Day 258: Trust – Word Sweep

•March 15, 2015 • Leave a Comment

 

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Day 258: Trust – Word Sweep

 

Okay so, a backchat of not ‘trusting’ words that rise from seeming ‘uncertain’ depths into the surface… seeing and realising that the central word within this backchat is ‘trust’ as the trigger of a judgement, one that I have accepted and allowed, where the words that are written, I have then reacted to, and then believed somehow that they reflect an illusion of myself – as filtered through the ‘mind’ – as bad, as a sign of self-dishonesty as bad, and then go into a belief that I am ‘right’ to not trust this, therefore I am in ‘control’ of this – there is fear of trusting an illusion – specifically: fear of exposing who I am as an illusion that I have secretly trusted in, operated through, and as.

 

Here is an example of who I am as less than, within the word ‘trust’ – there is a feeling in it of being fooled, of being let down, of a bubble popped – all of these as forms of blame.

 

‘Trust’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and then live the word trust with connection to emotional and feeling energy. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to self honestly look inside this word so as to see what I have accepted and allowed this word to be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I may possibly see when I look inside this word trust and see how I have used it, how I have lived it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word trust to become a trigger point in a line of backchat. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the line ‘I don’t trust this’ to exist within me, for me to believe in it, as who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what this ‘trust’ consists of as a trigger of judgement and censoring and self suppression and separation from myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the word ‘trust’ as a disaster, and for not allowing myself to see that it is how I have defined this word and lived it, that has lead me to this point of disaster and dis-illusion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in regret for lost illusion. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize this regret in my commitment to not do that again, to not go into and live as a belief of who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word ‘doubt’ to exist as a polarity within ‘trust’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘doubt’ and ‘trust’ within a protocol of ‘belief’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a protocol of belief as the way to live this physical life.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see the arrogance of belief itself, that who I am in acceptance of this is as a god within my mind, as an arbitrator of the truth of things. I forgive myself that I have given my self-authority into and as this perspective in my mind where I have accepted and allowed for me to become a relationship as less than it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger towards myself in being made into a fool, in having fooled myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself the space to see realize and understand that this anger is towards myself in accepting and allowing a definition of myself in absolute as ‘a fool’ rather than allowing myself to see realize and understand that I have made decisions in mistake. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through the channel of this word ‘trust’ to have constricted myself through judgement into a definition of myself as a fool, as a judgemental closed box, as a definition of myself that has removed the possibility of solution. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed through these means to have justified myself in giving up.

 

I commit myself to clarify the word ‘trust’, to clear it of these energy equations that I have accepted and allowed myself to wire into it, and through that, into me. I commit myself to as and when the word ‘trust’ comes into my awareness, to stop and breathe and assess self honestly what it is that this word carries, what it means, who I am in meaning this. I commit myself to substantiate this word ‘trust’ with my furthering cross-reference with myself here in the physical, to in fact take this word back to me and through me as a word that I can live without self sabotage, without self conflict.

 

 

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 257: Purpose 1

•February 10, 2015 • Leave a Comment

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‘How’ the question of ‘why’ we are here specifies into ‘what’ is our purpose – ‘here’ – meaning on this ‘Earth’ – Were we ‘meant’ to be someone, do something? In using the word ‘meant’ it is clear that we are referencing the question of our definition – where from out of our awareness spills a spectrum of interrogatives – where the existence of the question attests to an expansion of our awareness. A world bereft of questions is an automation, an unfolding consequence of algorithms – in such a world, what would be the function of mere witnesses, except as kind of like inspection portals within the great machine…

 

Okay grounding myself here, I breathe.

 

How have I in my life defined the word ‘purpose’ and lived accordingly? Because seeing this in itself as being a massive question – then what of this question asked of all of the awarenesses within humanity at once – that is so vast as to be incomprehensible – like how does each of us everywhere define and hence live and experience this word? Seven plus billion definitions of a single word, within seven plus billion individualized vocabularies… and the consequential chaos of a mass of beings unable to see why they cannot walk in one direction.

 

I remember as a teenager, a moment where this question of my purpose on Earth had come up – I was looking at my hands – I was asking what these hands were for, with their palm lines and their finger prints, their size, their strength, their sensitivity – like were they specialized in some way – could I read from them some clue about my purpose? It’s a significant memory, to me, because it is a record of the fact that I was searching to find my purpose, rather than seeing and realizing that my purpose was in my hands, and that it was a decision that I wanted support in making, but instead I was kind of looking for a label in a way, some pre-written function.

