How to measure out the journey into life, the deliberate steps we take to change our own designs and patterns, systems, personalities, and free ourselves to really actually live within and as this physical existence? These are days not of the calendar, but days as records of deliberate steps from out of an accepted consciousness imposed reality, and into awareness. Adam Closs
Not quite as planned, but going on from last time: that still within my intention to purify and redefine Futility, there is a starting point of accepting obstruction to action, to real movement. And looking at this point of how I have accepted Futility to overwhelm me, I looked at also how Futility had functioned in my mind experience as a channel for a Veto, as part of the experience of Futility in my mind.
In a system of consciousness, it really does not matter much, in a functional way, the personal provenance of an active Veto, as long as it is reliably responded to, and the more unconsciousness that surrounds the underpinning justifications and beliefs, the more efficiently the system works; so that the word Veto evolves a sort of imperial presence – having transcended questionability – and then the pattern of giving up on self responsibility is kind of set in place.
The word Veto – same as the Latin: I Forbid – used in for example – the Royal Veto – in which Veto gathers up the royal power – and evolves into a noun – and the legalized sabotage of proposed agreements, decisions, rules and laws. In this definition of Veto exists a programming of a relationship of subservience towards an overriding force.
Within my mind this Veto comes through with all the imperative of a Royal decree; it has the shape and form of a forbiddance that seems absolute, and in that moment, the ‘I’ of ‘I forbid’ is the ‘I’ that in this reaction I have placed as being controlling me the all of me that is this personal world that I believe in.
Something I have found that is supportive here is my positioning in a way, towards this forbid-dance, this energetic veto that has shaped so much of who I am and who I have become during this life, in always bending to it, that in physical breathing and slowing down that I can step back a little from this mind spectacle, and see it, look at it, that I can in fact give me the space to say quietly really that – no – I do not need a massive NO which in a way has come out of competition with the loudness of that Veto, trying in my mind to overpower it, because I realize that that does not work, I am simply playing a different move in the same game. While in myself, having stepped back a little from this I can see in a way this imperial ‘no’ in action, and seeing it thus, I also have the space to crosscheck with myself whether or not to implement a decision I have made, or else to give permission to this mind display. And in a way, the lightness of this ‘no’ is kind of matter of fact and no big deal in itself.
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.
Seeing in redefining Diligence for me, the question: What is my starting point within this project? What is here in me here, from where I am, that is seeing this project, and allowing an excitement of the energy in seeing a vision of it done, securing in a way a belief that I would know in advance how that would be, what that would mean, who I would be within that meaning.
So here like a perspective of this starting point, I see how the word Futility comes up; that in raising a vision of an ‘unconditional diligence’, I am seeing how in my mind this would be kind of viewing Diligence from a background context of the conditions set by the word Futility, like there is a question here of how can I release myself from this Futility, that I have accepted and allowed to be the way it is within my mind?
Continuing from the previous writing: where what I looked at last was an experience of Futility, where the addition of an experience into the word Futility became a belief and a definition of Who I Am within Futility as first and foremost an experience, an emotion, a sort of rock-bottom reminder of a reality that was there in me, that was part of who I am embodying Futility as an inevitable giving in and giving up that could only be delayed, the fateful dawning of a cold truth in a pointless venture, a point in which purpose evaporates, and action is stalled.
It’s interesting how in following a programming or a construct such as this, seeing how it eventually reaches into time and space, where decisions have been made, and actions taken and non actions in the physical: outplays of the presence of this word in my mind and the relationships that I have accepted and allowed, all these definitions of myself contained within the dramas of my mind, without any real connection to the physical world.
Within this futility experience also is a come down from the experience of hope, and the loss of hope, here the structures of a pattern and a trigger in my mind, evolved and streamlined into just a quick jab, a fleeting reference to a darkness in myself I dare not face, that I really do not want to hear about, be reminded of.
Going back to: It is in reaction to that separation from self honesty that in such moments, looking into that apparent void, I have accepted and allowed the word Futility to overwhelm me. That point of acceptance and allowance: in which I have quietly assented to this drama of experience, in which the entire context of existence is the thing to blame, and within that sweeping judgement I salvage some righteousness and superiority towards it all, and protecting that, I protect my disempowerment.
So in a way to put Futility back on its feet: a practical perspective with regards to the laws of physics in which some things are possible and other things are not, in which something works or not. Futility standing as a guide to boundaries of practicality: therefore within this as a guide to action, rather than defined within the confines of my relationships to me and parts of me, within my mind, in which Futility has stood as an emotional trigger for a complete collapse of action.
So yes seeing how Futility can be freed up as a resource for decisions of activity and action – and different actions – I will continue with this next time.
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.
Diligence: its history: the roots of Diligence come through old French from Latin, carrying senses of Attentive, Assiduous, Careful, to then evolve additionally senses of Love, and Steady Effort, also, senses of Haste, and Speed.
Even standing as a kind of outline in the catalogue of definitions printed in the dictionary, I mean by outline, kind of pre-defined, suggested, but as yet unlived, Diligence seems already to be furnished with a practical array and combination of supportive subsidiary words.
I mean living these words; each of them combined together into an unconditional diligence, that is without the energetic programs, a plan already in the dictionary. How and in what way could I bring this word into my practical living change, because I see how Diligence speaks of a fluid Patience, relationships to Action and Purpose and Time, and I see how it could support me in a Process of Change, in space-time, through Practice.
