Day 450: The word Steadfast (1)

Living in and as a part of the Desteni Farm Community in South Africa I have the great fortune of being able to sit in with the Portal, as Dimensional beings come through and make recordings. A couple of days ago, sharing how it was that I had started into redefining Steadfast, Mykey came through to share his experience also with this word. You can find this recording in the Demons in the Afterlife series on Eqafe.

Steadfast – when the word came up in me, I recognized it as a word that I might live – that I recognized it as such –was kind of an inspiration: that I might actually in fact consider this, and find a way of letting go of that demurring side of me in which I held myself as less than up to living Steadfastness, and so as well to find a way of letting go the story I have lived in which I must somehow make-do and make my way in life without this word, where in that story Inconsistency hung over me as if it were my basic nature; through which no matter what it was that I applied myself to, a sort capriciousness would eventually rear it’s head, and it would seem that everything I’d done had been like the wrong path in the maze of me.

A word can somehow fit into the story of the nature of the hand that you were dealt, and then become coloured by it, charged by it; you can keep it to yourself within the darkness of your self, and embrace it in a way, notwithstanding everything, still playing the game, never questioning that it was real; and this was what I did, never questioning the statement to myself that therefore I can never have faith in me. And so it was that I became entwined in that embrace, in fear of trusting my commitment.

So it kind of follows out of that I could come to so admire the quality of the word Steadfast, that in making it so great, so strong, that the effect of this can make it seem as if it’s out of bounds; that admiration in itself within this construct, acts like another point of sabotage. Comparing me to Steadfast, I judged myself as less than that, and in that less-than definition of myself I would listen to the familiar comfort of demurring voices, that would work in me to curb such aspirations, to keep me in that story that I’d spun of the hand that I’d been dealt.

This is why the process of defining and redefining and living words is so important; seeing within ourselves what we’ve done to words, what meanings we have infused into them and then accepted, and how and what we’ve lived accordingly, and then in seeing the reality of ourselves as dictated by our very words, we see that we do not have to be the victims of our definitions of ourselves, we are empowered to change ourselves to the selves that we would want to be, and we have the tools with which to do it.

So with Steadfast: that momentary recognition of this word as it came up in me as a word to live was like in seeing it anew, and seeing myself anew, that, why not take this word and see how I might redefine it for me, see if I might make it useful for me, see if I might even enhance, develop and expand the qualities within me that I have neglected, those neglected parts of me that gave rise to my projection of this admiration. ‘Seeing anew’ was also in a way a realization of the fact that I could challenge this perfect finish with which I’d veiled the word, that instead I could be handling it, taking it apart and re-assembling it, becoming more familiar with it, seeing how it works.

Here are some self-forgiveness statements that come from facing the reality of me as in relation to Steadfast, as a practical step towards the purifying of this word:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in admiration of the word Steadfast, and so of those I see who live expressions of this word, not seeing how within this admiration I was showing me a part of me that I was denying for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or look at what this positive energy of admiration was actually showing me of me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Steadfastness could not exist for me; that it was for others only, that even if I simulated such a thing, I could never own it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of myself simulating Steadfastness, and to judge myself in trying that. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my judgements of myself and take them as a kind of warning, that only calamity could come out of it, that sooner or later I would fall, and prove that steadfastness was impossible for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the backchats of these judgements and interpret them as protection, not seeing that who it is that is supported here is me as less-than Steadfast. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on the opportunity of living the word Steadfast and only distancing myself from it, seeing it through the lens of admiration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might happen if I tried to live as steadfastness, not seeing how within the act of trying I was sowing the seeds of giving up on me.

Seeing what has been my relationship to this word, I look at also what the context was in which the word came up and what was going on within me, and it was a kind of weariness that I am still accepting so much inner chat, seeing it in a way like a constant carping, and seeing that cycle in which I listen to it, do forgiveness, clear my mind, and yet before too long slip back into it.

