Day 314: The word Patience
There is a history of how words have come into my life, to an extent, and sometimes not, me being like at a distance from, or acquainted with, or familiar with them, or averse to: but only recently been asking questions such as: Ok, How can I change my relationship to this word that I see could help me, be supportive of me, could be instrumental in my process of change? What parts of me am I yet unable to express because of the contents that I have accepted and allowed to exist as part of my definition within this word? To what extent have I accepted and allowed this word to move me, to sabotage me, to limit the choices that I make for me?
Questions such as these are opening up with an entirely different relationship with words: in which we are seeing how much the very words we live are sabotaged and modified by us, how much we become the personal experience of ourselves that we have informed into the substance of our words, rather than ever considering how we might instead respect the word and simply live it, and decide within ourselves how we’d want to live it.
It is like we are moving into an age in which we start to realise how much we have accepted and allowed a reality in which the definitions of all things have been somehow external to us, and that the us within it all that has always been the core of it, has been so far undiscovered.
With the word Patience: I can remember examples of people around me saying things like, ‘But I don’t have the Patience’, and, ‘I haven’t got the patience’, and hearing that, what I took away from it was that there was this relationship with patience – that existed – like patience is something you either have or not, and I sort of plied that into my understanding of myself and of the world.
This problem of not having patience was therefore without a solution. And so I would not enter into things that I had decided required patience, I did not want to experience myself within ‘But I don’t have the Patience’ as a kind of limitation. And so there would be this imagination of a moment of giving up amidst an overwhelming realization of lacking patience, being constricted for space in a way, as an image of fear, and as well a sense of futility that would arise from attempting to do something that I had accepted and allowed within my mind, that it was ‘not within my nature’.
That relationship to patience, the either having it or not relationship, and my acceptance of that also had effects on the way I saw the word, it conditioned it in separation from me, because I saw no way that I could genuinely exist within and as it.
I have found that the sense of proximity to an underlying futility as a negative motivator/reaction to be present in other constructs that I have accepted and allowed as me, that there has been a line across which I did not dare to step. And in looking into Futility I have found an inner core of Despair, and out of that a Desperation: That within that the experience of myself that I would come to automatically avoid, was being in panic, being in a state of desperation, finding myself in what I believed to be a dead-end road, not seeing and realizing that this was the outplay of a belief in ‘Human Nature can’t be changed’ that I had absorbed into my understanding along the way, that I was in and as a kind or type of being, no way out. And in relation to that, that experience of seeing self in the light of a self judgement as simply something and something only, without solution.
All of these peripheral experiences and relationships that I attached to the word Patience! Where I had made all these interpretations of the word, and formed positions about it, and feared possible experiences of myself within it, with who I was in how I saw it in my interpretations, and how I excluded myself really from the core of the word, but would see it in my mind as something admirable in others, and yet not something that I could live myself.
I am not yet able to say clearly that I have walked through all of this, and yet sharing some of the aspects of this that I see here now – such as with this relationship of futility with despair, and desperation – which though I see it’s been acting as a driving force – only showing up in just enough intensity for me to suddenly decide to give up on something, where I have not seen the details of the prompt, where I have not slowed myself down enough to see the subtexts of my reactions, such as with the word Patience, hardly being aware that I had invested into Patience, bad feelings, and gone into a pattern in myself of avoiding those bad feelings, never actually in a way hanging round for long enough to look into what were the subsidiary words.
So, then in clearing Patience of all these experiences and relationships of me, and narratives of me that had become habitual, then there came a moment where I could see that like a gift really that Patience the word was open to me, in the sense that I could choose for me how I wanted to live it. And what I chose was in Patience to give myself this slowing down that I required, to give myself space, expansion of my breathing, a focus on what is here to be done. Not the entire job, but just in what is at hand. Making time.
Through this redefinition process I have made of Patience, something that I have brought into me and embraced, it is like a word that is now intimately a part of me, I have made a space within me for it.
NEW Self Creation Insights: SOUL
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What is EQAFE’S Quantum Systemization series all about?
What is EQAFE’S Quantum Mind Self Awareness series all about?
What is EQAFE’S Back to Basics series all about?
What is EQAFE’S Quantum Mechanics of Paranormal Events series all about?
What is EQAFE’S Life Review series all about?
What is EQAFE’S Quantum Physical series all about?
What is EQAFE’S Fears and Phobias Series all about?
What is the Atlantean Series All About?
What is EQAFE’s Reincarnation & The Afterlife Series all about?
What is EQAFE’s Demons in the Afterlife Series all about?
What is EQAFE’s Animal Life Review Series all about?
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
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The Quantum Mind
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Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal