Day 283: Communication Errors 5: BANG! BANG! BANG!
An incident – the bang bang bang of a fist – as if in my mind – of the law at the door – not like, knock knock, politely, Is there anybody there? – But in my mind, a command – like, Open the fucking door, come out, I know you’re in there! Ref. Imagination, world media library, query: ‘bang bang bang’.
I got caught up into a fear reaction when someone banged three times very loudly on my door, I started up and crossed the room, pulled the door open, there was a man with a black case of files and a tablet, saying about the electors register, and checking who I was. This seemed in my mind a stupid exercise, I was looking for a way to undermine him, because in my mind that authority trigger had been tripped; the banging on the door, that jolt of fear, and so I became quite bristly. When I closed the door, I gave it that extra ounce.
It’s interesting how this one comes up now; an example of that shift that I have been looking at in recent posts, where I see I am showing me now the question, Have I really walked through this?
I commit myself to live Respect, in living Effort in respect for my effort to see realise understand and change these things.
So yes, out from Life comes another example where too late I recognized the trigger, but seeing it in more detail now, recognizing more and more the aspects of this personality that compromise my and other’s current reality. It was when I closed the door that I thought, what was all that about? How come this wave of anger through me…and, Oh yes, oops ‘authority’. On the time-line, I had been startled by the sudden noise, and then I had interpreted: I added to the noise that it was angry, I added to the noise that it was inconsiderate, I went into blame on the source of the noise that I was being disrespected, I went into blame that I was being disturbed, I went into blaming the source of this noise for the experience that I saw it as ‘making me’ have. That was before I opened the door. Unfortunate for the man, because I assaulted him, probably with some scathing look, but fundamentally, with the judgement. He pressed a button on his tablet, turned around and walked off quickly.
In the centre of this reaction, an image of an ‘officer’ of the local system, taking the office personally, becoming angry with people who had not yet returned their forms. Officers of the court, of the law, officers of the army, this point in me where it is like a trigger, seeing the manipulations of authority, with as it were, the strings attached into and through the minions, with the minions becoming personally involved, striking at the closed doors with fists of anger. And looking here at how a corporate system with its hierarchy of officers as positions, that is positions – with replaceable physical human content – is operating its controls through anger, where the operative has volunteered the personality reaction to enforce authority.
Looking into this one, various memories come up, an image of soldiers in the army, carrying out their orders, but doing so in hatred: The police-man banging on my car window in the middle of the night, in the middle of an empty landscape because of a bi-law about parking: Many instances. It is in this that contains the formula of my contempt, where I have in a way looked into the eyes, of a potential meeting, but have instead seen a void, and become aware of a massive injustice, and not seen realized or understood the significance of what I’ve seen, but have instead taken it personally as an injustice in relation to my self-interest, in relation to Me. And then have gone into blame and into contempt of this perceived subservience, targeting both authority and its operatives.
Contempt for those manipulated by authority in which the authority is judged, as well as acceptance of it, and the simulation of it, and the mimicry of it, in which I see through the tube-vision hatred of the personality, a perceived reality that consists within the prevailing conditions of resonance of authority as the negativity through the very definition of myself as in retaliation to authority. Designing a self in retaliation is like designing a self as a negative exact copy, the illusion being that I am free, being everything ‘not this’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this definition of freedom to exist within me and as me.
I commit myself to walk through this, to open up and live these parts of me that I have pushed away, put a veto in my mind, not to go there, to not be allowed to think a certain thing, to not look square on at this subservience within me, this who I am as not-free in all ways, that is enslaved, that I have so harshly judged and banned, from this, as it were, my kingdom of contempt.
I commit myself to face the consequence within me of that massive injustice to self that I have become aware of in projections, within which I stand as obviously responsible: Kingdom, because the ripples and the consequences of my actions throughout the years have spread far and wide; the resonance of this contempt projected onto everything, and manifesting through the actions and behaviours into physical reality, into events in physical history, within this I commit myself to face the responsibility that I have in the very fabric of the world in which I live, and have lived, and to change according to the principle of Life the resonance that comes from me.
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
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