Day 184: Strict (part 1)


Illustration: a glimpse into my own mind system/dictionary/thesaurus/ book of life (see Creation’s series, The Encryption of Systems, 1,2,3,4,and 5)

 

The problem. As outlined in the previous post; the problem of self-change and standing firm within decision as a commitment to self-correction, or in other words into alignment with the principle of Life itself as Equality and Oneness. Specifically here, this problem in allowing giving-in based personalities as who I am to act for me in the moment of emergence of desire within me.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of not being kind to me as energy, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as cruel and hard and intolerant in not allowing me to stop myself to follow the desire for giving up.”

Opening up this Self Forgiveness statement from the previous post, it is immediately clear how I have accepted and allowed myself to protect and defend and also fear to face, my own subservience to energy addiction by utilizing these judgements of myself around the possible situation of not letting me (so cruel!) continue ‘happily’ and voluntarily and deliberately overwhelmed and apparently, (blame) dragged along by my own desires.

As fear has been for me the most difficult of energies to direct or even to approach, and consequently to understand and therefore to change, so also has desire, the reflection of this fear. So, in the context of still walking this relationship between fear and desire as a character personality of going into hope and into and as imagination I hear the word ‘strict’ come up in the Atlantean Support Interviews, and I see and realize that I have not looked at or explored how I have lived this word ‘strict’, or realised that it has played a major part in my own personalized system of self brainwashing /programming /systematization.

As opened in the Self Forgiveness statement above, yes, allowed self judgements about ‘not being kind to me’ as excuses and justifications for just letting me go with the energy of desire, but I see and realize that there is so much more to this as represented in ‘strict’ as who I am and how I have lived this word ‘strict’, and that really ‘cruel and hard and intolerant’ are some words amongst many others as connections to this word strict.

‘Strict’ is a very simple word to express the specific boundaries of my self direction, like in driving on the road, I am actually ‘strict’ in the sense that I do not drive anywhere randomly but in a certain traffic lane, within the scope of traffic laws. ‘Strict’ in relation to my physical control of my vehicle amongst the traffic does not carry a charge of energy, it is simple common sense, it is best for me as in best for all in that everyone gets to where they’re going as safely and efficiently as possible, without damage to vehicles, or injuries, or emergency services, or the ever widening ripples of physical consequences to jams, hold ups, delays and accidents.

In contrast to this simplicity; in examining this word as I have lived/energized it in my mind, I find rather than the simple definition of the word, a whole construct and system of words as in connections to it that I have accepted and allowed but been unconscious of; so that in trying to be ‘strict’ with me at this point of stopping me to go with desire, I have not at all realized this construct system/personality that I have attached within and as the word ‘strict’.

The Solution. Seeing realizing and understanding that I am not in fact superior or separate to the mind, but integrated within and as it as programmed systems that I have accepted and allowed to function for me and as me, then there is a solution to ‘the way I am’ because understanding how these systems work I can deconstruct the equations that I have energized and lived as this energy, I can take back the self responsibility that I have given up. Now what it is I want to do, exactly at this specific point within my process, is to purify this word ‘strict’ so that I can stand as ‘strict’ and live it, because I see and realize that this will practically strengthen the decision of my commitment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘strict’ with negative energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that I have in fact charged the word strict with negative energy, that I am responsible within this, and that my relationship to the word ‘strict’ is not a relationship to any reality, but a relationship that I have accepted and allowed towards my own experience of me, as who I am within an alternative reality within my imagination within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize exactly how I have charged this word ‘strict’ with negative energy with not allowing myself see or look upon or to question the details of how exactly I have defined this word by to connecting to it other words also charged with energy within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how in overwhelm-ment that I have created, meant, and so manifested an energy environment ample with opportunities of diversion and loss of focus. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as superiority within and as a kind of secret Houdini within imagination of myself as ‘wealthy’ in ‘means’ of creating back-door opportunities wherein I will always be able to escape from facing me and my own reality.

