Day 119: Addiction to Energy

 

Doing what I feel. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my addiction is an addiction to energy, so that if I merely suppress the addictive character in one way then it will reassert itself by some other means unless I have completely cleared the fears that make the addictive character required.

 

So a bit of an ego dent, in not being equal to just pop out and do in the addictive character. And then, following the dent, an equal and opposite blow-out, with the I’ve done something wrong and fucked up feelings to avoid, out comes the whatever I feel like as good feelings character as a reassertion of the addiction to energy system.

 

So it’s the feeling like I’ve done something wrong that comes up.

 

With this re-assertion and this ‘wrong’ feeling in my experience and the character of feeling, in a world of likes and dislikes seems to have become accentuated, and also it could be that I’ve only just noticed it. As a reaction to having possibly not noticed this there is also fear, a fear in the form of ‘daunting’, it’s like a glimpse of the structure of my everyday world in the matrix and realizing its elaborate complexity and chains of relationships to everything, and all of them made with the links of each of my consents, and each consent essentially to world of fear.

 

Then how could the self forgiveness have been effective, is a question that drew me to a halt, because in being not conscious of this character of ‘being wrong’ and therefore acting in the faith that this is me then my forgiveness with myself has been tempered with my accepted ‘wrongness’ nature as this character and in that case the statements that I made in breath had actually been made in the mind. This uncertainty of my location here is like my background fear.

 

So similar to last blog, where the judgement had been defined in judgement, in this blog I look at forgiveness defined in judgement. So I will structure my self forgiveness statements so that there is no room for my self forgiveness not to be absolute.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect forgiveness with ‘good’ and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the starting of me in separation being in fear of being bad as the starting point of self forgiveness rather than being here as breath in the realization that my forgiveness of me is absolute, and a practical giving of myself back to myself from out of separation as the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am bad and for being in fear of exposing myself to me or anyone as bad. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad, within the enslavement of my own self-interest, and within my godlike status as authority to judge myself as bad, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the authority of judgement of myself as bad, and for within accepting and allowing myself as bad, also accepting and allowing my own authority to be the judge.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge ‘self-interest’ as bad, and for not allowing myself to see that it is simply the dynamic of a separated mind that is determined to follow its function and to survive in literal spite of life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and live the word wrong     and within that to have made a polarity between wrong and right, because the wrong has no actual physical direct connection with life, therefore I have been trying to live in separation from myself as energy. So I commit myself breath through this programming of the mind that I have accepted and allowed when it comes up in backchat, and stop this living of me in and as ‘wrong’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word wrong an implication that I have no ‘right’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in being ‘wrong’, ‘I have no right’, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require to have a ‘right’ before I do something or say something, where I am attempting to become this energy of ‘right’ and separating myself from myself. Therefore I commit myself to stop and breathe when thoughts and backchats of rights come up with for example ‘I have no right to say that’, instead of realizing that whatever I say is either best for all or not and then if not then I must realign myself as who I am within the starting point of these words so as to assist and support myself in walking out of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘doing what I feel’ to an idea of freedom, in my mind, in which seeking out my ‘rights’ as a mind to follow the programme of energy, I define the completion of this function as ‘freedom’ with ‘doing what I feel’, not realizing that within this I am rejoicing in my own self enslavement to energy accumulation as positive feelings that I have accepted and allowed within the belief that these feelings are the life of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be content within making decisions on the basis of what I feel or ‘how I like it’ not realizing that I am simply cross-referencing with my accepted programming to somehow ‘feel’ on a gut level what ‘feels’ right.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mystify for myself my own motives within doing things by accepting and allowing to replace it with an undefined form of the energy as feeling.

 

Understanding that in allowing myself to be directed by my feelings I am allowing myself to be as a character of energy and therefore walking in separation from life, I commit myself when seeing and realizing that I am calling on this character of feeling, to stop and let it go, I do not require a character of feeling as my guide.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘like’ and ‘dislike’ things in separation from myself according to how positive the feeling was, of how much energy, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed within this towards seeking energy, and into making relationships of energy towards things of like and dislike.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that each ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ is a special relationship that I have made in which I have separated myself from the physical object and substituted my experience of it in liking it or disliking it.

Within all this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make judgements based on feelings, where I have justified judgements directly based on energy, therefore within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be acting from the starting point of a belief that I am this energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to make special relationships of ‘like’ and ‘dislike’ towards things, out of which I have made this web of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in my desire to like or to dislike things that I am acting out of fear of the not being liked relationship within being bad and negative and wrong. So I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize or see that all my feelings that I have used as justifications for my judgements have been based in fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have acted in the illusion of the mind as a god that can make an actual difference to an object by bestowing upon it a special preferred experience of myself within liking it or disliking it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be liked out of fear of seeing myself as my own judgement of myself as disliked,  and to within this desire to be liked, to separate myself into and as relationship of ‘being liked’ rather than as who I am Here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘being liked’ to ‘being recognised’ so within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to recognize myself, except through my illusion of the liking or the judgements of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry because I cannot just remove these systems that I have accepted and allowed breath by breath throughout my life, straight away.

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

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~ by adamsblogs on September 10, 2012.

One Response to “Day 119: Addiction to Energy”

  1. Reblogged this on Kasper's Journey To Life.

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