There never was a time where I did not associate God with Hope, and although there have been various times when I have found traces of God-connected thought patterns in my life which I have approached as if it were some kind of fall-out, or magic dust that I had neglected to clean up, having apparently expunged God from my life, I did not realise that this God idea was in fact a dispensable add-on in the constructs of my mind, and whether or not he was dead, or exploded, or had just neatly ceased to exist, it didn’t matter a hoot to the programming that I had accepted and allowed as me.
It’s like the idea of God actually had grown out of an energetic core of Hope- rather than visa versa; the story all about this superiority benevolence almightiness was like a surface feature really, it functioned as a justification so that I did not need to question the validity of this experience of Hope, while the Hope itself was the energetic reality within this myth, for having accepted and bought into it and lived within and as Hope, my existence became shaped by a positive experience of waiting and non action, apathy, justified by laid-backness, as if ‘everything’s ok’. And so while Hope was the actual subtle energy that emerged within me and warmed and comforted and mesmerized in a way, the God idea/interpretation was really an accessory. So at some point when I saw clearly that this God as I had defined it in my life was a projection of my self responsibility, the idea itself was rather too easily rejected, and I missed this point of Hope. It wasn’t just simply that this God had been as a projection of my self responsibility; it was also that this Hope in which I continued to live was the exact same thing, but under a different name, and very much closer to home, more intimately entwined with me – and I continued to tolerate it not realizing that in fact I had not really changed but only moved or rearranged myself within my mind.
So here I start a walk through this. Running from reality was a point that came up yesterday, and so this continues where I have made a decision to not face myself in my experience of fear and give myself the opportunity within that of understanding comprehension self forgiveness and actual change – but instead have gone into the experience of hope and into imagination and magical stuff such as God, and in my acceptance and allowance have created and reacted in this pattern over and over again.
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