Day 187: Futility and Fear of Failure

 

Reading Heaven’s Journey to Life (322, 323) posts, it becomes clear how it is that I have been fighting with my mind in this issue of trying to clear the word strict recognizing it as part of my own retaliation program towards discipline, in the wider desire to facilitate actual change, because I see now how it is that I have fallen into the polarity of desire for success and fear of failure, an energy against energy fight, in which behind it all this fear of failure and basic program of who I am as failure remains. Remains as the negative definition platform of success. Remains respected and believed. How am I to support myself in the resultant burn-out becomes the question now, because, reading these posts, I see and realize and understand how and why exhaustion and collapse have gradually crept over me. And there is an opposite to this where fear of discipline and desire for failure are part of the dynamic, where an opposite conflict of energy against energy forms another dimension in this total war.

Articulation of these points has opened up a breathing space for me in this. Articulation as the un-mergence of thoughts, in which I begin to see and realize what it is that I have been doing, and to recognize my responsibility in hiding from myself my motives. And so I breathe a breath in a space that was not there. And I get up and start from the beginning.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as an existence and as a world and as a mind reality that is based on something lost or missing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this missingness as a motive and a basis for a purpose in existence.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this missingness as a consequence of my fear, in which what has become missing in my existence is awareness of life itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in this programming in my mind of who I am as ‘failure’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to experience this who I am as ‘failure’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself from this fear of experiencing the consequence of this belief of who I am as failure, by creating characters to act for me within and as my mind of being ‘not good enough’, so that I can justify myself to not stand up and try again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my characters of being ‘not good enough’ upon my family, my culture, and my education, when all the time it has been my secret choice to reward myself with energy as righteousness with being the victim, while at the same time protecting myself from the fear of this experience of failure that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe must be inevitable if I were to make an effort with and as and for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts and feelings of futility around my efforts to understand myself and efforts to move myself and efforts to change myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up and give in and to submit to thoughts and feelings of futility, and for not allowing myself to see and realize and understand how I have used futility to protect myself from the experience of fear of the experience of who I am as failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of futility, where what I fear in this is the inevitable realization of who I am as failure, and I forgive myself in this that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity to futility which is a kind of magicalized hopefulness in which the reality of who I believe myself to be has been somehow bypassed and avoided.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sabotaged my efforts by accepting and allowing this ‘futility’ to exist within me and as me and to have made this ‘futility’ as something real because I have refused to see and realize and understand its function that I have given to it in protecting me from fear of experiencing myself as the consequence of my belief that I have accepted and allowed of me as failure.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in making commitments as directions for and as myself to stand within, that while I stand within a world of futility that I have accepted and allowed to exist as me, that my trust in me within my self direction has to inevitably fall according to my own self sabotage design, because I am standing in a world in which I am less than and inferior to this belief in who I am as failure, and therefore who I am within this as commitment is like a stand of magic hope against futility in which somehow my commitment according to the force of my intention with my mind will somehow break the futility that pervades the environment of me.

 

I commit myself to investigate the word ‘futility’ when and as it comes up in my mind.

 

I commit myself to stand up from this system that I have accepted and allowed as me, I commit myself to further walk and understand in detail this system that I have accepted and allowed as me, so that in walking my commitment clearly and without the riders of the backchat and other dimensions of consciousness as voices of futility in my mind, that then I can gather and accumulate my trust in me as the principle of self direction in my world.

 

to be continued… 

 

 

 

See this video:

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

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the FREE DIP LITE Course now available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

 

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

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~ by adamsblogs on March 19, 2013.

One Response to “Day 187: Futility and Fear of Failure”

  1. very cool Adam – I just read Heaven’s JTL series today on Fear of Failure and Desire for Success and could definitely relate as well, which also like yourself allowed me a moment to breathe and ‘let go’ within finally getting to see with clarity what it is that I’ve been accepting and allowing recently, as well as within my entire life as a whole. Cool to read your perspective on this and how you are supporting yourself within these realizations.

    Thanks for sharing!

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