Day 473: Writing, Fire and Brimstone and Self-Judgement
With redefining Writing one may not see the need; the practicalities of writing as simply laying out the words onto paper or onto screen are well defined. It is when writing out the contents of our inner world that the unconscious parameters within our words assert themselves. With Writing as the physical aspect of introspection, as In ‘Writing Self to Freedom,’ writing stands as a gate, and for the gate to actually be an opening rather than a process of filtration, the word Writing needs to be clear and straight forward.
With the unfolding nature of the self-forgiveness statements it is impossible to predict where it might lead: what layers might be revealed, what programmed constructs might be exposed. Thinking in the mind – Oh Yes I get this, now I see where this is going – is for me an easy self-deception – often passing-swiftly-on seems so natural – while going back along the path that I have trodden to look again at statements that I’ve made seems like a loss.
With reference to previous post, Day 472, some Forgiveness Statements:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to include judgement of my self into the very fabric of the definition of the word Writing, and within that within the word Convey, and then not allow myself to look at and to expose for me that part of me as who I am as Judgement that is in the word and that is therefore in the action that I know as Writing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this part of me, to secretly apply myself as Judgement to this part of me as Judgement, to be as Judgement itself looking into the glass of Judgement attempting to ignore or look around myself to make do somehow in the presence of this part of me that I am living, and to at the same time try and write around it, as if it were real that I had actually dismissed it. I forgive myself that I have participated in this self-deception.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in shame of who I am as Judgement, to within the secrecy of my mind attempt to push this part of me aside, to reject this part of me, and in doing this I forgive myself that I have been participating in the judgement that I have been rejecting. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed the Writing that is Judgement to speak out as itself, as who I am as Judgement, to speak out and be clear as Judgement so that I may see and know what Judgements I am making so that those judgements may be corrected, and so that within my definition of the word Writing I may be wholly me rather than in separation from a part of me that is self rejecting. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my own authority into the hands of this separating part of me and so become as less than and in fear of it within the act of Writing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider self forgiveness of my acceptance and allowance of Judgement existing in my definition of the word Writing, with a view to simply getting rid of it, clearing it out, without consideration of this Judgement as being a part of me, or consideration of the fact that I am trying with self forgiveness to rid myself of parts of me, and so not seeing how the misalignment of judgement still remains.
Fire and Brimstone: here are two words that come up now. Who I am as Fire and Brimstone, or who I might possibly become if I allowed it, here was a part of me that I was in fear of, that Bible thumping, The End is Nigh personality; I was in fear of it because I once saw how easily I might become it, as if that roaring energy of the Wrath of God might have been contagious; and to overcome the fear I suppressed this part of me. What more precisely was involved in this manoeuvre? I mean looking back on this now I see here was the word Convey on Crack, somehow consummated in spreading the contagion. And yet that Wrath of God was an extreme form of righteous judgement and with the thumping of the Good-Book personality it was a thing I judged against extremely; this is why it was with fear and horror that I saw how easily I could become it. Having glimpsed an aspect of reality it seemed my responsibility to Convey it. Like here it seemed was the word Convey in exaltation. And here also in this Fire and Brimstone personality was Authority, my own Authority that I had horrifyingly given up to Judgement, and then done my best to stamp it down.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that I alike with all other beings am seeking to express and live the Word, and that in Judgement also I have chosen to express my life, and in not seeing how in my application of this word I have been mistaken, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject that part of me within the word as if I were separate to that part of me I wanted to express.