 

Getting back to focus on this word ‘strict’. 

 

Dictionary Definition:   strict

1. characterized by or acting in close conformity to requirements or principles: a  strict observance of rituals.

2. stringent or exacting in or in enforcing rules, requirements, obligations, etc.: strict laws; a strict judge.

3. closely or rigorously enforced or maintained: strict silence.

4. exact or precise: a strict statement of facts.

5. extremely defined or conservative; narrowly or carefully limited: a strict               construction of the constitution

 

 

Self Forgiveness Statements on the word ‘strict’ as I have lived/energized myself as it according to my reactions towards it, and my experiences as memories that I have attached to it.

 

Looking at the word strict as defined within the dictionary, it becomes clear to me that I have attached to the word strict my reactions of retaliation towards authority, law, ritual, and specificity itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word strict many other words and energies as reactions, and for not allowing myself to realize what exactly it was that I have been defining myself as within the word strict, and how through attempting to become strict with myself in becoming the directive principle of myself, that I have been attempting to live a contradiction, because within attempting to live strict as a decision I have unknowingly initiated constructs of energy in which I have defined myself in retaliation to strictness in accordance with my reactions in experiences within my life that I have stored within myself as memories and then attached to ‘strict’, as a separated program and systematization of myself, so that rather than assisting and supporting me to strengthen directive principle as who I am, I have initiated personalities through which I am directed.

 

 

Continuing with the practical solution of purifying this word strict, in removing the definitions that I have attached to it through Self Forgiveness…. next post….

 

 

 

 

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Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

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Day 183: Positive Reward and Sabotage

 

Continuing from the previous post… and with the same point – this background in my mind, common to my personalities that I have made – of giving up in different ways – and now I find a personality of tolerance towards this giving up that I have accepted and allowed but have not seen – as tolerance or as a ‘kindness’ towards the personalities in which I accept and allow a positive experience in being kind towards myself in allowing myself to go with the desire.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand or be aware of or to notice that I have accepted and allowed an energetic kindness towards myself as a personality – rather than an actual living kindness as who I am, as this being in the physical – and that in and as this personality that I have accepted and allowed a positive energy experience within and for the very actions of allowance of myself to follow the desire of giving up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a negative experience to exist, in polarity to this energetic kindness within and as me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of not being kind to me as energy, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as cruel and hard and intolerant in not allowing me to stop myself to follow the desire for giving up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand and recognize this energetic kindness as a mechanism that I have utilized as a reward of energy for accepting excuses and justifications where essentially I silently praise myself, and at the same time act in fear of my reactions such as the tantrums of these personalities of giving up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself in this by representing to myself ‘decision’ as a massive effort of energy. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect responsibility as who I am to an experience of energy.

 

I commit myself to release this connection that I have made accepted and allowed of responsibility as who I am to an experience of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this process be so difficult and so complicated, because I have accepted and allowed myself to live as energy being guided through the energy experience as a simulation of an actual life according to the programs that I myself have written or accepted and allowed as me, where I have relied upon obstructions and hiding places and things to blame and beliefs and reasonings and excuses and justifications all to hide and to deny the simple fact of my responsibility.

 

In these realizations I can see how I can do some work on improving the effectiveness of my self commitment and my willingness to walk in self correction and in the understanding that through this I can change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not responsible for who I am as my commitment and for not allowing myself to explore this point, and hence not seeing the fear that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to this.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot stand within commitment absolute, because I fear to recognize myself enslaved within desire for giving up on me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope in my imagination that maybe this time I may not fall in this but stand in my commitment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in and as that hope, my commitment is to energy in which the direction of myself is only in the mind and in imagination.

 

I commit myself to deconstruct these personalities of giving up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe and to not slow down myself enough to look upon this point, but only as a doubt, or as an undefined fear that I will ‘look at later’. I forgive myself that I have not taken seriously this doubt but only brushed it off as the vestige of some judgement of myself, and so have refused to acknowledge that I show myself that I am in fact concerned, that really there is a serious problem here, a contradiction in which I have accepted sabotage of my ability to change.