 

Even within making my purpose ‘my own’ – it was not clear to me that though this was my decision, it was a decision to follow my programming – to reinforce, protect, defend, maintain my mind constructs – within which, ‘justification’ had become acceptable to me as a substitute for reality, and within that, I defined this word purpose as subservient to ‘who I am’ as defined and limited by my relationships to energy. That is, I utilized my definition of purpose as justification to follow absolutely my self interest as a working system of energy relationships to which I was enslaved, but in which I saw myself as ‘free’. That these energy relationships were based on words such as also this word ‘free’ that I had, like the word ‘purpose’, taken up within my mind, slanted and shaped and energized, brought to side within the preference of the personality configurations within my mind, that I had become possessed by.

 

Again, bringing this all back here, very much not a pretty sight, though I have decided for and with myself in self forgiveness and understanding of these things – not at all pretty – because in seeing how I might have answered, what is purpose, what does purpose mean to me, and through that, what I am ‘meant’ to do here on this ‘Earth’ – I would have answered emphatically, to be free, to be free to express myself, to live the life of an artist, in total disregard of others, in total disregard of the practicality of taking care of my body – where ‘art’ had seemed to me to be convenient channel to glorify my reaction to ‘the system’ – where out of that word ‘glory’ came a resource of justification, as being ‘special’, as having special dispensation.

 

It’s interesting how my definition of purpose was kind of like an outflow of ‘entitlement’ – a combined belief about suffering arising out of my own imposed self secrecy in guilt and constrictions of self punishment through judgements – transcending as energy into the positive domains – where I was somehow ‘free’ to build and inhabit my own design of Xanadu in the form of massive extravaganzas of colour, and through which I had resolved to live a life of energetic pleasure. It is as an example of how I had incorporated this word purpose into primarily the exigencies of energy management. In a sense I had stolen purpose from the world, possessing it with this automated ‘my’ and snipping off all reference lines to the physical reality, to who I really am within myself as located in the physical world. And from there in such serious realization, to shift again into the pattern and feed the voracious guilt in the darkened underworld of secrecy.

Man, where is your fucking dignity? Sounding these words, I realise that I have in my abuse of purpose, become separated from the word dignity – where what comes up is shame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exiled myself from living dignity. I commit myself to learn to live this word.

 

Back to this emphatic purpose: ‘to be free’ – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom of expression within and as a positive energy, and for not allowing myself to see that what is really in fact expressed in this is who I am as possessed by this pattern of energy, acquiescent to the programming, hidden away from my responsibility and my own directive principle within the folds of guilt. Therefore I redefine this ‘freedom’ as my decision to release myself from energy, where as directive principle I learn to move myself, in which freedom I can stand in purpose, and strengthen it, expand it, specifize it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom in such a way that sabotages constant and consistent purpose.

 

 

 

Two very supportive interviews on Purpose: Crucifixion of Jesus Parts 41, and 42

 Living Words: Purpose – Part 1

Living Words: Purpose – Part 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 256: Integrity and Conscience

•January 30, 2015 • Leave a Comment

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Day 256: Integrity and Conscience

 

Integrity: here it is, I have dared to write this word, not as just a simple succession of symbols, which would be an exercise in memory, but as a word that I intend to – in practicality – live, that is where the daring would come in. So with ‘practicality’ includes that ‘who I am’ is as a physical being as part of this physical reality dimension in which my ‘living’ is taking place, and so also with ‘practicality’ comes along the question: How? How to in fact do this, this living of the word integrity? How to stand here on this Earth in and as Integrity? And here, to note, already in the situation of this paragraph’s fresh existence on this page, are clustering around, as well as practicality, are daring, and the verb, to live. How to in practical reality dare to live, given that real integrity is essential to this process of being and becoming a physical living being on Earth?

 

There are other processes concomitant to this: the act of decision making, the how-to of decision making so that it becomes real, persistent, as a point of lasting change, and the point of commitment, in which commitment is real as an act of the totality of me, not as an absolute, but as the totality of my awareness of myself in self-honesty in this moment, as an actual step, an actual real movement. Okay, to catch up with my notes on key entries to this procession of words, I have now in the context of ‘integrity’ made reference to acts of ‘decision’, and of ‘commitment’. It is very cool in physical writing, how words arrive in relation to the starting point or context in the process of expansion and of specificity, so that I can actively support myself in clearly seeing the points involved, in this case with integrity. And the why and how of the point of integrity being here for me to dare to look at and see in equanimity, and I mean with ‘equanimity’ without reaction to it, without a loss of stability – such as the question of why would such a point be here now? What is it that has obstructed me from seeing it up until now? And what has been my relationship to integrity that now, out of all my other moments of existence, that I should question it, that I should suddenly, apparently, come into the realization of how essential to me it is to clarify this word, to step into it, and to live it.

