Day 128: Nothing to do with Me character part 2

 

 

Fear Dimension continued, see Day 127

 

2) Fear of causing reaction

When I look at this heading, I realize that this is not specific, and as it is specifically the negative reactions of spite that I am in fear of, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect the integrity of my own consciousness by generalizing my fears and skating over specificity, within which there exists the possibility of actual change through self forgiveness. 

 

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within this self forgiveness to not have seen or realized this starting point of fear of change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a spite reaction directly targeted at me. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in advance of the situation in actual reality to fear that I will be unable to do otherwise than take this personally.

 

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of my own automation that I have accepted and allowed as who I am. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately stand up in the belief that this is my nature that I cannot change.

 

I commit myself to the realization within and as and through all the characters of me that change is possible, that change is what has happened through my acceptance and allowance throughout my experience in this life, that through change it is that I have come to be and to become this who I am. I commit myself to realize that change is my decision and that also not change my decision too.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change and for within that fear to not allow myself to see and realize and understand and take back to myself my own responsibility for changing who I am and have become, so that in each and every moment in my breath, I am here with my decision with myself of how to be according to the situation in physical reality, rather than according to an alternative reality of the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in fearing causing reactions in another that within this I am accepting and allowing the belief that I am responsible for the reactions in another being, and that therefore within this belief, that I hold another being responsible for the reactions that will come up in me.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my fear of my own experience of automation comes out of my abdication of my own responsibility for my own beliefs that I have accepted and allowed as well as my own reactions as feelings and emotions that come up in me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that this belief in others as responsible for my feelings and emotions is a form of blame in which I justify my abdication of my self-responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand clearly that the very starting point of ‘this has nothing to do with me’ is my definition of a relationship in which who I am is defined according to the external conditions and the environment of other beings, so that within this I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my own posture as a victim and therefore in my judgment stood in righteousness, where all along if I were to look self-honestly at who I am within this, my relationship to this has been as ‘I will have nothing to do with this.’ And therefore hidden in my victimhood there is an attitude of secret superiority, in which I have been actually the one in superiority and judgment and as the rejecting one.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the situation as more-than others, and for defining who I am as superior to this.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or see or understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to become separated from who I am by participating in this energy game in which I go from a negative experience of myself as powerless blaming and as a victim into secret power and superiority as in standing off and above from this as a positive experience inside myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize or understand the secret spitefulness that I have lived within the character of victim.

 

I commit myself to end this game of energy that I have played.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to guard the integrity of myself within and as ego and consciousness by suppressing from myself my secret relationship towards the world, of spite and superiority, wrapped in suppression of a fear of exposure as a victim, and for allowing in myself within my scope of awareness in my conscious mind only a fear of the reaction of spite from others.

 

I commit myself to change myself within this relationship that I have accepted and allowed as fixed in which I have basically accepted and allowed that because things are the way they are according to my interpretation and my judgment, that therefore I will do nothing. I commit myself to change this not doing anything to change the situation. 

 

Therefore in this situation that I have accepted and allowed as real in which I stand within a fear of spite, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand and recognize this aspect of this character that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by, and so I stop and in this moment change.

 

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

THE SNAIL

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Day 127: ‘It’s got nothing to do with me’ Character

 

Today I muttered in my mind ‘fuck-off’ essentially to myself as I felt the movement of some back-chat. So first I pulled the words ‘fuck off’ out to have a look at them.

 

When I first heard the phrase ‘fuck off’ applied, ‘off’ seemed like the most terrible place possible, because no one cared where it was. And that a world in which a person could be sent to such a place seemed equally terrible. It was not so much the words themselves but the tonality and the callous hostility of the energy that was a new experience for me. The experience of this energy was sort of coarse, abrasive, brutal.

 

I can’t place exactly where this memory came from. In a picture of it which may belong to the imagination dimension, it looks like this: I feared to be in the shoes of the one sent into exile, and I really did not like myself, in my own shoes that I just stood there and let it happen, and if he’d caught my eye, I would have felt ashamed, and looked away. More than anything I feared the attention of the bully and his gang, in case they picked on me. I feared this world where no one cared.

