Day 145: Procrastination 6: Back to the Corner
Procrastination is an aspect of mind control that I have accepted and allowed as a character to walk for me, in separation from myself.
This series of posts about procrastination is my walk through the different dimensions of this postponement character, which represent different stages of possession. Starting with the fear dimension out of which a character or personality is at first scripted into existence, and finishing in the physical dimension as all dimensions together hard-wired as it were into the physical, wherein possession is complete, and directing myself is at its most difficult. In slowing down within and as the breath, I start to recognize the different dimensions and their progressive developments from one to another, and then I can begin this deconstruction process of self forgiveness of the relationships that I have created, accepted and allowed as who I am towards the points involved.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just stand by and not stop the processing of energy as and for myself, in my absence and separation from myself into possession by the mind instead of me being Here within and as my physical breath simply stopping and asserting my directive principle to do what it is that is here for me to do to assist and support myself within and as all life.
At this stage of my walk through this character, I notice that the corner of the physical, an image that came up within the fear dimension, is where dimensions meet, and therefore is an image of my relationship to consequence.
The story of how I came through my family history and my schooling history to a point of losing trust in myself as well as trust in physical reality is a whole blog series in itself, which I will get to. But for now in how this relates to my habitual procrastination as the postponement character:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived in self interest as a belief in an inconsequential reality while at the same time living in total self contradiction, fearing the consequence of this belief because what I have been living and trying to make real is this denial of reality itself and while at the same time as welcoming and embracing an energetic experience of myself that I like, I have lived in fear knowing in myself that I cannot make this false belief into reality, and I have existed on the edge of this denial within postponement fearing to let go of this denial as this belief.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not see realize and understand the consequential bedrock of reality itself, the consequence of physicality that I have looked upon as in the meeting of dimensions in stability, that I have looked upon without comprehension but only within and as self interested fear and avoidance of myself and everything I’ve stood for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not identify the shame that I have lived in this absolute abuse of me against all life including me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not identify the fear that gave requirement for this postponement character to exist and to ultimately possess me.
I continue with the imagination dimension.
Imaginary Time Scenarios
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into procrastinating through images of time spent and time lost in play-outs of imagination.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have within this moment of delay as me as in procrastination to have seen a thought play-out in imagination in which I see me in this experience of being stuck in front of a blank page in writing out myself, and in this play-out of imagination to have seen this experience to be going on and on in endless time. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in this future experience projection of myself in and as imagination of being stuck in front of a blank page going on and on in endless time, through which I have accepted and allowed myself to not do this because ‘it will be a waste of time’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see and realize my starting point of absolute denial of reality, because if I did see this, then I would see and realize the waste of time and waste of life that was my own reality and therefore I have accepted and allowed this thought of facing me and being ‘stuck’ as being a ‘waste of time’ as being a powerful incentive to return into this experience of energy within and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved into postponement through this sentence that ‘it will be a waste of time’ because I have accepted in my imagination a demonstration of what this will be like to be stuck in endless time, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook and not see that what I am avoiding is me exposed to me in an experience of fear and hopelessness and in an experience of being stuck, and that this ‘endless time’ is also an expression of this ‘stuckness’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that it is in and as my starting point of denial of reality that I am really in fact ‘stuck’, because if I change this starting point then I have to see and realize that my whole life has been in wastage and abuse of life, and if I do not change this starting point then I will continue to live beneath a hanging axe of expected consequence of this abuse.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a relationship to time of fear in which I have accepted and allowed myself to be less than and separated from time ‘passing by’ instead of realizing that what is going on here is that I am experiencing myself as all my memories of procrastination in which I have existed as a sequence of procrastinations and therefore of moments of opportunity to direct myself in which I did not direct myself but accepted and allowed myself to instead be seduced into experiences of myself as positive energy and deliberately ignoring my responsibility to myself to fulfill my own commitments to myself, because ultimately within my starting point I could not see myself as real.
Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of shame that I have felt and programmed into my physical layer on layer on layer within my not responding to myself in the context of who I am in and as the physical reality responsible to life, but instead responding to temptations to remain in comfort zones that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as experiences of positive energy. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear discomfort in stepping out of this succession of postponements.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to twist this perception of time into something that is overwhelming and passing me by, in which I am apparently not responsible, instead of realizing and facing the reality of the fact that I am the one that is allowing myself to be passed by through me accepting and allowing myself to be suspended from this moment here within and as an energy experience that I am in because I have deliberately abdicated my power of self direction and then allowed myself to manipulate myself with this fear in this imagination of ‘passing time’, whereas the lie within this is that I am deliberately accepting and allowing myself to each time pass by my opportunity as myself to assert the self-direction of myself within and as fulfilling my own commitments to myself because I have accepted and allowed this positive experience of myself as energy as superior and more important to be fulfilled right now in these moments where I have accepted and allowed postponement and procrastination.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that within accepting and allowing imagination to be taking me into what I ‘want’ to do that I within and as the word ‘want’ am accepting and allowing who I am as energetic polarity because within ‘want’ there is a double meaning of both ‘lacking’ and ‘desiring’ at the same time, so that going into the experience of what ‘I want’ I am accepting and allowing myself to move towards the positive polarity from out of fear of loss.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that the actual fear of loss that I am facing is the fear of loss of my starting point of denial of reality, because if I let go of that then I would have to face myself and face the shame of what I have done.
I commit myself to walk on through the layers and the dimensions of this postponement character in the realization that I have required this to be so that I can continue to try to make real this belief in an inconsequential reality.
Within this I commit myself to change this hostile orientation that I have accepted and allowed within and as myself towards existence as a whole.
The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.
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