 

So then follows the story of how I came to see realise and understand how I have not in fact lived integrity, how I have not in fact directed my decision making, how I have not in fact been whole in my commitments; and thus what I have been looking at is the nitty-gritty of how and in what ways I have stood as an obstruction to myself in change – and so also how I have deluded myself that I could somehow and in some way get along with myself without looking too closely at the state of ‘my’ integrity, that is, how I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within and as me an ‘integrity’ according to a personal definition of it as an image in my mind, as part of who I am as an image in my mind, as part of a wider charade in which my existence was not real, but only justified in my mind, and hence validated, as being ‘good’, with ‘good’ intentions, with ‘integrity’ defined and charged within that as another aspect of an unquestioned mind-based value program of ‘good’, together with a fear of it’s opposite polarity, ‘bad’. Within this, as a child, I accepted a persona as being seen as ‘good’ as an M.O. and through defining myself according to the views of others, it wasn’t long before I had integrated myself into and as this insanity. Because seeing the insularity of such a polarity of mind values, in them having no reference to physical reality, it is obviously paranoid when believing in the pictures, feelings and emotions over and above what is actually physically here in common sense, is paranoia, as well as believing in those self as ‘bad’ concealments into secrecy and suppression.

 

Ha ha, reminding myself that ‘who I am’ is as a physical being as part of this physical reality dimension in which my ‘living’ is taking place – is a reflection of who I am as space-cadet, with my attention on the navigational aspects of re-entry.

 

Upright in the midst of a decision stands the conscience. In the mind, the conscience stands as a safeguard to govern total out and out self interested decision making, and it has worked well in the sense that we have not destroyed each other long ago, though when I look at my experience I can see how I have accepted and allowed myself to associate with conscience the words ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Within this I see how I have accepted and allowed an interpretation of conscience in terms of mind-values. Where conscience remain as an awareness of a dilemma between a decision that in Life Reality could be best for all as a drive towards solution, instead of a decision that is solely based on the needs and survival of self as an energy system, without regard for others – and instead becomes perverted into and as a choice between unreal alternatives, such as this good or bad, or right and wrong. And the experience of this conflict, and decision against Life not experienced as guilt as the experience of self in separation from physical reality, but instead interpreted as guilt, as self as bad or self as wrong.

 

When I look into my life I can see how guilt interpreted thus has played a major part, where over and over I have been making decisions from within and as the throes of energy, wanting to expand, intensify and consummate in a mind-based experience of immediacy and projected satisfaction while at the same time accepting and allowing guilt as belief in self as ‘bad’ and deserving of self punishment in secrecy, and becoming as the self-punisher aligning myself into and as self righteousness and so remain ‘intact’ within and as the basic ‘good intentions’. The crippling effect of this game of hiding within this systematic pattern of guilt is that there is no learning, it just goes round and round, and what protects the system as I have seen in myself is the belief that I deserve to be punished, and therefore I refuse to see that I can in fact take responsibility and forgive myself for holding on to it, and take back to myself my awareness that is in my conscience. Added to this within the constant hidden experience of self as bad which acts as a platform for a desire to instead ‘feel good’ and addictions into experiences that I have defined as good, as well as diversions from myself as in a way, taking time off – being who I have become – as defined by me as a ‘good’ experience.

 

Sharing these things has been as a support for me to let go of especially this system where I have not allowed myself to see into and through not allowing myself to forgive myself the guilt as I have described it. On the other side of secrecy is a deliberate act of diminishment of self awareness, where if there had not been an unconscious world, I would have invented it.

 

So the question of how to live integrity has become this dimension of the question – that in slowing myself in breathing as who I am in self honesty in this moment of breath that I am here in making a decision – that I can see this conscience as something to support me, my presence here in this awareness of the choice between an energy or a choice that is best for all, or in consideration of those around me, knowing that in a choice for Life I walk integrity.

