Day 303: Meaninglessness and Significance

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Putting up these paintings through this blog: I am glad to show these paintings in parallel to this investigation into meaninglessness, there is a sense of completion in this, the right place for them, because in a way the painting process, and much of how I shaped my life followed from this point of meaning-lessness, the paintings themselves came out of a process that I had instigated with this evolution and confinement of myself into and as the systems and words which I have been describing in recent posts.

 

Where seemingly living self unknowingly through the filter of these words as I had accepted and allowed them to be, at the time I could see no other way but to investigate the consequence of these things that had come up in my life with the word meaninglessness.

 

I see now, the passion was more connected to it being a matter of life or death for me unconsciously to investigate this meaninglessness, to rescue myself from this in a way, while at the same time, not being able to articulate how it was that I had got here. So like in a way, having a large part of self trapped within a box labelled meaninglessness, is going to hold some fascination and attention. So it was that I gave a high priority to this process of investigation.

 

The fact of there being a preprogrammed channel in the system which was called ‘Art’ was convenient to me, and I realized that I could use it as a cover: finding as it were a loop-hole in the system where I could pass off processing/investigation of who and what I had become, confined within this systemization of meaning-lessness.

In my mind what I was aware of at the time was ‘meaninglessness’ holding great significance, something that should be investigated, that should be brought into distinct focus, I felt I was at the brink of a discovery. Sketching out a subtlety of texture of some kind that would enhance projection, I was looking for a form of meaninglessness that was redolent with possible interpretation.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that within this idea in my mind of designing a texture through which unconscious projections would become obvious, I was seeking out some evidence for me of having meaning, some means through which to find it, not seeing the significance of the fact that the evidence of me was always immediately before me within my very perception and projection overlay on things.

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

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Day 302: Meaninglessness and ‘Lost’ ‘Control’

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 Reference –>Here to the Atlantean perspective/series on the system of meaninglessness.

 

Continuing this series of posts from Day 291, and the decision to bring ‘lost’ into and as an energy source within a system of meaninglessness, and a further look into the semantic world or network of memory, experience and self definition that I had installed into the word ‘lost’.

 

A reminder of the critical experience (from 293): “…over summer, at the end of school when all the kids I hung around with were going off to different universities, and a comparison came up: they have all got futures, I have not: I have got no future. Their different futures are expressions of their different meaning – therefore: I have no meaning – and so I accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of myself as meaninglessness…”

  

‘Control’

A sense of having lost control: in which ‘control’ had been defined in maintaining various definitions of self, to be integrated into an illusion of self, definitions that were determined by my interpretations of the experience of me through the eyes of others: that was the sense of control that now seemed ‘lost’, so that experience of this became an element of ‘lost’ within my mind.

 

Writing this I remember thoughts I had at that time, perspectives in which I was looking at an image of myself through the eyes of those around me, such as in imagining my own death, and being buried in the ground, and then, gone, ‘lost’ from the view of those around me. Accepting and allowing this imagination in my mind, I then accepted and allowed this experience of ‘lost’ to then invade and occupy how I had accepted and allowed myself to be in ‘death.’ My simulation of death within my mind then involved this consequential experience of ‘lost’ that played out of the loss of this definition of control.

 

A memory of a thought in which I was busily defining things long time ago serves to show me a couple more aspects to this: that in this graveyard scene there was much self pity, and also blame towards the people who would apparently walk away and return to their own meanings purposes and lives. Having integrated an illusion of self that was based on projections onto others, the victim role was kind of implicit, and then the option of blame; now that I look at this I see how bringing judgement into it might have been required. Judgement as I had defined it in my experience of life had been an expression of authority and control, coupled with anger and fear inducements: how better else in my mind experience, within and as this paranoia, could I bring about and enforce some black and white simplicity into this grey experience of fear and multiple emotion that I had invested into lost? Control through fear and blame had been the context of my childhood, and in what seemed to me to be an emergency situation, I reverted to it, almost as a natural tool or tendency in my inheritance. This to me at this time was simply the 101 of how to assert control in a tumultuous situation.

