Illustration: a glimpse into my own mind system/dictionary/thesaurus/ book of life (see Creation’s series, The Encryption of Systems, 1,2,3,4,and 5)
The problem. As outlined in the previous post; the problem of self-change and standing firm within decision as a commitment to self-correction, or in other words into alignment with the principle of Life itself as Equality and Oneness. Specifically here, this problem in allowing giving-in based personalities as who I am to act for me in the moment of emergence of desire within me.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of not being kind to me as energy, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as cruel and hard and intolerant in not allowing me to stop myself to follow the desire for giving up.”
Opening up this Self Forgiveness statement from the previous post, it is immediately clear how I have accepted and allowed myself to protect and defend and also fear to face, my own subservience to energy addiction by utilizing these judgements of myself around the possible situation of not letting me (so cruel!) continue ‘happily’ and voluntarily and deliberately overwhelmed and apparently, (blame) dragged along by my own desires.
As fear has been for me the most difficult of energies to direct or even to approach, and consequently to understand and therefore to change, so also has desire, the reflection of this fear. So, in the context of still walking this relationship between fear and desire as a character personality of going into hope and into and as imagination I hear the word ‘strict’ come up in the Atlantean Support Interviews, and I see and realize that I have not looked at or explored how I have lived this word ‘strict’, or realised that it has played a major part in my own personalized system of self brainwashing /programming /systematization.
As opened in the Self Forgiveness statement above, yes, allowed self judgements about ‘not being kind to me’ as excuses and justifications for just letting me go with the energy of desire, but I see and realize that there is so much more to this as represented in ‘strict’ as who I am and how I have lived this word ‘strict’, and that really ‘cruel and hard and intolerant’ are some words amongst many others as connections to this word strict.
‘Strict’ is a very simple word to express the specific boundaries of my self direction, like in driving on the road, I am actually ‘strict’ in the sense that I do not drive anywhere randomly but in a certain traffic lane, within the scope of traffic laws. ‘Strict’ in relation to my physical control of my vehicle amongst the traffic does not carry a charge of energy, it is simple common sense, it is best for me as in best for all in that everyone gets to where they’re going as safely and efficiently as possible, without damage to vehicles, or injuries, or emergency services, or the ever widening ripples of physical consequences to jams, hold ups, delays and accidents.
In contrast to this simplicity; in examining this word as I have lived/energized it in my mind, I find rather than the simple definition of the word, a whole construct and system of words as in connections to it that I have accepted and allowed but been unconscious of; so that in trying to be ‘strict’ with me at this point of stopping me to go with desire, I have not at all realized this construct system/personality that I have attached within and as the word ‘strict’.
The Solution. Seeing realizing and understanding that I am not in fact superior or separate to the mind, but integrated within and as it as programmed systems that I have accepted and allowed to function for me and as me, then there is a solution to ‘the way I am’ because understanding how these systems work I can deconstruct the equations that I have energized and lived as this energy, I can take back the self responsibility that I have given up. Now what it is I want to do, exactly at this specific point within my process, is to purify this word ‘strict’ so that I can stand as ‘strict’ and live it, because I see and realize that this will practically strengthen the decision of my commitment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘strict’ with negative energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that I have in fact charged the word strict with negative energy, that I am responsible within this, and that my relationship to the word ‘strict’ is not a relationship to any reality, but a relationship that I have accepted and allowed towards my own experience of me, as who I am within an alternative reality within my imagination within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize exactly how I have charged this word ‘strict’ with negative energy with not allowing myself see or look upon or to question the details of how exactly I have defined this word by to connecting to it other words also charged with energy within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how in overwhelm-ment that I have created, meant, and so manifested an energy environment ample with opportunities of diversion and loss of focus.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as superiority within and as a kind of secret Houdini within imagination of myself as ‘wealthy’ in ‘means’ of creating back-door opportunities wherein I will always be able to escape from facing me and my own reality.
Getting back to focus on this word ‘strict’.
Dictionary Definition: strict
1. characterized by or acting in close conformity to requirements or principles: a strict observance of rituals.
2. stringent or exacting in or in enforcing rules, requirements, obligations, etc.: strict laws; a strict judge.
3. closely or rigorously enforced or maintained: strict silence.
4. exact or precise: a strict statement of facts.
5. extremely defined or conservative; narrowly or carefully limited: a strict construction of the constitution
Self Forgiveness Statements on the word ‘strict’ as I have lived/energized myself as it according to my reactions towards it, and my experiences as memories that I have attached to it.
Looking at the word strict as defined within the dictionary, it becomes clear to me that I have attached to the word strict my reactions of retaliation towards authority, law, ritual, and specificity itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word strict many other words and energies as reactions, and for not allowing myself to realize what exactly it was that I have been defining myself as within the word strict, and how through attempting to become strict with myself in becoming the directive principle of myself, that I have been attempting to live a contradiction, because within attempting to live strict as a decision I have unknowingly initiated constructs of energy in which I have defined myself in retaliation to strictness in accordance with my reactions in experiences within my life that I have stored within myself as memories and then attached to ‘strict’, as a separated program and systematization of myself, so that rather than assisting and supporting me to strengthen directive principle as who I am, I have initiated personalities through which I am directed.
Continuing with the practical solution of purifying this word strict, in removing the definitions that I have attached to it through Self Forgiveness…. next post….
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