 

Daring to live the word integrity, is ‘daring’ in the awareness that self interested decisions will present themselves with a fear of loss as a persuader, with a diminishment and a greying out of the choice for life, with a de-intensification of awareness of the reality of the effected beings, that is where the daring lies, to not relapse into the comfort zones of energy, or the habitual patterns of comparison and judgement.

 

In commitment of myself to change who I am in my decisions, involves the whole of me, ha ha, again the training of a space-cadet to actually walk in physical reality by picking up the back foot and bringing it forward, so as to actually move into a new location – so in and as commitment to a decision made – that I see realize and understand that commitments can’t be made while I have accepted and allowed to exist within me these reserves of secrecy related to guilt and shame, because within this I have accepted and allowed a rejection of a part of me, resulting in my commitments not being whole, but unconsciously with provisions.

 

Wider perspectives and support on this -

See: Creation’s Journey to Life, Day 92

Consciousness is without CONSCIENCE

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-92-consciousness-is-without.html

 

See: Earth’s Journey to Life, Days 89 – 93

The Day 89: Guilt Character

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-89-guilt-character.html

 

See: Atlanteans on Guilt parts 123 – 126

https://eqafe.com/p/guilt-understanding-guilt-atlanteans-part-123

 

See: Life Review: A Martyr for my Brother

https://eqafe.com/p/a-martyr-for-my-brother-life-review

 

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 255: Opening the point of Dis-connection

•December 12, 2014 • Leave a Comment

 

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Day 255: Opening the point of Dis-connection

 

A point came up in the recent Atlantean interviews on the construct of insecurity – which is the point of how massive and overwhelming an energy can seem through the conscious mind – and looking at this point, and listening to the Atlanteans, I realized how much I have actually been responsible for inferiorizing myself as a reaction to myself within my approach and relationship to my own process and realizations – where in seeing a point – and how it applies to me, rather than just simply writing out what I see when I look at it, instead I have put so much attention onto it in my mind, that I have added more and more energy to it – and mulling it over, and over in my mind, have come to all sorts of various realizations of how hugely significant and important and crucial this point is, and has been, and how it has played out over the course of my whole life, and has been lurking there in every moment of every day, till I get into such a relationship with this point that I think in my mind that in order to write it out and in order to release myself from this accumulated energy – that I am going to have to do this massive work of writing, that I am going to need this super-clear perspective of myself, that in my overwhelmed state I am going to need to call on qualities of specificity and meticulousness and patience and such super strong determination and resolve, and unshakeable stability – that I then in this design go on to see that I do not have, that I have not developed yet, that are beyond me, and along with all of that and within it a fear that if I do not get to all of this, do not root out and visit and forgive and correct every single tiny detail of it, then it will all have been a waste of time, a failure of self change, and so in this cycle more and more I engage with justifications and reasons and persuasions towards and into giving in and giving up on myself. This ‘mulling over’ process in my mind is like an attempt to embrace the entirety of the whole point, to find out what it is that is beneath it, to find an entrance into it, to follow a thread that will not just lead me nowhere – and writing this – I see how many conditions that I have set myself as prerequisites for starting off – and how looking at these conditions, how I undermine myself.

 

So a specific case of this – where in the same Atlantean recordings, a word came up, was presented to me, just a simple word – (haha) – and exploring this – and so often it happens like this – that in the process of becoming more sensitive to words, where a word comes into my awareness, with all of it’s gathered up connections, sort of magnetized to it and cluttered and entangled all around it – so much so that the word as the source connecting point of all the imagery and experience and memory – the word itself kind of goes unnoticed, existing deep down within it all, and at the same time all around it – that I have not realized at all – that what is present here is the world that I have accepted and allowed as this word, that what I am looking at is how I’ve lived this word, and that in my experience of being within it and as it, I have not seen it.

 

So the word here that I am referring to is the word ’disconnect’ – and what I would like to bring here in relation to this is who I am within ‘explore’, and ‘exploration’, because I see how in ‘exploration’ that I have not made for me any qualifications or disqualifications or prerequisites for doing so, whether it be as it was when I was very young, exploring the back-garden, or underneath the floor-boards, or the attic, being an explorer meant to me taking physical steps of walking, of investigating paths and tracks, finding things.