You know that feeling like the drag around your legs when you wade through shallow water: in my process a similar point to this, that realization of I’m tired of this, I must do something about this. That’s when the word Steadfast came up in me, this context of how I could do something for myself here – choose a word to live – give myself some more support in the face of constant distraction.

How can I live Steadfast, not with the expectation that I might just magically find a way to live it – as it stands – as if I could just suddenly take the reality of me in my relationship to this word, and then suddenly shove me into it – What I mean is, how can I practically find a way to really live it, meaning how can I redefine this word for me, in support of me, for the sake of better living me, because within that weariness of tolerating levels of distraction, that is what I want, to put that habitual argument to rest, to better live this me.

Yes for sure within that inner chatter there are points that I must deal with, clear, but there is also another point which is who I am towards that process, the point that I must kind of wake myself even in relation to this waking process. So within this question that I am asking of how to find a way to own this word, how to make this word intimately real for me, I see that first it is to realise the importance of this question, to breathe it in, to take it seriously into me, to give it priority, to give it my immediate attention.

In Steadfast there are for me these main components: steadiness and fasten. Steady, as with being the master of the ship, grasping the wheel, holding a steady course through the storm; fastening, as in that grasp, in that grip. As I sound the words and play with them, a new arrangement of the question comes: How can I fasten myself in – stead – to straight direction? And what is straight direction? To me this version of the question raises the point of where do I stand, where in – the word Instead – literally, a point is standing in an alternative position – so within that, steadiness comes up as a reference to standing.

And ‘straight direction’: in the metaphor of the ship at sea, the meaning of straight direction implies the course of the ship, unwavering, while within myself this straight direction is, to me, being straight with me, that my direction of my choices and decisions is straight, in the sense of being honest, true to me. Going back into the context of where the word Steadfast came up in me for that moment, as a word to live: there was a simplicity to that moment, that I could see that in relation to what was going on in my mind, the simple truth of it was that I was accepting and allowing myself to not be doing the best that I can – a knowing that this is not my best – a knowing that there is a limit to how seriously I take myself and so how much I respond to what I know is best for me.

As for Seriously: it’s more like I take myself seriously or not, there is no grey area there. What is real is that some moments I do and other moments I do not; as outlined in the beginning of this post, that lack of faith in me in relation to consistency, and to self-commitment: revisiting that now I see how much I use that apparent grey area of taking myself seriously or not as an excuse I tell myself, feeling at home with the belief that inconsistency is just part of being me, and so this steadfastness is really such an effort, so why not be kind to me, renege on me again, a little, take a break, tell myself this serious thing is such a burden, placate myself with: I’ll get back on this later, or else: I know that this is not the best for me, but I can live with that, I always have, it’s what I know, I’ve made an effort…

That ‘renege on me again’ was a point of self awareness new to me; it was a point of exasperation, and a point of ‘Enough’, that was when the word Steadfast occurred to me, perhaps it was that in that moment I was reaching for a particular kind of strength.

Self-forgiveness statements on my relationship with the word Inconsistent:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I was being born into Life was determined by the stars. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use this belief to justify how I found myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in absolute as Inconsistent. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that inconsistency is the nature of my being. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change my fundamental nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am victim to my fundamental nature. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from me in this belief. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this life set a limit on my responsibility for who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my definition of myself on external forces. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in regard to inconsistency live a life of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word inconsistent to influence and affect my relationship with steadfastness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed through this belief for me to have perspectives on steadfastness that it is not possible for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my definition of myself as inconsistent, as a constant sabotage of steadfastness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my belief in who I am as inconsistent, as an excuse and a justification to not be doing the best for me, to make decisions for myself that I know to be not the best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify myself within not doing my best for me, within my blame of Life not doing it’s best for me, in believing that a hand of cards that I was dealt by Life was somehow fixed against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Humanity in terms of a game of cards, in terms of competition. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a loser. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my victimhood on Life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through this to justify a cursory approach to living life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and so become a form of chagrin on the basis of these self definitions and beliefs. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to recognize this Chagrin in my presence, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a comfort zone within and as this Chagrin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when seeing the reality of me accepting and allowing decisions and actions that I know within myself are not best for me, and within that not recognizing and so not taking responsibility for the Chagrin element within it, but seeing and judging who I am within the disempowerment that came along with it, for seeing and interpreting and defining me in weakness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this state of disempowerment and for giving up on me in the very prospect of Steadfastness as a word to live.

