Day 474: Redefining Writing: Evidence, Affront and Trespass

…this photo as a note…in looking up and seeing the garden here, one evening in the street light.. my projections on the natural expressions, redolent with meaning, almost as a word or phrase…

Day 474: Redefining Writing: Evidence, Affront and Trespass

.Evidence of how I have defined a word comes up in me as I am about to put that word into action.

So here, as I am about to write, I observe those moments of hovering, those moments prior to the decision to just simply go in there and do it; and for me I notice within the fear of setting down the pen onto the page – again – as if the patience were wearing thin… yes writing out – Again! – only this time staying with myself within that fear, in all its vagueness, and in the face of that impatience, to see what might exist in it; and what I notice kind of within the folds of that fear, is a feeling of Affront, as if the intention to resume the writing were the cause of it. Both at the same time really: in the feeling of Affront; of being offended, and as well the feeling of being the cause of the offense.

This is a cool discovery for me: extracting these specific words from out of what had previously been nameless, shapeless. There may be and are many other dimensions to this fear, but here is one of them.

Playing with the word Offense, the phrase ‘Uneasy sits the Crown’ comes up, and it seems apt to me as so often examples of Offense being taken involve a being with a position to defend, who has a hidden insecurity, since the ground of their authority is in some way false. Sometimes I’ve noticed offense being taken when an expectation from the other person has been unconsciously like a feeding of respect for their position, or for some other thing, so that when that feed is no longer felt to be in place, they take offense – as if their elevated rank for example had been doubted, they feel slighted; as if there had been a breech of contract.

And in ‘taking offense’, that is with me taking offense: such as in not being taken seriously: those moments in which I feel that I am deliberately misinterpreted, for the sake of a joke or a giggle, and I am unwilling to look at the possibility that I am becoming quite intense or over earnest, unwilling to see that a moment of levity could be valid, unwilling to consider that I might have strayed into a personality of some kind, unwilling to consider that I might have lost my way, unwilling to consider that what I’m seeing as an attack may actually be supportive. All of this exists within me as experience, as memories that contain that experience of being offended, taking offense. If that were not so then I would not recognize this feeling in me that comes up as I am approaching writing: I would have nothing to recognize it with.

And with the feeling of Offense that comes up, there is a fear of that feeling also, a fear of standing in it, staying with it, and also that feeling as well of having caused offense, or that possibly I might cause offence. A question here is this: by participating in this fear around Writing, what self definition am I living out, what word expression am I using for this purpose, when by participating in that fear, I validate that reaction of Offense, and I am actually being as a pest, a nuisance. Here is like the other side of it, though as I am approaching Writing they are both as one. So like in approaching Writing I am approaching the grounds of a complaint, where the complaint has been, “If not for this and that… nuisance… happening…then life would just go on and on, and on…” And so in a way the writing-ground is pre-defined within the parameters of complaint – as a kind of trespass – and the words if written down at all – are disposed towards defense – and as a trespasser, there is the feeling of causing an offense, kind of tip-toeing around on someone else’s land.

In the case of thinking that I have offended someone – and usually it’s way later – it matters to me a lot. Feeling shocked that this had happened, I go back and re-examine everything I can, with self questioning and re-runs, looking at all the angles, like was it something I said or didn’t say, something I did or didn’t do – perhaps it is not that drastic – but there is an insecurity opens up in me – and though often I do not find out if it happened or not, because times go by, and moments are gone, I think that mostly it was not real, it was usually me giving reality to something that did not happen, that is me validating a suggestion or suspicion in my mind. This is a good reminder to me of how I can be manipulated by for example someone resonating or even feigning offense, with me going into a reaction that is out off proportion, and also with the self manipulation, where that familiar doubt or feeling of having caused offense can have the result of me not going ahead with my intentions, as in the case of trespassing on someone’s land, not doing it.

Well who is it whose land I am considering to trespass in? Obviously all of it is me, and looking at the nuances within the fear of writing, all of them are also part of me: these feelings of offense and fear of them, these fears of causing an offense, who I am within and as my reactions to them, my validations of them. I take a look again at what I said about being the one who takes offense, and being unwilling to consider that I strayed into a personality of some kind, and that phrase ‘Uneasy sits the Crown’; a personality of the mind can have a sort of energetic insecurity, and that feeling of offense though rationalized into all kinds of human relationships and contexts, could also be like a survival fear of the personality itself, an expression of instability of a system.

There is part of me that is my mind, that part of me that is the mind, as all the words that I’ve been living, or existing as, and there is the part me that is the life within those words, responsible for their meaning, responsible for the nature of the mind, responsible for the automation of those words, responsible for my absence from them; so that as I develop self awareness in my redefinition process and give back to me my self responsibility it seems as if a relationship exists between myself and my programmed automation, in which largely I have kind of let things run, as in on and on and on.

There is kind of a relief in seeing that you are tied, because then there is a way forward, there is the possibility of then seeing How it works, rather than remaining in a wordless overwhelmingness in which one has become accustomed and familiar with resignation, and then such as with me, finds a positive energy for that, experiencing it as laziness… that everything’s ok, that I have time, just wait until the energy has changed…

In Breech of Contract comes up through Affront, Offense, and Trespass: words associated with crime and law, and so stemming from Authority. A personality of the mind, as a world of fraud can only function with the absence of evidence: it quavers, trembles, becomes unstable and shaky and deceptive as the lie on which it feeds is becoming likely to get written out. Within myself as both the maker and the breaker of my world of laws and contracts and dubious definitions I see now within this post these points as pushed up surface features pointing me towards who I am on deeper levels as ambiguous authority.