 

So, kind of setting off thus, into ‘disconnect’, this unknown world that I had lived in for so long but never really seen – how looking back along the length my life I had incorporated into me a ‘disconnect prerogative’ that in the face of conflict I had broken off relationships, that I had accepted and allowed this prerogative to in a way define me, as who I am, walking out of things. I see now how it was a method for me to have what seemed to be control of the situation – that I could retain a sense of dignity, and superiority, that I could empower myself in my mind, by breaking it off, or by not being there anymore, disappearing. It’s fascinating how I had not noticed that I had done this over and over again starting with my family, school, employers, friends, colleges, throughout my life – and that I had each time justified my actions and reactions as individual cases – and each time without allowing myself to see a wider picture.

 

What remained as a constant pattern was my relationship to conflict – either within getting negative response, or not getting positive response – and looking at this now I see how I had applied the exact same prerogative to myself as who I am in relation to myself, in relation to the energies that came up within me – where in the experience of conflict, I learned to disconnect, to cut off, to suppress – and within and as suppression to be not aware of a wider picture, to be not aware, not here, and along with this also to not be breathing. Well obviously I have to breathe! – But what I am looking at here are the patterns of breathing, and that I have accepted and allowed through constant repetition these automatic interventions of the thought emotion feeling kind with the purely physical ebb and flow of breath.

 

Exploring for myself the micro case of a breath that has been interrupted – I look at this – what I am accepting and allowing in this – and I find that there are thoughts that I am holding down, that there are conflicts that I am processing and excluding – and that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined within and as this same prerogative – of breaking off, of disconnecting from my body, of allowing myself to be held down by my mind, within who I believe I am within and this prerogative of disconnection – and then also of accepting and allowing this period of unawareness from which after a time I notice that I am not breathing, and so I breathe, and I let the breath come up, but yet it is conditional – the conditions being that the negative energy has been processed in the interests of the mind, to be held down, suppressed, justified, converted, managed – and what has happened is that I have walked out of my responsibility as who I am in relationship to and with others in my world, to and with my physical body, to the energies that arise within me, and into participation with these thoughts, where this ‘who I am’ is as arranging for myself an I-solation state, as a positive experience/comfort zone within my mind.

 

It is interesting how that within this ‘state’, this word ‘state’, that this state-ment, where who I am as in my state-ment of me as my me-aning, forms the core or starting-point of the ‘state’ that I become.

 

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 254: On Deconstructing Patterns

•December 6, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Day 254: On Deconstructing Patterns

 

 

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Day 254: On Deconstructing Patterns

 

On “Deconstructing the patterns that we have accepted and allowed to constitute our reality” – within this statement is contained so much – these are some of the words Bernard Poolman used as a banner on Creation’s Journey to Life  – I have read it many times, but reading it today I noticed it is like a hub of information in itself. Because for a moment, I wasn’t reading my interpretation of the sentence, but the sentence itself, simply the words, no more no less. This is kind of an aspect of “If you can hear me” that Bernard would also write sometimes – in reading the words that are here.

Deconstructing the patterns that we have accepted and allowed to constitute our reality

How this applies in my understanding of the way things are as a result of what I have been shown – is that for all of us to varying extents, as variations in the patterns of this global brainwashing, synchronized within and as this mutualized reality – the suggestion here would obviously be to investigate our own psychologies… and recognizing the Mind Consciousness System as the exact same structure one and equal in all of us, that we have fashioned and furnished and extended and elaborated according to our histories – and in recognition of this – we support each other in this co-investigation, where we pool our sharings upon this ‘internet’ that we have so recently manifested but have not as yet extensively informed, in the sense of giving supportive content to it – that way all become eventually realigned in mutual support. Such is the process of all and everyone to come to this, in some way or another, and aligned as such are the Journeys to Life, the Desteni Forums, the Eqafe website.

 

Creation’s Journey to Life DAY 381: Brainwashing – The Secret History

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 353: Prostration

•November 29, 2014 • Leave a Comment

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Ref: Eqafe – Great support from the Atlanteans Series – opening up the design of Stubbornness.

 

Day 353: Prostration 

Where in my past did it become an issue of pain or fear to ask for help and assistance? Where was it that a series of events and reactions formed a pattern and culminated in such statements as I will never put myself in such a position, ever again, I will never expose my need for assistance and support ever again, from now on I will do this on my own – and – leave me alone – in fact not even that relationship – but – I will go alone. Effectively – I will go in blame.

