January 2017 – Adam's Journey Into Life

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Day 369: The Unmade Bed

Looking at one of those out of the corner of your eye things: leaving the room, the eyes drag slightly over a view of the unmade bed, seeing that turmoil of sheets, I stop for a moment to take it in: have I really ever looked at this before?

Considering at the same time that this is where on Earth I slept so many times, disengaged beneath these crumpled sheets, where my body has left a profile, and in looking at the bed and seeing myself within it, how I’d made that profile, and looking at who I was within that, it was at first perception an affair of horror, fear and dread, and yet what was rising up beneath these emotional perspectives was something slower: an acknowledgement, or letting in, of something real which was my responsibility within a decision I had made, and it was the realization of the profundity of a mistake that had seemed to justify a flouting of life, to remain as asleep within the suspensions of my mind.

It was the emotional experience attached to Mistake that first had jolted me, and yet stepping back from this I could also see that these reactions were peripheral to the realization of the mistake, were the play outs of past relationships to the word Mistake, and so what I was seeing here plainly was an image of me hiding from the broad day of physical reality, and hidden within that from that realization itself, from that perspective, from that conception.

Seeing this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from me my responsibility for ignorance, my responsibility for blame of and separation of me from the ongoing physical day. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word Mistake to define me, to define my relationship with myself, to define the experience of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in seeing myself in an act of willful ignorance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become victimized within this act of denial. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in seeing that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the victim. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to a perception of the ongoing reality of the physical day. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a belief that I can devalue all of life for the sake of continuation of an experience of myself within my mind as various harmonies of sleep. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within these layers of suspension to be prepared within myself as a programming of who I’ll be today in relation to the day.

I straightened up the bed, I pulled the sheet taught, I shook out the imprint of the night before. What do I take with me: that I have attended to this moment, that this perception of my sleeping self as part of and in view of this physical reality that I am standing in, changed the nature of that corner of the eye moment from in a way habitually witnessing my suppression of who I’d been in hiding from myself as a part of a habitual leaving of the sleeping room process, to quickly pass through that door and pay no attention to that moment, that moment of as-is of the fabric of the sheets, of my body wrapped in such a way, of the as-is nature of the consciousness within that, and within that, being, sunk within as-is-ness of the system – I changed it to a moment of seeing: So ok what is here that is left in the corner of my eye, as I commence with something else?

… continuing next post …

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Day 368: WE HAVE NEVER LIVED LIFE

In the zone between the fake news and the news of a fake reality there is an alarm, the definition of who we are in our formation of the word World is stressed, we do not want to see the evidence, or let the questions fall naturally where they may, there is a need to hold away a wider reality, there is dissonance…

… WE HAVE NEVER LIVED LIFE

What lays at the core of this Endeavour at the same time is also at the very edge that we have come to comprehend and see an outline of, in seeing how we can realign the very words that we have lived to the principles of life, and so ourselves within and as those words as Redefined, where what we choose to live within those words correspond to Life, while what we have chosen to dismantle are the definitions of self within the words that we have accepted and allowed in accordance with energy systems and beliefs. And so we turn to life within the very components of ourselves as the words we live.

With the dawning of a new relationship to word, there comes a point when the very language itself will have to change its paths and contours: the Word is here in itself. Language: makes way for Communication.

… WE HAVE NEVER LIVED LIFE

What is there to be unfolded as we move in a direction never taken before? In me there comes up an example of a moment when some words are spoken, or written, and I take those words and then later, there is a moment of discovery as I unfold these words within me: it is like I experience myself within and as them. Sometimes it seems as if a fog had cleared, the obfuscations of conflicts contained in certain words, that needed to be first looked at or be faced, or released: there had been a process through those points, and now the words had come up again, cleared of haze, cleared of feeling, cleared of memory, and then, discovery, as a standing up within the unfolding of myself within the unfolding of the word.

That was a point where you could say that the communication process had completed a moment. Sometimes it takes a lot of slowing down for me to be able really to read a simple sentence, or to hear finally what someone said to me, and may be even repeated over and over many times before. It is like I’ve found an angle of me within this word through which I can step into it: and towards it too, embrace it, there was something that I had not seen before about this word, these words together, that enabled me to move, to look around, in a way, release myself from the restraints of the matrix, I mean the matrix of myself as channeled into mind, release myself within those bonds and equations that I had accepted and allowed and adhered to for so long.

… WE HAVE NEVER LIVED LIFE

We saw that the words we lived had lost connection to physical reality; that designs within them had taken emotional precedence, and so kept the focus on the mind projections – rather than on and in the physical reality. Seeing that functioning through an ongoing experience of words is not life, it is a form of sleep, there is no self direction, there is no time to spend a life with the words any more, as incidental, while unseen they remain in themselves our physical technology with which to deliberately redefine the settings of ourselves in consideration of the principles of life, so of our vocabulary of ourselves that we have never lived, and so without limit, the articulation of life itself.

How will it unfold? What is this unfolding as a self unfolding, or as, let it unfold, and be unfolded, there is a sense of a letting go for the unfolding to happen: it was a line of stress that held it folded. When something unfolds, a whole new dimension is revealed, or that moment of discovery within opening a communication, unwrapping it, the unfolding in it.

… continuing next post …