 

…continuing into this.. next post…

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Advertisements

Day 473: Writing, Fire and Brimstone and Self-Judgement

Day 473: Writing, Fire and Brimstone and Self-Judgement

 

With redefining Writing one may not see the need; the practicalities of writing as simply laying out the words onto paper or onto screen are well defined. It is when writing out the contents of our inner world that the unconscious parameters within our words assert themselves. With Writing as the physical aspect of introspection, as In ‘Writing Self to Freedom,’ writing stands as a gate, and for the gate to actually be an opening rather than a process of filtration, the word Writing needs to be clear and straight forward.

With the unfolding nature of the self-forgiveness statements it is impossible to predict where it might lead: what layers might be revealed, what programmed constructs might be exposed. Thinking in the mind – Oh Yes I get this, now I see where this is going – is for me an easy self-deception – often passing-swiftly-on seems so natural – while going back along the path that I have trodden to look again at statements that I’ve made seems like a loss.

With reference to previous post, Day 472, some Forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to include judgement of my self into the very fabric of the definition of the word Writing, and within that within the word Convey, and then not allow myself to look at and to expose for me that part of me as who I am as Judgement that is in the word and that is therefore in the action that I know as Writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this part of me, to secretly apply myself as Judgement to this part of me as Judgement, to be as Judgement itself looking into the glass of Judgement attempting to ignore or look around myself to make do somehow in the presence of this part of me that I am living, and to at the same time try and write around it, as if it were real that I had actually dismissed it. I forgive myself that I have participated in this self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in shame of who I am as Judgement, to within the secrecy of my mind attempt to push this part of me aside, to reject this part of me, and in doing this I forgive myself that I have been participating in the judgement that I have been rejecting. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed the Writing that is Judgement to speak out as itself, as who I am as Judgement, to speak out and be clear as Judgement so that I may see and know what Judgements I am making so that those judgements may be corrected, and so that within my definition of the word Writing I may be wholly me rather than in separation from a part of me that is self rejecting. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my own authority into the hands of this separating part of me and so become as less than and in fear of it within the act of Writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider self forgiveness of my acceptance and allowance of Judgement existing in my definition of the word Writing, with a view to simply getting rid of it, clearing it out, without consideration of this Judgement as being a part of me, or consideration of the fact that I am trying with self forgiveness to rid myself of parts of me, and so not seeing how the misalignment of judgement still remains.

Fire and Brimstone: here are two words that come up now. Who I am as Fire and Brimstone, or who I might possibly become if I allowed it, here was a part of me that I was in fear of, that Bible thumping, The End is Nigh personality; I was in fear of it because I once saw how easily I might become it, as if that roaring energy of the Wrath of God might have been contagious; and to overcome the fear I suppressed this part of me. What more precisely was involved in this manoeuvre? I mean looking back on this now I see here was the word Convey on Crack, somehow consummated in spreading the contagion. And yet that Wrath of God was an extreme form of righteous judgement and with the thumping of the Good-Book personality it was a thing I judged against extremely; this is why it was with fear and horror that I saw how easily I could become it. Having glimpsed an aspect of reality it seemed my responsibility to Convey it. Like here it seemed was the word Convey in exaltation. And here also in this Fire and Brimstone personality was Authority, my own Authority that I had horrifyingly given up to Judgement, and then done my best to stamp it down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that I alike with all other beings am seeking to express and live the Word, and that in Judgement also I have chosen to express my life, and in not seeing how in my application of this word I have been mistaken, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject that part of me within the word as if I were separate to that part of me I wanted to express.

Continuing…

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 472: Writing, Escribiendo, and Convey

In this situation of being Here, nothing ‘ordinary’ exists – one only has to really look at any single thing to know this to be so.

Day 472: Writing, Escribiendo, and Convey

I forgive myself, as my Being, as my Innocence, that I have accepted and allowed to persist within me constant obstacles to my expression; that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay compulsive tribute to the resistances that arise within Me; that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay compulsive credence to the doubts in Me and of Me; that I have through all of this accepted and allowed myself to limit the Self Forgiveness that I am willing to give to Me, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined according to those limits.

 

I place this SF statement here as a reminder of the previous post: it’s what I have been walking for these six or seven weeks or so, and now probably even more, and if not diligently walking, then all the same it has anyway had effects on who I am, the way I am. Some of these effects have been quite turbulent; from day to day new understandings have been coming up and I have kind of let them go, postponing writing, thinking mistakenly that tomorrow will be clearer, and yet tomorrow turns out to be a different day and different things have happened, seemingly not connected to the day before; and within that turbulence I am different also, or in a different place within myself, or more that there are parts of me that have become apparent that I had not recognised before.

 

Somewhat like a reading of some tarot cards as they turn up on the table; how one follows the other is not obvious at all to our everyday one-dimensionality, and whether it be cards laid down on table tops, or waking modes of thought, or the world itself as picked up by the physical eye in moments of reflection from the timeline of a thought, where a detail of the present scene is kind of pointed out by what the eye alights on – the tarot of the world itself – where from a floating narrative of thought, a reference point was chosen – at a certain juncture – perhaps there had been a glitch of a reaction, or else the glimpse of a solution, a momentary realisation of an implication opening up some a vista or a depth. Chosen spontaneously by the physical eyes, quick as a blink the attention had been rested on a tiny detail of the physical surroundings – as if it were a tarot card, a scale of vision – a movement not away from a certain consideration but instead a move towards a fuller understanding, a metaphorical dimension selected from the physical surroundings. That way the detail that had been lighted on by the physical eye could be seen as being supportive, even though the reading of the world remained so difficult to grasp.