 

Looking at my school experience I realise that I must have been reacting to so many things by taking it personally such as ‘I am inferior for needing this’, or in the situation of needing help with homework, ‘if I had been paying attention in my lessons, then I would know, and not need assistance here, and hence ‘it is my own fault that I do not know, therefore if I am asking, it is a point of guilt that I have to face, and I deserve to face the consequences…

 

In this ‘school’ experience I had slipped into a process of constant self-definition and guilt and fear while my self-judgement went rampant – from a decision to accept and allow self judgement and self definition through it – as my decision of where to place my trust – in this hierarchical system, perceiving it to be the whole reality –

 

‘School’ in inverted commas because I was far away from simple tasks of learning and integration of information about the actual physical world beyond my mind – I had instead or as well as gone into fast-track personality evolution according to the new examples of this new world that lay beyond and in line with the hierarchical within my family structure. Thus, ‘School’ to me seemed more like primarily an immersion into power games and institutional spite, with knowledge and information about the world becoming kind of secondary.

 

So an ongoing negative experience in the domination of judgements of myself as weak or less than or inadequate in asking for help. So desiring ‘independence’ I defined it in relation to my fear of my own reactions to myself in accepting this fear of my own reactions as a given – believing that I could shut away all of this negative experience, and live a life in which I did not have to face these things, a life in which I would never see the reality of my responsibility in designing the experience of me. Never face myself amongst and with the beings around me.

 

Being as a victim towards this self judgement definition process, I developed a fear of my malleability – and with that developed a desire for form. I did not see or realise that what would have supported here would have been stability, rather than going into a search for available structures, with functional points of belief and justification for me to inhabit.

 

Within all of this I had gone into separation from the actuality of myself, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let go of reference to me, except as hidden in the darkness, defined as an unacceptable truth, a judgement object that can be found ways to be skirted around and diverted from, and got along without, and yet an object that lay wide open at the same time to imputs and upgrades from paranoid projections of the outer world.

 

With all this and as part of paranoid projection, arose the desire to be liked, which displayed without finesse, would cause reactions as of repugnance towards prostration – and with this absolute statement ‘I can only accept myself if I am liked’ – here I see how I have put myself into the hands of my peers and have given over the power of directing and developing and expanding my own self acceptance for me as me and with me.

 

Yet something I see now is how I had absorbed that relationship of repugnance towards prostration, and adopted it as an example of seeing things from an ‘as it were’ perspective of who I am in my mind as speaking out the strength of the group, and in support of the maintenance of a gang like superiority – in for example seeing ‘the system’, or the ‘suits’, the ‘establishment’ as in generalized postures of prostration, and then evincing an energy experience out of that –

 

And in my self in relation to my support of me – what then – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume this gang like superiority in relation to myself as a reaction to seeing myself in this prostration. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the instances of prostration when I see them through the interpretations of my mind, and for not allowing me to see realise and understand that I have made this projection because I fear the shame of seeing myself in such prostration, and in that fear have not allowed myself to take that step back and see who I am in this.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress those instances in memory where for example I would have been pleading purely in that moment for the liking of me – where I have presented an image that I hoped would give rise to liking. Seeing myself here in a way performing the rites of total dishonesty as manipulation of others so as to get a feeling of being liked so that through that I might manipulate myself into liking the experience of me, or who I am as an energy experience, as defined through the projected eyes of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a feeling as an energy in my mind as defined as ‘being liked’ as a substitute for all that would be involved within actually liking me, that is, accepting me, step by step becoming one with me as a starting point within the real world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected fear into seeing myself in acts of self-deception such as in and as this victimized starting point – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad and therefore to fear to experience myself as bad with seeing myself in acts of self-deception.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expressed these judgements in acts of exclusion of me as bad from out of my own awareness, where I have forsaken who I am within and as ‘bad’, in favour of who I am as trusting in consciousness and who I am as judgement, and defined within that judgement as not acceptable, and believing in that judgement who I am in reality as a danger really to who I am as my projection of myself, a danger that I might possibly sabotage my own pretense, so through these politics I have justified suppression.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected the word bad to a feeling of diminishment of my being, I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that I am experiencing the very suppression as diminishment of me that I have accepted and allowed according to my judgements.

 

I commit myself to support this part of myself that has developed a desire to be liked, that remains within these memories of school – with – when and as a moment comes in which I see myself participate in processes of ingratiation – I stop myself – and I breathe – and I ask myself what it is that I am accepting and allowing here – what is it that I serve – because I see realise and understand that within and as ingratiation what I am resonating is a fear of self acceptance, what I am serving ultimately is this hidden object of judgement, and that I am in fact seeking for its validation.

