I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as fear in relationship to debunking my own lines of backchat that I have accepted and allowed within me and as such so to remain. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear of realization of who I am as programmed substance, responsible within this for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become, responsible within this as fear of change, and fear of realization of this responsibility I have in writing into me this fear of change. I see and realise and understand this fear of change to be essential to the integrity of energy constructs as personalities, therefore I forgive myself that in accepting and allowing this who I am as fear of change, to be standing by and as this primary relationship through which a personality can exist, define, evolve itself and continue to survive as an aspect of this consciousness.
Continuing here to investigate the contents of the word ‘No’ as I have substantiated it with who I am, and so defined it and lived it. Here I look at how I have contained within this word ‘No’, experiences of energy in the context of using it within self-righteousness as retaliation – in seeking to lay the blame onto others- and then have accepted and allowed these sentences as automatic program-speak within my mind as backchat.
Some ‘No’ Refusal/Retaliation Backchat:
“No! – I won’t do it – because – you can’t make me, why should I, this is MY-LIFE, I do what I like, I don’t feel like it…”
A catechism – I mean by this, …’a series of fixed questions, answers, or precepts used for instruction in other situations.’ (dictionary def.) … This backchat as I have written out here comes over as a catechism in the sense of it being a list or a series of self vows, behests, beliefs, self instructions to justify this ‘who I am’, what I stand for and as in the self-religion of me as a system of self interest. As such they are expressions of self as negativity interpreted and justified through consciousness as positive self-judgements as ‘freedom’.
You can’t make me.
Subtext: I see the issue of whether or not I can be ‘made’ to do something to be necessary to state in this refusal.
In this I emphasize my stand as fear of manipulation, (see previous 2 posts) and so also to divert me from the realization that I hide from me awareness that I am acting according to how I have been ‘made’ ( this word ‘made’ as in both ‘constructed’, and in ‘forced to act’) within the programming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create strategies in which I do not see the detail of the mind-control that I have accepted and allowed, through which I see myself as ready-made, as unchangeable, as positive within standing in loyalty to this consequence of me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand as self righteousness in protection and defence of this ‘me’, as blame of others as in defining their request of me as abusive and undermining, that in asking me to do something, that they are trying to make me into something other than what I am.
Why should I?
Subtext: There is no ‘reason’ why ‘I’ should do this. I align myself to ‘reason’, to the equations of this consciousness, and within and from this platform of reasoning, I know that I can always find a back door open for me in which I have justified and excused my ‘No’ refusal, and through this to have found a positive energy reward within self righteousness, and blame of others in that I am making them ‘at fault’ within being unreasonable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refer to and to revert to the laws of reasoning within my mind as me in separation from myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have left who I really am – as this awareness that I am here – out of my own equations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within imagination, seeing myself as strengthlessness, as a loser within complying automatically to a request, that I am being pushed around by others, and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superior and as strength in saying ‘No’, and also within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed myself as automatic within this and have not allowed myself to see that in this automation I have moved so fast to not see the decisions that I have made, or that I have accepted and allowed the programming to make for me while I stand aside in separation.
This is MY-LIFE.
Subtext: This life is according to how I have defined it in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within an ignorance of how I have actually substantiated and so defined and lived these words of ‘Me’ and hence ‘My’, and ‘Life’, and I commit myself to walk these words within and as this process of self realization. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blind to what I have accepted and allowed as ‘Who I Am’, within and as these words by justifying to myself that this is ‘obvious’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who and what I am as life according to the mind, and for within this that I have accepted and allowed myself to define what is ‘me’ according to the mind, and hence what is ‘mine’, and within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see realise and understand that in this statement, ‘this is MY-LIFE’, that I have defined myself according to my definition of myself which is as the MIND.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with this MY-LIFE I am free to do with it whatever I ‘please’, which includes as ‘my’ property, my freedom to abuse. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise and understand that within this I have accepted and allowed myself as absolute in separation from life itself within an image of myself as an impossibility in apparently being the ‘owner’ of it, and being superior to it in this relationship of ‘my’ ‘property’.
I do what I like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to align myself to acting in my self interest only according to preferences of energy as in avoidance and attraction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to align myself to be limited within and as apparent choices to only serve self interest.
I don’t feel like it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as consciousness and scan to ascertain whether or not there is good feelings for me as energy reward to be generated out of these actions. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as and for good feelings as this positive assertion of myself as ‘free’ to ‘not do’ if I see no energy reward within it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that underneath this list of backchat lays a consistent refusal that I have accepted and allowed as refusal to see my self responsibility in all of this, that in this backchat I am attempting to justify my separation from myself, appealing to illusions of and as myself as righteousness, while fearing who I am as wrong or as less than good enough. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that I have created an energy reality and superimposed it onto what is here as relationships between points of blame.
I commit myself to release myself from and to change this programming that I have accepted and allowed within the word ‘No’. I commit myself to stop and breathe when there is a reaction in me that would be as this programmed version of myself within the word No, and with stopping me to learn to actually live this word in stopping my acceptance and allowance of this backchat to exist. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this word as permissions for my system.
When and as refusal comes up in me, I stop within the simplicity of this word ‘No’, and I breathe, and I remind myself that the only strength within this reality of myself is my own strength because there is no one else here within me but me, that I am seeing this strength of me in separation from myself and that I have accepted and allowed myself as less than it. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own strength, and I now allow myself to breathe and I embrace this strength as me.
New Interviews: Sunette Spies:
Day 343 The meaning of Self –for-Gifting/Giving Life pt 1
Day 344 The meaning of Self- for-Gifting/Giving Life part 2
Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World
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