 

This turbulence, or seeming dis-connectedness has not been any kind of problem in the flow of my process and experience of myself, but has been instead in feeling stuck in writing I see it’s like a problem arising from my definition of the word ‘writing’ – I see now how much I have been reacting to myself as I place myself as the living agent in this word Writing, going into judgements about continuity, connection, logical progression, keeping things upright, square, with an eye towards consistency… while my personal experience has been so far from that; and yet really now I look at it, what I see is that conveying my experience of the last few weeks has been a challenge to my definition of the word, and asking the question, Can it stand, and, Can I stand within as this definition, which, now I face the question, and see these weeks of hesitation and realise that I cannot, and that therefore I must now redefine the word anew and clear it.

 

Here is an approach to stuckness in ‘Writing’, to ask: What within my definition of this word am I allowing as obstructive? Does there exist within my definition of the word something that is outside of me or separate from me, such as a projection of myself that cannot be lived, an expectation of myself that cannot be fulfilled, because being a projection, it is not real… is there something in the definition that, when it comes to transfer into living action, causes a malfunction, in which ‘to write’ seems impossible, which maybe for these reasons, it actually is. I mean how can a definition function if it has built into something that is impossible?

 

Within my living of the word Writing, and for me closer to my heart, has been the word Convey; a word that I have lived in many ways, for many years: in physical construction, in paintings, in meetings and in conversations. I am sure of this because in seeing it I realised that here was something of my fundamental purpose here, a purpose that I chose; as if, let’s say in attending to some important detail of a creation, I found the word Convey inscribed, implicitly, as the word writ through it, as it were, and seeing then the presence of this word as the push behind and through my history and the actions of my life, all leading to this present moment writing here, it came up like a wave of urgency to the movements of my hand, feeling like the electricity of awareness of directly living Me.

 

Well back then in the 70’s it wasn’t something like: ‘I see this word, and I will stand by it…’ No, it was more like I was living it, becoming it. It’s only now I recognise what word this was. This leads in to my relationship with Writing and how I have defined and lived it; it’s like the word Convey formed the vital core of it, it formed the impetus of writing. The point being ‘to convey’ to convey the wonder of what I saw as life, while what I saw as being accepted and allowed and written off as ordinary moments existing in some deep or shallow grade of awfulness – so within Convey there was a drive to refute that drabness. It was who I was within and as Convey that I was deeply connected to myself with that extremely rare and scary moment for me of being face to face with my purpose in this world.

 

About five years ago, when I realised that my future life would involve some physical travel, it was obvious that the cost of this would be to lose my painting studio, and my decision was to therefore transfer that creative abstract work with paint into working with the words; and yet it was not clear to me exactly how to make that step. I saw no problem: there was no how about it, I just assumed that I could do it. Now looking at this point I realise that my confidence to just simply do this was coming from that oneness in myself that I had been living as Convey. The definition of Convey that I had lived since my early days was unconditional and unlimited; that I would use whatever came to hand to convey the inner livingness of me into the outer world as my whole purpose. And now I realise that the unlimited quality of Convey also carried with it unquestioned reactions to what I saw as being the drab consensus of the world, and to the rigid older generations, and within that now I see how I had defined Convey with elements of blame and therefore with superiority/inferiority and judgement. And within ‘judge not less ye be judged’ lays the spectre of being judged implicitly within my definition Convey, and so also as it resonates into Writing.

 

And so it was that somewhere deep in my assumptions as I folded up my life of painting, that I could just simply transfer Convey into the vehicle of Writing, I was not seeing at all how or in what way this word might become obstructive, would need some redefinition, that is me within as the expression/living of this word would require redefinition.

 

Living for the first time in this life in a Spanish speaking country I spend a lot of time with completely new and, to me, exotic words; I am in a process of making new connections both with Spanish words, and with English words. So at the same time as learning Spanish I am also in a way revising my familiar English. And in redefining words and in looking into how I’d lived out words, and what I had connected to them, I am suddenly looking at completely new dimensions, and new choices in how I might expand the words I know. For example I find in counter-point to Writing, the word Escribiendo, which for me raised a question that I have mentioned – of the formality that I had attached to Writing – and it brought suggestions to me of different new dimensions: more light hearted, scribbly and bendy, and also more free to wander and scurry about even. And I realised I would like to introduce all these things suggested by Escribiendo into my definition and living out of writing.

 

How and in what way would I like to change within and as the action of this word Writing is indicated here for me in Escribiendo: to first within myself locate that self abundance, and out of that to give to me that lightness that I find in Escribiendo, and not just lightness, but as well that freedom to wander and scurry about a bit.

 

continuing next post…

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 471: The Golden Thread, Lost, and Meaninglessness

Photo: A miniature dove often sits in the same spot in this tree in the garden of our new home in Chiriquia, Panama. 

Day 471: The Golden Thread, Lost, and Meaninglessness

I forgive myself, as my Being, as my Innocence, that I have accepted and allowed to persist within me constant obstacles to my expression; that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay compulsive tribute to the resistances that arise within Me; that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay compulsive credence to the doubts in Me and of Me; that I have through all of this accepted and allowed myself to limit the Self Forgiveness that I am willing to give to Me.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defined by the boundaries of my Self Forgiveness; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I may become if I let go of what I have within myself asserted and allowed myself to be defined to be. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also not respect the doubts that come up in me that are questioning the confidence that I have placed within and as the personalities that I live as Me.