 

 

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Day 448: The word Principle

 

Is it possible for the Fact of Life to be at the forefront of my everyday reality, would that be too intense, would it even be possible for me to then get on with the practicalities of my days? And is this really such an odd question, or is it that the oddness of it brings my own relationship to it into focus, seeing in the question that I keep it to the margins, taking it as granted, and then, from the premise of ‘Given that we are here in the Fact of Life, then this, then that…’we kind of lose the premise and everything becomes just only this then that and so on, it becomes an institution of Then this Then that, giving rise to groundlessness as if it were just the way things are, like living on a train that comes from, goes to, nowhere…

 

Also, looking at this question, I come to look at ‘too intense’, and the reaction of something to the effect of Holy Shit I am Alive, we are all Alive, Oh My God, can I even be aware of that and at the same time do this thing that I am doing? There is like a fear of that intensity, of realizing the profundity of the situation, while at the same time, implicit in the question, a fear of becoming lost in the distractions of the day.

 

The Fact of Life, The Principle of Life: it was from realizing that somehow and in some way I felt uncomfortable with the word Principle that I write this, and now I see more clearly that the word for me was kind of problematic, so that in saying the words ‘The Principle of Life’, that I was in some way accepting a definition of Life by the measure of this discomfort in me, by the measure of my experience within and as the word.

 

Principle: here is a word that stands within all things: the Beginning/starting-point/infrastructure/law/blueprint… and yet looking at these words that spill from Principle they do not to me describe a living thing, but more my personal way of sketching out attempts of understanding it, that maybe possibly with these and other words, I might eventually embrace it. I mean the Principle of Life must obviously be a living thing, that the Principle of Life as Oneness and Equality as What is Best for All has to be within and as itself a living thing.

 

Looking into this I see how much I had absorbed and so imprinted into me the context of religious morality, as determining the compass of the word, and with that a relationship of less-than to it. That to me a life of ‘principle’ was a life devoted to some higher thing than life itself, that the paragons of Principle were statues raised on pedestals, that the Principles were the domains of high philosophy, that for me in my early days of meeting with this word, the teachers of principle in my early years were usually coming down at me from righteousness and judgement.

 

So this is what I begin to see now within this: the nature of that vague discomfort that I sort of skirted round in writing out this word, and of sounding it. Really the discomfort of resonating my own dishonesty in how I had defined it into me, and in overlooking how I in consequence was actually living it, saying unconsciously ‘me, talking about Principle? come on’, ‘this is not me’, ’I can’t live this’, ‘who I am is less than this’; and then within my sounding of the words ‘the Principle of Life’ experiencing my own hypocrisy and my own self judgement without awareness of the detailed nature of my own discomfort, or awareness of the fact that what I had accepted and allowed in skirting round my physical experience of what I had become within this word was to limit my expression of the Principle of Life to something of the mind.

 

With Self-Forgiveness, releasing me from these as-is conditions of the word, and of my acceptance and allowance of how I’ve placed myself within it, I give myself the space now to look more at how I’d like to be, how I’d like to place this word, how I’d like to live it, how I’d like the Principle of Life to be clear within me, as an intimate part of me, recognizing the Principle of Life as a living thing and me within in it living one and equal.