 

 

 

 

 

See this video:

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

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Day 182: Desire for Giving Up

question

 Question:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ask myself a question which might expose a secret that I do not want exposed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this fear to the point where this fear has possessed me and I have accepted and allowed myself as a victim within becoming overwhelmed by energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to recognize in this my self dishonesty.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to recognize my self deception.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand how and why it is that I have blamed my state of turmoil on the mind, and then used this as an excuse to justify my giving up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have made it secret to myself that I desire the experience of giving up, and therefore in that desire as energy to hang on to the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having a desire to experience giving up, and because of this to have made of it a secret in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand stable in myself before this desire to experience this giving up and rather than allowing myself to be moved and drawn into it as an addiction, to simply breathe and see it for what it is.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself being drawn into this desire for giving up, to stop, and breathe, I do not accept or allow any more this giving up as me to exist in me as part of me, this is not who I am. I say no to this desire for giving up. I do not accept these excuses and justifications that I have for giving up that I have accepted also as a part of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang on to and protect this desire as a back door to return myself to the mind as energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program me in giving up. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have been doing this and living out this giving up till now it is as if I’ve never known anything different and because I’ve done it for so long I’ve come to believe this giving up is me, is who I am, that ultimately whatever I do that I cannot avoid this part of me as my own nature. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving up is me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize imagination to shape an alternative reality in which my responsibility does not exist, and therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in who I am as giving up within a state of blame.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate a massive conflict in myself so that I can experience myself as energy as what I’ve always known, and then to take me to the point of giving up as somehow reasonable and comfortable within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the conflict that I generate is because in this process of change that I have committed me to walk, I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately make a resistance in myself to change, and thus to make of change a massive effort of energy in which through my imagination I can then excuse myself in giving up.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize or understand that in choosing to fear that which I do not know, that which is not energy, I have chosen to remain as energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to recognize this choice for fear to have been my own decision, and that I have deceived myself by blaming this onto the mind.

 

I commit myself to see and realize and understand that letting go of who I’ve known as me is absolute.

 

 

Great support from Reptilians 152: How I Sabotaged My Own Change

See this video:

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
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Day 180: Imagination and Recreation.

A continuation from previous post.

 

Getting lost in the mind, and really having writing as my only means of retrieving myself back from out of the storm. Last post was I see now, congratulating myself, for managing to deliver myself from out of the overwhelmingness experience, and then what happens, splat, I go into more of it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word discipline with positive energy, and to participate in this energetic state, and in so doing accepting and allowing a negative polarity to this and falling into a morass of directionlessness and fear of who I am as this.

 

I commit myself to redefine this word discipline so that in this word I am aligned to life, to the example of life as equality and oneness as what I am an example of within this physical, so that within the living of the word discipline there is no charge of energy but simply learning to act in each moment with and for and in support of life, which includes saying no to my commitment constructs in the mind aligned with a reward as energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as useless and ineffective and to believe that this judgement is real and to fear experiencing myself as what I believe myself to be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face myself as who or what I really am and have become. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I might be missing something in my imagination, and for suppressing in myself my own awareness that in doing this it will be for an energy experience, and that I am making an excuse to feed myself as energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that participating in this state of fear I am grasping onto anything, anything at all, with which to occupy myself as the mind, to make it real, to reinstate or reinforce a structure, any structure, to make a recreation, to re-create myself as a personality of the mind, and to not stand up within this but instead to fear the fear of this experience and to collapse into distraction. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into hope of positive experience of myself within distraction as entertainment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to experience a hopelessness, a fear of loss of hope, to resolve and understand what is going on within myself, and within this to fear to experience myself as who I am within my resignation, and where I react towards myself in hiding and seeking out distraction from the point that’s here.

 

 

 

 

 

See this video:

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

NEW

the FREE DIP LITE Course now available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

 

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com