracity and coherence to tens of millions of words of information that is coming through the Portal (about 5 million words this year alone) which is here to assist and support Humanity to take responsibility for itself in this Dawn of a New Age. Eqafe = Equality Questions Answered For Everyone. The process is opened for All to find our way back to the common sense of our physical equality in and as the physical reality here on Earth. The insanity of the World Money System in the Elitist interests of Consciousness as it stands – is accelerating – while – it is up to us to lay aside this brainwashing and step into a new economic system that is founded on the value of life, the support and assistance of each other as equal beings on a foundation starting-point and end of recognizing, serving and supporting fundamental human rights.

So I have been kind of stuck for a moment as I dared to stand on the platform of this word, not equalized but as I have fashioned it within my mind, ‘Reality’, charged with fear, not seeing realizing or understanding the separation, the paranoia that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the realization that I do not as yet grasp Reality – or that the paranoia that I have lived is not Real, has no reference to Earth, is a structure of Mind World values and beliefs, in which I have defined ‘important’ not as what is best for all, but what is best in the interests of me as an energy system, first, above all. So within this definition of Reality, lurks the fear of loss of who I am As conscious systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as ‘real’ this fear of loss of who I am within the system of my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this fear of loss within the word reality, through which I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my walk into the actual reality itself as who I am by experiencing myself within and as this definition. I forgive myself that from this fear that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become a judgement of self as ‘righteous’ as a positive experience of energy in believing that I can ascertain reality through my mind. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to append to the word reality a positive experience of myself as energy in which there is no reference to the physical of Earth, but only a reference to myself as an experience of energy, and thus as who I am as Paranoia.

I commit myself to learn to breathe in the physical reality of this my breath here, with the support of the physical reality of this physical body, with the support of this physical existence that supplies my body with air and water and physical substance as nutrition. I commit myself to use this time on Earth to learn to grasp the physical reality of this my situation in existence.

Daring to face that Things are not what they Seem: see Philosophical Codes

Follow these online blogs:

Heaven’s Journey To Life: Day 425: We’ve got the past, present, future, and also ‘The Now’, but what about Here?

Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 456: Inflation and the Living Income Guaranteed

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

Day 214: Paranoia within Paranoia

July 13, 2013 ~ Journey into Life ~ Leave a comment

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • Equalmoney.org

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Day 214: Paranoia within Paranoia

-Paranoia as an illusory relationship of consciousness to its own reactions, in which it defines that relationship as a ‘reality’ over and above the reality of the physical.-

What I have trapped myself into and as in how I have defined myself within the word paranoia and what has become apparent is a charge of fear within this word that I have hidden and suppressed from my own awareness.

I have been realising this point: that my ‘reluctance’ to write ‘about’ the paranoia that is evident everywhere like a subtle plague infesting into all levels of human existence, exposure of which is of vital importance to All and Everyone at this time, which would in common sense be best for all – comes out of how I have lived the word paranoia as an energy experience as my self.

Believing in my mind that I can investigate this word in the outer aspect of my world by reaching ‘around’ and ‘about’ (myself as) this word itself, in which I have actually merged my living reality into and as an energy experience, I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook, and brush aside this ‘reluctance’, and not look strait-forwardly upon the fear of who I am as stored within, but justified myself into a positive energy experience as self righteousness through the excuse of a lack of knowledge and information, while in this ‘reluctance’, reach ‘around’ and ‘about’ this word that what I am avoiding (reacting in fear towards) is the realisation of who I am and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as this word ‘paranoia’.

The realisation of these things opens an awareness of the real nature of this reluctance that I have lived in relation to applying this word to various phenomena in this world and this reality, because there is no clarity within this word as I have lived it, but a murky and unspecified ‘reluctance’ in which I have attempted the impossible of putting myself aside and write self-honesty. This itself is an example of the paranoia through which I have attempted to impose with my mind an energy reality to suit my self interested energy experience onto the phenomenon of self expression. So it is ‘important’ – being in the interests of what is best for all – that I remove and re-align, correct myself within and as the word paranoia, to no longer live my own definition of the word, of me as an energy experience, and take the paranoia out of the word paranoia so that I can be clear within the word as representing a relationship of mind experience towards itself, and no longer include within the contents of this word of my own personalized relationships of accepted and allowed fear and judgement, and shame.

My personalized contents of the word paranoia begin with memories in which for the first time I encountered the word and then drew it into my vocabulary. This encounter was in the context of self-doubt, believing that there must be something ‘wrong’ with me, I researched in books of ‘psychology’, and came across psychiatric ‘case studies’, libraries of classified human ‘types’, as finished objects, where I was looking for a matching comparison from which to define myself. So I was looking to get in-formed and within that defined from a starting-point of there being within me something ‘wrong’, like there was a belief that there must be an authoritative judgement by which I could measure this experience of being me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to the word paranoia, a memory of an experience of myself in which I consented to this statement that ‘there must be…an authoritative judgement in this book/library of who and what I am.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into comparison of lifes and from this to go into judgement of myself within the statement to myself that, ‘there must be… ‘something wrong with me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word paranoia in and as a judgement of myself, and from there to experience the word paranoia as a judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store the energy experience of fear within the word paranoia, contained in memories in which I have been and become this reaction of fear in connection to hearing the word paranoia, spoken about me, in connection to me, as a definition of who I am that I have accepted and allowed as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within and as this word paranoia, or paranoid as if this were a description of my entire being, a finished product, like an open and shut case within what I believed to be myself as an example of ‘unchangeable’ humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store these negative judgements of myself within the word paranoia – and fear of who I am as I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word paranoia out of my experience of myself enslaved to fear, an experience of myself through my self judgement, as an experience of shame.

I commit myself to clarify myself within living the word paranoia, to remove the energy experience that I have stored within it. I commit myself to the honest investigation of myself within who I am within the words in my vocabulary. I commit myself to clarify the words within my mind because I see and realise and understand that I have sabotaged and hampered my understanding of myself and of the world and my reality through relationships with words that I have accepted and allowed to be substantiated with who I am as illusion of myself as energy experience.

Follow these online blogs:

Heaven’s Journey To Life: Day 422: We’ve Dominated and Spiritualized the Physical but not stood Equal and One with it. Part 1

Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 451: The Tap Planned Obsolescence within Basic Income Guaranteed

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

Day 213: Personal Paranoia 2

July 7, 2013 ~ Journey into Life ~ Leave a comment

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • Equalmoney.org

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Day 213: Personal Paranoia 2

I see and realize and understand that establishing a simple breathing trust in who I am here substantially is the only stable basis for real research – and in expanding who I am within this trust – and further investigating this system of consciousness in which my trust has been mistakenly invested.

Seeing realizing and understanding the paranoia of absolute trust in the mind is the same as waking up to the reality of what I have accepted and allowed as me as a passive relationship to an automatic system. And so in this waking up, to get practical and learn how to direct myself, to understand the workings of this system and take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed, and from that, to deliberately change it, and to change it so as to align myself in each of these relationships – that have previously synchronized into and as a brainwashed consciousness -into the reality of equality and oneness as what is best for all.

So now drawing from the information exposed in the last post, the process would be to practically self-forgive the relationships that I have accepted and allowed in which I have defined myself as and hence merged myself within and as energy and mistakenly committed myself to the maintenance of polarities within the world.

The context of being not-good-enough is a world of competition and judgement, comparison of one life to another, in which it is accepted that the value of a life can be different to the value of another. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the value of a life can be different to the value of another. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody and live a personality construct based on this belief and judgement and definition of who I am as ‘not good enough’, and that within this that I have accepted and allowed and given my consent to a world system based on hierarchies of judgements based on the different values of lives. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world system that has its foundations based in disregard for fundamental human rights.

Life is the only Real Value

I commit myself to see realize and understand the origins of this definition of value, and hence of worth that I have made and then lived as me, and to correct it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word ‘value’ in separation from myself, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘value’ in terms of the judgements of consciousness within competition, winning, and losing, and quantities of money. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to the word value a positive charge of energy. I commit myself to stand within the definition of value as the value of life is life itself, and therefore within this stand within the definition of value that has no polarities of energy. From this definition of value I commit myself to, as and when the question of value arises, to consider this in terms of whether or not it stands within what is best for all, which has no polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my whole being based on the evidence of being not good enough to for example, at school, win a race, or pass an examination. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined according to the judgements of the consciousness of others, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to define authority as that which defines who I am. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger at myself for not standing up for me, and that instead I have suppressed my own awareness of this anger and projected and exerted blame towards this authority as I have defined it, and within that blame have lived in self righteousness and superiority, in which I have lived as part of not good enough, that I am secretly better than others. So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consent to the authority of judgement and comparison as a measure of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and align myself to the existence of self worth as a measurement of value according to the judgements of consciousness, and to have evolved a personality of imaginary specialness out of a belief in my own definition of myself as not good enough.

Follow these online blogs:

Heaven’s Journey To Life: Day 417: When one Mistaken Perception makes something look Completely Wrong

Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 444: Can You Find ‘Your Own Way’?