 

How this judgement had an impact on me was through comparison of my being to the beings of others and their ‘worth’, was that I had arrived suddenly into and as a formulation of myself as worthless within this meaninglessness, this was like a lightning strike, in my perception this was like a catastrophic experience. Within this, my respect for me fell down like a stone. What were the constituents of this catastrophe? Looking into this I see through the eyes of who I was in that moment, seeing the ‘End of The World’ closing in on me, and a feeling of collapse into nothingness, within the realization and belief that All had been a fabrication.

 

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 300: Meaninglessness, Lost, and Freedom Mind Spin.

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Day 300: Meaninglessness, Lost, and Freedom Mind Spin.

 

 

A direction: From meaninglessness to a hereness, a connection to all, an intimacy.

 

From who I am within and as meaninglessness to who I am in awareness of myself and in awareness of the relationships and scripts that I have written for myself within this word, all coming from decisions that I have made of who I am within and as emotion, where as described last post I made the decision to bring ‘lost’ into and as an energy source within this system of meaninglessness.

 

Continuing, with an exploration of the contents of the word ‘lost’ as defined into a system of meaninglessness – in which I support myself deliberately within and as ‘exploration’ – In which, rather than being in constant reaction to myself I am on the ground, taking steps of investigation into ‘lost.’

 

In my life, today, now 1st of February 2016, to log it down into physical time record – I write this to support myself – in living ‘persistence’ as who I am in physical time – because so much I still live out a mind experience of time, or a time on hold while in the mind everything apparently must stop to look at this or that and then have exist within that pause, an image of foreverness.

 

So: deliberately here coming back from that, with something like, Remember Life, this physical existence that is here? With my hand resting on the certainty of this table top, with this incremental physical time, life-time, and so within that a reminder to myself to not just only remember this but to slow down into it and live it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘there is no time for physical life’ to exist within my mind as I am drawn towards some ‘important’ point, or some attraction of some thought, or the attraction of some fear of loss that I have accepted and allowed with regards to some fleeting realization that I see in my mind as being reabsorbed into the oblivion.

 

Seeing how it was that I had included ‘freedom’ as a positive spin of ‘lost’ and ‘meaninglessness’, opening up as yet another point as I write these posts, is like an example of how in my life now still operate this meaninglessness as I had formulated in myself when I was young; where in the sound of ‘No’ as spoken in my mind in current time, I see how these connections span my life, in which as a reminder, all my life is here.

 

Saying No, a refusal, in the advent of a responsibility, such as No, I’ll do it later, and, ‘Not now’: I noticed how within that reaction was like taking up the opportunity to assert who I have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as ‘Freedom.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom with feeling good, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom with not being controlled by structures or plans. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself define freedom with doing exactly ‘as I like’, and that I have accepted and allowed this ‘like’ to be equal to feeling good.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess the responsibility before me in terms of how good I might feel. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to responsibility with a fear of loss of the good feeling in my mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into judging what it is that is here to be done, defining it as something that does not matter, something that is less than me, something that can wait, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this freedom as a right, and not seen realized and understood that what I have defined within myself as a right is to follow the demands of energy as self interest, with freedom as this positive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight for, to protect, and to defend.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out freedom not seeing how I had defined it as a limitation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the thrill of asserting who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as ‘freedom.’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enslaved to energy within this word that I have accepted and allowed as ‘freedom.’

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be free to move myself without the motivations of the energy. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be free to embrace this responsibility that instead I have reacted to and then said ‘No.’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word freedom to obstruct my own expansion in which in saying ‘No’ I am in fact saying yes to the systems of the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘No’ with ‘Yes’ to the systems of the mind as who I am in ‘freedom’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that I have grown comfortable within this arrangement, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as unworthy within this comfort. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of who I am as unworthy in my judgement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enshrine this word ‘freedom’ within my mind, as an existential birth right, as a sacred resource, or an inner fire, as a reference to an inner definition that I have accepted and allowed as who I am, but never really looked at closely. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize that who I am as defined in freedom is as an emotional/feeling experience.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at how I am to then define for me who I am in freedom, how I am to apply this freedom in practice in my life, how in application of this freedom I can then direct myself to learn to be for example free to speak the words that are within me, free to move my body, free to reach out to others in my world, free to collaborate with others plans to make this freedom practical and real.

 

 continuing…

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 299: ‘Lost’ in Meaninglessness

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Where I left off writing last time was with, in a way, a memory of a state of becoming intrigued by this apparent ‘secrecy’ that had become my accepted interpretation of my own suppressions, that I also projected on the world, where this intrigue became positively charged, while at the same time the suppression held down tight maintaining as I did a judgment of self, a definition of self as an absolute of worthlessness, and as an experience of shame.

 

Continuing… The House of Lost: Through the image of ‘a house along the way’, already is implied a story, in the context of a journey, and so, within the journey, a life, a starting point, and a purpose, in this writing, the purpose being to stand up from the patterns that I have accepted and allowed as the matrix of who I am, and to assist myself and others to walk from out of this experience of the mind and into the physical in line with and as Life.

 

So, having opened up the ‘house’ of the word ‘lost’ a few times now along the way, I come back to it again, seeing more inside it than I saw before, like as with the illustrative dream, a room I had not noticed. Like asking a new question: when I ask myself the question of how does this word apply to physical life, and I have to pause for a moment and look around, and there is for me, no obvious and immediate connection, but a momentary experience of dissonance – and it becomes obvious how it is for me that I have used this word primarily as a component of an emotional reality, with very few actual parts connected to the physical.

 

What of this emotional reality that I have accepted and allowed to exist and function within the word ‘lost’, and what feeling, what positive reality, scenario, or movie? Because for sure this ‘lost’ has functioned as a component of this system that I instigated, accepted and allowed to be, so that who I am in the experience of ‘lost-ness’, is from how I have defined this word within my mind, and who I am within this word, which I see now is as a multiple energy relationship within the confines of my mind, and hardly if at all with reference lines to physical reality.

 

“Lost!” In the media world I found vast selections of ready made narrative to suit a refinement strategy of converting who I am as and in ‘lost’ as a bad experience into and as feelings of mystery/adventure drama: The Lost World, Lost Illusion, Lost in Space, Lost at Sea, the non existent book of the Strange discovery of the compelling Mystery of the Lost Being in the Lost Library of the Lost language of the Lost Labyrinthians!

 

Absorbing all of this into the blueprint of ‘lost’ I began to live a self projected in the framework of a story, as a story. Who am I as the story teller, when I myself have become the story, is as if I had already been and gone and ended; so that within this, whatever happened, happened. Being as at the same time the recipient of entertainment and the experience of entertainment, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have released myself from responsibility and immediate direction of myself here, that I have created a whole mind-game for myself within and as ‘lost’, while not seeing and realizing that the very significance of ‘lost’, the very reason that I would so much elaborate on it, extend it, why this process was exigent to me was that I was living as a definition of myself as meaningless and into that specific lessness as who I am, I had included a subsidiary definition of myself as ‘lost’, ‘lost’ not as a positive feeling experience at all but as a catastrophic event, from a catastrophe that did not in fact exist.

 

 

Continuing…

 

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 298: From Meaninglessness into Positively Lost

Day 298: From Meaninglessness into Positively Lost

 

Continuation from the previous post…

Accepting and allowing a relationship towards meaninglessness as living out being ‘trapped’ within it, I believed in my mind that I should therefore make a survey of the situation, make plans for what to do with myself, how to go on from here, given this ‘reality’ that I dare not show myself was not real in fact, but something I invented. Seeing this illusion of ‘trappedness’ within this meaninglessness, as a reality, therefore as I saw it, my only way forward was into it; finding accommodation in it, comfort in it, positive conversion of the points within it that I had established in my negative experience, so that therefore I could live with myself as who I am as a positive feeling entity, that was growing out of meaninglessness. And the nature of the positivities was shaped by the words that I had invested into meaninglessness. So: as with ‘lost’, rather than looking more closely at this lostness, with its aura of fear, and seeing and realizing for myself that I had in fact ascribed this word to ‘who I am’ in the shock of realizing the harsh reality consequence of my daydreaming drift through school time, and in the experience of who I am as meaningless, in which I had effectively pulled the plug on having purpose in the world; instead, I elaborated ‘lost’ into a polarity, so that I could abide in positive feelings with this ‘lost’ as a resource.

 

Recognizing that much of me was invested in this assumption of meaninglessness, in which that I believed that I was ‘trapped’, then this point to me gained a mysterious significance, and my interest became inflamed into a fascination. Who I was towards this fascination that possessed me, was kind of suspicious of it, that it somehow contained some evil, and I was disempowered within the fascination, like being drawn helplessly in. I did not see how it was that I was looking at myself as the definitions that I had made of me within my judgements of myself as in being meaningless, as in having no meaning, no purpose, no significance, no framework of life to walk into, and it was who I was within the harshness of these judgements that I had suppressed within me that I now perceived as mysterious, perceiving in the world that there was in fact beneath it all, a secret.

 

Continuing …

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 297: Meaninglessness: ‘Not Interested’

 

Entering into something some event some task some meeting in which a programming exists: so that from the outset I have began within this moment into all and everything that unfolds from the equations of this entrance to this moment, and so I en-trance myself in script, with this entrancement as the starting point of who I am.

‘Not interested’.

Therefore first of all seeing and realizing something today as I began this writing, that I was within a particular reaction to myself, as not being interested. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and carry on within and as the jurisdiction of a judgement of myself in which I have dismissed myself, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to include into this judgement, an energy of irritation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in irritation combined with judgements of myself because I see realise and understand that it is my fear avoidance relationship that I have accepted and allowed with these bad feelings that I have used to justify a shift or change away from the task in front of me that is here. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a fear of conflict at the outset of my decision to practically in writing open up for me what is actually really going on within this consciousness design. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to align ‘not interested’ with an experience of boredom. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this backchat of NOT INTERESTED to become as a reflection of the world towards me defining who I am within and as meaninglessness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to this and to believe in this as an actual reason to not go on.

So I stop, and I breathe. The war is over if I let it.

 

So now – further into this meaninglessness construction that I put together in my mind that I see and realise to be an act of negligence and a giving up on self option or strategy.

 

The magical and myth-driven imaginational personality extension of the ‘Golden Thread’ represented in a way, a means that I accepted and allowed myself to find positive experience from out of the negative of meaninglessness. There was a problem that I had created: that in going into hostility and retaliation towards education blurred with authority, and defining other people as having meaning in their educational and career, place, in the system paths, that this retaliation and hostility then became substantiated into meaninglessness, as protection of it. Thus I had closed off for myself at the same time a major route of learning and expansion and participation in the world, together with an attitude towards this stance, a major route of sharing with myself and opportunity of intimacy with self.

 

It’s easy in looking back on this to see how charged and energized as I was in who I was in meaninglessness, how it was that I did not step back for a moment and look at the situation in common sense. I had a resistance towards or a fear towards experiencing myself as these emotions; as this hostility and retaliation, and the emotions that I had already substantiated also into meaninglessness, experiences of helplessness, and directionlessness.

 

So now, at the inception of the personality of meaninglessness there was also a sense of being trapped. All of this took place in my mind fifty years ago, and yet up to now I have not looked at it and I have not changed it, that means that I have accepted and allowed it to remain to be so, and this is plainly evident as I look around me in my life now, I see the the consequence of my living as these structures and illusions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘trapped’, and for not allowing myself to see how much the experience of this follows out of my acceptance and allowance of myself as victim to the helplessness that I accepted and allowed myself to substantiate into my definition of meaninglessness as who I am. That simply ‘I can move myself’ is a fact that I commit myself to remind myself in stuckness, and physically moving, and in those moments of paralysis in which ‘They Are All So Busy’ seems to fuel a step out from participation, and into observation only.

 

Continuing…

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 295: Meaninglessness: Nausea and The Golden Thread

Day 295: Meaninglessness: Nausea and The Golden Thread

 

“ With having words within the mind, and having energy attached to them, people seldom realise that you are creating yourself through an experience in your mind, and from there, because your being is channeled into the experience of a word, you then embody it physically, and then start creating it in your life…”

Atlanteans, Meaninglessness series, 348

 

Interesting in how as described in the previous post coming from the establishment of the point of who I am as meaninglessness, in the context of other children going off to universities, signifying to me that they had ‘meaning’, and in comparison that I had not, that, following from that, in my explorations of the writings of the world, that I came across ‘Nausea’, a book written by Jean Paul Sartre. What had attracted me to this publication was the cover; a detail of one of Dali’s paintings, featuring a melted clock.