 

What comes up for me as I write this are the Eqafe recordings of the Clouds: in which examples are described of the nature and extent of communications in just a single moment, within even just a handful of atmospheric substance, a group of countless living particles, organizing what is best for all both collectively and on an individual level to manifest some rain, or else to do some other thing: and using that example of that handful of the atmospheric substance, and extending it and applying it to the infinite particles of the air around the Earth, and the water substance of the Oceans, the continents, Nature as a whole, that exact same nature and extent of communication happening constantly, that we embrace as one, as the Fact of Life: within that, Principle stands out as permeating all things everywhere, my physical body one and equal, my fifty trillion cells, all universes of their own, and yet dedicated unconditionally in the name of All.

 

It’s like here in these examples coming up I am showing me how there is nowhere in physical space in which Principle is not the active, crucial, organizing element, nowhere that is not replete with particles of awareness in constant actions of adjustment and decision. The revolution in my definition/redefinition process is to turn deliberately from a definition coined in consciousness – of Principle – as preference, or as a virtue, as something morally good, superior – and my definition of myself in relation to that, as separate to that, as less than that – to Principle as an integral part of everything and everywhere – and who I am the same as All, a manifestation of that Principle, an example of that Fact of Life. In this redefinition process then there is the recognition of the Principle of Life as a living thing and of me also as a living thing in which for Principle to become a living word for me I see that I must kind of learn to merge with it.

In the process of redefining and living words, it is like deliberately making a bridge from belief in self as an isolated being to realisation of self as an integral part of the reality of living awareness.

 

Some personal Self Forgiveness statements that assisted and supported me to release some self definitions that I had been existed as and so resonating in my sounding of the word Principle:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Principle when it has seemed to me to undermine my choices and decisions taken in my self interest; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle as a threat to my furtherance of my self interest.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect my choice of giving to my consciousness directive principle by blaming principle, by judging Principle.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle within and as Morality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Morality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a personality of reaction to Morality and hence within that to Principle.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people as inferior in interpreting their stand within Morality and Principle as being examples of subservience to the system, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this for me to not see my own subservience to my mind in acting to protect my decision for the mind and for the furtherance of my self interest.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to beings that stand in principle and then to judge myself and define myself as less than in my self. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle as the domain of intellectuals and then to compare me to other beings that I have defined as intellectual, and in that comparison, find me lacking and so judge myself as less than and define myself as less than those I see as being equal to understanding, living and defining principle.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle as something isolated, something separate from me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an isolated being in a world of isolated forms. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Principle as something that exists only in the minds of human beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me in relation to the word Principle, backchats such as ‘this is not me’, ’I can’t live this’, ‘who I am is less than this’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to this backchat and in doing so strengthening my definition of myself as less-than others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these definitions of myself that I have attached into the word Principle. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress a judgement of myself as fraudulent in speaking of the Principle of Life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see into or pay heed to the discomfort that was in me saying these words.

 

I commit myself to clear this word Principle for me; I commit myself to clear the limitations of myself that I have defined for me to live within this word. I commit myself to continue to release the energies that I have stored within this word. I commit myself to clear the Principle of Life in support of learning how to live the Principle of What is Best for All in my immediate world. I commit myself to walk the redefinition of this word Principle, and to expand myself from out of the constrictions that I have imprinted into it.

 

 

References to the permeation of communication and decision and the application of Principle within the substance of the atmosphere come from these two recordings of The Cloud in the Earth, Nature, and Weather series from Eqafe:

 

Clouds: Purpose and Responsibility

Clouds: Purification and Consequence

 

 

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Day 415: Abandon Definitions 3

Reference: The Atlanteans: Walking through the word Abandon.

 

Self Forgiveness on definitions I have existed as and lived within the word Abandon.

