Day 375: Futility and Fuel-T

•March 12, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Day 375: Futility and Fuel-T

Self Forgiveness on an emotion/feeling energy that I have accepted and allowed to exist as an obstacle to action/justification of non-action, an energy that leads to giving-up, a feeling both of Doom and Comfort.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed even a small reminder of Futility to act as an authority within my mind, as a trigger to immediately hesitate or cancel an endeavor, or retract myself from action.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined within these moments by the emotion of futility, by movements of these energies inside me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my path according to my acceptance and allowance of the limitations of these energies.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Futility as a warning flag, and that I have not seen that in my acceptance of the warning, therefore I have accepted and allowed a fear of what might happen. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and tolerated fear as part of my definition of safety.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define comfort zones within distraction from what is here for me to face, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on distraction for my comfort, while all the time within myself I am aware that this distraction cannot be enough to cover it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a comfort zone that is enclosed by a fear of the experience of Futility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in seeing that I am deliberately hiding in distractions, and that within accepting and allowing myself to be defined by this judgement, that I then go into tolerance of guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in tolerance of guilt as a reaction to my judgements of myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this guilt as the price of comfort.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear an experience of who I am as Futility, to fear an experience of realization of futility, that will apparently come along inevitably and then invalidate all my efforts. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a future in which I see that all my efforts have no value.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a paradox in which I go into an illusion of fear from listening to a warning of the dangers of walking into an illusion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that the sensations of melting, sinking, draining are what I have accepted and allowed to exist as an experience of me in Futility, and that these feelings and sensations are the effects of my withdrawal, where I have already retracted from myself in reaction to Futility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a comfort zone in which I have become the belief that Purpose is to no avail. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me instant access to a belief that for me, Purpose cannot be real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that for me Purpose cannot be real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in righteousness within accepting and allowing an experience of Futility. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, within and as Futility to become superior to efforts made, to future efforts I might make.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within Futility as being all-knowing of the absolutes; within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me back-chats such as ‘I will always be giving up’ that who I am within the essence of myself is giving-up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as a Futile system in which I listen to the words of back-chat, ‘It will always be like this’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this statement seem more real through the many times that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in this, and so imprint it into me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an element of proving that I’m right.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Futility reminders to be as a gate to open other systems up within myself, such as paths of tiredness and depression and validations of worthlessness as judgements of myself: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize Futility in the service of the systems, through the activations of which I then eventually give up. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Futility as Fuel-T, where I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in my life from within and as the word Futility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to validate Futility, attempting to make a repetition of emotional experience into an abiding fact, as an underlying reality of my world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through this to seek to justify Futility so as to protect a comfort zone in which I do not have to act.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in avoiding me, that the relief I experience is real: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relief within avoidance of myself and parts of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and entertain myself with back-chats that are themselves supported by the emotion of futility: statements such as ‘I will always be giving up’, ‘that who I am within the essence of myself is giving-up’, ‘that it will always be like this’, and ‘why make an effort to discover and experience once again this basic fact of who I am?’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the authority within these words is me, that within these words there is comfort in these certain statements, while in myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grasp for certainty. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to these back-chats in the context of words spoken in common sense. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, and not question this.

 

 

 

 

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Day 374: Fishing in the Sky

•March 10, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Day 374: Fishing in the Sky

It’s interesting how I did not see what I was doing while at the same time it was obvious: there is that normalization effect within the way of seeing certain things, the lenses one might tend to use, the framing, the back-drop context, the lighting, as if all of these had been used habitually and in time, hardly noticed, where I had believed that I was simply in my mind just simply looking at a word – and yet what was happening was that I was already way out into the ethereal and looking for a reference of me within some projection of a blue print in the abstract: all of that I see now as part of my way of coping with the energies that I had accepted and allowed to exist and to activate from within the word Purpose. It’s interesting how if one puts authority into a thing, then it remains as a source of reference – in this example, looking to the ends of the world as if to see the signature of the detail of my relationship to existence as a whole.

 

Within this I had sort of veiled or muffled the word within an illusion of ‘knowing’ in my mind, of where to look and find the how of ‘How my life applies’, with a scanning of the Ether, as if checking once again, for a certain constellation, and within not finding that, but ‘knowing’ that it was there, somewhere in some way or another, there is a giving up as the effort, good intentions, dissipate into the void, and what I had accepted and allowed within this was a belief that I had placed myself in an ok light, as some sort of frisson of nobility within giving up of an attempt to embrace it all…

 

Standing in the shoes of an emotional relationship to the world, the world of words, through which the shape of my life path I have formed by definition and decision making in emotion and according to emotion – and seeing this aspect of myself, of how I have created me – then from in the midst of patterns such as this, I see how the word Purpose stands out as a distant key, as a distant solution, something inconceivable, something beyond, as seen through the eyes of a world of automated experience and accepted fear.

 

Here I see from this perspective how rather than in seeing how small I’d made myself in relation to this word, I had not questioned that but I had instead in a way fallen into a particular way of being towards this word, of basking in the glory of this apparent absolute, somehow satisfied in this regard with having purpose as an implication only.

 

In a world of words that have emotional experience at their fore-front, there is a distinct path dictated by the emotional reactions, the negative and the positive motivations, within conditions of having no go areas, and accepted limitations – this is where seeing back into my past I see it’s like how I accepted and allowed a maze creation process, where decisions were made from out of emotion, and walls erected and designed for the management of each moment, and within that process I am in an illusion that the maze exists, I am in an illusion that the maze exists in separation from me, that if I were to look across it I might see the overall plan of it, not realizing that I was creating it spontaneously, that there was nothing more to it than the immediate twists and turns and walls and dead end passageways that dictated the outline of my comfort zone in each moment, according to my own equations of how to be in an experience of myself in relation to emotion.

 

What of the walls of this maze? The surfaces of wall in these scenarios were experiences that I had defined as fear, and in a way, that had been enough, rather than looking further into it and seeing within that fear an almost physical experience of my separation from myself in facing who I am in self dishonesty, where conveniently in a way I have been satisfied instead to see it as being fear only, fear in separation, in a way to justify the reactions, to stabilize the comfort zone, and make the fear into a target of blame.

 

So it’s easier to see how and why from within and as such an emotion dominated life phase/experience, the word Purpose would be construed so distant, so unreachably far, so ethereal, so overarching, while at the same time seeing the bullshit narrative of myself within and as these projections, where reminders of responsibility, such as with the word Purpose were not to be included.

 

So, it’s in seeing myself within this game, that I find a point of access to the word. And also a glimpse of an agenda that is working for a purpose that is not in support of self or of life but for the purposes of a personality system of consciousness – to survive, to protect the comfort zones, and so the fears that define such zones, and within this, Purpose without responsibility, functioning in a Dark Mind way.

 

In seeing that, and asking what energy within that and around that point, I see an energy of denial, with all kinds of protections of the secret mind, where in a way sometimes seemingly at all costs who I really am as Purpose is secret, not to be exposed. Within this there is a fear of the experience of shame and intense guilt where I envision my charade of being ‘good’ collapsing, the consequence of being called out, and the game being up.

 

So a couple of dimensions of Purpose where it becomes clear that I have been – fishing in the sky – in a way – so here some new beginnings into clearing this word for me, to a bringing it into the physical reality zone that is here now today, each day, to equalize myself with purpose here and to release the energies that I have accepted and allowed to exist within it.

 

 

 

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Day 373:  Being as ‘Good’.

•March 10, 2017 • Leave a Comment

 

So: about finding Dark Mind purposes within my words, where I see how I have been accepting a dishonouring, or an insult, of beings, all in service of my fear expression, so here an insight of an inner dark force stationed in a word, and so as a part of me.

 

Stepping back from judgements of this, I see how I had been looking through a lens of how I had defined ‘being’, where in seeing Being as an idealization of a kind of pre-existing living innocence, then seeing through the lens of that, ideas of a fundamental goodness find a place, so that on that basis, an authoritive ‘just stop it’, ‘stop doing that’ carries an expectation that in stopping that, one will then revert to something good or natural as a default expression of being.

 

And yet it is not like that: Where the system has no alternative it will revert to itself. It’s like yes the being is ok, but it is trained in doing all these insane things in relation to and in retaliation to life so that therefore there has to be not only a ‘stop that’ but plus a ‘do this instead’ in the equations of change. Not simply change, but change to.

 

Sounding the words Change and Change To there is quite a difference in my body. It’s as if Change were more of a cliff-hanger, while in Change To, I remain standing with myself in making a decision, rather than with the cliff-hanger of: There is a situation now, and what will happen? Seeing through my own belief in the outer surfaced nature of my words, I begin to see the self deception in which here an underlying spite has been allowed to exist in the word Sharing, and yet has been justified and modified to be more acceptable both to self and others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘being’ as innocence, and within that, an assumption of good. I forgive myself that within this word Innocence that I have defined a blame of the creation of consciousness, as if it were an imposition, and as if there were a Golden Age. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this blame to accept and allow the experience of being disempowered, as the victim within Innocence.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire to reconnect this innocence experience out of a fear of the experience of guilt. I forgive myself that I have tied into the word ‘being’ these emotional values where I have made relationships between guilt and innocence, where I have projected guilt out onto the world in the form of blame.

 

I forgive myself that I have given such a frame to the word Being through which I have accepted and allowed myself to see the world of me, where I have not seen or realized how much this world was altered by the frame through which I looked, where I had set conditions on my observation, and in believing in this observation, that I had not accepted or allowed myself to see myself ‘as is’, but instead as the definitions that I had accepted allowed within the structure of the word Being, as some idealized form, and the assumption of it being that to which the simple stopping of behaviours would naturally revert.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this assumption, and that through this assumption that I have often left points uncorrected, or then undirected. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify myself within disempowerment, where in this assumption, doing nothing seems ok, where this underlying goodness nature of the being is only an illusion, a conditioned way of seeing my fundamental starting point, where seeing through that and acting from that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand for no change needed here, and have justified a form of giving up. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of disempowerment as a form of comfort zone. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put positive energy values on to letting go of responsibility for who I am.

 

 

 

 

 

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Day 372: Honouring

•February 23, 2017 • Leave a Comment

letters

 

 

This is a continuation on from ‘Sharing’.

 

Honouring an other being seems kind of natural, I mean all of us obviously being here in the same predicament of existence, and in that sense already standing in all each others’ shoes. A salutation of this reality is for me in the starting point of honouring.

 

And yet, looking into an expectation to be judged, and the fear involved, and the energies that gathered up into the word Sharing, what I see expressed is in fact dishonour; in my projections onto others, holding them within projected personality designs and attitudes of judgement, rather than allowing them to respond from within themselves as for real.

 

That dishonouring of the world of beings is the cost of valuing the fear so highly, that defines the boundaries of a comfort zone in which honouring of all others as myself seems all good, only given that I have excluded the reality of me, and within that, disconnected honouring from life, from being able to be lived, but instead believed these things I told myself in simulating honour, while on a deeper level I was at the same time held within a programming of contempt by me. Acknowledging this underlying spitefulness within me, as an aspect of who I am in relation to sharing is a challenge. I mean what I am doing to other beings is exactly the thing that I fear them doing to me.

 

Interesting that it has not made difference, but in practical reality, checking it, I see that mostly in fact this does not happen, people do not do that thing, and something that I see now also is that then what comes up in me, in an instance of realization of this, is a sense of gratitude, or surprise, with an underlying puzzlement of the mind, seeing that in the realm of expectations there is a glitch, a momentary collapse of a false reality, or in that moment, in a way it as if things don’t add up, so looking into that moment there I had not previously seen it as a reaction.

