Day 468: Dimensions of Magnificence
In Etymology I found a little history of how it was that Magnify was only recently – a couple of hundred years ago or so – adapted into English as in simply ‘making bigger’, such as with a Magnifying glass; I learned that up until that time the word was more – and still is in other languages – concerned with Honouring a person or a thing. And yes there is a sense of giving Honour in looking more closely at something, considering the details, looking in to it. There is Honour in this sense of looking into Me, giving time to me to open up the details of my inner world, of considering who I am towards and with and as myself within those details, and within the question of, “Is this how I want this or that relationship to be?” there exists that honouring of me as the directive principle.
So in considering these roots of the word Magnify, I come across a new dimension of Magnificence, within this, willingness to honour self, a dimension that is much more stable than the version of Magnificence that I had previously had existing in me – which was highly energetic – like as in a spray of fireworks across the sky, or some towering deity bedecked with shining jewels, or an ineffable extreme of beauty, kind of breath-taking types of things, and massive and overwhelming and other-worldly – looking at these connotations I can see how it seemed impossible for me to actually live this word as me, one and equal with it, and also how I was content within living with this definition of myself – in a comparison – as so much less-than it.
Just as in how you can open up – apparently – a random book, and yet meet some lingering trace of you in the words you see, an enigmatic relevance, an answer to a question you had asked, or written, acting at least as a reminder to me of the extent that our awareness is infused throughout the everything in which we live, and a reminder as well of how much we are supported here if we could but see it, or but respond to it – or see ourselves within it: so also with the process of the physical writing out of self.
In considering the nature of my backchat, I came – through this process of physical writing – to be looking at this word Magnificence – and to looking at how it sort of lay disguised behind the backchat, as if it were an inspiration of it, in a negative way, to specify the backchat lines, and it seemed to me that considering this word magnificence supported me in understanding the personal design beneath the backchat, and so supporting me in understanding, to put a stop to these restraints that I had accepted and allowed within me.
So also with the general nature of the backchat as – for me- a shame induction: looking into the word Shame, what I find within this word is an experience of dis-honour, the experience of being and becoming as dishonoured, and with accepting and allowing, listening to and participating in such backchat it becomes the experience of self-dishonour.
Ok I’m going to give myself some time to digest these things: within the process of redefining the word ME, here I’m writing out the questions of: Where specifically Shame stands as the label of an energy experience of self dishonour, and so has become detached from it, to the extent that the question fades away of what has been this honouring of myself that I have broken up, walked out on, that I have in some word or deed deemed as dispensable for the sake of my survival; and where with Magnificence I have lived up to my word, such as in honouring a commitment that I made to me, a decision in support of me, a standing up for me, a giving to myself of time to consider what it is in me.