Day 196: ‘No’: Reaction
The reactive ‘No’ of my refusal carries a self-righteousness, an appeal to my image of who I am as freedom, that I am in the instant of my reaction totally believing in. It is like an absolute denial of my enslavement, a commitment to an image in my mind of who I am as free, and standing as this as, superiority, as positive energy, and blame upon the bad one that seeks to undermine my freedom.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with ‘No’ to what I have interpreted as manipulation, in which I fear that I am being tricked in some way, that I am being controlled, and in this reaction I forgive myself that I have manipulated myself to feel righteous and positive about not considering what is being asked of me, and just simply saying no, excusing myself from these considerations – in which there was an opportunity to find a solution that was best for all, given the facts of what needed to be done and what was here – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dwelling instead on blame about the way that I was approached, in which I have deliberately taken the situation personally as an affront upon my dignity or my authority, or my status as a free person. I forgive myself in this that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to win within this situation by saying ‘no’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see within this situation that I have reacted self righteously so quickly because I do not wish to experience myself as an inferior in this relationship, that in being manipulated therefore I have lost, and that within that loss, I do not want to experience myself as being exploited or utilized for the purposes of another. Within this also I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and protect me from my own experience of myself by distracting me with ideas in my mind about the motivations of the other person where I seek out little prizes of self righteousness through blame and seek out instances of inferiority in the other person, rather than considering who they really are, or what it may be like to be standing in their shoes. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the object of blame that I see through my eyes before me is an actual image of myself and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see myself in how I myself have manipulated other people to make them do what I want them to do, because I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ask directly, because I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the answer ‘No’.
I commit myself to release myself from the enslavement of these reaction games within my mind by facing who I am within them. I commit myself to when I am asked to do something to stop and breath and give me space and consider what it is that I am being informed is needed to be done so that I can respond to what is here in a way that is part of the solution of what is best for all.
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