Day 235: Liking and not liking as tags of me
This is about understanding what the game is, and who I am within and as the game – specifically – the game of ‘liking’ this or that – my tendency to by any means – make myself feel better – and within feelings being a positive energy – the tendency to – to what – to remain and to become and be defined by feeling energy. My ability to do such things at the centre of this game is the actual power dynamic that I have lived as me, believing in this game, living it, immersed in it, not seeing it for what it is, but seeing it through the medium of itself – so that even formulating these words ‘I’ ‘would’ ‘like’ it to be clear – within this ‘would’ word, a positivized future where I have seen clearly through the games, and have my feet on firm ground in an imagined ‘actual’ reality, a future where the writing of it out is simply easy and unobstructed, uncluttered by resistances and reactions to my words, my sentences – where within the game, I see myself again within the positivizations that I have attached a feel-good as an expression of my power to finding a solution to myself – so that even in seeing the game for what it is, I continue to play it.
And seeing my writing as the expression of the solution that I have already reached within this ‘future’, I then abandon it – because I do not get the essential good feeling – that I have defined with ‘self realization’ – but what do I get instead but a multiplicity of realizations that do not fit together, a multiplicity of reactions – where each sentence gets abandoned in the middle, as if I have opened up again Pandora’s Box – and the projected solution of the end of the sentence, where the sentence simply ends, and the meaning is contained within it, finished, clear, a simple statement seems impossible. Thus I make my entrance mid-sentence into scrambled interference, distraction, and diffusion, and into the negatives of giving up on myself where gradually I develop hope of finding another angle, like a new pathway into the investigation that does not lead into a dead-end.
Okay I see what I have done here is to write out a little of the drama that plays out in the sentence writing process. I remind myself that this is neither ‘wrong’ as in not the point, irrelevant, nor, cool as in positivity, that I have had a realization of what is going on – that I have seen something in myself – that I have made some ‘progress’ – defined as ‘good’ – that I have succeeded in demonstrating to myself that intimacy with myself is possible – that – yippee, hope for ‘me’ exists – but instead of these obsessive or automatic relationship connections with energy – I stay within the matter-of-fact-ness of looking at, seeing what it is, or seeing some of what it is, a part of it. Yes, self intimacy is possible – not to throw a party over this – but to breathe instead – this world of physical breath within and as a part of physical reality is a different world, a world I do not know, a world in which I do not know myself, a world in which there is no reference to the experience of me as energy-power to make-feel-good within my mind – in the world of energy experience this unfamiliar neutral place is like a nothingness.
Heaven’s Journey to Life: How we use Relationships to Suppress the real Self
Practical Desteni: My Relationship with Emotions
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.