 

I am not sure that all of this is memory but it is certainly a sort of profile of a character that I accepted and allowed to be activated as a set of relationships, the character would be a ‘standing off from’, which I could define by the back-chat, ‘It’s got nothing to do with me’, and tacitly, I will do nothing with and as this, and I will not recognize who I am in this. There are other aspects or maybe developments of this character, such as the ‘witness’ and the ‘observer’, and I recognize these as a primary character of me, and I can see the devastating play-out consequence of this as me as humanity.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have encapsulated in my mind and in my physical flesh this phrase together with this experience of sound and with my fear of being outside a group as vulnerable to gossip and definition by others in my absence where I have no control over my definition which I have accepted and allowed to be placed upon me by the outside world believing that who I am must be according to the opinions of others as I have no trust in who I am as me here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through fear to allow myself to be directed to remain so that I can keep my eye on things so that I won’t have to be that experience of myself as the definition which may or might be placed on me according to my self judging wildest undermining fantasies in my imagination.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to initiate this character as a reaction to my own back-chat, wherein rather than facing who I have become within this back-chat, I have confirmed my own automated determination to not do so, and therefore turned this fuck-off onto myself into a song of praise towards the quantum mind.

 

 

The Thought Dimension

 

Standing alone.

Picture of being shut outside, locked out.

 

The Fear Dimension

 

1) Fear of being the rejected one.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the rejection of me from a group. Within this I forgive myself for making this relationship of me to a ‘group’ in which I have not allowed myself to see and realize that there is no ‘group’ but only as a construct in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this thought in my mind which defines me as alone which I have interpreted in my mind as being rejected, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give with my own judgment a negative value to this picture of me standing alone as in being rejected and therefore a negative experience of myself as energy within and as my mind.

 

I forgive myself within this that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject myself as a living being by accepting and allowing myself to be a negative experience of energy as a picture in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am in this thought of me standing alone as rejected, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined according to an other beings relationship to me, so that I have given away my own power of me being here as who I am as me in order to accept myself as victimized by others.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a relationship of me towards an idea in my mind of ‘group’ and of ‘rejected’ as a victim, in which I have given away my ability to take my own directive principle and act according to the situation in physical reality according to what is best for all but instead to be directed by victim character in an alternative reality that I have accepted and allowed within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the energy game in which I accept and allow my experience of myself as negative or positive emotions or feelings according to how I assess and interpret my relationship of me to others and of others to me within my mind.

 

I commit myself to walk this process of myself from consciousness as the mind and into the physical as me as life and therefore into the physical of all as one as life and into the realization that there is but one real group which is the group of life.

 

I commit myself to through breathing and slowing down of me to no longer let myself react to this thought of me standing alone by giving to it a context of fear or judgment or any other energy that I have utilized to justify this character of standing ‘off’ from others.

 

I commit myself to no longer let go of who I am by accepting and allowing myself to be defined by me according to my judgement, or by being defined by others, in which I commit myself to walk this process and to practically stop the energy polarity game through breathing self commitment and through self forgiveness.

 

I commit myself to investigate and explore the dimensions of the victim characters to re-extract myself from these relationships, as my responsibility as me and to deconstruct the victim character.

 

 

Fear Dimension to be continued in next blog…

 

 

for more context see:

Heaven’s Journey to Life Day 163: Character Dimensions Practical Application Part1

 

 

 

 

The Missing Piece

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Day 126: Spiked Cocktails of Spiked Words

…continuing from yesterday’s post

 

Considering the word victim and how I did not ask myself who I actually was within and as this word but instead of this accepted me to ‘know’ the meaning of the word without me, in separation from myself. In separation from myself I thought I ‘knew’ what ‘it’ meant, and what my intentions were in using it, not realizing how within this I had accepted and allowed myself to define myself as knowledge, and had successfully suppressed the fear that I had accepted and allowed myself to attach to it, but I did not realize that what was in the word was who I am, and therefore I accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as a world in which common sense is perceived as bizarre and alien.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if the words I use with which to think and to communicate are wrapped up in a subconscious membrane of my own personalized experience as energy, then the world that I perceive around me and within me will be a world pre-programmed in self interest, because all of my experience as energy is in self interest.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create with pre-judged words an alternative reality in which to live in which unless I purify the words I use I have made it impossible for me to correct and to realign myself to common sense and practical living.

 

 

 

 

 

The Missing Piece

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Day 125: Me and my Father continued

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for my experience of myself.

 

Victim, another word that I have fixed up with judgments of myself within and as it. The effects and consequences of my judgments of myself, especially when the word, such as this one ‘victim’ represents a point that I need to look at, the effect is that I do not look beneath this word at who I am within it, and therefore once again I protect my mind, within resisting close examination.

 

Having opened up this point about my father, wanting me to become hardened and as his picture of a man, and me forming this belief of who I am as not good enough, I can see now how the word victim as a negative judgment of myself would fit with that, not wanting to remind myself of having failed to meet this picture of a man. This picture of ‘a man’ was not just any man at all but a specific, sporty, boxing, rugger playing, Sandhurst trained, officer material, someone in command, grin and bear it, stiff upper lip sort of being, the opposite of ‘victim’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or recognize that the word ‘victim’ in my mind was not clear but was charged with negative energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word victim a charge of negative energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see myself within a relationship as a victim, because I have defined being a victim as being ‘not a man’, and I fear to see myself as not good enough in my fathers eyes or as having failed to meet his expectations.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny being a ‘victim’ in a relationship, so that I do not have to experience this definition of myself that I have accepted and allowed as not good enough in my father’s eyes.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and then to hide from me this experience of myself as less than others in my father’s eyes.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of myself as not good enough within my father’s eyes.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for my experience of myself in which I chose to feel not good enough.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for my own reactions to myself as feelings and emotions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my father responsible for my feelings of being not good enough.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within abdicating my responsibility for my own definition of myself as not good enough together with the feelings and emotions that arise from that to have not seen and realized that within this I accepted and allowed myself in my relationship to my father to have become a victim, and to have created a victim character.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect and keep secret this victim character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within and as this victim character to have become powerless in relation to my own feelings and emotions and to have become stuck within and as my own self-judgments.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to be directed by this victim character that through this I have accepted and allowed myself as powerless to move myself from out of my own negative experience of myself and to have through that gone into the experience of depression.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposure of this victim character.

 

I commit myself to walk through the dimensions of the victim character.

I commit myself to continue to explore the construct of my relationship to my father.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Missing Piece

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Day 124: Me and my Father

More on self judgment, and being ‘not good enough’.

I am 7, I am walking back from school coming down the back lane, and a gang of boys run past me, one of them grabs my cap. I try to get it back, but they form a circle round me and play catch with my cap, so it is like a game of piggy in the middle, only I never get it back. I don’t remember clearly, but I suppose that they must have tired of this teasing game when I began to cry. I come home without my cap, I am upset, like I have just been mugged. My father says that we must train you up in boxing so that you can defend yourself, his general harden you up, make a man of you scheme. He presents to me this picture of myself as being a boxer and able to fight, so that people cannot just take things from me again. I feel happy that he has presented to me a solution.

I do not remember any training, except being entered into a boxing contest on the other side of town. When the night comes, there is no one at home who will  go with me. I am told by my father to go in there and show them, and come back with a cup. I am told that I must go alone and catch the bus. On the bus I am very anxious, I have butterflies in my stomach.

At the contest, I am quickly tired, I do not have the strength that I desire to have in my arms and legs. I am beaten, and I return home, the loser, without a cup. I feel that I have let my father down, and I feel that I am not good enough.

Looking back on this, it seems like the relationship that I accepted between me and my father was that it was his role to put a picture in my head of how he thought I should be, and then I should run away and attempt to achieve it. It never occurred to me to ask then why it was that he was not there with me to support me in this or to show me in any way how this was to be done. It was like he was the managing director of the company which was my family, and he would make decisions about my future, but I would hardly ever see him.

In my life I see a relationship of me as a mind to the world in which my body just cannot meet my expectations which are that it should just fulfill whatever picture was in my mind. And me trying to fulfill a picture in my mind in which I have good feelings about who I am as good enough.

Fear of seeing and facing this judgment of myself as who I am as not good enough as not matching up to the pictures in my father’s mind, but being as a disappointment, had the consequence of fear of seeing my father. This is why that when I look for memories of this relationship there are very few that I can find, because all of them are charged with this self-judgment of not good enough and disappointment, and I do not want to see these negative pictures that I have made of me, and therefore I have suppressed them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only accept myself if I match up to my father’s expectations of me which I hold inside myself as a picture in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide away from me my own self-judgments as definitions of who I am that I have accepted and allowed to control my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself with fear of facing who I am, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is not good enough, and therefore inferior and unacceptable in my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing who I am, believing in this who I am as inferior and not good enough.

I commit myself to the acceptance of who I am as who I am here now in this physical reality.

The Missing Piece

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Day 123: Negative judging Positive and Positive judging Negative

 

Today, starting on the judgments of myself that I have given a positive charge of energy to.

Here I realize that I have in fact judged my positively judging of me as negative, in the sense that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and wish to hide and keep as secret my positive opinions and judgments about myself, believing that it is wrong or bad to hold ‘good’ opinions or positive judgments about myself.

Seeing and realizing how it is that I have become a system of consciousness, therefore in my mind I ‘should’ really be completely disapproving of myself as this consciousness that is not in support of life. That I am ‘wrong’ as a consciousness system, and would be ‘right’ as Life. Here I see an updated morality system just superimposed onto new knowledge and information. And in a way, this is superficial, because the nitty gritty is that I would be deeply like deeply in the depths of my physical, ‘wrong’, to be doing anything that would be a serious threat to the consciousness itself, like realizing myself as who I am as Life.

 

I am quite tricky in this ‘wrongness’, because I can see how in for example seeing and realizing that I am doing something that is not in support of myself as life, that it works as a backdoor for me to accept and allow my self conditioned response of ‘this is wrong’ as a perspective on it, because then I open up and feed the polarity of my righteousness to actually do what is ‘wrong’ out of a principle of retaliation towards my own oppression. These must be the mechanics of how I sabotage myself. And yet within the nitty-gritty situation of a threat to   consciousness I do not retaliate, I accept the ‘wrongness’ as an absolute, and then bounce back into an absolute righteousness of self-interest, and act again in service to my secret mind.

 

How did I support this wrongness as an absolute within my mind? Here I can see how I accepted and allowed myself to blend my interpretations of the morality of society with the religious stories, where wrongness and sin combine, and I can see my acceptance and allowance of this and positive judgment of this within a hope in my mind that ultimately there ‘should’ be eventually this combination and no difference between what we live in physical reality and the teachings of Jesus. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind that what Jesus had to say was ‘right’ and ‘good’ and way out ahead and something to be aspired towards, and yet unreachable, and for completely misunderstanding the actual message of life and of equality and oneness that the real physical being Jesus had attempted to share and to demonstrate, and to be a living example of.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to absorb the words of the gospels, as positive energy experiences and realizations in my mind in which I would hide from the realities of my physical life. In this way the gospels became like my favorite TV series that I would watch and return to this experience of myself as hope and goodness and altogether in another reality that I had made up in my mind of a sunny land with palm trees and simple parables and this man Jesus walking comfortably with himself amongst humanity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ‘wrong’ because I accepted and allowed myself to fear anything that could remove the validity of my positive experience of myself that I had chosen in being ‘right’.

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing my positive experience of myself through fear of losing it.

 

I commit myself to deconstruct, unravel and release this addiction to energy in all its aspects.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect up my ‘wrongness’ and ‘rightness’ to the cosmic standards of an almighty god that I had accepted and allowed within my mind as real.

 

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being wrong to an image in my mind of the ‘wrath’ of God that I had read about in stories and believed, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately amplify my own fear of being ‘wrong’ through evoking images in my mind of the ‘wrath’ of God.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘wrath’ is justified by righteousness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anger, and to automatically judge myself in the face of anger.

 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to constantly realize and understand that justification is a tool that I have accepted and allowed to make things apparently ‘right’, so that I have used it as a guide to ease myself into following my self interest, which is the interests of myself as a system of the mind as consciousness.

 

I commit myself to slow down and to remain within the pace of my physical breath. Realizing and understanding that these justifications are lies that I accept and allow, I commit myself to stop and breathe when they come up, so that I can assist and support myself in being Here, and to not follow through into the energy accumulation that these justifications support.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose my positive experiences that I have designed for myself within my mind by giving values that I have chosen through my belief in myself as the judge of my reality, in which I have accepted and allowed an existence for myself not as life but in spite of life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself in and as the negative experiences that I have designed for myself through the same belief in myself as the judge of my reality and for through this fear in which I have abdicated my responsibility, I have accepted and allowed without question the positive experience alternative as something that I desire and want to keep and hold onto and protect, not realizing that the more and more I do this, I feed the energetic opposite that grows inside me secretly beneath the layers of my own suppression.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or see or understand that in abdicating from my responsibility as myself as life in order to become the god of my own self interested reality, that I have in fact gone into competition with this imaginary god, and therefore am in fear of his reprisal, and this ‘god’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear is actually my projection of my abdicated responsibility, therefore I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with and to fear my own responsibility that I have rejected.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a retaliatory character that retaliates against my own oppression, within which I have accepted and allowed myself to rather than work with the mind as myself, to separate myself from it and engage with battling it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in this process I am in fact energizing the mind and giving away my power to the mind, and in so doing, acting so as to protect and to preserve its existence as consciousness.

 

I commit myself to realize and understand and take back my responsibility for the ways that I accept and allow myself to sabotage myself.

I commit myself to change this relationship I have made with my own mind.

I commit myself to walk this process of realization that what I accept and allow as my relationship to the mind, is what I accept and allow as the relationships of all as me to the mind, and that therefore in committing me to walk out of consciousness into the physical and life, I am committing me to walk with all humanity into the physical and life, and into a world that we can direct as one as what is best for all.

 

 

 

 

 

The Missing Piece

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Day 122: The Box: Roots of Judgement

 

Continuing from last blog, the backchat dimension:

“Closing my eyes for a moment to the impact of some backchat such as ‘I have fucked up’, I realize that I am shutting down on an awareness of myself and putting it away.”

 

Checking and re-checking the details of recent memories, that is part of the character of judgment, accepting and allowing myself to be drawn out into the mind, checking on the status of relationships, how did I do, how might I have appeared, what did they think, did I fuck up, do they like me, do they trust me, how did I sound, did they notice this or that which I had hidden, was that a give-away, should I have said this; a breathless inspection, an adrenaline rush of fear, all founded on and in support of the belief that who I am in this existence is according to these minds that I imagine, and yet of which, know nothing. And in this cascade of backchat there is no moment in which I ask myself, but who am I within this thought that I participate within and as? Checking on the judgments everywhere, I have wandered far away from home, and have forgotten that I once lived somewhere real.

 

And what is it as a mind that I am checking, am I safe, secure, is there a change? Will my definition hold? Will this definition fluctuate, is it stable, is there a fault, an anomaly, something out of place, a contradiction. Exposing this, my mind goes into tantrums, the fear is that I can no longer exist if I let go of this illusion of my existence continuing as all these separations of myself as my assessments of who I am and how I stand, in these imaginary relationships to others.

 

Exposing to myself the definitions that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become, the ones that give rise to this personality of judgment and the backchat thoughts that proliferate from out of it, these are the definitions that I must face, and then un-program as the roots of this personality that I have then required to act for me, rather than closing my eyes against the awareness of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, shielding and protecting myself from the pain of self judgments that is the consequence of what I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to have a definition of myself within my mind, of who and what I am, rather than accepting me as this silence that is Here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a lack in me, of having no definition of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe is something that I need.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and be aware of my own self dishonesty in my actions through my beliefs of separating me from my completeness in my being Here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that a definition of myself that I believe that I require is formulated out of relationships of separation, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start a process in my mind of making separations in my world so as to have relationships that I can combine into a definition of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up relationships in my mind through comparing myself to others that I see around me in this world, that I see in separation from myself, so that I can have a definition for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the definitions that I have made of who I am as relationships to others that I have accepted and allowed myself to see in separation from myself have been made of energy, and that therefore I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as energy and to become characters of energy, not realizing my own self dishonesty in this because who I am is Life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in defining me in separation in and as relationships to others as energy that I have accepted and allowed a world of polarities as energy, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-dishonesty is bad and wrong and therefore I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a negative polarity of the mind, and accepted who I am as judgment of myself as wrong and bad.

 

I commit myself to undermine my own protections of the mind system and the force of self-interest that I have accepted and allowed as fear. I commit myself to not only face the fear that I have accepted and allowed within and as and toward myself within my activities of negative judgment of myself as well as negative judgment of my judgmentality through which I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress from my own awareness who and what I have accepted and allowed and defined myself to be, but also to look beyond the fear that I have allowed as fear of fear, which is simply my relationship of me to fear, as fear.

 

I commit myself to learn to trust this me as life, to learn to trust my own expression of myself, to walk a new way with myself that has no reference to or condition of the character of judgment.

 

Continuing on this next blog…

 

 

 

The Missing Piece

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Day 121: The Box: Judgement and Suppression

 

“Taking the point of consequence further to encompass overall process, it’s clearly able to be seen, that the allowance and acceptable of oneself’s existence in and as the self-judgment character will compromise ones ability to walk process, especially when it comes to walking the world-system, because the self-judgment will not allow oneself to stand in the face of any and all challenges and assert oneself to bring about and live and stand for what’s best for all life, no matter what. Because the self-judgment character will diminish and compromise and suppress Self.”

Extract from: Journey to Life Aldin Hrvat

 

 

 

Closing my eyes for a moment to the impact of some backchat such as ‘I have fucked up’, I realize that I am shutting down on an awareness of myself and putting it away.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given over my directive principle in this existence to a configuration of energy or a character or so far unknown characters of judgement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand the common sense that my lacking of awareness about who I am in this existence is entirely deliberate because I have hidden and suppressed and made secret to myself all the parts of me that I have negatively judged as wrong, as bad, or as unacceptable to society the world and therefore to me myself, because I have made this judgement character out of the way I see myself through an idea in my mind of the eyes of the world, and therefore within this limited myself to be according to the relationships I have made around me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or understand that stepping beyond the within of my energy awareness has not been possible because I have accepted and allowed myself to be animated controlled and directed by my own character or characters of judgement which exist entirely within and as and for the ends of energy according to the principles of energy.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from me my experiences of energy that I have accepted and allowed as who I am according to the judgements that I have accepted and allowed as me, as mine, as who I really am.

 

Giving to the suppression character permission to act in accordance with the character of judgement means that when this ‘me’ energy awareness as the character of judgement sees itself and judges itself, then suppression follows suppression and I end up in this vague unspecified fear state as a zombie, because all previous existence centred in me as judgement is being channeled into suppression, and then I literally and deliberately allow the shut down of all awareness of myself and don’t know who I am, because I have negatively judged and then suppressed my own mechanism of judgement and suppression, so that when I look to see what I have done, I see nothing, and I have no awareness of myself, and I go into this experience of being stuck in my self investigations. This is the crisis of me as judgement. This is the outline of the energy awareness box that I have accepted and allowed as the limits to who I am.

 

Memories in which I accepted and allowed the judgements of those around me as being images of truth:

 

In a geography class I have turned in some homework of which I am very proud, and believe that the teacher will be pleased with my work. Instead I am shocked to hear that he is using me as an example of what not to do, and is manipulating the spiteful mockery of the class. What I have done is drawn in representations of the waves in the sea around a map of the British Isles, rather than what the teacher wanted, which was a uniform shading of blue. I could not understand the anger of this teacher, or the reason for his deliberate misinterpretation of my drawing as ‘flocks of sea-gulls’, for the purpose of his sarcastic joke.

 

In an English exam I have enjoyed writing an essay which I thought in my mind was an invitation to make up an imaginative story, but when I get my work returned to me I find that I have been marked in red ink 0 out of 100, because I have misread the question.

 

In both these memories I form the belief that my self-expression is entirely inappropriate to the situation of being in school, and is in some way ‘wrong’, and in both memories, I form the belief that I cannot trust my self-expression, because I now believe that it is more important to be ‘appropriate’ to the demands of the system than it is to express my self, and that if I express myself without according my expression to the system then I will be victimized by the system in the form of my teachers and ‘fellow’ peers, which in the situation of a boarding school, is my world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being victimized by the world, in which I see a picture of me being picked out and used as an example of something wrong and inferior and to be mocked and used as spitting image to make others feel better about themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self expression because I cannot trust that if I express myself directly that I will not be in some way inappropriate and therefore at risk of exposing who I am as ‘wrong’ or ‘inappropriate’, and therefore at risk of being victimized through being mocked or rejected by others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self expression, because I fear that if I express myself then I will be misunderstood, and not be given space to explain exactly what I mean, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I express myself at all then I must do so quickly and precisely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my self expression must be shaped according to the expectations of others, because if it is not then I believe that I will be judged by them, and I fear that judgement because I believe that in being judged I will be victimized.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my self -judgement of worth according to how acceptable I am to the group, so that in fear of being singled out and victimized I am in fear of losing this self judgement of worth of self that I have placed in separation from myself into the world around me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my ‘worth’ a matter of self-judgement according to the principles of the systems of the mind rather than according to the principle of who I am Here as Life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being the victimized one or the scapegoat rather than facing my own responsibility in separating myself from all others so as to turn exclusively to my self interests.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a character of judgement to direct me so as to protect myself from my fear of victimization which I have used as an excuse to justify following exclusively my self interest.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power to the character of judgement and then to believe my own judgements of myself to be true statements and accurate definitions of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my own self judgements, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the directives of the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by what I believe in my mind to be the judgements of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of who I am because I have believed in my own self judgements.

 

Another Memory:

An English class, boys are being asked to read out parts in a Shakespeare play, when my turn comes, the teacher asks me to read it out with a little more feeling, but I do not understand the significance of the lines, or what feelings may or may not be required. I try to put more variation into my voice, which results in much laughter from the class. I feel embarrassed. I believe there must be something ‘wrong’ with me, that I can bring no animation into my voice.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my own judgement of myself that there must be something wrong with me because I did not understand these lines of Shakespeare.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ask the teacher to explain what these lines mean because I fear the judgement of the teacher that I expect which is that he cannot explain it because I am stupid.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my judgement of myself that there must be something wrong with me because when I read out loud my voice sounds flat, and without feeling.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my feelings from my self expression because I am afraid that if I let my feelings out then I will have lost control and then I am in danger of exposure of who I really am of which I feel ashamed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the world for judging me, and for not allowing myself to see and realize that I am doing exactly what I am judging others for, the only difference being that I see my judgements as righteous, because I am seeing myself as being the victim.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as a victim my judgements of others must be righteous.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in judging myself I am victimizing me and at the same time believing in my righteousness to do so.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the character of judgement by victimizing me before all others get the opportunity, so as to be in accord with them and on their side against me, and so that in some way I can win because I got there first.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in this self-treachery there is what I have positively judged, humility, and therefore within that I have judged myself in victimizing me, to be better than others.

 

Continuing next blog…

 

 

 

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Day 120: September, A Judgement Preference Character

 

‘September’ a thought that comes into my mind, plus cool air. I enjoy this cool air on my skin, my face, around my head. I enjoy just simply walking along across Lidl carpark, then it’s, Shall I go this way, or Shall I go that way; a little alternative path that I enjoy, or the planned exit, from the architect’s plans. But my ‘momentum’ seems to carry me beyond the point of a ‘comfortable’ change of course, and I am ‘easy’ with this; after all, ‘I don’t mind’,‘Either way I can enjoy’.

So I follow the direction of the justification character and take the way down the exit ramp and pass a decorative curved brick wall, and an image comes up in my mind, it is a memory of a sunny wall on a walk down to the beach from when I was a child. So I am suddenly aware of a memory experience that matches into this curved wall I am walking by, and my mind has come up with a substitute for what is here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in this thought about ‘September’, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a character that wishes to take a walk down memory lane, and to relive experiences of the past, within which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the mind to fear to walk into and to avoid the ‘dangers’ of an un-pre-programmed reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let go of my physical enjoyment here through the word September through which I have generalized my specific experience and opened up a catalogue within my mind of similar situations in which I could identify myself within and as my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the character of judgement to have made relationships towards the seasons of like and dislike in which process I have judged September as the opening month of the autumn season as one that ‘I’ especially like and have judged as a landmark in my mind as something ‘good’ that I like, that I prefer.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made a character that prefers September out of an accepted and allowed positive judgement comparison and separation from the seasons of the year.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist not in and as the physical world but instead in a world of relationships of judgements that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by and in each one of them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect September with reminders of the winter together with reminders of the dwindling sun.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect physicality to mortality, hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to initiate a fear of death character within reminders of my physicality through feeling cool air on my skin and the word September.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect September with a poet character through reading poetry and allowing myself to be moved and to be the movements of energy of regret and longing that have been expressed in poems of September.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged myself as good within having a special relationship to nature and the seasons and for not realizing that standing thus I am in separation from the physicality and what is here not as physicality but as energy within fear of loss as regret and longing and as hope and as superiority to others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store within the word September a mass of energy relationships that I have accepted and allowed so that September is not just simply the name of a month on the calendar, but a multiple trigger of my own consent for me to walk the programs of the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is life that I am apparently living within these memory experience scenarios of my mind that I have accepted and allowed myself as judgement to have chosen my own preferred reality and in consequence to have avoided and to have censored my own un-preferred reality in my mind, rather than seeing and realizing that I am here in physicality as life.

 

I commit myself to explore this judgement character from which the September preference character has formed.

 

 

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Day 119: Addiction to Energy

 

Doing what I feel. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my addiction is an addiction to energy, so that if I merely suppress the addictive character in one way then it will reassert itself by some other means unless I have completely cleared the fears that make the addictive character required.

 

So a bit of an ego dent, in not being equal to just pop out and do in the addictive character. And then, following the dent, an equal and opposite blow-out, with the I’ve done something wrong and fucked up feelings to avoid, out comes the whatever I feel like as good feelings character as a reassertion of the addiction to energy system.

 

So it’s the feeling like I’ve done something wrong that comes up.

