Walking the Dimensions of Procrastination as the Postponement Personality
Continuation from previous posts, starting at Day 139
For further context on the Backchat Dimension, see Heaven’s Journey to Life, Days 167, 168, 169
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in this specific case of writing out myself in practical assistance and support of me in my process of realization of who I am as actual physical life in this real world, rather than within and as an energy experience of me as separated mind that never has known life in awareness or in physicality, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as this character of postponement to compromise my own commitment to this effort.
How did I get to this point where I am accepting and allowing myself to be evaluating with and as my mind this task in terms of success or failure, achievement, product, time and motion?
In this post I start to look at backchat statements that come up into my mind.
“It’s just a waste of time”.
This backchat comes up when I am already in an experience of frustration as I sit before the task; it has a conclusive and final and dismissive tone, like implied within it is ‘let’s cut our losses’, we have wasted valuable time, so much better off to put no more effort in, but leave it till later.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to this backchat sentence in my mind as a judgement of the task that I am doing, or about to do or face, through which I accept and allow myself to believe that this task has no value, so that my efforts are useless, and my experience of myself within all this is negative.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a judgement of myself within and as me of being a waste of time, or of wasting my time that I have suppressed because I do not want to experience myself as this negative energy that I have accepted and allowed as who I am in having no value and being useless in the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that if this judgement stands within and as me in suppression then I am in fear of who I am as it and have given it power to manipulate my actions in the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that the only real value of myself is life as one and equal and that if my starting point has not been in assistance and support of me as life then I must correct myself and realign myself to what is real and that it is not necessary or supportive of myself to make an energy relationship towards my actions or to define myself as negative according to this point of what and how I am before this task that is here for me to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid this task on accepting it to be ‘a waste of time’, and for not realizing that within this I am avoiding this negative experience of myself that I have accepted and allowed and have suppressed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to this backchat statement by immediately going towards a positive energy experience of myself and giving up upon this task that is here before me.
“I would be ‘better off’ doing something useful with my time.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within and as this negative experience of ‘a waste of time’, and my efforts being ‘useless’ to have created a positive alternative in which I would rather now be doing an activity that was enjoyable and useful or constructive such as doing some work on that painting that my eyes have already drifted to where already my imagination is ‘calling me’ because I have not taken responsibility in preparing to embrace my positive judgements of myself in playing about with paint, and feeling better about myself because rather than seeing and realizing that I have given up on my commitment and my responsibility, I now see myself as managing my time appropriately, in doing what I feel like doing now, and then doing what this task that I have before me later on, when ‘I feel like’ doing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from listening to this backchat statement judgement of ‘it’s just a waste of time’, to have been drawn back into the guidance and directions of the mind into ‘what I feel like, don’t feel like’ as energy experience and my criteria for actions that I make such as turning from this task and giving up on it in favour of doing something else.
I commit myself to, when and as I become aware that I am listening to this backchat spoken ‘It’s just a waste of time’, to stop, and breathe, I immediately support myself to move from myself as this mind energy experience into and as breath as the physical. I do not accept this trigger to giving up that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in before. My value here is who I am as life, the value of this task is me, I do not accept a definition of myself within this energy of uselessness that comes up within me. This is not who I am. I see and realize that I am experiencing a judgement of myself and that in fear I am accepting and allowing myself to not look at what is happening here but instead I am accepting and allowing my mind to direct me somewhere else. I stay with me here in breath and look at who I am within this moment and in self honesty what is going on inside me.
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