Day 244: Effort 2
To start with, I stop here, and breathe! As the breath within the physical, I remind myself of the turning point that I have made, and that I determine to support and to consolidate – this step from considering ‘my life’ as a state of ownership within my mind to the realization and the living of the presence of actual real life within the physical that is here.
And so in writing this, to not become embroiled within the world of who I am as a personality configuration, reacting in fear to images of who I am as powerless within my automations, such as visions of writing myself out uselessly, making words and sentences without effect, but only as appearances, and getting nowhere.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in and give up on myself when and as the experience of myself as powerlessness arises like a trigger in my mind. For example, in the form of seeing my own lack of clarity before me in my writing where I go into blaming this lack of clarity in myself as my excuse for not going on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in and give up on myself when and as I experience myself as powerlessness within an insight of my systemized automation – in which I blame this automation as an excuse and a justification for not looking into it and deconstructing it and understanding why and how I have made such systems. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed such excuses as ‘it’s too ingrained’, ‘it’s too late’, it’s too much a part of who I am to see it any more…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a fear of this experience of a future-giving-up-ness, where I see myself as having run out of the resource of tenacity. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see within my admiration of tenacity in others that I am showing myself that I do not give myself this gift, therefore, I commit myself to learn to live this word tenacity, to bring it with me and as me in my trust of me.
With seeing how I have conditioned the words ‘trying’ and ‘effort’, I am seeing realizing and understanding how a single word can encapsulate like a micro learning disability in the total structure of my life, in which how I live within and as words and relationships between the words form the fundamentals of my experience of myself, and the limitations of who I am, as imposed by me.
So…continuing from the previous post, I make a start in the area of the ‘powerlessness’ experience and the ways I have connected it into the word ’effort’. Here first of all to specify this experience of ‘powerlessness’, because as a generalization it is so much less amenable to investigation, and resolution – and this, I assess as important, because I can see having attached a fear to this experience, and having created a personality that automatically protects me from this fear, that it would be within the interests of keeping the personality, to keep it all generalized and blurry edged, so that one manifestation of powerlessness can sort of feed into another.
With fear of the experience of powerlessness as the platform of a personality of deliberate or ‘militant’ laziness, that stands in and on not making an ‘effort’, so as to automate not going ‘there’, therefore the fear itself must first be specified. So yes in the process of deconstructing and letting go of this automation first of all to look into and specify the fears on which it is based.
There is an actual real powerlessness as a consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be going into energetic reaction – in which going into a belief of my non-responsibility, in other words, into victimhood in relationship to the energies of my emotions, I therefore have decided on me as powerless within the very acceptance and allowance of being and becoming a reaction of energy, and therefore not as a real factor of the world, and as such as powerless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conform to a way of life in which I have continuously disempowered myself within and as reactions of energy, and in realizing what I have in fact done, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for this, and rather than assisting and supporting me to stay in breath with me here from this point on learning to accept myself within responsibility, and so to change myself – that I have instead gone into blame of who I am as less-than, as weak, inferior, and cumulatively as powerless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my definition of myself as powerless. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of powerlessness a judgement through which I experience a self diminishment and undermining. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this experience of myself as diminished, and as undermined, and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that this is how I have created it, that all of this is in reactions to my own reactions in relationships to me within my own mind, within a mirror world, where I am as an enclosed system of energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know my whole totality as a being, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be then as the judge of that, and I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that within doing this that I justify self abuse in the form of blame of me, that in projecting on myself a single quality, that I can then make evaluations of that within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as a real power in my life, this facility of judgement and the attribution of values onto things, the mind based values of right and wrong and good and bad that do not have existence in reality, that have no reference to the physical reality that is here.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.