 

With this re-assertion and this ‘wrong’ feeling in my experience and the character of feeling, in a world of likes and dislikes seems to have become accentuated, and also it could be that I’ve only just noticed it. As a reaction to having possibly not noticed this there is also fear, a fear in the form of ‘daunting’, it’s like a glimpse of the structure of my everyday world in the matrix and realizing its elaborate complexity and chains of relationships to everything, and all of them made with the links of each of my consents, and each consent essentially to world of fear.

 

Then how could the self forgiveness have been effective, is a question that drew me to a halt, because in being not conscious of this character of ‘being wrong’ and therefore acting in the faith that this is me then my forgiveness with myself has been tempered with my accepted ‘wrongness’ nature as this character and in that case the statements that I made in breath had actually been made in the mind. This uncertainty of my location here is like my background fear.

 

So similar to last blog, where the judgement had been defined in judgement, in this blog I look at forgiveness defined in judgement. So I will structure my self forgiveness statements so that there is no room for my self forgiveness not to be absolute.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect forgiveness with ‘good’ and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the starting of me in separation being in fear of being bad as the starting point of self forgiveness rather than being here as breath in the realization that my forgiveness of me is absolute, and a practical giving of myself back to myself from out of separation as the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am bad and for being in fear of exposing myself to me or anyone as bad. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad, within the enslavement of my own self-interest, and within my godlike status as authority to judge myself as bad, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the authority of judgement of myself as bad, and for within accepting and allowing myself as bad, also accepting and allowing my own authority to be the judge.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge ‘self-interest’ as bad, and for not allowing myself to see that it is simply the dynamic of a separated mind that is determined to follow its function and to survive in literal spite of life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and live the word wrong     and within that to have made a polarity between wrong and right, because the wrong has no actual physical direct connection with life, therefore I have been trying to live in separation from myself as energy. So I commit myself breath through this programming of the mind that I have accepted and allowed when it comes up in backchat, and stop this living of me in and as ‘wrong’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word wrong an implication that I have no ‘right’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in being ‘wrong’, ‘I have no right’, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require to have a ‘right’ before I do something or say something, where I am attempting to become this energy of ‘right’ and separating myself from myself. Therefore I commit myself to stop and breathe when thoughts and backchats of rights come up with for example ‘I have no right to say that’, instead of realizing that whatever I say is either best for all or not and then if not then I must realign myself as who I am within the starting point of these words so as to assist and support myself in walking out of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘doing what I feel’ to an idea of freedom, in my mind, in which seeking out my ‘rights’ as a mind to follow the programme of energy, I define the completion of this function as ‘freedom’ with ‘doing what I feel’, not realizing that within this I am rejoicing in my own self enslavement to energy accumulation as positive feelings that I have accepted and allowed within the belief that these feelings are the life of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be content within making decisions on the basis of what I feel or ‘how I like it’ not realizing that I am simply cross-referencing with my accepted programming to somehow ‘feel’ on a gut level what ‘feels’ right.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mystify for myself my own motives within doing things by accepting and allowing to replace it with an undefined form of the energy as feeling.

 

Understanding that in allowing myself to be directed by my feelings I am allowing myself to be as a character of energy and therefore walking in separation from life, I commit myself when seeing and realizing that I am calling on this character of feeling, to stop and let it go, I do not require a character of feeling as my guide.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘like’ and ‘dislike’ things in separation from myself according to how positive the feeling was, of how much energy, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed within this towards seeking energy, and into making relationships of energy towards things of like and dislike.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that each ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ is a special relationship that I have made in which I have separated myself from the physical object and substituted my experience of it in liking it or disliking it.

Within all this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make judgements based on feelings, where I have justified judgements directly based on energy, therefore within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be acting from the starting point of a belief that I am this energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to make special relationships of ‘like’ and ‘dislike’ towards things, out of which I have made this web of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in my desire to like or to dislike things that I am acting out of fear of the not being liked relationship within being bad and negative and wrong. So I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize or see that all my feelings that I have used as justifications for my judgements have been based in fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have acted in the illusion of the mind as a god that can make an actual difference to an object by bestowing upon it a special preferred experience of myself within liking it or disliking it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be liked out of fear of seeing myself as my own judgement of myself as disliked,  and to within this desire to be liked, to separate myself into and as relationship of ‘being liked’ rather than as who I am Here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘being liked’ to ‘being recognised’ so within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to recognize myself, except through my illusion of the liking or the judgements of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry because I cannot just remove these systems that I have accepted and allowed breath by breath throughout my life, straight away.

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com