 

… a continuation of Day 470, The Golden Thread

I suppose it happens sometimes that we decide to and commit ourselves to living certain words without a full awareness of what we’re doing; and even though it turns out later on that the word has shaped our lives, yet still we have not seen the word that is at the core of it – here is an instance of that, which I’ve opened up for me, through looking at who I am within that ‘golden thread’ experience, and here within these grounds may be discoveries for others too… of different words, of different purposes…

Since the previous writing I’ve been looking at those moments of my life in which I recognized a ‘golden-thread’ experience; that experience that seemed as if a vibrant thread of meaning had re-emerged from out of the fabric of my life, as in ‘here again I see that I am here with me, that no matter the extent of convolution, the seeming randomness, here again is a point of certainty, this evidence that right now – is undeniable – that I am not in fact lost, that my judgements of the path I’ve walked – as being meaningless – have been deceptive.’

In looking at The Golden Thread and opening it up, exploring what it meant to me, a question came up of – almost like looking around from that – what would be the nature of a world in which that golden thread existed, was suspended, was partly there and partly not, sometimes there and sometimes not – and if it were literally like a piece of thread or string then what would that string be suspended in, what sort of an environment would such a thing exist in? Answering this question to myself as me it was clear immediately that this ‘environment’ of me was one of uncertainty, of lostness, and of meaning-lessness.

Here for me was like a Vital point within the Golden Thread, the word Lost – and I realized that even through and in my victimized interpretations of the word, that once were feeding on the word Abandoned – was that vital point of standing on my own legs and moving me. So here I am again – in the context of The Golden Thread – looking into Lost, and seeing to what extent the word once held such attraction to me. I see now how much that attraction was coming from an awareness in me that I must redefine this word for me.

Way back, in this life at least, way way back, soon as I had walked away from school and family, and, literally, lol, taken to the hills – a living expression – it was a priority to me to seek a Lost experience – I was convinced that if I could stabilize myself in that Lost experience, I had a chance to find myself; that if I could shake off that world of knowledge that seemed so oppressive, then I had a chance of seeing direct/ for real/clearly.

At the time, I did not have the words – I did not realise that I was redefining words, I had no conscious understanding of how I lived out words – but looking back, this was like the gist of it. What I was doing in physical action – in taking to the hills – in getting Lost – was – how I see it now – was taking that experience that I was living out – defined as Lost – and then in my own way, making a study of it, attempting to create it, model it, reproduce it as an object or an image. This was how unknowingly I worked with this experience/word, taking it from something that defined me and oppressed me, to something that I owned. In this way Meaninglessness opened up for me and became for me instead of a limitation, an ever-opening resource; it was the opening for me of some years of explorations in the form of abstract paintings.

Something that I found as well, only recently – during the process of travelling – and moving home – looking more closely into the golden thread, and the experience of lostness, was how for me the word Significance had been for me misleading – it tends to lead me ‘out there’ in a way, looking for ‘signs’, when the impact for example of a ‘chance’ meeting, when you have that feeling for example ‘I was simply ‘meant’ to be here, in this strange café in this random country/ on this train/ meeting this particular being… in which it seems clear that there exists this wider reality in which our lives are taking place… a wider reality that gets exposed in the very act of travelling, having stepped out for a moment from our personal systems, routines… where ‘fathoming it out’ – all the whys and wherefores of it all – is kind of a distraction – and placing this word Significant to it – for me – obscures a simple point – because simply in the presence of that meeting I was as the experience of myself as standing in the center of my meaning; it was simply that this meeting was necessary on a level way beyond my understanding – that what took place within it – happened – there was no need to place the word Significant upon it, and so the following activities, the search for signs, when right there in the heart of that moment there was for me to experience myself as being alive, aligned within myself to Meaning, as in this is happening for me for both of us, this intensity, in the very core of this experience, no need to wander in conjecture of how this works and why.

 

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 470: The Golden Thread

 

In the process of writing, something that often happens – after posting – is that much more information comes up – such as another angle that I had not seen before or at the time of writing; in a way, posting a blog is like making an assertion – and then having made that assertion – it is as if I have somehow cleared myself a space for a continuation, or for a different view to open up.

Along with this, in the process that I’ve been sharing recently, I realise now, in browsing through the Eqafe Recordings a process of Redefining and Living Honour: in the Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination, 19, 20, 21 – and I realise that although I listened to these recordings quite some time ago – and had on a conscious level forgotten all about them, I find here that I have been walking it for myself, slightly differently of course, but with some similar discoveries. Looking at this I see it as an example of how the information shared through the recordings can slowly integrate and then some time later re-emerge.

Yes this is a road less travelled, and yet it has been travelled, and it has been, is being shared; there are those who have gone before us in this process, and through their sharings have opened up a way, have made it easier. So in realizing this I feel grateful – in realizing that that Golden Thread is not just spun from out of nowhere, but from the sharings and the twinings of so many different and unique strands of beings who share the single purpose of aligning With and As the Life that we are coming now to recognize ourselves to be – and also that that Golden Thread is an experience within me where for some precious moments I am aware that I am with me, have come back to me, am in some way meeting me, showing me – that though there have been parts of me bewildered and distracted, there is also part of me that knows exactly what I’m doing.

On an emotional level there is first an experience of doubt and then of comfort, that I was so lost in lostness that I could not even see it, and then in realizing that none of that was real, I am comforted, and reassured. And on a deeper level, I see and realise that I must now take this golden thread experience and look more closely into it support myself within this endeavor of Redefining and then Living this word Me.

…so …continuing next post…

 

 

Links from my recent posts to the above mentioned Eqafe recordings:

Respect Integrity Trust and Honour

How Do I Stop Punishing Myself

Self Respect Through Honour

 

In this transition from one era to another, on a personal level, there is the transition from an old existence as in making the best of what I happen to be, of being a victim to the belief that I cannot change myself, and so am living in a way as a life that has been chosen for me; to a new existence acknowledging that in fact I and all of us do have this ability, and that with effort we can practice it and strengthen it.

