Day 246: Movie Hook – ‘…because I need to know…’

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of Rights    Living Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 

 

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Day 246: Movie Hook – ‘…because I need to know…’

 

So here, having already written out this post, I add a heading, and how I discovered in walking this that continuing from the last two posts, I am looking at another aspect of the fear of the experience of powerlessness – this time in connection to ‘adamant’ judgement.

Another heading for this could be a question like, how can a movie hook tweak at the strings of consciousness, trigger movements of energy, engage a deeper interest, establish intrigue…?

 

In watching a movie, and the shift out of seeing and into participation, and opening up the reaction that has energized a specific movie-hook – Here I share some of my experience within a momentary shift within a specific movie-hook. ‘The Vanishing’, at 57:50. 

 

The shift point was into a potentially a tear-jerk experience, though it did not come up that far – there was the screenplay line, “…because I need to know…”

In the film, the view of a TV set, black and white, an interview, a man’s face full on, his opportunity to speak it to the world, this ‘need to know’ expressed in intensity, and desperation, Je veux savoir…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in this energy experience reaction to these words ‘because I need to know’, that I see as written as a caption beneath this picture of a face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to a memory or memories inside myself in which the exact same desperation exists within this emotional expression of this ‘need to know’.

So a realization here of showing myself how that thus within my relationship to exploring researching investigating, these outflows from the question ‘why?’, that I have accepted and allowed to exist emotional connection, emotional self relationship, with a need to know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this participation with the film, that I have then become this representation of the energies of as a longing spoken out as these words, ‘because I need to know’, the voice of a prisoner, spoken out, going on-air, a simulation of myself in the projection that then goes into the experience of possible release, within all of this there has been this movement in me – self pity, sadness, longing, guilt, and hope of release –

With the question of where in my life have I gone into such an experience of this need to know, comes up a memory of an entrance to a house, a family all busy within their own minds, and within this memory, the experience that I created through taking it personally – a concerted absence of attention – as contempt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through an image in my mind of what is in the eyes of others, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my being as contemptuous. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look upon this contemptuousness as who I am, who I fear that I must be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that thus I have accepted and allowed myself be in contempt of myself, deliberately not seeing me beyond these judgements, deliberately suppressing the question why. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as uninteresting and as unworthy of my attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as guilt in being who I am, as who I fear I must be, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become as a bad experience as a penance for the way I am. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take me personally, reacting to myself and then getting to the experience of feeling bad, and thence into the positive central nectar of self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the powerlessness experience in seeing the absolute nature of who I am, the unchangeability of it, according to the grips of definitionizing judgements. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how this ‘unchangeability’, adamance – had been a quality of the superior and trusted authority of my judgement that I had projected in my mind onto my own nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of self pity within the realization of the truth of my being as inferiority itself, or as something hostile, in truth, beneath the layers – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have put my trust in and given authority to judgements, and hence believed in the truth of them and the immediate effect of them upon my life and my living experience, that they can be sudden, absolute, and final. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a sort of volatility within these games of mystery as self deceit and victimhood to judgement attacks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a value to the core energy of self pity as a positive charge to an absolute process of self diminishment in giving up, that somehow for a moment it seems glorious to give up, a sort of return into the sweetness of energy, and the access of hope. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become accustomed to such patterns as accepted ways of my existence, therefore I commit myself to remove this pattern from my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a positive charge of energy to surrender to the ‘higher power’ of judgement where I also have misplaced my trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a life in which I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by these emotions and feelings and judgements of who I am within my being according to the consciousness of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a personality within and as a mystification that surrounds the fear of what may be found out in asking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enslaved within my automatic acceptance of definitions of myself according to the assertions of others, in which out of fear of this, I do not give the opportunity to others to reflect me to myself.

Within this, I see and realise how it is that in my family/school days, I became spikey and unapproachable to others – as a strategy to not see my feared reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress awareness of myself within and as this spikiness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the game being named, or pointed out or referred back to me in some way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see that within this and behind this all there is a game going on, this source that is hidden in the game, as who I am manipulating the world in self dishonesty, that is in and for the means of separation from who I am as this physical being in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be showing myself over and over again how my trust had been misplaced, and yet had never allowed myself to see what was hidden in plain sight, that I am here as and with this breath, that my trust in me is what I have misplaced, over and over into those around me. And then finding that trust to have been broken, I forgive myself that I have then gone into blame of those around me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see realise and understand how these experiences of myself and my relationships to those around me would have a play-out, a consequence that could manifest as an actual consensual disdain, like what I saw and then believed in my projections was conspiracy and gossip, which then became in physical reality, Coventry.

Realising my total isolation amid my peers, I was mystified, and the question that was suppressed was ‘why?’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this ‘why?’, a projection of who I am as the innocent one, totally mystified and offended, and then justified within withdrawal and surliness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ‘responsibility’ in this atmosphere of contempt, is one and equal to a definition of myself in self judgement as bad and as inferior, thus I forgive myself that I have included in the word responsibility actually a point of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see this resonance that I have accepted and allowed within this ‘need to know’ as an emotion – not just sadness or just self pity but with it all longing, and desperation – and also an image of eventual release –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within reacting to myself thus, have distracted myself from a realization of the real expression of ‘I must release myself from mystery – I must find solutions to this example of suppression of my natural interest in who I am as this awareness in the context of existence – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put limits on the exploration of who I am and have become – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame these feelings of constriction for my discomfort, and at the same time stand within and as a decision to keep the constrictions going – and hence, for the fear to continue to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me a relationship of contempt towards myself, expressed as an invisible atmosphere as a context of my experience of me in which I am as ‘mystified’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within such situations as ‘coventry’ in my outer world experience, that I have taken such things personally, absorbed them, turned them round, then as defined through the eyes of the world I have aligned an image of myself with that, and turned against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an emotional experience in relationship to what I find within me, when rather than in common sense seeing and looking at what is there and understanding how I came to that, but instead, reacting to it.

 

 

(continuing…)

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

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~ by adamsblogs on October 11, 2014.

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