Day 327: People Saying Words
People saying words: I find this quite extraordinary, and within this for me there has been a long time fascination: it led me in my twenties into studies of psychology, and eventually into the practice of psychotherapy. Within my fascination there were dimensions of believing that there was some form of jumbled up telepathy going on within my reception of people’s words, and their physical expressions that took place at the same time. And within this training I felt like I had found a place for me in which I could utilize this sensitivity in support of people and at the same time find an application of who I was. Within all of this there was this feeling of there being ‘something more to this’ that was pervasive in the background of my life, and as I look at it now, I see that this was also a dimension of my fascination.
The fact that was familiar to me was that simply asking only seemed to be like touching on a membrane that was ultra sensitive and which would then immediately contract. And in this interaction it seemed to me that I could not push my personal curiosity on this point, but only quietly develop in the art of listening in a way, and make a receptive space in which the essence of the words being used might eventually feel more safe and comfortable to venture out.
While from the other side of this, within being the one being asked, I have experienced my own conditionality, which was in a contract or an expectation of mutual respect of boundaries of secret minds, in which a curiosity similar to my own might seem to prod and probe, and show me in a way my whole unfamiliarity within my self of who I am and how specifically I actually stand within my very words, and that in that unfamiliarity with me a fear of exposure of this relationship to me that I do not wish to see, an experience, like an outside view of my own suppressions, as an experience of the inner consequence of secret mind, and fear of who I am exposed to me as a participant, and within what I saw as being the dangerous forefront of real time communication.
More exactly how and in what ways that I have not known myself has become abundantly more clear in the practical processes of redefinition and the living of words, through which this experience of emptiness with regards to how I have or not defined myself in words is no longer for me so much subject to reaction, but more a sign of so-far-unexplored; and yet this fascination in Communication remains and deepens in the question of exactly what goes on here in this conversation where both of us are in Communication on so many levels, and also not at all on others, in which who we are in each moment as sequences of words in which who we are and what we are living of ourselves in sounds along the timelines, sort of tumbles out, where as I have seen for myself how many constructs and experiences may be contained within even just a single word.
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