In the DAWN OF A NEW AGE of awareness, how are we to walk the ability we have to change ourselves so that each of us can make this transition? If you have not heard this recording on – You Tube – by Veno – through the Portal, made back some eight years ago, then I recommend you do: it gives the context for the push by all of us in sharing Desteni, in our Journeys into Life, in our videos and blogs.

  DAWN OF A NEW AGE

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 469: The Strengthening of Honour

…this… continuing from Days 466, 467, 468…

I have been considering the general element of Shame within my backchat, and words that have emerged – through the process of my writing-out – have been first Magnificence, and then, Honour.

By the Strengthening of Honour, what I mean is getting to know more intimately this word, how I have been living it, how I might change the meaning that I’ve lived as it, in relation to it, and in separation from it, and to bring it from a vagueness and a part suppression in my mind into sharper focus, so that it might become a word that I can live deliberately at any moment.

How was it that I came to seeing this? Between one Journey Day and another – between one write-out session and the next – there is for me a period of sorting, integrating, letting go of to some extent that which has been written, letting be, letting it be flexible, letting parts to find their places in the reality of this living Me – here – I have been giving myself time, giving to myself conditions that I know would best support me in coming to solutions of what would be best for me.

Within that – I am practicing an honouring of self – I honour the nature in me, seeing that the process of coming to realisations of solutions is not for me direct or quick – but needs some time to integrate and settle –and so through a period of a week or so, what comes up in me – as if from a fresh beginning – is the realization that what I need to do now for me in support of me is to get a real and actual grasp of Honour, come to know it better, come to recognize it in others, define it in myself for me, make it tangible, all these kinds of things.

So in support of creating more of a grasp of Honour right here in this writing-out of Me, I start to use the beginnings of the definition of the word Honour that emerged from out of the word Magnificence and Magnify (day 468) of giving time to me to look more closely at what exists within me, of considering who I am towards and with and as myself within those details, within those definitions that I have accepted and allowed within this very word of ME.

So in this sense of Honouring there is a giving me of Time, where that Giving also is a key, in which I am honoured in giving time to me, in acknowledging that I am Here, that the quality of attention that I give myself is from a standing with me. To relate this new honour to the backchat (Day 466) I am looking at this question: How often in my backchat have I simulated out of judgement formulas of words and phrases to act as triggers of instant self-dismissal, of active ignorance, of exasperation, of impatience, of reasonings to justify a decision to withhold an honouring of me, and within that to be honouring instead a sense of power through bullying and punishment, and as a victim, through submission?

This question then unfolds the realization that it is not merely that I need to practice honouring of self, but to also shift the honouring that already exists within my acceptance and allowance of submission to the backchat of my mind. As and when this shaming backchat comes up in me I commit myself to slow down, to stop, to breathe, to ask myself again, what is it that I am honouring here? I commit myself to stand with me; I remind myself that this process of commitment, of standing stable for and with myself, is itself the practice of the word of Honour that I choose to live as me.

 

…continuing…

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 468: Dimensions of Magnificence

Day 468: Dimensions of Magnificence

In Etymology I found a little history of how it was that Magnify was only recently – a couple of hundred years ago or so – adapted into English as in simply ‘making bigger’, such as with a Magnifying glass; I learned that up until that time the word was more – and still is in other languages – concerned with Honouring a person or a thing. And yes there is a sense of giving Honour in looking more closely at something, considering the details, looking in to it. There is Honour in this sense of looking into Me, giving time to me to open up the details of my inner world, of considering who I am towards and with and as myself within those details, and within the question of, “Is this how I want this or that relationship to be?” there exists that honouring of me as the directive principle.

So in considering these roots of the word Magnify, I come across a new dimension of Magnificence, within this, willingness to honour self, a dimension that is much more stable than the version of Magnificence that I had previously had existing in me – which was highly energetic – like as in a spray of fireworks across the sky, or some towering deity bedecked with shining jewels, or an ineffable extreme of beauty, kind of breath-taking types of things, and massive and overwhelming and other-worldly – looking at these connotations I can see how it seemed impossible for me to actually live this word as me, one and equal with it, and also how I was content within living with this definition of myself – in a comparison – as so much less-than it.

Just as in how you can open up – apparently – a random book, and yet meet some lingering trace of you in the words you see, an enigmatic relevance, an answer to a question you had asked, or written, acting at least as a reminder to me of the extent that our awareness is infused throughout the everything in which we live, and a reminder as well of how much we are supported here if we could but see it, or but respond to it – or see ourselves within it: so also with the process of the physical writing out of self.

In considering the nature of my backchat, I came – through this process of physical writing – to be looking at this word Magnificence – and to looking at how it sort of lay disguised behind the backchat, as if it were an inspiration of it, in a negative way, to specify the backchat lines, and it seemed to me that considering this word magnificence supported me in understanding the personal design beneath the backchat, and so supporting me in understanding, to put a stop to these restraints that I had accepted and allowed within me.

So also with the general nature of the backchat as – for me- a shame induction: looking into the word Shame, what I find within this word is an experience of dis-honour, the experience of being and becoming as dishonoured, and with accepting and allowing, listening to and participating in such backchat it becomes the experience of self-dishonour.

Ok I’m going to give myself some time to digest these things: within the process of redefining the word ME, here I’m writing out the questions of: Where specifically Shame stands as the label of an energy experience of self dishonour, and so has become detached from it, to the extent that the question fades away of what has been this honouring of myself that I have broken up, walked out on, that I have in some word or deed deemed as dispensable for the sake of my survival; and where with Magnificence I have lived up to my word, such as in honouring a commitment that I made to me, a decision in support of me, a standing up for me, a giving to myself of time to consider what it is in me.

