Walking the Dimensions of the Postponement Personality
Continuation from previous posts, starting at Day 139
For further context on the Backchat Dimension, see Heaven’s Journey to Life, Days 167, 168, 169
… ‘this is SO important’
Going into the polarity of ‘it doesn’t matter’ backchat judgement into this is such an important point that I have to be absolutely clear and cool and totally ready to take it on, and obviously I am not these things, so I can do it later!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point that has come up here as being so important that I must give to it very much thought and scrutiny and figuring out in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point that has come up here as being so important that I see myself as less than it and fear that I am not going to be able to walk through it like any other point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through judgement as the mind to separate myself from this point and not allow myself to see it in and as myself as who I am within this point, but to instead see it at a distance and measure it according to the values of my mind as ‘It is so important’ or as ‘ It doesn’t matter’. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I have an overview of all the points I have to face, within which I assume that I already know the process that I have to walk, and so am in a superior position to teach myself and guide myself and give myself advice about what points to choose and what points to ignore and what points I must prepare myself to face.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this pattern where I judge a point as so important and vital to be looked at, that then I think and think and think and then become confused and overwhelmed and then the backchat comes up, ‘I feel tired’, and I accept this thought as ‘me’, so rather than returning in to me as Here in breath, I follow the postponement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point as ‘so important’, and for not realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach in emotions of fear and feelings of excitement to ‘importance’ with the consequence that I do not see the point at all but only my relationship towards it which is energy.
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the evaluations of the mind rather than to trust myself and to stay with myself here in breath, just walking it without recourse to energy, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to make a new relationship of me towards the point, in which the point has now become my reactions to myself in seeing a point, and then my reactions to my reactions in seeing myself, accumulating into total mind-possession and confusion, and then to giving up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a point that I have seen within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear simply looking at a relationship that I have accepted and allowed within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this energy experience of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see the reality of what I have accepted and allowed, through the means of simply writing down what is here before me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see the simplicity of my self-dishonesty I have accepted and allowed, within which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see that there is no way that I can avoid to face myself in and as my responsibility within what I have accepted and allowed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand in judgement of my self-dishonesty, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to define my separation from myself as ‘bad’ and therefore something that should be concealed and hidden, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my very separation of myself, within a relationship that I have made in essentially hiding myself within a definition of myself in being this judgement of myself as ‘good’ and superior in judging me as ‘bad’.
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an idea of myself in conflict with myself without any reference to physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘good’ within my patterns of self-judgement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in seeing and realising this polarity game that I have lived, this pattern of reverting constantly into and as a negative self-judgement as a negative experience of myself, that I then go into a positive experience that I have made as being ‘good’ and ‘righteous’ in condemning me, that in realizing this I have reacted to this realization within and as this pattern, by leaping up to beat myself up about what I have done, rather than to simply walk these points of what I have accepted and allowed as who I am and to forgive myself and to correct myself and realign these relationships that I have made so that they are no longer relationships of energy in secrecy that control my actions and that justify this righteousness as in being enslaved to them as a victim that is in fact the victimizer of myself, that I have accepted and allowed as who I am, but are exposed and realigned to equality and oneness and what is best for all.
In relation to this post: definitely see Heaven’s Journey to Life –Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing–
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