Day 247: Overwhelmingness
I can’t take any more, it’s all too much – such lines of backchat have been tried and tested and found to be effective, presaging the experience of overwhelmingness, and thence into giving up. The effectiveness is directly related to me believing that this is absolutely me saying these things inside my mind, not realizing that they are formulations of words that arise automatically, through constant consent. The lines themselves have gathered and acquired all kinds of dramatic content, such as now that I focus on them I see there is for me a victimized tone to them, a plea for mercy, I am playing the plaintiff in the court of some harsh authority, or I am playing at being chastised in some way. It’s fascinating to see how within the implications of the tones of this backchat in my mind, this branch as ‘a plea for mercy’ opens up the door for self righteousness, and as such a possible conversion of the negative experience that I accepted for myself into a positive experience, and through that, I have justified myself as feeling ok within the process of giving up on myself. Or else within and as these lines, I am on my knees in some way, connecting prayers to pleas, so therefore goodness and mercy ‘should’ follow, and the doors to self pity are flung open wide, and giving up acquires a spirituality dimension…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to these lines of backchat, and to substantiate them with my voice, and to then believe that these formulas of words that come up in my mind are actually me, rather than seeing that they are recurring memories of reactions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself over and over to follow my own well-trodden paths of giving up when facing the challenge of walking out of my own programming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this word of ‘overwhelmingness’ to gain such weight in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this relationship of me as so much less than overwhelmingness, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of being overwhelmed, of within it experiencing my lack of power to change myself, and so to giving up on me.
I decided today, ok in fact, what really ‘I can’t take any more’ now – is this experience of overwhelmingness, and so this is my commitment to as and when I think in my mind that ‘I cannot do this, because if I do, then I will be overwhelmed, that then I will be in that experience of myself that I am in fear of, in which I cannot clarify, in which I cannot specify or articulate, in which I am in awe of a compounded energy and generalizations of thoughts, and implications of multiple dimensions – when such thoughts and chains of thoughts arise – to stop, and breathe, and deliberately bring myself back to the physical, to being here. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this thought of overwhelmingness, to have been swept away by it, to have become mesmerized by it, how much I have increased the energy of it, to have amplified it in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become content with waiting for a time that the overwhelmingness will clear, in which I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in that waiting, that I have in fact given up, that I have justified postponement and procrastination.
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as energy in yet another way in my relationship to overwhelmingness – where existing in the positive experience of and as hope that the overwhelmingness will ‘clear’, that I have justified within this that the overwhelmingness has the power, that I am separate from it. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in ‘waiting in hope’, I have in fact defined this overwhelmingness as a superior power.
Okay this is where I am today. This decision that this is in fact what ‘I really can’t take any more’, as a decision to actually just write out overwhelmingness – and realizing yes in fact it is multi dimensional, well okay, so let’s look at one specific dimension, rather than overwhelm myself with attempting to – or imagining to – write it out in its entirety. And this I realise now is in itself, a dimension of it – this ‘entirety’ is like an absolute image in my mind, it is an idea, it is an image of all the different kinds of overwhelmingness together, sort of organized and in their ‘true’ relationships to each other – so that – what – so that I can then begin to walk them through specifically, as I am doing now? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a value in this ‘entirety’, attaching to it a positive energy as a future vision of my understanding of me. I commit myself to walk this process step by step in the realization that walking thus I am walking in time with my physical reality, that I am walking with myself rather than ahead of myself, in a future in my mind.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.