 

What I see here is how this moment through the judgements of the mind, can be perceived as failure, that I am failed within such natural events, as in not being with the flow of that, or that my mistake within this situation is who I am, so going down those routes what I have accepted and allowed is for myself to be defined by this self judgement, as having failure as my being, and therefore accepting and allowing this moment to act as a reminder of the experience of that, where in reaction to an open response, I shift into self interest, from the starting point of how I’ve seen this, into the emotional reality of my mind, or else the route of positive judgement of the being, nice on the surface, but as well in fact dishonouring.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition  Sharing into and as protection of the self from the impact of negative judgements and as point of fear. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed for me to use the word Sharing as a label or trigger of ‘an emotional issue’ for me, or of an energetic complex of experience for me, rather than allowing me to see a simple reference to the means of an honest/frank/straightforward relationship, that is the word Sharing with an existential, real dimension, simple as in redefining Sharing to be for me, in support of me, to be lived as who I am.

 

Ok so I’ve been opening it up a little further here.

Next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Day 371: Sharing

•February 21, 2017 • Leave a Comment

detail

 

 

From the opening of a point, enabled by the previous day, and in being grounded in Quietness in myself, something that comes up, what I see now as the opportunity of redefining Sharing, and looking at the hows within me of how I lived this word and defined it in, and based my living of it on, an emotional starting point of me, and in seeing this how I then realized how much I had sort of brushed by this word over and over as if my relationship to it were just a part of what I had accepted as me, and that I had been using it in a superficial way, getting by it, on my way, as if there were nothing much within it to be seen or questioned, nothing to be stopped for, as if in a way there were no contents to it.

What I saw later was there were actually plenty of contents, but contents that I’d preferred to keep invisible, so that after a million experiences of discomfort, it was no longer recognizable as such, but just as part of a normality of my experience of me. And yes I recognize now a desperation energy in there too, something that I may have justified within myself on an intellectual level, referring to ‘the problem’ of communication or some such thing, and so stepping away from awareness of myself within this word.

When I look beneath the surface of all this at who I am within this word as an emotional being, with concerns about fear and insecurity: my experience had been, still is partly, an experience of insecurity in sharing, and within that, retraction of responsibility to me, retraction of consideration for me and little regard for my reality, and within and as an emotional reality, little consideration of others on a real level that is in my life, connected to me in some way or another. This word as I look into it now is a name I also gave to what I recognised in some way as a child, though I did not have the words, as an experience of crisis in self honesty.

So here, regardless of my thoughts about these things, regardless of my fears of how my sharing of myself might possibly redound on me destructively, how it may possibly do damage to an image of myself, the fears of the bad of me that I had defined as me, and hidden away and lived in shame; it is with regard to accepting that as who I am that that I learned how to protect myself, to form a fear of sharing, a fear of shame, a fear of being defined as wrong, and so with all of that, to define my relationship to sharing on an emotional level, paying homage to a vulnerability, and to being within and as a limitation of myself within self interest, with protection and fear both merged together serving only emotional me and the management of energies within my mind, and without a reference to the physical world.

Looking into that, I can see how I’d release the energies from this word as I had defined it and lived it, so that I see then how I’d want the word to be for me would be in hearing it, or speaking it, or meeting with it in any way, that it would be a wonderful moment, a moment of honouring self and honouring an other person, both at once.

And there are other possibilities of this word, that I am kind of surprised might really exist for real for me: how awareness of my own reality might then be strengthened, rather than threatened, confirmed rather than undermined, how in sharing, that I make steps in extending my responsibility to me, rather than retracting it.

So regardless of my thoughts about these things, regardless my fears, regardless of this vigilance that has come up in me, regardless of my assessments of it’s value or worth, that in sharing this, I stand as the decision in this moment not to any longer block expression of these points, realisations, insights, dimensions, challenges, that follow. And facing who I am within this specific point of sharing is to me a challenge.

I mean there is an impossibility about sharing in the way that I have lived it, defined myself within this word, centred in an emotional definition of myself in the way that I have lived me, which in and as emotional relationships with my mind only, there is no access to the reality of the external world, where sharing might exist in a genuine sense, for real, and within that sharing who I am in acknowledgement of me as real, that who I am in honouring myself thus, I learn in incremental steps to be more proud of who I am in finding courage in myself to face these aspects of myself that I have judged as bad and defined as shameful, where what I have accepted and allowed to exist has been a version of me that pays homage to a belief about being victim to the judgements of the beings around me and in accepting that, a definition of myself as fragile, that possibly might break down in an expectation of a barrage of negative judgement. That barrage in my mind has served protectively as an example of a worst case scenario, coming out of memories of real events in my early life, that may have once been real, but now are merely memories that I have accepted and allowed and preserved within my mind as notes upon ‘how not to be’, or in a childish catalogue of ‘the dangers of being real’, as warnings about what may happen if I were to simply speak the thoughts or words or questions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sharing according to a fear that I have connected into judgement.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgements of the world around me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who and how I am can be defined by reactions to what I do or say. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived a life in which I have defined sharing in fear and insecurity. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing with myself how I really am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize a hostile world so as to protect me from my own imagined consequence of sharing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word Sharing to exist in me as a trigger of emotional reactions: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress within me these reactions.

 

 

 

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Day 370: The Emotional Detective

•February 19, 2017 • 1 Comment

carnival-detail-2ww

 

Day 370: The Emotional Detective

 

Waking up in the morning with the awareness of my intention to look first at the starting point of this day, what word would best express or be underlying, or defining, my presence here, as a simple checking of the status of the current programming – and finding that over and over it was as if I had no access to such a word ­– and in the experience of having no clue – a realization – and it took me some time to get to it – that what I was waking up into was a subtle emotional state, and that within and as the world of which, I could not see it. It’s like in being as a blue mind, I am seeing a blue world, and everywhere I look there is no such word as ‘blue’ within the detail of it – how could there be? To what could it refer?

 

That question, within regards to realizations of being within and as – in place of ‘blue’ – an ‘emotional mind’ – where I am looking into the depths and reaches of the world and find there what – reflections of this mind, projections of this personality, layered on the surfaces of everyone and everything. And in a way, there is no new information, because all I see confirms my everyday normality – seeing only how I see things, which is in itself not a ‘seeing’, but is instead an experiencing, in which what I see instead are the facets of my experience as states of energy.

 

In support of my realization of this, and strengthening to me, there was a moment when this veil was down, and for a moment what I saw were some physical human beings in a physical existence, without the bells and whistles of ‘humanity’, without the story of the history of it all, that gives it shape, without the garments of emotion, without the integrated visions and experience of my reactions and projections, without the energetic jazz, kind of naked in a neutral way, that I am for a moment in a neutral state. And something that came up in me was like a deep sadness, that everything had been simply geared to not see this, that I am responsible within all this to have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself so long, with the bells and whistles jazz, to have allowed the multiplicity of that veil to be so fascinating, to be so binding. That sadness has a value to me; it is a sadness that is directly touching intimately my real life here: in understanding for a moment how I’d fooled myself, I’d found some grounding here, like here was a moment where I could say I got an inkling of what it was to be on Earth.

 

So the question comes: How did I create this emotional programming that I have woken up into and as? What is going on that I see now had become pre-established in my waking moments? And what I see is that I have been investigating a specific word and my relationships to this word where I have in a way over-focussed it, and become totally involved in it; such a priority that I have given it, such importance, so vital that I must resolve it, and resolve it Now, before I go any further! And ‘Stop the World’, stop everything, I have to look into this, and thoroughly, and effectively, where I can see now both excitement and apprehension come up together as if ‘at last’ I’d found the dark treasure at the source of me.

 

Something that I’ve noticed here is how I have allowed the word Investigation to become charged up – where I have become the emotional detective, getting hooked into a mission, prepared to go down all the rabbit-holes, to leave no stone unturned – all of these – where instead I might have simply stayed with real investigation: becoming neither excited nor anxious, but walking placid simple steps of understanding.

 

What I had become in the midst of this ongoing rush of investigation of extremes of excitement and of anxiety, not having come to point of change, was like a sense of being up against a wall, or being cornered, a place of seeing clearly that Enough is Enough, and yet at the same time not having the strength to carry through from there – and the residual state of this within me, in waking to another day of this investigation, as pointed out by the Atlanteans, was a state of desperation – desperation as an energy, as an emotion.

 

Even without seeing this consciously, what I had observed within myself was that a state of quietness had come over me, and looking at this, I had trusted me within the decision to walk this quietness deliberately: it was as if I was aware within myself deep down that I would need this quietness platform to investigate a construct that I had become aware of – but here for this post – are some of the surrounding circumstances to the issue of ‘points coming up’ and new dimensions showing themselves.

 

 

 

Ref: Atlantean’s Desperation series

Future of Consciousness: The Emotional Mind

 

 

 

 

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Day 369: The Unmade Bed

•January 11, 2017 • Leave a Comment

unmade-bed-polarity3-closeup-ww

Day 369: The Unmade Bed

  

Looking at one of those out of the corner of your eye things: leaving the room, the eyes drag slightly over a view of the unmade bed, seeing that turmoil of sheets, I stop for a moment to take it in: have I really ever looked at this before?

 

Considering at the same time that this is where on Earth I slept so many times, disengaged beneath these crumpled sheets, where my body has left a profile, and in looking at the bed and seeing myself within it, how I’d made that profile, and looking at who I was within that, it was at first perception an affair of horror, fear and dread, and yet what was rising up beneath these emotional perspectives was something slower: an acknowledgement, or letting in, of something real which was my responsibility within a decision I had made, and it was the realization of the profundity of a mistake that had seemed to justify a flouting of life, to remain as asleep within the suspensions of my mind.

 

It was the emotional experience attached to Mistake that first had jolted me, and yet stepping back from this I could also see that these reactions were peripheral to the realization of the mistake, were the play outs of past relationships to the word Mistake, and so what I was seeing here plainly was an image of me hiding from the broad day of physical reality, and hidden within that from that realization itself, from that perspective, from that conception.

 

Seeing this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from me my responsibility for ignorance, my responsibility for blame of and separation of me from the ongoing physical day. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word Mistake to define me, to define my relationship with myself, to define the experience of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in seeing myself in an act of willful ignorance.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become victimized within this act of denial. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in seeing that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the victim. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to a perception of the ongoing reality of the physical day. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a belief that I can devalue all of life for the sake of continuation of an experience of myself within my mind as various harmonies of sleep. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within these layers of suspension to be prepared within myself as a programming of who I’ll be today in relation to the day.

 

 

I straightened up the bed, I pulled the sheet taught, I shook out the imprint of the night before. What do I take with me: that I have attended to this moment, that this perception of my sleeping self as part of and in view of this physical reality that I am standing in, changed the nature of that corner of the eye moment from in a way habitually witnessing my suppression of who I’d been in hiding from myself as a part of a habitual leaving of the sleeping room process, to quickly pass through that door and pay no attention to that moment, that moment of as-is of the fabric of the sheets, of my body wrapped in such a way, of the as-is nature of the consciousness within that, and within that, being, sunk within as-is-ness of the system – I changed it to a moment of seeing: So ok what is here that is left in the corner of my eye, as I commence with something else?

 

… continuing next post …

 

 

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