Day 330: System and Structure
Structure: Something that I realized, or released really, within my relationship to Structure in the sense that I let go of one relationship to it, and in doing so allowed myself to see many others that had not been clear. And that one relationship was that I had fastened on to this word as a point of blame within which, yes, there were and are reactions and energetic charges, and inflations of significance, in connections to learning and discipline, to formal education, and formality, and feelings of constriction, and coercion, and yet what I realized was that there was like a whole rest of the world of Structure that were and are as neutral and innocent of these charges, and seeing all this I saw how much these personal reactions formed really quite a minor part.
But in seeing Learning, and practical learning in the sense of process and walking life, expansion of being and taking up directive principle, these sorts of things, I see now how I fastened onto Structure as something I must take a closer look at, as if structure itself was a major problem, when in fact it was more like my reactions to having structure imposed on me, rather than me being the one to support myself in giving structure to things. And this is similar to my reactions to a situation in which I I am accepting and allowing the perception that who I am is being defined.
So it’s like this release experience in my relationship to Structure is more like my letting go of my relationship of being a victim to it, through which there have been like residual fears within it, that have made it difficult to really look at, and within which I have been very much the constrictor of myself.
Something that led up to this, or developed out of, was a visualization of the mind, as a multiple experience of different displays of images going on in my head, that I was wanting to stop, and it occurred to me that I could visualize it as a TV: a box with a screen, and that in having framed, or given shape to this experience in this way, that I could then direct which channels or programs I wanted to watch and also turn it off. Since trying out this method a few times, I found something interesting, which was that I could not turn it off all at once, but if I took a looked at the programs that were on, I could immediately put a name to them, these news flashes, entertainments, soaps, discussions, serials, channels; naming them such as, ok yes, Adam Local News, or ‘The Future of Tomorrow, or ‘Guess what’s going on with So and So’, or ‘All our Favorite Worries Show’, and recognizing them thus, and naming them, then I could go, Ok I do not want to watch that, and then one by one I could turn them off. And if some program came back on I could put a name to it, and turn that off as well.
And what I realized about this was that in visualizing these things in support of me, that what I was doing was adding structure in support of me, giving something that seemed quite nebulous, a shape, giving things that seemed quite random, names, or headings, generally containing things that seemed quite overwhelming.
Further into this I came to this point: that with the thoughts and images in my mind there is something similar going on, where let’s say an energy of some kind is floating about in some nebulous way, and my mind gives to it a shape, makes it tangible, provides an outfit for it, makes a story for it, adds to it a structure that will catch my interest and my engagement with it.
That system is structure also is a point that I have not really seen before, in this light at least, or from this angle, and within this my relationship to structure as one of retaliation that comes from my perception of it being imposed on me, in the various forms of systems of the mind and patterns, and where within this I can learn instead to be the one that gives the structure to me, in support of me.
What does it mean, this Redefinition and living of words? Self Creation : SOUL
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