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

Day 212: Personal Paranoia

July 5, 2013 ~ Journey into Life ~ 1 Comment

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • Equalmoney.org

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/06/suicide-paranoia-9-understanding.html

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Day 212: Personal Paranoia

“What has to be realised within and as this Process of the Creation of Paranoia, such as for example Suicide Paranoia: is how we actually, in fact, Create our OWN Paranoia in our OWN Minds from our OWN Reactions towards our OWN Memories, that then evolve into Imagination and Self-Talk/Thinking. That, this entire process unfolds in and as our Consciousness, simply because the creation of energy, the creation of memories and the relationship between energy and memories and Self’s Awareness within it all – is not Understood.”

see Heaven’s Journey to Life:

Here I will share some of the process in which I have accepted and allowed myself to be as submerged into energy in the last few weeks, leaving a hole in my journey to life for which there is very little evidence of what I have walked except for a few incoherent notes and sentences. Incoherence and lack of focus have been a feature of this experience, with a rapid accumulation of resistance to process – and then becoming sort of barricaded into self righteousness.

Understanding the significance of the noose, a persistent thought/image.

Slowing down my mind, I noticed this ‘noose’ thought, sort of free floating, and yet present, and I was curious about what it was, what it was doing there. It was shown to me that if there was a fear attached to it, then in a way regardless of the form or shape of the thought, it would still be a productive resource for the purposes of consciousness to generate energy, and so an explanation for its persistence. Like a little memo: be afraid. And after all according to what I have accepted and allowed and automated, this ‘fear’ energy is really scary, no need to question that, or is there? So I could see that just a little frisson of this energy as unquestioned fear would be enough to set the tone for the day. And I realized that there was indeed a fear attached on the surface like beneath the curiosity, suspicion, and wtf is going on in my mind kind of thoughts, and then of course, becoming more and more interested, I started noticing it daily, just sort of lurking in the background, as if ready for the opportunity to come forward. In The Holy Trinity, one of the Atlantean’s Support series, it is suggested that rather than running away from it, one might approach the fear, and actually feel the substance of it, and so checking this out, I found that yes it is kind of soft and comforting. This seems odd I suppose being so used to reacting to the whole package as one, integrated, the energy and the energized words as information contained by it. So here, the simple picture representing the word ‘noose’, and connected words such as ‘death’ and ‘hanging’, and amongst the fears, fear of loss of control, or fear of loss of the illusion of control within the suspicion and the wtf’s going in in my mind, kind of thoughts.

Considering all of this, one realization was that this picture of a noose may represent an old pattern from earlier in this life, where I might well have and did allow the thinking of such things as: if such and such a thing will happen, then I will kill myself, and as such this was certainly a form of comfort, and I can understand why I might carry this thought around with me and keep it handy. It was like in the province of me as aligned with and as self interest I could always give in and give up in the face of challenge, step out through a back door without regard or consideration of anyone or a single aspect of this reality, and cease to exist on the physical plane. Believing that I was actually alive on the physical plane in the first place was an effect of paranoia in which I had total faith in the projections of consciousness and reactions of energy as who I am without any question in my belief that this is what life is, or even a notion of this being a belief.

The challenge that I was afraid of facing was thus not to anything of me that was physically real, but a challenge to who I was in my charade as a personality construction of consciousness, a challenge to the lie that I sought to above all things maintain, keep going and make real, and so within this I accepted and allowed to be maintained a fear of all of this collapsing. So here again, the fear was in service of security, giving comfort to the support of my illusion. And my cunning plan to if necessary cheat on earthly life, I kept that secret. In my mind, ‘earthly’ was a negative judgement, rather than a reference to the physical reality, so here again another aspect of the paranoia in which I was primarily in a relationship to myself within the judgements of my mind rather than to anything real.

Back to the image of a noose, and its connective behaviour into the scripts of internal conversation, acting as an energy trigger for fear reactions. Like watching a play within a play, I am both hooked up into the energy conflict represented by the internal conversation, and also observing the interruption and superimposition of this image. The internal conversation is like me, in and as the starting-point of fear of loss of control – watching and checking up on who I am, my current status, within relationships – all of it played out without reference to anything in reality but totally within imagination. During these moments of energy belief it is like I am using a sixth sense to eavesdrop on other people’s minds – people who’s opinion of me matters – and yet these aren’t actual people at all, but images in my memory, ultimately me dressed up as them, acting out the parts according to the polarities of the conflict. And here within the eavesdropping paranoia of this conflict, I hear some really bad mind ‘news’, about ‘who I am’, because I have accepted and allowed my definition of myself to be dictated by the contents of this internal conversation – so here what is happening is that my ‘life’ as my definition of myself within my mind, according to my own projections of the thoughts of others – this ‘life’ is in accordance with what I am showing myself with the image of the noose, is hanging, I am participating in the moments of the delivery of the verdict of the judgements of my own personalities, whether I am going to go into a negative experience of and as myself, or a positive one – in both cases an energy experience as who I am. This is me standing without any responsibility for myself in a moment of total energy possession. So here this noose represents a ‘life and death’ situation – not my physical life – but the continuation of the existence of me substantiating a personality construct, thirsting for a definition of itself to establish some coherence or reality within and as an image of who I am within my mind.

As such this noose represents also the suicidal choice to be enticed into and as an energy experience, reacting automatically to fear of the alternative, in which I am here unknown to myself as breath within the physical.

And yet, and this is the kicker, in a way, the life-or-death fear as a negative energy shock dissipates into the positive comfort of the background fear with which I am familiar and have accepted and allowed as the condition of who I am. This process I have accepted of giving up and giving in in the face of a challenge seems to be dominated by the not good enough personality, in and as which I have managed this self judgemental energy attack by positivizing my resignation and withdrawal – so I have made it easy for myself to collapse into the old energetic coma that I have defined and lived as who I am. It’s like standing on the threshold of reality I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self doubt and then read the Mind News about whether or not I am good enough to participate, and then apparently justified by these internal conversions, backchats, and this image of a noose, I give myself that negative energy fix in which the answer is no, I have accepted and allowed that I am not in fact good enough for myself, but it’s alright, ‘I don’t have to do this’, I can escape into the relative positive experience of having avoided my fear of facing who I am as defined within this self judgement.

These are the energy processes that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in during the recent days of my journey to life – where in conjunction with the pushing of myself physically I have been arriving back home in the evenings physically very tired with aching muscles, and a lack of focus, and in the face of my other responsibilities, I have accepted and allowed myself to give in and give up, going no, I am not able to do this, I have worked hard, I need to rest and relax, I need some ‘me time’! What I have not allowed myself to see here is that this self judgement point about being not good enough has shifted into dominance, and within this conflict I have accepted and allowed on top of the physical tiredness a seductive energetic tiredness to overwhelm me. It’s the not good enough personality that demands this ‘me time’, in which it can recharge, and indulge in the pleasures of fear avoidance as positively charged laziness, and then go into self righteously justified distraction and entertainment.

So now, facing myself that what has been the reality of me is that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond to fear and go into a time loop of a repeated thought connected with the judgement definition of myself as not good enough and then become petrified/fascinated, then cozy to see unfolding and enfolding layer after layer the same fear. All this much as described by Anu in Reptilians 202. And along with this, layer after layer of self righteous protection and defense of who I am within this laziness, which actually gets quite nasty and spiteful, with backchats of I do what I like, which means that I accept and allow that I live as a reaction to my feelings and emotions, which is within the limits of my personal world of paranoia, where nothing in the reality of this physical world is anywhere near as important or as real as this moment of me in this imagination merged into as this energy. The nastiness of this self righteousness comes out of a belief that it is as if within and as this personality, as if up against a wall, my whole existence has been challenged, it is a protection and defence as a whole personality of self righteousness that is willing to go to any extreme for the sake of its survival. One of these extremes that I have accepted and allowed is the total subjugation of my living self in the living breath of this physical reality.

Here is a backchat that I accepted and allowed myself to respond to, which sets out the very basic tenet of this paranoia mind setting in which I have aligned myself to shape my life according to reactions of fear avoidance: the backchat statement is in the form of a conditional command –

Conditional backchat: ‘If’ the pressure gets too much, then I will…’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen unquestioning to this backchat statement in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in this statement I am preparing myself to react to ‘pressure’ so as to avoid it, rather than to investigate what exactly this pressure consists of, and where it comes from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this backchat to become automated in the system of this suicidal personality, and that in accepting this automation, that I have accepted and allowed myself to become controlled by programs, that acting on this backchat I have accepted and allowed myself as an automaton, programmed to avoid the energy I myself have generated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise and understand the paranoia of the starting point of who I am in listening to such backchat in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make strategies of avoidance of the energies that come up in me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set the limits on what I do, and to have programmed myself with at what point of ‘too much’ that I will give up on myself, according to an amount of a ‘pressure’ that I have not specified, because I have not looked at it and faced it.

I forgive myself that in listening to this backchat that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my actions and non-actions as a victim to my fears. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a backdoor in my mind as the option of giving up. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is an act of kindness in myself in allowing me to give up on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an image of myself as ‘kind to me’ as positively charged with energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enticed into giving up on me through hopes of positive reward. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for energy to increase to a point where it is ‘too much’, so that I can have the experience of giving up. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to ‘giving up’ a positive charge of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this experience of giving up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an unspecified ‘pressure’ to exist where I am in fact busy making a positive relationship to my own abdication of responsibility and to the possibility of awareness here and expansion of my being into the physical.

Continuing next post…

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Heaven’s Journey To Life: Day 413 Introducing the Mind’s Home Theatre by Consciousness Productions

Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 442: Sedition is Undermining the Basic Human Rights of Citizens

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.