Day 318: Veto in Futility
Not quite as planned, but going on from last time: that still within my intention to purify and redefine Futility, there is a starting point of accepting obstruction to action, to real movement. And looking at this point of how I have accepted Futility to overwhelm me, I looked at also how Futility had functioned in my mind experience as a channel for a Veto, as part of the experience of Futility in my mind.
In a system of consciousness, it really does not matter much, in a functional way, the personal provenance of an active Veto, as long as it is reliably responded to, and the more unconsciousness that surrounds the underpinning justifications and beliefs, the more efficiently the system works; so that the word Veto evolves a sort of imperial presence – having transcended questionability – and then the pattern of giving up on self responsibility is kind of set in place.
The word Veto – same as the Latin: I Forbid – used in for example – the Royal Veto – in which Veto gathers up the royal power – and evolves into a noun – and the legalized sabotage of proposed agreements, decisions, rules and laws. In this definition of Veto exists a programming of a relationship of subservience towards an overriding force.
Within my mind this Veto comes through with all the imperative of a Royal decree; it has the shape and form of a forbiddance that seems absolute, and in that moment, the ‘I’ of ‘I forbid’ is the ‘I’ that in this reaction I have placed as being controlling me the all of me that is this personal world that I believe in.
Something I have found that is supportive here is my positioning in a way, towards this forbid-dance, this energetic veto that has shaped so much of who I am and who I have become during this life, in always bending to it, that in physical breathing and slowing down that I can step back a little from this mind spectacle, and see it, look at it, that I can in fact give me the space to say quietly really that – no – I do not need a massive NO which in a way has come out of competition with the loudness of that Veto, trying in my mind to overpower it, because I realize that that does not work, I am simply playing a different move in the same game. While in myself, having stepped back a little from this I can see in a way this imperial ‘no’ in action, and seeing it thus, I also have the space to crosscheck with myself whether or not to implement a decision I have made, or else to give permission to this mind display. And in a way, the lightness of this ‘no’ is kind of matter of fact and no big deal in itself.
Continuing next time
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