AbandonShip: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and lived a narrative in my mind that was never real, a story to myself in a way to create an experience of dignity in victimhood. I remember at a time a righteous statement coming out , ‘Who me? I would never live a sob story…’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play this part unconsciously, I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to look at this.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing my mind to be chastising me with accusatory backchat of shadow personalities of family programming, suggesting all the bad I’m doing by ‘leaving’ family, as I prepare to spend some time ‘away’, and though I’ve checked it out, with real people, and know it is not real, still these backchats capture my attention: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being the abandoning one, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this through the eyes of Abandon in which I am reminded of a pain, that I then project it onto others as something that I might be causing them. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reacting to these backchats in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give them substance: I see now how I am showing me that in these moments of reaction, that I am still reverting to this starting point of a moment of pain with being within and as Abandon, and being in judgement of ‘abandoners’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this story at the core of all these backchats, this story of hurt: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a moment of shock in putting my feet down on the ground to be interpreted as and then remembered as a pain. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed with this programming, that others make me feel the way I do, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed from this basis, for blaming to be valid. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the word Abandon along with these components. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgements of others, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that fear to be affecting and interfering with my decisions and behaviour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within Abandon Ship to have accepted and allowed that the ship is about to meet disaster, and that therefore everyone must go overboard. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within that picture to have deserted my connection with the ship of me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in that for me to have abandoned me, to have abandoned structure and purpose, to have accepted and allowed myself to be adrift upon an emotional sea.

 

 

continuing next post…

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Day 356: Drive and Driven

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Day 356: Drive and Driven

 

… continuing: since Day 353, a process of redefining who I am in Challenge, and here, giving myself the time in diligence within this of walking a subsidiary word that I have found come up in exploration of my experience of the word Challenge, the word Drive.

 

It’s taken quite a lot of mulling in my mind of how I can possibly relate to this, like turning over the question of: Where to start? It’s interesting how in perceiving simplicity in a word or in a sentence it can somehow seem to justify a quickly-moving-on reaction, and in not noticing that, to then miss the deeper contents, where also what is missed is a reluctance to really pay this simplicity an equal respect of attention. Where seeing this simplicity, what I then resolved to do was simply testing out when and as I am going into some activity in my daily life, asking myself: Ok so who am I as Drive within this?

 

Here is an example: where, as in a quest, not seeing an immediate line of investigation, within the perception of simplicity, I have entered into a vaguely negative experience within myself, of: I don’t know, there’s nothing I can do with this, there’s nothing there, I am thwarted in a way, that then I enter into a moment in which I entertain an urge to watch a video, and in that moment, instead of going with that, asking me: Who am I as Drive within this?

 

And what I saw in looking into this is how I had actually resigned within being Driven – for the sake of some distraction, so as to switch the channel, as it were, from some bad feeling movement going on or turning over inside of me. This is a specific example but it represents also other similar points in my usual day to day experience, in which rather than recognizing my responsibility within becoming: I can’t do this, I don’t know, I am thwarted, that I am accepting and allowing a self victimization within this and a self disempowerment in which rather than seeing how within this that I am Driven by some fear or by some judgement, or some positive feeling energy reward, that I go into the self dishonesty of this is me in Drive, that who I am is justified within this Driven, that I am not Driven, this is me as Drive. It’s just that suddenly I have decided, within my rights of freedom, to not do this thing right now, but instead to do it later. Of course there is a righteousness in that, that helps me feel ok about actually switching my purpose in myself from one moment to the next. And within this process, there is awareness in myself of seeing myself giving up on me, not standing with me, but instead going with these backchats of my mind, telling me that: I don’t know, There’s nothing there, I can’t do this, I don’t know where to start. Looking at this statement then, this claim that this is me as Drive, I see how I have accumulated negative experience into Drive, that what I stand as here is a simulation of myself as Drive, within which I am in fact as Driven. So here is a practical place for me to start in the redefinition process of Drive: where seeing how I have defined myself in Drive in this way that I can begin through self forgiveness with purifying this aspect of the word as I have lived it.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Simple within a backchat of: there’s nothing for me to consider within this, that reading this I already get it, that what I need to understand must be somehow hidden in some complexity that is equal somehow to my prowess as a thinking process in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind’s evaluations of prowess, in relation to the information that I see before me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I know what I might find within a word, even at a glance.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Drive with judgements of who I am as in denial of being driven. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to include conflict with myself within this word as I have lived it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed through this to not allow myself to look at in self honesty what for me exists within this word. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim that I am responsible, that this is who I am in Drive, when in the reality of myself I do not want to see how I am accepting and allowing myself to be driven.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consent to whole constructs of programming of energy within the statement: This is who I am as the Drive within me, when it is through this statement that I have stepped into and then participated in the energy as who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within making this mistake, and for not yet having learned in absolute the different ways in which I am driven.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other selfs within the world, and then to judge my self as being inferior to others, because I do not have this thing called ‘Drive’, as necessary for ‘Success’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take these systematic definitions of the words Drive and of Success in a personal way, where in seeing myself as not driven by ambition, that I have accepted and allowed that in not having this specific drive, that therefore what I must become is Failure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within and as this dimension of Failure, to have shied away from Challenge.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in not having this ambitious Drive. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have no Drive. I forgive myself that in accepting and allowing myself to believe in this, that I have accepted and allowed myself to shy away from examining who I am in Drive.