 

In my teens I had developed methods and techniques of selecting books from libraries and bookshops, that had a personal religious/spiritual dimension; what selection that I made was according to the recognition of a ‘golden thread’, believing that there was a subtle guidance going on, that it was up to me to use my sensitivity to detect. Factors such as impulsive samplings of text, illustrations on the cover, the physical feel of the book, the texture of the paper, the smell of the printing ink, all of these combined into the selection of a book as the next step into my exploration into the writings of the world.

 

As such, I would kind of feel my way along the shelves. What felt ‘right’ to me, I defined within myself as ‘intuition’. Writing about this now, I can see how ‘meaninglessness’ had already taken root, that already in my life, out of a starting point of meaninglessness I had resolved to search outside for meaning, and that I had given up my self direction, for an imaginary guide in helping me to find it. Thus, I had instituted a ‘golden thread’ to protect me from an experience of myself as meaninglessness within a world of meaninglessness.

 

Anyway, so thus it was that I alighted on and selected this piece of writing, titled, ‘Nausea’. I can see now, how it was that I so readily absorbed the contents; here was in my mind, an authority: as a ‘published writer’, as an author of a ‘classic’, as a respected ‘philosopher’, ‘thinker’, who was describing this experience that I recognized within myself, this meaninglessness; so here within my mind, I had found connection, and so I absorbed within my mind an emotional and judgemental perspective of existence as a ‘loathsome emptiness’, as if it were real. Through this apparently supportive ‘guidance’ of a ‘golden thread’, I had found a confirmation of my definition of myself as meaninglessness.

 

Recognizing how it is that I have ‘been’ defining and living my personalizations of words as tagged with energy, so as towards in lack of my recognition of this eventually encompassing my living vocabulary; that would be the ultimate of separation, in which a lock-in of the core of beingness has been completed, with self projected as a personal matrix of definitions of who I am as energy polarity functioning as an energy driven personality within a world in which equality is literally inconceivable, and consequently non-existent in the world system: therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on my experience living as who I am as self defined as energy within and as the words that I have lived as my vocabulary.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘meaninglessness’, and for not allowing myself to see that within this I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the fact that I have not yet substantiated ‘meaning’ for myself, or yet allowed myself to recognize myself as ‘meaning’, within those moments in my life in which I have felt a genuine fulfilment.

 

Self-Forgiveness on some of the reactive words (that I have lived as energy) in this:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a ‘golden thread’ as something real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the words ‘golden thread’ to exist within me as an image of a subtle guidance through reality, a guidance that I have placed within my mind as separate from me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me the words ‘golden thread’ as a reference to a mythical labyrinth as if real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me, within the words ‘golden thread’ an experience in my mind of ‘lostness’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘lost’ within my definition of myself as ‘meaninglessness’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear of ‘lostness’ within my perception of everybody else having direction, and a place to go. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that everybody else except for me has got a direction to go in, and that within this thought I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear within that ‘I am different, and less than others’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as meaningless as a comparison to others in my world, through which thought I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lacking something vital, and therefore empty in some vital way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in this ‘emptiness’ as something real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret the feelings in my body, of a collapsing diaphragm as a confirmation of the reality of the emptiness that I have instituted in my mind as who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize the collapse of hope as an experience of disappointment in myself in which I had been supporting myself as a fantasy in my mind, and then experienced myself as that fantasy collapse, and then experienced myself as sadness, as if I had discovered the truth of me, that I am less than others, that I am lacking a direction and a path in life, because I have not ‘meaning’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority to ‘Jean-Paul Sartre’, as a ‘published writer’, as respected ‘thinker’, as respected ‘philosopher’, over and above my own authority in checking out for me within myself the significance to me of my own experience. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through undermining my own self authority, to have accepted as true for me, another being’s interpretation of their experience. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word ‘nausea’ to exist within me as defined as ‘the loathsome emptiness of existence’. I forgive myself that through not checking with myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘loathsome emptiness’ is a perception of something real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself substantiate who I am as meaninglessness with the words ‘nausea’ and ‘loathsome emptiness’, even though physical nausea, and loathing were never part of my experience. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through abandoning my own authority to have accepted and allowed as real another person’s judgement of existence as a ‘loathsome emptiness’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project who I am as meaninglessness onto existence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my reading of ‘Nausea’, to define who I am as ‘meaninglessness’ within the word ‘existential’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word ’existential’ to exist within me, tagged as a technical expression of philosophy that was separate from me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this word to justify and confirm who that I have believed myself to be in ‘meaninglessness’.