 

 

Continuing…

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 252: Emotional Mechanics

•November 14, 2014 • Leave a Comment

 

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Day 252: Emotional Mechanics

I realized recently how I had been driving my old van while under the spell of a misapprehension – having just gone over the clock on 200,000 on the milometer, I had become used to the fact that the water temperature readings would go quite high, specially after flagging up steep hills, or stuck in a traffic jam – so I had chosen a point on the dial after which it was time to slow right down, open the window and turn on the internal heating full blast so as to drain some of the heat out of the engine, like I had chosen a point after which to start worrying and go into and as anxiety as a negative experience in my mind. Given that my life at the moment is on a shoestring and that I do not have ready money to get another vehicle or afford garage services, and that I have not learned basic mechanics, the thought of breaking down somewhere can easily pick up catastrophic undertones – so when that little red pointer on the dashboard got to this chosen point, I had conditioned myself to go into these anxiety reactions. So, the misapprehension was that this particular point on the temperature dial I had defined as the ‘danger point’ – was real, because, as I discovered when riding along with J who knows a thing or two about old diesel engines – when he leaned over and looked at the dial and told me that that was in fact quite a normalish temperature, and the needle still had far to go before even the fan coolers would jump into action. So as we drove along the needle went up, and up and then settled at a place on the dial that was way above my chosen ‘danger-point’, but my experience was now entirely different, I did not go into this anxiety, but instead enjoyed the drive.

Looking at this I realized that I was showing myself an example of how a simple piece of information can come in and change my entire experience, where somehow I had made up a belief about the meaning of the readings of this instrument, and reacted to it so many times, and had not questioned it. The consequence of this new information is that I drive faster, I am trusting that the van is not on the point of imminent break down, I am trusting that my life as me and the van as a tool for earning money is not on this point of imminent break down, my perception of the van is different, and my breathing, adrenalin levels and the well being of my physical body are no longer constantly entangled and integrated into this dial on the dashboard, where I had decided who I would be in that moment where I had set the trigger point.

Writing this out, I now have space to look under the bonnet, as it were, into my own mechanics – where the anxiety showed up at this ‘danger point’ with the backing of my whole life experience, a life in which I have travelled many years somehow without a commitment to myself to see to it that I have enough money in reserve for such situations, a life in which I chose a happy-go-lucky approach to things, a life in which I had put so much value into my own time, my own expression of me regardless of not having any money. Well not regard-less really – my regard for money was actually negative, emotional, dismissive; from teen-aged years I saw myself as far above all of that, I would prefer to live on a pittance, artists in garrets etc., living and breathing in this existence with time to turn around and look at things, consider things, make things, invent things, rather than to walk into a factory for example every day, and come home blank or with piped music still pumping round my mind, and the whole day gone, forever.

How I had defined my day however was in the service of my self interest, something that I see now with hindsight was how I had learned to service a preference for an existence as good feelings in my mind as consciousness in separation from, or regardless of my actual physical reality – this became an addiction – and through the filters of this addiction I could not see that I had chosen an existence of constant flight from the bad feelings, or that these bad feelings had been instigated originally by me as the consequential experience of me according to my self judgements. These broad statements of the shape of my life as a whole spread outwards below this current point about the temperature gauge on my dashboard – like a pyramid – or a cone – where in a moment of anxiety I get a muffled glimpse of the infra-structure layers and systems of belief that I have accepted and allowed and then, mistakenly, lived.

I had not realized that the contents of this specific moment of reaction of anxiety driving along in my vehicle were actually the whole collection of feeling of my life experience that had brought me here. Well that is kind of simple and obvious in a way, that this experience of me as who I am as the sum total of all of my experiences, my memories, my past is this what I call ‘me’, and in each of those equations of who I am within each experience or memory, all this adds up to this kind of familiarity with myself in which I can write the words ‘my life’ without quite realizing what I mean by this, or the scope of my responsibilities within it.

And seeing this, how I had ‘mistakenly’ lived ‘my life’ – this general point – in which I see a relationship with this as a reaction of regret towards it – in which as regret in relation to ‘my life’ I live a disempowerment of myself – in which I have incorporated disempowerment into my definition of myself as my life – so that within and beneath the specifics of anxiety connected to the dashboard of my vehicle there is a brooding awareness of this underlying disempowerment and design of giving up, which is there as who I am in and as my relationship to these years of life.

 

 

Continuing… 

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————— 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 
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