Day 243: Effort
Day 243: Effort
It’s funny how I learned quite a while ago not to listen to my mind when it came to doing or not doing the washing up – it was the realisation of how completely little my mind actually ‘knew’ about washing up, itself – I mean there was really no memory of the actual physical experiences of water on the skin, or water sounds and the clinking surfaces of steel and ceramic, and within that of my enjoyment of water on my hands, of hot water and cold water and warm water clear fresh water that I could even drink – no – I was reminded that – I had these ‘relationships’ with ‘washing up’ – such as that: I didn’t ‘like’ it, that it was a ‘chore’, that it was a ‘waste’ of my time, even when I wasn’t in fact doing anything much else really, except walking around, having thoughts, and listening to my mind, and for example putting negative and positive values onto this and that, here and there, and really being on guard in a way to protect my comfort zones of who I am and must remain within the mind. And if I look at who I am within this, having agreed to it, if I were to listen to the requirement listings of my relationships to ‘washing up’ – from these instruction booklets of how to run this person in it’s absence – then I would be as described within this writing, superior to the task of it, not at all ‘liking’ doing a ‘chore’, using my time for something of higher value, simulating a drama in which I had this other lofty task, and in not doing it, I was wasting the opportunity of my time. It was really an actual kitchen-sink drama in which I was becoming so superior in front of some washing up, with no one else involved.
This came up when I was looking at the word ‘effort’ and how it came into and as part of the ‘idea’ of movement. That one puts an ‘effort’ into something to make it move, to make me move – like in the situation of my resistance, where within and as my resistance it seems that I have to make this huge effort, to what, overpower it, sort of thing. So, it seems like reasonable advice, coming from reason, that in order to go from not moving to moving, an effort will be necessary. And with ‘effort’ defined simply as in physics, no problem. But with ‘effort’ defined within me, by me in my life experience, completely different story. Because what I found was that to the word effort I had given a negative charge of energy, it contained my experiences of trying and trying and trying and giving up, and then going into powerlessness experiences in which I defined my total being negatively and less-than in comparison to the task in hand.
This experience of who I am as powerless as useless according to my self judgements was not at all an experience I enjoyed, and because I connected it to the task, I kind of blamed the task for who I was, as well as my body for not being good enough in not being able to simply carry out the commands of my imagination. So within this word effort I had connected up the physical pains of over exertion of my body in being lashed on by my mind, and the experience of myself as powerless and useless within accepting these self definitions and self judgements. Added to this the negatives values of failure, I see what I have done to this innocent or straight forward word ‘effort’ is to load it up with all kinds of information as personal reactions.
So this brings into question who I really honestly was in bringing into my consciousness this word ‘effort’ in relation to apparently assisting and supporting myself to move – where bringing in between me and ‘just doing it’ I have put that – ‘I must make an effort’ – where effectively I have placed a reaction resource as a back door to giving in and giving up.
So I find in this word, also an issue, and how the issue of ‘effort’ was in use as an instrument within a strategy of self manipulation, through which it had been passed, and accepted as true information of the predicted experience, speculations of the future experience, the energy forecast and within this, a relationship between effort and failure, sort of lodged into the word itself, where: in the past, there had been instances of all that effort having been to no avail, and records of it, memories. And the emotional reaction within this ‘effort to no avail’, being of powerlessness, and harsh self judgements in the realms of wasted time and wrong direction, and the haunting sense of: what I am trying to do is impossible… or the experience of that what I have just discovered is that I have no ground to stand on… So, how a sense of powerlessness in the area of this defined as failure – so that failure intervenes and energizes the word effort – so that in effort in self movement is like a trigger for reaction and into distraction and separation.
Also in relationship to this ‘effort’, another reaction – the instigation of a sort of militant laziness personality – to protect me from the powerlessness experience – another automated self manipulation – where as a consequence of giving up I reward myself with justification within the comfort zones.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
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