…this… continuing from Days 466, 467, 468…
I have been considering the general element of Shame within my backchat, and words that have emerged – through the process of my writing-out – have been first Magnificence, and then, Honour.
By the Strengthening of Honour, what I mean is getting to know more intimately this word, how I have been living it, how I might change the meaning that I’ve lived as it, in relation to it, and in separation from it, and to bring it from a vagueness and a part suppression in my mind into sharper focus, so that it might become a word that I can live deliberately at any moment.
How was it that I came to seeing this? Between one Journey Day and another – between one write-out session and the next – there is for me a period of sorting, integrating, letting go of to some extent that which has been written, letting be, letting it be flexible, letting parts to find their places in the reality of this living Me – here – I have been giving myself time, giving to myself conditions that I know would best support me in coming to solutions of what would be best for me.
Within that – I am practicing an honouring of self – I honour the nature in me, seeing that the process of coming to realisations of solutions is not for me direct or quick – but needs some time to integrate and settle –and so through a period of a week or so, what comes up in me – as if from a fresh beginning – is the realization that what I need to do now for me in support of me is to get a real and actual grasp of Honour, come to know it better, come to recognize it in others, define it in myself for me, make it tangible, all these kinds of things.
So in support of creating more of a grasp of Honour right here in this writing-out of Me, I start to use the beginnings of the definition of the word Honour that emerged from out of the word Magnificence and Magnify (day 468) of giving time to me to look more closely at what exists within me, of considering who I am towards and with and as myself within those details, within those definitions that I have accepted and allowed within this very word of ME.
So in this sense of Honouring there is a giving me of Time, where that Giving also is a key, in which I am honoured in giving time to me, in acknowledging that I am Here, that the quality of attention that I give myself is from a standing with me. To relate this new honour to the backchat (Day 466) I am looking at this question: How often in my backchat have I simulated out of judgement formulas of words and phrases to act as triggers of instant self-dismissal, of active ignorance, of exasperation, of impatience, of reasonings to justify a decision to withhold an honouring of me, and within that to be honouring instead a sense of power through bullying and punishment, and as a victim, through submission?
This question then unfolds the realization that it is not merely that I need to practice honouring of self, but to also shift the honouring that already exists within my acceptance and allowance of submission to the backchat of my mind. As and when this shaming backchat comes up in me I commit myself to slow down, to stop, to breathe, to ask myself again, what is it that I am honouring here? I commit myself to stand with me; I remind myself that this process of commitment, of standing stable for and with myself, is itself the practice of the word of Honour that I choose to live as me.