 

continuing…

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 467: Magnificence and Redefining ME

Day 467: Magnificence and ME

The Mine Field: you will need to read the previous post that leads to this one to get more context, but here I start with some of the working and functional self definitions that I have accepted and allowed to exist within the word Me. In this part of the process of redefining ME, I continue with investigations into definitions that I have already accepted and allowed and incorporated into the word of ME, definitions that are not best for me, definitions that I have accepted and allowed through the backchats of my mind. (see Day 466)

In general terms of Consciousness, if you allow yourself to be the victim of your backchat, a victim, as in being restrained within its boundaries, you will learn to fear the consequences of expansion, of straying too far, of questioning the edicts; and then accepting and allowing such fears to become imprinted into you, a personality will emerge, neatly shaped by your reactions to the merest hints of such specific fears, as dictated by the backchat. So from generalised – functions and controls of Consciousness – I now go into more the specificity of ME, that is in how I personally furnished those general Consciousness dimensions, into the specific nature of my personal backchat, exploring more the firewalls of the taboo that I accepted to be created, the taboo of understanding, Self-Intimacy and Seeing-Into-Me.

As skated over in the previous post, an incident occurred in which the image of a mine field surfaced – showing me – sort of incidentally – in my own words the fear of walking into this, showing me that hidden in the very ground of ME, there were like these back-chat bombs, that if I were to firmly tread then I might trigger a disaster. It is through incidental words that surface in my writing, in my de-script-ion of ME, that I recognize these points of self support that come from deeper parts of me, points that somehow slip through the filters of my conscious introspections; and what I have found is that by looking further into them I see the beginnings of an honouring of self. Exactly how the words Self Honouring and Self Honesty fit into each other is still a mystery to me to unravel for myself when I am able: for now I walk as within these Journey posts towards stability in my self.

For now, the incidents of words emerging for me in support of me as I inscribe them into physical existence will serve me in my purpose of opening up the definition complexes of ME in which I have accepted and allowed myself to coexist with functions of self-squashing, self-dishonouring, self-demeaning, self-diminishing as decreed by the backchats in my mind. Here is not just to simply open them up but to deconstruct them, to stop them, and to replace them using words I choose that instead support me.

So, tentatively stepping on the ground of my specific mine field, I am now looking at the incident (see previous post) in which the word Magnificence came up almost as a primary glimpse of what this word ME could accommodate as redefined, relieved of all the strangulating mechanisms of the backchat.

And at the time of writing, thoughts came up in me of how much less-than this ME I know is in comparison to Magnificence – like, BUT how could I possibly live this word, be one and equal with it, and so in equality become it, in accepting it as a part of me?

At the time of writing there was something that I did not see – it took some days to recognize the words I wrote – that within my I-Am-Less-Than-This reaction to the word Magnifence what existed that I could not see was fear. Fear of standing as Magnificence. It was through seeing this that I saw its relationship to my other backchat – this word Magnificence had not just popped up as a random alternative to live; it existed shoved away suppressed almost as the target of my backchat; when I looked into the backchat there were fears of being exposed in self aggrandizement – self magnification – judgements of such things within myself; memories of moments of being squashed in self exuberance – fears of letting go – where I had manifested exuberant expression it had been interpreted as showing-off; where I had manifested celebration of being me it had been interpreted as self aggrandizement, or big-headeness; where in stepping out of character, I had been accused of fraud. And yes indeed such character manouveres did exist, but they were not the whole of it. Magnificence was like a driving force of my exuberance, was like the fire of my creation, and like the inspiration of my non-sequiturs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Magnificence: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and consented to the designs of consciousness to utilize this fear, to instead of standing as Magnificence, instead to subdue and diminish and misconstrue Magnificence in whatever form it might manifest in my expression – and in a way to take this word and harness it in service of my fear

 

…continuing next post…

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 466 : Gossip and redefining ME

Day 466 : Gossip and redefining ME

Examining gossip and self-gossip: the question to self comes up of: if this were a personality, what kind of personality would it be, if this were a general experience, what would that general experience be, the feeling of it, the atmosphere around it… and for me looking into this I realized that if it were a personality it would be like a sort of a wet-blanket person, a constant threat to rain on my parade.

And listing out the verbs it was: to undermine, to put it down, to belittle, to make small, to sabotage its confidence. And the presence of such a personality in my mind would say things like: stop showing off – don’t expose yourself – you better keep quiet – you are too big for your boots – know your place – you’re so selfish… you ought to be ashamed… if all of those statements, feelings, could be rolled up together into a general shadow looming in my mind that would well describe my experience of ME that accompanies my self exposure in expression – a sword of Damocles – to exaggerate – so as to expose it more – though the feeling in itself is subtle.

Writing out these back-chats – with a pen – I realized how much these words derived from actual experiences of sibling bullying and manipulation – were words that I had internalized – and made my own – and strategically allowed to be as my own controlling self attacks – and as I wrote the words, my writing faltered, becoming smaller, tighter, with a hesitance coming into it, more and more restricted, as if I’d strayed into an environment of judgement – a mine field – to exaggerate again – in which me allowing the flow to continue – could be dangerous…

Such dramatic terms, and all of them derived from realities that once existed, yet now continued to exist within my mind – it was not that I had no responsibility in this, they were not just simply imprinted into me without permission – I recreated these ‘family’ relationships as energetic constructs in my mind – it was like I put a cast of characters together to represent the different forces in my mind – it was my design of how I was to operate as an expression of my family group – as an imitation of it, but as an independent entity – carrying along with me a group of working models of a possible existence as a mind – in a world that was otherwise unknown to me – so it was like in the absence of an alternative, I accepted and allowed these constructs as a backing – I construed them as a form of strength, as an independence aid, and in relation to these constructs I conceived myself as less-than them – seeing that for them to operate and function in a ‘natural’ manner, I conceived them as a ‘truth’.

These are like the technicalities of child robotics in a world of consciousness. Essentially within this voluntary scheme my definition of ME would be required to dwindle, atrophy, to become no less and no more than the ball in the game, rather than the game itself, rather than the stadium in which the game is played, or the world in which the stadium is built. All of this I willingly accepted; it was not like I had been destroyed – after all, my experience of me remained within the center of it, subjected constantly to the permissions that I resonated out. Here I was like a ME design submitting to the ways of consciousness.

Now I need to round it up a bit; I am aware that spite may enter into and interfere with my understanding of the family dynamics – seeing that both the spite and blame and my judgement of it both play a part and are a part of it – here is where I stand in that experience where it is not clear how much of what I see is my projection – where in one extreme it all seems like all projection and blame and in the other extreme it seems that what I see is absolutely true; and yet in both I tend to veer away from this reference to ME that I know so little of, this reference to ME that has been so long cast within taboo.

Knowing so little of what exists within and as this ME, I have spent many years standing literally on the brink of it – it is as if so far the physical reality that I have actually entered into is like various groups of cells and muscles in my lips – living in and as the Brink – so far short of doing such as a thing as actually for real walking on the Earth.

Implicit in the path of self-intimacy is self-honesty: where could Into-Me-I-See lead without first clearing for myself what definitions I have accepted and allowed as ‘ME’? To apprehend the fact that each of us are standing by this cosmic gateway we have to clear away the thorns and brambles that have grown in front of it. ‘Cosmic’ yes, as an expression of Magnificence, but Cosmic also in an Earthly sense, as a glimpse into this physical substance that as yet we know so little of, or of ME as being a part of. So, seeing this word ME as if for the first time, I realise that yes I may have lifted up a corner of the veil, and that this glimpse is here supporting me to further clear and clean the word, and honour it.

 

What would be the thorns and pains around the word ME that would make such natural honouring an impossibility? Something that I have realized in this writing is how much the word ME had figured in this life as almost like taboo – being connected to the cardinal sin of Selfishness – a word used often in the day to day manipulations of my family life – judgements of my badness, in which using the word Me came to have some guilt attached to it.

 

About the self inflicted pain of guilt, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this connection to exist; I forgive myself that I have provided for and stood beside this connection to exist; I forgive myself that I have deliberately accepted and allowed other peoples definitions of ME as being part of my reality; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by others; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should go ahead and live this life of ME as other people’s definitions of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in other people’s judgements of me, and for accepting and allowing myself to justify the guilt I felt in my definition of ME. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience that I had deliberately attached to ME. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pain that I had accepted and allowed myself to attach to ME.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within me the experience of a Sword of Damocles to exist; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of my own self judgement, and to live as powerless to change the experience that comes out of it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own self judgement and make of it a thing that I am haunted by in my moments of self exposure/self expression. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people might be saying about me, not seeing how within this what I actually fear is what I am accepting and allowing to be said by me about me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look upon the fact that I have given up the power to define myself for me and in support of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed other people’s definitions of me as a self manipulation in which I do not have to see how much I fear what I might see when I look upon how it is that I have defined this ME that I am living, and how much and to what extent that I avoid to face the ME that I’ve become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read the word: Into-Me-I-See, and not seen within myself how much and to what extent I have brushed past the word ME that is at the core of it, and so have within that not seen ME at all but only seen within my mind an idea of that, an idea of ME that is pleasing to me, and yet not real.

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 465: Back to Self, and Exploring a Projection

Some explorations, opening up a moment of Me, and relationship to System.

Looking at a mild discomfort, a movement within me, the turning of a point in the region of my solar plexus, the shadow of its energetic resonance as it ripples through my inner world, passing through a moment of experience – in a meeting with another human being – and then is gone, is sinking into memory; I have experienced this same reaction often, but never really brought it back here to ask myself what the features are of this within me, where in a way the usual statement I accept would be, ah yes that is just a part of me that I feel this way – only that – I usually brush past this, what more is there to say, I accept that there is no more to it, and so moving swiftly on, I smooth it into my normality, as if that moving-on was also merged into it.

Experiencing this reaction and as well my reaction to it all as one I passively experience my automation, and call that Me, where defining it as such I am defining Me as impenetrable, inaccessible, it is like I have accepted and allowed this word Me to also function as a term of self dismissal. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the inner statement, That’s just Me, to justify a tendency to dismiss investigation of an event inside of me, by apparently moving on, away from. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a judgement of myself as a part of my definition of Me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach emotion to self investigation, in which I react to thoughts of failure of getting access to the information of what exists within Me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that experience that I have linked to failure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that experience of the judgements that I put on me in giving up on me.

So here slowing down the swiftness of that moving-on, and bringing back the moment of that apparent ‘mild’ reaction, so that I can look at it, that passing shadow in my experience of me reacting in the outset of a conversation with another being. In specifying what was the actual nature of this energy, of this discomfort, what came up next was that this was ‘mild’ fear: and so the question followed, fear – connected to what? And then rather than looking directly into me, I looked outside of me, to seek the cause of fear in something that the other being was doing. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to finding in myself an energy that I have labeled fear, by immediately seeking out the source of it in terms of where to place the blame. I forgive myself within this that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that I still have not investigated the nature of that fear, where rather than owning it as mine, have instead reacted to it with this reflex of seeking where to place the blame.

So calling it Fear: Fear apparently of people leading the conversation into areas in which they can compete and win and so assure themselves that they have not lost control, or prominence – I mean many of us – if not all – have experienced this strategy – after all it is like a raison d’etre of consciousness, and so of the designs and personalities expressed by it – and energetically, like expressions of maintainance, upgrade and refreshment drives – playing out an algorithm of energy fulfulment, scanning for an opportunity, a personal spin. An expression of the self as willingness to accept the drive to exploit the material shared for one’s own ends, and so distract and self deceive to get that energetic hit of winning, so that the superiority is stabilized and renewed, and prevails in setting the agenda.

And so bringing it back to self: who am I within the mirror of this projection: “Fear of people leading the conversation into areas in which they can compete and win,” within the experience of these words is a statement like, “Oh no it’s happening again, there is nothing I can do… “Like I can see where this is going and I am powerless…” And within that, I am left to hoping that it will not happen, hoping that they won’t go and do this… so immediately I have given my power away, I mean I could say something like, “Let’s not go there…” but instead I let it play out. What fear – or other emotion – exists within the making of these decisions, of what to do, and not do? How do I imagine how it’d be for me, as me, if I simply stopped the play-out in its tracks? It’s like I’d have to stand with me as a change of character, saying no, and with that saying no I’d have to stand stable, and not get drawn into the game. Is that the fear, that when tested I will not have the stability, and so will get drawn into the game, that I myself will lose control, will lose my balance, lose my way? Does this nice guy personality have any real stability? In looking into this it shows me that this is a position only that I have fallen in the habit of, it is based in insecurity, based on ‘swiftly moving on’.

As I look at this complaint, and start to open it, I realize how much that perceived “Fear of people leading the conversation into areas in which they can compete and win,” is but a cover, a generality and a distraction, because here disguised in this perception is my unwillingness to look into myself, into my own needs of self assurance, that I have judged in me, and so am here projecting onto others; making it in this scenario that they are to be blamed; that they were tending to their needs to win. And so, avoided is the issue of myself amongst and in these words, superior in my observations of the outside world, while at the same time being the victim to it; in a way, in fear of challenging the system.

Projections onto others can be useful when recognized, being those rejected pictures of the way things are inside me; because in looking into them I can show me details that I may not as yet be ready to immediately own. So in a way it’s kind of helpful – for a moment – to validate the projection, while seeing it for what it is, for the purpose of extracting further information – with the claim that it isn’t just and only me; that it takes two to tango; and it’s true that all of us have systems, participate in systems, though that is not all there is to us, but when both are busy in this game we set off reactions in one another, as well as in ourselves; and what makes the ground more slippery is the conviction that it is mostly the other and only just a little bit ourselves, just that little bit within ourselves that we employ to understand the situation, just that little eagle eye aloof that claims to know the details of the other’s thoughts and motives. There is quite an arrogance within the claiming of this knowledge while at the same time remaining in denial of its source within ourselves, coming from our own experience of doing it too; it’s as if this knowledge were just pulled out of the ether, and as if our ability to do that is an aspect of our claimed superiority.

And then in blame, in serving up the allegation – in making it stick – we revert to our definitions of the other for reference and evidence to prove our claims, making it as if those definitions in our minds were perceptions of reality. And so then we see these other beings as like rigid objects, taking up and standing as positions, and in the act of trying to defend themselves, protect themselves from collapse, seeing them as possessed by their personalities, not having any other choice, and so within this, robbing them, constricting them, and locking them down. I mean when both are at this then, there is a sense of all being lost; the potential of the meeting also – in the fact that the opportunity of collaboration has been lost. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear such constriction foisted onto me, of being locked down, of being robbed of other aspects that are me, of accepting and allowing being defined by others. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be defined by others as if in an attempt to keep the peace. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how in such an inner deal I have accepted and allowed the play-out of the system both within me and without me, and so am within this accepting and allowing the consequential play-out of the world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in this.

So within this there exists for me like a fear of owning my experience of giving up when it comes again to that old situation of being aware of abdicating all to system, a vision of puppets clattering uselessly in the dark, the facing of the fact of my giving of the power to the strings I have accepted and allowed, and allowing myself to participate in that feeling of uselessness and waste that I have linked to it. And my pattern here would be to revert into a silence, to revert into that illusion of potentiality, to abandon that opportunity of collaboration, and of mutual creation, to give up on the reality of the other person having choice.

Here within this is a layer of spite, and here again my own projection. I mean here I am looking at the expectation of the other responding to me the way I wanted them to, that together we might perhaps do something, that was not expressed, was not even clear to me, was not defined, and because my expectation did not happen here I was giving them both the power and the blame and then taking umbrage in a way because it did not happen. The actual failure here was my own manipulation. And then, in me, dismissing, or brushing past that momentary umbrage, that is so familiar, hardly even noticing it, defining it as ‘mild discomfort’, I see how it is I slip so quickly from a glimpse of awareness of my abdication, to those feelings of uselessness and into the apparent solace of blame and righteousness.

That issue of control, of accepting and allowing self to become an expression of control, as a point of permission, submerged beneath the layers of automation: it becomes an ‘issue’ where an emotional connection is made, linking to that point, together with a judgement where a dream of self seems to rise up from the bed, and dis the self that is currently overwhelmed in its comfort of acceptance, in the flowing streamlines of the consciousness, not seeing how this view of things has also been prepared, and undersigned by me, that this knowledge of awareness is no different, is just another annex of a false reality.

 

 

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life