Day 242: Resistance
There will never come a time when it feels just right to face a resistance – such as in the illusion of delay and postponement, and hope, conjuring up in my mind a scene in the future when all of the conditions are met when I can just simply face this thing, whatever it actually really is, or was, or might be.
It is as if within my fear experience I have cloaked an established truth and verity of my own self judgements. How can I fool myself within such self contradictions – in which it is not obvious at all. The image of being good and ready to face resistance is just another form of imagining it magically to not be there. It’s as if as well that resistance has become a noun in separation, it’s not that resistance doesn’t exist, but it doesn’t exist in that way, that way of seeing is through the filter systems of my fear imaginations – I have become so accustomed to the word, seeing it there in front of me, that it is like I have fashioned it into a small object that I keep as a reminder, almost like a decoration on the walls of my mind world, or as a wallpaper, repeating over and over again, wherever I look.
‘Feeling just right to face resistance’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this relationship of myself, depending on the feelings to be a certain way, so as to ‘face’ who I am within and as resistance, and within that, fear. I commit myself now to change this relationship; such as making this condition for my introspection to be according to this ‘feeling’ index. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘introspection’ as a thinking process within the mind only, without a reference to the earth as in the physical inception of the words into the writing.
Therefore I commit myself to learn the ways of introspection directly through the physical. I commit myself to flag these moments when I am looking in my mind for reference to feeling, because I realise that this ‘rightness’ of a feeling is an evaluation of a judgement that I am making in my mind, with me as a god within my mind pronouncing what is true, what is right, what is terrible, what is evil, what must be hidden away and relegated to suppression – so that through my same assumptions of judgement, I have also decreed the rightness and the verity of that about myself that I have cloaked.
So I commit myself to clear my mind in written introspection, or to learn so how to do this, by reminding myself when I have suddenly gone ahead of myself into the mind, and left behind the writing, so to then stop and breathe and come back to it and to myself. And I commit myself to stop the ‘introspection’ that continues to circulate when I have stopped the writing process. To not, take-off as it were to ‘have’ a think.
Being in fear of what I may find when I open up, means that what I have found in opening up is that I am as fear, protecting myself from something about me, which is my responsibility here to take a look at – some relationship that I have made to me, a definition of myself at the core of how I live, an image of myself within this in a relationship to something completely unacceptable to me within my judgements of ‘how to be’ within this world, those things I must keep secret.
And therefore this image is an image of the view of me through the eyes of the world, that I made up to believe to be the truth of who I am. This looks like, according to my judgment of truth, I believe that I am ‘knowing’ in my mind ‘how you see me’, how you all in general ‘see me’, then I can use this information as a starting point of manipulation, I can approximate an appearance of your expectations, I can simulate a ‘likeness’ in some way, in short, a method of coping in the world, without a reference to who I really am within and as myself, except that of me that exists within this image. It is like the main-frame of the shape shifting personality structure, the core of a machine to scan, estimate, and simulate self definitions according to projections onto others. Is this the image that I am actively protecting, this database of information as my projection from imagination of what it actually means: ‘through the eyes of the world’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know what another human being is thinking, or that I know or even have an inkling who they are within and as themselves in the context of their own existence in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give such a value of ‘vital’ to the images of my own mind projections contained within an image of who I am in the eyes of others, this value being so great that I fear to expose it – in which I accept a manipulation through the fear that I use to justify the cloaking of it, the protection of it – because – the shape shifter has been a vital means of survival in the physical. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the exposure of this aspect of who I am within and as a personality of the shape shifter.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be exposed within who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, that has given rise to the activation of a shape shifting personality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here with myself in breath, but rather to have gone into distraction, activated in that moment a personality construct as a stand in for me, and which in the situation of being in front of my responsibilty to me within writing, I instead become distracted by my reactions to the exposure of it, in which I have energized and emphasized the point within ‘the eyes of the world’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ‘the eyes of the world’ in a simulation of the mind, tacitly within my mind, accepting this image as the truth, and then from this platform, to look upon myself through those eyes, and thence to go into fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I may see when I am looking through these eyes. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have these eyes exist within me, to have created them piece by piece, all the information database with tags of the relationship to me aligned within them. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become only a relationship towards an imaginary projected existence, within and as all of these relationships of comparison with others, in which I have made and limited myself to and as more than or less than everything. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find ways of existing without an awareness of myself within it, and without a real awareness of the physical reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now that I am aware of myself within this process to still be vulnerable to the processes of self manipulation where the end result is a giving in or a giving up on me.
I commit myself to patience as an ongoing activity here, rather than a waiting on something to happen. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make an image of myself as too slow, or not fast enough, rather than to see that all I can be is constant in writing what is here.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.