Yes practice, because for me, that illusion of change through the instantaneous and imagination/thought perspectives of the mind has become almost second nature, in the sense that I can so easily believe it when a word comes up, that yes this is who I am, in this moment, and then in constantly becoming the word as a temporary experience, and the word after that and after that, a chain of experiences blend together, where in all of it I have no intimate relationship with me of who I am within and as the words I speak, but what I have instead is a series of experiences of beliefs that this is me, speaking honestly, that is according to these beliefs.
What I have done is make a habit of using this facility of simulating words inside my mind, and in so doing, within the conversation for example, enter into a sense of hollowness, and that realization of that I am not here really, in this string of words, that I have shifted into simulation, I have reacted to a word somewhere along the way.
Taking a step back here, giving me some space, supports me in this process where I have just slipped into a sort of programmed exchange between two minds in a projected world, where within that I have let a reaction to a word or to a memory slide into the forefront of my attention. In such an existence, one might ask, What is really out there? Is it really possible to see the what is here that is in front of me in the form of another person, like as in who are you really, who are we that is in this moment? Within this, a quest for some kind of existential anchor, and a recognition of the void that is without self honesty.
It is in reaction to that separation from self honesty that in such moments, looking into that apparent void, I have accepted and allowed the word Futility to overwhelm me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this word Futility as a doorway into giving up, that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand by ‘there being no solution’, and that’s ‘it’, and that within Futility I have accepted and allowed myself to catalogue a history of Failure; that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a pattern of avoidance of this experience of Futility, and within that become as a victim in the situation that I myself defined, and so in my life, have accepted and allowed the word Futility to control me, to define who I am.
There is a history of how words have come into my life, to an extent, and sometimes not, me being like at a distance from, or acquainted with, or familiar with them, or averse to: but only recently been asking questions such as: Ok, How can I change my relationship to this word that I see could help me, be supportive of me, could be instrumental in my process of change? What parts of me am I yet unable to express because of the contents that I have accepted and allowed to exist as part of my definition within this word? To what extent have I accepted and allowed this word to move me, to sabotage me, to limit the choices that I make for me?
Questions such as these are opening up with an entirely different relationship with words: in which we are seeing how much the very words we live are sabotaged and modified by us, how much we become the personal experience of ourselves that we have informed into the substance of our words, rather than ever considering how we might instead respect the word and simply live it, and decide within ourselves how we’d want to live it.
It is like we are moving into an age in which we start to realise how much we have accepted and allowed a reality in which the definitions of all things have been somehow external to us, and that the us within it all that has always been the core of it, has been so far undiscovered.
With the word Patience: I can remember examples of people around me saying things like, ‘But I don’t have the Patience’, and, ‘I haven’t got the patience’, and hearing that, what I took away from it was that there was this relationship with patience – that existed – like patience is something you either have or not, and I sort of plied that into my understanding of myself and of the world.
This problem of not having patience was therefore without a solution. And so I would not enter into things that I had decided required patience, I did not want to experience myself within ‘But I don’t have the Patience’ as a kind of limitation. And so there would be this imagination of a moment of giving up amidst an overwhelming realization of lacking patience, being constricted for space in a way, as an image of fear, and as well a sense of futility that would arise from attempting to do something that I had accepted and allowed within my mind, that it was ‘not within my nature’.
That relationship to patience, the either having it or not relationship, and my acceptance of that also had effects on the way I saw the word, it conditioned it in separation from me, because I saw no way that I could genuinely exist within and as it.
I have found that the sense of proximity to an underlying futility as a negative motivator/reaction to be present in other constructs that I have accepted and allowed as me, that there has been a line across which I did not dare to step. And in looking into Futility I have found an inner core of Despair, and out of that a Desperation: That within that the experience of myself that I would come to automatically avoid, was being in panic, being in a state of desperation, finding myself in what I believed to be a dead-end road, not seeing and realizing that this was the outplay of a belief in ‘Human Nature can’t be changed’ that I had absorbed into my understanding along the way, that I was in and as a kind or type of being, no way out. And in relation to that, that experience of seeing self in the light of a self judgement as simply something and something only, without solution.
All of these peripheral experiences and relationships that I attached to the word Patience! Where I had made all these interpretations of the word, and formed positions about it, and feared possible experiences of myself within it, with who I was in how I saw it in my interpretations, and how I excluded myself really from the core of the word, but would see it in my mind as something admirable in others, and yet not something that I could live myself.
I am not yet able to say clearly that I have walked through all of this, and yet sharing some of the aspects of this that I see here now – such as with this relationship of futility with despair, and desperation – which though I see it’s been acting as a driving force – only showing up in just enough intensity for me to suddenly decide to give up on something, where I have not seen the details of the prompt, where I have not slowed myself down enough to see the subtexts of my reactions, such as with the word Patience, hardly being aware that I had invested into Patience, bad feelings, and gone into a pattern in myself of avoiding those bad feelings, never actually in a way hanging round for long enough to look into what were the subsidiary words.
So, then in clearing Patience of all these experiences and relationships of me, and narratives of me that had become habitual, then there came a moment where I could see that like a gift really that Patience the word was open to me, in the sense that I could choose for me how I wanted to live it. And what I chose was in Patience to give myself this slowing down that I required, to give myself space, expansion of my breathing, a focus on what is here to be done. Not the entire job, but just in what is at hand. Making time.
Through this redefinition process I have made of Patience, something that I have brought into me and embraced, it is like a word that is now intimately a part of me, I have made a space within me for it.
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.
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Adam's Journey Into Life 