 

… continuing next post …

 

 

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Day 306: How Responsibility gets a Bad Name.

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It was like a turning point in my life when I was forced to consider who I am in relation to responsibility. I mean when I first came across the Desteni Material in all its many forms, the point of self-responsibility, those two words together, sort of dawned into my awareness, representing like a vital key to my whole experience of being here in this world, like a stable bridge from a reality projection of myself as a spectator, to the world of a participant, towards being deliberately responsible in becoming a living awareness. And yet seeing, realizing and understanding this to be the case, the word ‘responsibility’ remained in some way polluted in my mind with a negative charge: it seemed in some way like a burden or as a bitter pill, or else like the hot seat, or even, the dock, containing like the validation of my criminality. Something that I had not considered within all this was the nature of the cultural soil from which I had sprouted, the framework of reality presented by the media, by the education systems, by the testaments and scriptures, by the consciousness systems of my parents and the generations that went before: that I grew up in the midst of this, absorbing the examples of it all, examples of a culture coming out of a starting point of blame, that when things went wrong there was always the reaction of a pointed finger, a being to be targeted, diminished, or punished. Validating that ‘it was not my fault’ I learned to use the resources of my imagination to play the game, concoct excuses, and deflect the blame elsewhere. It was as if I had willingly inherited a structure for me to live within that was specially designed to deny and suppress responsibility. Who I am as the bad one in the blame target as the one responsible is how literally responsibility gets a bad name. I forgive myself, seeing how I am responsible, and within and as that responsibility for the programs I have subscribed to, and written and elaborated in my mind, that then I can choose to change these things that trigger how I live and how I experience myself, that is in forgiveness giving back to me I live responsibility and chose here to deliberately change my self conditioning that I have accepted and allowed as real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate blame, by accepting and allowing that who I am is bad as the target of blame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this mind value of ‘bad’ as something real, that I have connected it into who I am as a living reality. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word responsibility to exist within me as an energetic entity, as a trigger of reaction. Therefore I continue to walk this process of releasing myself from the spells of words that I have accepted and allowed as components of my mind, and with the word responsibility I continue to clear the word, as new layers within it become apparent to me, or are shown to me.

 

It is not only for me in the sense of this singularity, but for me in the wider sense – of everyone as me – that is also swept up in this exact same consciousness: to deliberately walk out of it – and share how this can be done – and through this spread the realization that in common sense it must be done; our self directed walk into awareness, in which seeing how all exist within the same Mind Consciousness, then all steps shared expand as ripples outward. For those who can now allow themselves to investigate the practicalities of this walk out of consciousness and into living awareness and what this means, and for those who are actively doing this, and need support: Come to Desteni.

 

Reference:  Missing Moments

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