 

Continuing…

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

 

Day 293: Meaninglessness 2: Backchat

 

pinball-in-the-matrix-w

 

continuing from day 291…

It was over the summer at the end of school, when all the kids I hung around with were getting their results and going off to different universities, and a comparison came up: they have all got futures, I have not: I HAVE GOT NO FUTURE. Their different futures are expressions of their different meanings, therefore, I have no meaning, and so then I accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of myself as meaninglessness. I observe these kids making their practical arrangements to go, and I am hanging around, and I think, THEY ARE ALL SO BUSY. In the memory of this experience attached now to these backchats, my body goes into a physical disempowerment, my arms are hanging, I am sort of hovering on my knees, uncertain of my ground. I have gone into an experience of disengagement, and being as stood back from the face of things: where am I to go, where to point my feet. And within this experience of loss in having lost my thread, a sense of emptiness, resourcelessness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use these words memories and experiences as subsidiaries to my definition of myself as meaninglessness, where within and as a personality of meaninglessness I have accepted and allowed this sentence THEY ARE ALL SO BUSY to become a trigger as a backchat. It is also a statement of blame: I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame the kids of my group for ‘going away’, as I saw it, through the eyes of my own self interest. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as less-than these kids, because I had accepted and allowed within the mind that I HAVE GOT NO FUTURE. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thus the experience of inferiority within and as a part of my definition of who I am as meaninglessness. Within THEY ARE ALL SO BUSY, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition meaninglessness with blame, and in so doing, that I had avoided the obvious question of my own responsibility. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a victim within the game of blame, and so become a victim within and as who I am as meaninglessness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a physical reaction of disempowerment to follow from this backchat; I disengage this backchat from it’s function in this construct. If as or when it comes up, I will stop, and breathe, I do not accept this backchat anymore. And I check my physical body, is there something held, suspended, and I let my breath out and I make sure that I am here, that my feet are on the ground. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘having a future’ meant to be going to university, which in turn meant having a meaning/purpose, while ‘having no future’ was then, simply, everything else. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let these words come up in me and not question them, or cross check them.

 

Continuing…

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 291: Meaninglessness 1

 

 

 

dali 291w

 

The Atlanteans’ series on meaninglessness has been an essential support to me, opening up a practical path for me to walk, of insight into me, and showing me how it is that a word can gradually come to pervade a being’s reality to the extent that it becomes invisible, unnoticed.

 

For me, the essential fact of living words as base components of awareness and of consciousness has opened up in my existence as if it were a new dimension, because previous to that, in my life, words had been of incidental value; constantly in use in conversation and transaction and as knowledge, information, thought, communication and instruction, but incidental in the sense that my experience of me had been as an outsider from the words I used, even though for me, all the time, enjoyment also; within the very process of articulation I find an instance where I feel fulfilled, as if at home within this, being glad within and as articulation, that it is a word that reaches right through me, into my fingertips. Here, obviously for me a cause of celebration.

 

As pointed out by the Atlanteans, these instances of fulfillment in which I feel at home with me, are important clues to who I am as meaning, and there is an important point: that never having looked into this word ‘meaning’, never having looked at who I am within and as this word, therefore I have accepted and allowed myself to live from a platform of meaning-less, in which there is no home, and when I look into my life, I see that since I was very young, I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can get along somehow without having defined for me what I am as meaning, and who I am as meaning, and therefore I have shaped my life without it, in an experience of who I am as meaning-less-ness, as a starting point.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as meaningless. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as a negative energy within this definition of myself as meaningless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto the world the meaning-lessness that I had defined myself within and as. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience meaninglessness as an emptiness within me, and in my projection of this onto the world as an emptiness of existence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this emptiness exists. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search the world for meaning.

 

 

Continuing…

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal