Day 378: Narratives of Guilt

Continued…

 The narratives of a future of continued guilt are the narratives in which all goes wrong, all will fail, will come to nothing, these are the types of backchat that are carried in this guilt; the pre-programmings of a future life of guilt, where rising up in the course of a day there would be a drag back, like something always pulling back, a reluctance, while within and as this pattern I had not noticed how I had been channeling my anger as contempt for me in living as the definition and recipient of these hostile judgements – where I had accepted and allowed this, like a constant dipping into a dark resource of motivation, reacting to the who I am as bad and wrong and those things – and so through judgements then, find ways to access guilt, and so then to walk the practiced patterns of my management of that, those patterns being like giving up with visions of futility, like hiding from that world in which all is left but to demonstrate again that everything will go wrong, or else not bother, get that energetic tired thing up, and slide into depression.

 

It’s interesting in a way that the guilty personality depends upon being fed by judgements, because there is a new aspect for me in this realization: that in forgiving me in my instances of self judgement, in my propensity for self judgement, forgiving me for my acceptance and allowance of participating in this judgement, there is an aspect that I hadn’t seen, in which while I forgive myself in this, I have not looked at how at the same time I still accept myself to be dependent on these judgements so as to feed and activate the familiar ground of guilt, where I ‘know’ in my mind what to do and how to deal with me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy experience of guilt, and within that how I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on my access to self judgement in order to constantly supply the guilt with the fuel of my reactions. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within this point, where I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as victimized by these judgements, when there is a reality beneath this in which I am secretly responding to a need I have myself constructed and designed to feed this guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require being triggered by self-judgement so as to feed this personality of guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me guilt experience as a backdoor in my mind, where returning to the patterns that I have lived have seemed attractive like a form of safety, I forgive myself that within this I have accepted and allowed myself to fear something different in my life.

 

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

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Day 377: Egg Shells, and Guilt

Day 377: Egg Shells, and Guilt

 

Not wanting to be here – in the hot spot – wanting to disappear through the floor, wanting to run away, not wanting to move; all of those conflicting messages that are in the actual muscles ready to be activated and enacted. Removing layers of guilt I become aware of that walking-on-eggshells experience in my legs and feet: a sort of juddering of hesitations, and in the touching of the ground a tentative commitment.

 

What could be just a simple physical flow of walking and transitions of the body weight, seems full of interferences, so that with my ongoing processes of investigation of these layers of guilt, I also kind of gently push my intention of simply walking for me as me down through my legs and feet and into a different relationship or meeting with the Earth, and in this walking exercise, sometimes I have to stop for a moment because I realise that through some thought distraction that I have once again allowed the walking habit to take over, so it’s a breathe, come back, and be here simply moment, and so continue into the next step.

 

There is not only the peeling off of layers of guilt from the past, as in debunking false premises and foundations of structures I have lived, but there is also ongoingly the stopping of creation of new layers, such as in not any more listening to the backchats and responding to them in the habitual cycles of the construct, where having blamed the world that I have become like a trespasser in it, and in being as guilt I stand with this belief: about my nature, that who I am is inherently wrong or bad, that my step upon the Earth is therefore not legitimate.

 

Within this practice of my walking there is also this new point for me: that being moved by emotion I have not learned yet who I am directly in a way that would simply move my legs and walking as an exercise of self support. For me there is a ‘It’s a new day in existence’ sort of context in the lifting of these layers, being unsure what exactly that it is beneath addictions to the guilt, beneath the premise of this badness nature, that I have so invested in and exploited, and made a system out of: and at first it was a leap into, Well, therefore I must love myself, respect myself, see me in the context of so many lives, thoughts like that, and yet looking at the word Love I question is this even really the word for what it is? How can I make that assumption when I have not lived this word for me as me?

 

And yet what I know is within my body is a lifting of spirits, a relaxation of the diaphragm, a more expansive breath and breadth, the possibility of seeing myself in a new light, with a new respect. So there is like this looking at the new day in which I am not sure exactly how I’ll go along, where it might lead to, what might happen, like it’s kind of in a way a different world, a lighter one, a new dispensation, a new relationship to the physical body, and through that, to the world, literally a new day on Earth. So a new day also within a question to myself that contains a new potential of What shall I do now in the world that is not the same to me, where I see that I have lived this sentence that has been a sentence of abuse that seemed at one time to me according to my understanding of my mind, as the only way to go, rather than, What shall I do within this separation that I have accepted and allowed, how shall I be me in what I do, in how I am with me, in how I walk into this world, into this physical phase of my existence.

 

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 350: Unforgivability

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Unforgivability and resistance to Self-Forgiveness and releasing self from guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that unforgivability exists.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in what I have said and done with defining who I am within this judgement as being unforgivable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the judgements that I have made of me within my mind as being real, and through judging who I am as unforgivable, that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience me as unforgivable, and so have within myself accepted and allowed a darkness in my life that is not necessary.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in believing unforgivability to be real, that in applying this to me, that I have drawn a line across my life beyond which forgiveness of myself is impossible, and so have disempowered myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through this judgement of myself as unforgivable, to have accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience of guilt to be as something I deserve. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be serving guilt as a part of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me feel better about myself and comfort me in defining who I am as guilt, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be in some way good to be punishing myself with bad feelings about what I have said or done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through believing in unforgivability that I have disempowered myself of the ability to make the decision in myself to forgive myself, to release myself from guilt and so instead to learn from what I’ve said or done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become accustomed to my experience of myself as guilty, and to believe in judgements of myself as good in being the punisher of myself, and so within my mind to be on the side of what is right.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in righteousness in relation to who I am within accepting and allowing myself to participate in guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in judgements of myself as good, in punishing me, as something real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist forgiveness of myself in guilt for fearing that I might lose the good that I have believed as me, and defined myself within and as, in being the punisher of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within resisting forgiveness of myself in guilt to be attempting in my mind to validate unforgivability.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed unforgivability as a place in which to hide myself, as a place in which to validate my disempowerment of myself, so that I can continue in my comfort zone that I have accepted and allowed myself to make for me in my experience of guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a fear of loss to exist in me in forgiving me for accepting and allowing myself to participate in guilt, and so a fear of loss within releasing me from guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my perceived unforgivability and thence the outflow of my experience of guilt, because within and as my own damnation of myself I have created in my mind a fear of my responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see the ways in which I have validated participating in fear of seeing and realizing my responsibility, through protecting who I am remaining in a comfort zone of guilt within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within and as being judgement of myself, in damning me, condemning me, as being with and as religious programming within my mind that I have accepted and absorbed as being real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this an absolute superiority within myself in relation to that part of me that I see within my mind as having crossed the line that I have made into and as unforgivability.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in believing unforgivability as something that exists, to also believe that there are exceptions to self forgiveness, and within that to be standing as and for conditionality in self forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are exceptions to self forgiveness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in believing that there are exceptions to self forgiveness, to validate my own resistances to forgiving me in guilt, and so within that making decisions in my life in which I decide for not forgiving me, but brushing it aside, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this will be useless and will not work.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in spite towards myself in judging me for making an attempt to do something that is not possible, to stand beside belittling myself as being foolish to be considering releasing me from guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise and understand the nature of who I am within resistance to forgiveness of myself in guilt.

 

I commit myself to learn to be aware of me within the moment of making a decision in my life, to with diligence slow me down and expand the moments of decision in my day, to give me space to be considering what it is that I am making a decision for: to really take a look at – and see – who I am accepting and allowing myself to be within this moment of decision, and where I am accepting and allowing a decision that I know is within the intentions of self interest and energy reward, that I know will lead to consequence, and that I realise that I have trained myself to cope with in my comfort zone of guilt, rather than taking a different new direction of myself within my life.

 

I commit myself to redefine myself within who I am and how I see myself within making mistakes, that instead of automatically leaping to judgements of myself, and that in making a mistake I can see that in support of me that I can learn from this, and that yes I can see flaws in me in what I have done and said, and so in the consequence of what I have become from this, and that yes I am in fact guilty in the sense that I am responsible for what has happened, but I can learn from this mistake, and not allow myself to chastise myself in this with the energy and emotional construct of this guilt.

 

 

 

See Eqafe’s Self Forgiveness series, and Self Forgiveness on the Experience of Guilt 

See: Eqafe’s Atlanteans series starting: 123 Understanding Guilt

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 346: Self Forgiveness on Guilt

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Day 346: Self Forgiveness on Guilt

 

Self Forgiveness on Guilt, and release of energetic charges that I have accepted and allowed in my relationship to the word Suicide, and further deconstruction of the Cursory Personality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a cursory personality design that exists and feeds upon a tolerance to guilt and a platform imperviousness to responsibility in the consequence of guilt, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate a constant diminishment of my own conscience as my awareness of what is real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative energy charge of guilt to the word Suicide. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face myself and see myself in the reality that I have stood within and as in absolute self interest within my mind as in making the decision to kill myself, in absolute disregard of care in consideration of the consequence of those around me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not approach this point of guilt that has accumulated in my mind over decisions that I have made, and that I have not enquired within myself and exposed for me the facts of what it is that I have been living, and so within that given myself the chance of finding a solution.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of guilt through which I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress this guilt and live in fear of it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of my own experience rather than instead to take responsibility for all and everything that comes up in me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that, in participating in fear of guilt, that I have come to live as one energy in relation to another, rather than accepted and allowing myself to stand up in myself as responsible for the energies that move inside me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear of guilt, become enslaved by guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed both guilt and fear of guilt to define who I am in any moment within my thoughts and within my decisions and actions in the world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in guilt within a constant and abiding judgement of myself that I deserve to feel bad always in myself in some way, and that wherever I go and whatever I do that I deserve for the experience to be there with me.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve that my experience of joy in simply living can never now be whole.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in having attacked life itself within me and blamed existence as a whole, that I have lived in fear of judgement, that within myself that I have believed those expected judgements to be real. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be attacked, or be exposed, or be caught out by life itself or by someone acting for it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress my body and specifically my shoulders in the expectation of an attack that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve. Therefore in my self forgiveness I include asking for forgiveness from my body that I have stood for punishment of me to be targeted instead onto my body.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in hiding from life, and my own life, where I have made a comfort zone for me within my mind, living in fear or what I have accepted and allowed myself to believe to be a hostile reality, where in guilt I have accepted and allowed myself to expect retaliation. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am fated, doomed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed through processes of suppression that I have instigated in my mind that I have accepted and allowed for for my own guilt experience to become invisible to me.

 

 

Continuing next time…

 

See this SOUL video: Regret – Remembering the Great

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 345: Dark Mind, Dark World

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Day 345: Dark Mind, Dark World

That aspect of Diligence where through new experience of myself with new perspectives seeing Diligence in looking at my past and reviewing old relationships, I saw how often I had done the same old thing of dusting off my feet of someone or their house and walked away from them, forever. Such a final judgement I had made, where looking at it now I see how walking away had become a part of me from a young age as my stock solution to a problem, where I see now that I had defined myself as always ready to go.

 

And through Diligence I saw there were these instances scattered through my life of relationships left behind and torn with ragged edges, unfinished, unresolved, seeing people who had come into my life that I had later on abandoned, that I could have stuck with, stood beside, and yet had chosen not to. A perspective of my past that is something new to me, like opening my eyes and seeing these beings far away from me in darkened lands, foundering into consequence that need not perhaps to have been like that, had I been different in myself.

 

And when I consider who I was within and as the embodiment of the cursory personality, I can understand how Diligence itself was at that time something alien to me: diligence in the form of bearing with myself in the midst of making mistakes, and bad experiences, rather than just simply going away from them, with learning from a situation as a completion in a way, in which it may have been possible for differences to be resolved, and for decisions to be made not in conflict or anger. And yet walking out on someone or from something in myself I had accepted and allowed a pattern in which I did not learn but instead returned into the pattern of following my old way of walking out and embodying that arrogance of the cursory personality in relation to other beings that I had met along the way.

 

And here in allowing myself to see things differently through redefining diligence and seeing it unfolding new perspectives of myself as well in slowing down within myself and noticing these references to relationships of the past that remain within me unresolved, I see also the points of both regret and guilt within me that I had accepted and allowed as part of me, as consequences in a way that I had accepted that came along with living out this cursory

design, within which what I had learned was how to tolerate and cope with a shadow in my life that accompanied my walking out and leaving things as unresolved.

 

And so within that what I’d done was to define myself as burdened by these things, as willing in myself to be burdened, I saw myself as burdened, carrying a burden, and I was careless whether or not my body could take the strain. Being as within my mind, I passed the burden on and did not care, while in my mind I found some sign of inner righteousness to support the punishment of myself, or in my willingness to pay the fine for some transgression that enabled me to go on as before, because I could afford it more and more as guilt became more tolerable within me.

 

But something that I saw within the guilt surrounding the regret of, in this example of walking out on someone in some way and losing contact with them through the years, and then finally altogether, was in my relationship to guilt itself of: Here is a little guilt, that is nothing compared to the greater guilt that I have learned to tolerate as part of my experience of myself, so I can deal with that, I can cope with that, I know that I can overlook it, in my greater current of benevolence in my mind, where my good intentions I have accepted and allowed myself to believe outweigh my actual deeds that remain as physical incidents within my secret past.

 

And so of course I hardly need to ask myself, as if I do not know, what exactly is the greater guilt that overshadows and makes trivial all the lesser guilts, the greater guilt that in a way justifies them all, that makes me certain in my cursory designs that I can tolerate each and every burden. And just as obviously this is something that I would find so hard to talk about, to open up, and to admit to, and to share with even me, that relationship that I walked out on, having walked out of all relationships to everyone in my teenage life, I rounded up with only me, and then decided in my mind to walk out on this one too.

 

Imagine: when you curse the entire universe with all your heart, send out a shockwave of blame at all in life and at living itself and then decide to kill your own physical body, and put an end to everything – and then to fail, fail to die, fail to draw attention even – then something that comes back from that can be a guilt as universal, equally as universal as the blame itself, a guilt that darkens one’s life, a guilt that creates a dark world, and a life from which one hides and cowers away from, as if the truth of who one really is is too intense and piercing and too deeply criminal to be exposed, and yet all the time is quietly if unconsciously fully viewed by all.

 

Something like that would be the main dramatic background of this emotional life – something that I had managed to not notice, to become accustomed to, a life in which I was certain that other guilt experience could easily be managed, and so be tolerated within the greater scheme of things.

 

Towards taking the charge out of the word Suicide, I realise as I am writing this, that seeing it in the context that I have described – as another instance of me walking out on a relationship – I see that looking at it in this way, that I can look at all the instances when I actually and in fact did do this, walk out on other beings in my life, as well as walk out on my own, and though I do not feel good about these events – I sense an opening for me – where I can remain upon the ground and can forgive myself. And in making self forgiveness possible for me, that I can see it would be a necessary gift for me to go into that experience that I have so far only partially opened up for me which would be to redefine myself into and as self forgiveness as who I am.

 

 

Ok: So posting this – and more on this to come…

 

 

See this SOUL video: Regret – Remembering the Great

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 257: Purpose 1

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‘How’ the question of ‘why’ we are here specifies into ‘what’ is our purpose – ‘here’ – meaning on this ‘Earth’ – Were we ‘meant’ to be someone, do something? In using the word ‘meant’ it is clear that we are referencing the question of our definition – where from out of our awareness spills a spectrum of interrogatives – where the existence of the question attests to an expansion of our awareness. A world bereft of questions is an automation, an unfolding consequence of algorithms – in such a world, what would be the function of mere witnesses, except as kind of like inspection portals within the great machine…

 

Okay grounding myself here, I breathe.

 

How have I in my life defined the word ‘purpose’ and lived accordingly? Because seeing this in itself as being a massive question – then what of this question asked of all of the awarenesses within humanity at once – that is so vast as to be incomprehensible – like how does each of us everywhere define and hence live and experience this word? Seven plus billion definitions of a single word, within seven plus billion individualized vocabularies… and the consequential chaos of a mass of beings unable to see why they cannot walk in one direction.

 

I remember as a teenager, a moment where this question of my purpose on Earth had come up – I was looking at my hands – I was asking what these hands were for, with their palm lines and their finger prints, their size, their strength, their sensitivity – like were they specialized in some way – could I read from them some clue about my purpose? It’s a significant memory, to me, because it is a record of the fact that I was searching to find my purpose, rather than seeing and realizing that my purpose was in my hands, and that it was a decision that I wanted support in making, but instead I was kind of looking for a label in a way, some pre-written function.

 

Even within making my purpose ‘my own’ – it was not clear to me that though this was my decision, it was a decision to follow my programming – to reinforce, protect, defend, maintain my mind constructs – within which, ‘justification’ had become acceptable to me as a substitute for reality, and within that, I defined this word purpose as subservient to ‘who I am’ as defined and limited by my relationships to energy. That is, I utilized my definition of purpose as justification to follow absolutely my self interest as a working system of energy relationships to which I was enslaved, but in which I saw myself as ‘free’. That these energy relationships were based on words such as also this word ‘free’ that I had, like the word ‘purpose’, taken up within my mind, slanted and shaped and energized, brought to side within the preference of the personality configurations within my mind, that I had become possessed by.

 

Again, bringing this all back here, very much not a pretty sight, though I have decided for and with myself in self forgiveness and understanding of these things – not at all pretty – because in seeing how I might have answered, what is purpose, what does purpose mean to me, and through that, what I am ‘meant’ to do here on this ‘Earth’ – I would have answered emphatically, to be free, to be free to express myself, to live the life of an artist, in total disregard of others, in total disregard of the practicality of taking care of my body – where ‘art’ had seemed to me to be convenient channel to glorify my reaction to ‘the system’ – where out of that word ‘glory’ came a resource of justification, as being ‘special’, as having special dispensation.

 

It’s interesting how my definition of purpose was kind of like an outflow of ‘entitlement’ – a combined belief about suffering arising out of my own imposed self secrecy in guilt and constrictions of self punishment through judgements – transcending as energy into the positive domains – where I was somehow ‘free’ to build and inhabit my own design of Xanadu in the form of massive extravaganzas of colour, and through which I had resolved to live a life of energetic pleasure. It is as an example of how I had incorporated this word purpose into primarily the exigencies of energy management. In a sense I had stolen purpose from the world, possessing it with this automated ‘my’ and snipping off all reference lines to the physical reality, to who I really am within myself as located in the physical world. And from there in such serious realization, to shift again into the pattern and feed the voracious guilt in the darkened underworld of secrecy.

Man, where is your fucking dignity? Sounding these words, I realise that I have in my abuse of purpose, become separated from the word dignity – where what comes up is shame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exiled myself from living dignity. I commit myself to learn to live this word.

 

Back to this emphatic purpose: ‘to be free’ – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom of expression within and as a positive energy, and for not allowing myself to see that what is really in fact expressed in this is who I am as possessed by this pattern of energy, acquiescent to the programming, hidden away from my responsibility and my own directive principle within the folds of guilt. Therefore I redefine this ‘freedom’ as my decision to release myself from energy, where as directive principle I learn to move myself, in which freedom I can stand in purpose, and strengthen it, expand it, specifize it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom in such a way that sabotages constant and consistent purpose.

 

 

 

Two very supportive interviews on Purpose: Crucifixion of Jesus Parts 41, and 42

 Living Words: Purpose – Part 1

Living Words: Purpose – Part 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————————

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 256: Integrity and Conscience

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Day 256: Integrity and Conscience

 

Integrity: here it is, I have dared to write this word, not as just a simple succession of symbols, which would be an exercise in memory, but as a word that I intend to – in practicality – live, that is where the daring would come in. So with ‘practicality’ includes that ‘who I am’ is as a physical being as part of this physical reality dimension in which my ‘living’ is taking place, and so also with ‘practicality’ comes along the question: How? How to in fact do this, this living of the word integrity? How to stand here on this Earth in and as Integrity? And here, to note, already in the situation of this paragraph’s fresh existence on this page, are clustering around, as well as practicality, are daring, and the verb, to live. How to in practical reality dare to live, given that real integrity is essential to this process of being and becoming a physical living being on Earth?

 

There are other processes concomitant to this: the act of decision making, the how-to of decision making so that it becomes real, persistent, as a point of lasting change, and the point of commitment, in which commitment is real as an act of the totality of me, not as an absolute, but as the totality of my awareness of myself in self-honesty in this moment, as an actual step, an actual real movement. Okay, to catch up with my notes on key entries to this procession of words, I have now in the context of ‘integrity’ made reference to acts of ‘decision’, and of ‘commitment’. It is very cool in physical writing, how words arrive in relation to the starting point or context in the process of expansion and of specificity, so that I can actively support myself in clearly seeing the points involved, in this case with integrity. And the why and how of the point of integrity being here for me to dare to look at and see in equanimity, and I mean with ‘equanimity’ without reaction to it, without a loss of stability – such as the question of why would such a point be here now? What is it that has obstructed me from seeing it up until now? And what has been my relationship to integrity that now, out of all my other moments of existence, that I should question it, that I should suddenly, apparently, come into the realization of how essential to me it is to clarify this word, to step into it, and to live it.

 

So then follows the story of how I came to see realise and understand how I have not in fact lived integrity, how I have not in fact directed my decision making, how I have not in fact been whole in my commitments; and thus what I have been looking at is the nitty-gritty of how and in what ways I have stood as an obstruction to myself in change – and so also how I have deluded myself that I could somehow and in some way get along with myself without looking too closely at the state of ‘my’ integrity, that is, how I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within and as me an ‘integrity’ according to a personal definition of it as an image in my mind, as part of who I am as an image in my mind, as part of a wider charade in which my existence was not real, but only justified in my mind, and hence validated, as being ‘good’, with ‘good’ intentions, with ‘integrity’ defined and charged within that as another aspect of an unquestioned mind-based value program of ‘good’, together with a fear of it’s opposite polarity, ‘bad’. Within this, as a child, I accepted a persona as being seen as ‘good’ as an M.O. and through defining myself according to the views of others, it wasn’t long before I had integrated myself into and as this insanity. Because seeing the insularity of such a polarity of mind values, in them having no reference to physical reality, it is obviously paranoid when believing in the pictures, feelings and emotions over and above what is actually physically here in common sense, is paranoia, as well as believing in those self as ‘bad’ concealments into secrecy and suppression.

 

Ha ha, reminding myself that ‘who I am’ is as a physical being as part of this physical reality dimension in which my ‘living’ is taking place – is a reflection of who I am as space-cadet, with my attention on the navigational aspects of re-entry.

 

Upright in the midst of a decision stands the conscience. In the mind, the conscience stands as a safeguard to govern total out and out self interested decision making, and it has worked well in the sense that we have not destroyed each other long ago, though when I look at my experience I can see how I have accepted and allowed myself to associate with conscience the words ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Within this I see how I have accepted and allowed an interpretation of conscience in terms of mind-values. Where conscience remain as an awareness of a dilemma between a decision that in Life Reality could be best for all as a drive towards solution, instead of a decision that is solely based on the needs and survival of self as an energy system, without regard for others – and instead becomes perverted into and as a choice between unreal alternatives, such as this good or bad, or right and wrong. And the experience of this conflict, and decision against Life not experienced as guilt as the experience of self in separation from physical reality, but instead interpreted as guilt, as self as bad or self as wrong.

 

When I look into my life I can see how guilt interpreted thus has played a major part, where over and over I have been making decisions from within and as the throes of energy, wanting to expand, intensify and consummate in a mind-based experience of immediacy and projected satisfaction while at the same time accepting and allowing guilt as belief in self as ‘bad’ and deserving of self punishment in secrecy, and becoming as the self-punisher aligning myself into and as self righteousness and so remain ‘intact’ within and as the basic ‘good intentions’. The crippling effect of this game of hiding within this systematic pattern of guilt is that there is no learning, it just goes round and round, and what protects the system as I have seen in myself is the belief that I deserve to be punished, and therefore I refuse to see that I can in fact take responsibility and forgive myself for holding on to it, and take back to myself my awareness that is in my conscience. Added to this within the constant hidden experience of self as bad which acts as a platform for a desire to instead ‘feel good’ and addictions into experiences that I have defined as good, as well as diversions from myself as in a way, taking time off – being who I have become – as defined by me as a ‘good’ experience.

 

Sharing these things has been as a support for me to let go of especially this system where I have not allowed myself to see into and through not allowing myself to forgive myself the guilt as I have described it. On the other side of secrecy is a deliberate act of diminishment of self awareness, where if there had not been an unconscious world, I would have invented it.

 

So the question of how to live integrity has become this dimension of the question – that in slowing myself in breathing as who I am in self honesty in this moment of breath that I am here in making a decision – that I can see this conscience as something to support me, my presence here in this awareness of the choice between an energy or a choice that is best for all, or in consideration of those around me, knowing that in a choice for Life I walk integrity.

 

Daring to live the word integrity, is ‘daring’ in the awareness that self interested decisions will present themselves with a fear of loss as a persuader, with a diminishment and a greying out of the choice for life, with a de-intensification of awareness of the reality of the effected beings, that is where the daring lies, to not relapse into the comfort zones of energy, or the habitual patterns of comparison and judgement.

 

In commitment of myself to change who I am in my decisions, involves the whole of me, ha ha, again the training of a space-cadet to actually walk in physical reality by picking up the back foot and bringing it forward, so as to actually move into a new location – so in and as commitment to a decision made – that I see realize and understand that commitments can’t be made while I have accepted and allowed to exist within me these reserves of secrecy related to guilt and shame, because within this I have accepted and allowed a rejection of a part of me, resulting in my commitments not being whole, but unconsciously with provisions.

 

Wider perspectives and support on this –

See: Creation’s Journey to Life, Day 92

Consciousness is without CONSCIENCE

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-92-consciousness-is-without.html

 

See: Earth’s Journey to Life, Days 89 – 93

The Day 89: Guilt Character

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-89-guilt-character.html

 

See: Atlanteans on Guilt parts 123 – 126

https://eqafe.com/p/guilt-understanding-guilt-atlanteans-part-123

 

See: Life Review: A Martyr for my Brother

https://eqafe.com/p/a-martyr-for-my-brother-life-review

 

 

 

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EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 233: Wrong and Guilt

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation  •  Desteni.org  • 

See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of Rights

Living Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

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Day 233: Wrong and Guilt

 

 

Ok so continuing from Opening Wrong, the previous post – the word wrong connected to the sense of having lost control in a hostile environment – hostile because of my own hostility towards it, in separation from it , this movement forward of or advances of my imperial interests in energy resources – and within this all – awareness of my crimes against humanity, the crime against self – *enshrined – *protected – in *unforgiveability – where really it is a fact that I have attacked reality – but rather than seeing this and facing it and questioning it – I have resorted to guilt, and participated in the feeling bad experience and self pity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or be aware of this pattern in which a short sharp activation of the word wrong as a violent self attack, an immediate *denial, then activates the guilt and prepares the way into the transition of diminishment into the self pity, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this pattern to exist within the dimensions of the word wrong.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotion of guilt to the word wrong. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt within the word wrong.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize patterns of guilt within the judgement of myself as ‘wrong’ and focus my attention on the energy experience of this wrong – rather than to question what is the reference of this, what is it that I am accepting and allowing to be done, is it in alignment to the real reality of equality and oneness – if not so I commit myself to change, to change the pattern of it, re–align it. I commit myself to re-define wrong from out of values of energy in the mind to have practical reference to physical reality. Within this I redefine wrong also as an imperative to change.

 

I commit myself to withdraw my focus from the energy in wrong, and to remove it, realign it with the physical.

 

[Some words that have come up here: *enshrined – that is like a little housing for a statue of a god – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the elements of a network of religious energy values to connect into the word wrong.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set above me an image of myself as *unforgiveable whereas in reality I am holding onto the experience of guilt and fear of my responsibility in this – I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this real forgiveness I am withholding from myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word unforgiveable into the word wrong and to define them both in negative energy

 

Another word: *protected – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self manipulate myself within the deception of ‘being (that is) protected’ – without self responsibility – when what I am accepting and allowing myself to be determined in is protection of the energy and protection of the fear, and protection of the guilt experience, with its seeds of hope, as future positive experience.

 

And: *denial – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word denial – into and as No – to the word wrong. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a nexus of constructs of denial within the word wrong. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in negative energy to a *glimpse of who I am within and as wrong. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to No a placeholder for some required justification or excuse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word No and to take it personally, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise and understand that this personality activation is a system of energy values that I have accepted and allowed within and connected to the word wrong, and that as a consequence of this my experience is determined by this energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superiorize myself to existence in positive energy within the choice to deny reality, to deny all and everything if necessary in the service of self interest, and consciousness survival, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed such a point to exist within me as me within the word no connected to the word wrong.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define no as a self justified last bastion of defence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed no to stand on its own without reference to anything, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within the word no a finalized judgement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react as no connected to wrong as a whole system throughout my physical both as the shockwaves of the intense judgement and the following positive diminishments of self pity.

 

And a *glimpse: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set a limitation on my awareness of my self, and to have justified this with accepted fear – a *glimpse of who I am as wrong – is this a vision of me within a total experience of absolute self hatred – a sort of inverted revulsion – and within this glimpse only, a fear of this experience. ]

 

 

Continuing into the content of the word wrong coming next …

 

 

 

Creation’s Journey to Life : Day 503: Zero-Point and Other Points – Evilution – Part 1

Heaven’s Journey to Life:  Relationships and Death Day 481

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

 

Day 191: Reacting to Futility, and to WTF I’ve Done.

( Information that I have found very supportive in the walking through of the material in this post: 

Reptilians 170: How to transcend Shame and Transform it to Integrity

Creation’s Journey to Life Day 7: Letting Go of Regret

Earth’s Journey to Life Day 89: The Guilt Character )

 

 

Continuing from previous posts.  Reactions to Futility. Part 1, Self Blame.

 

More on the personality and my reaction to this personality that I have accepted and allowed within and as ‘futility’, where I have looked outward from this word at what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become throughout my life with a subsequential futilization of my reality that has flowed out from this, and reacted to myself with blame and fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have applied and projected this futility, written it into my beingness and into my very perception of the world, resulting in effects and consequences reaching deep into my physical being and far into my life and into the lives of those around me where I have accepted and allowed this ‘futility’ to justify a life as this my life to be essentially a life that has been largely squandered, and in which I have accepted and allowed a world and an existence also to be squandered, because I see realize and understand that what I accept and allow in me, I therefore accept and allow in others.

 

Various layers of shame, including fear reaction and ashamed of who I am as a shame layering system; shame and fear of shame, and shame of fear. Starting at the top, shame of who I am as not having walked through this point, not having fully understood the problem, not having reached any clarity as the solution of change. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter into a pattern where I react towards the truth of me with fear, and so go into a loop in which again I do not give myself the opportunity of change.

 

So in this point of shame of fear, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to define shame and fear together as an experience of who I am as energy in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than an image of myself within my mind, an image of myself as being one and equal to the act of dismissing all the fears within me that obstruct me, and arise before me, an image of myself that walks ‘serenely’ through my fears. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive myself but instead to further judge myself in this, and for not allowing myself to see and realize and understand that the fears that I myself have established in myself and conditioned into me have been laid down by me deliberately in layers, so that in this expectation of myself to simply walk this process without fear, I am not being honest with myself but continuing in separation from myself as an image of myself within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that this ‘serenity’ in which I see myself in my imagination is an energetic quality that is in polarity with a suppressed ‘disgrace’ within me as ‘ashamed’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in this process of gradually exposing myself to my own reality that I am going to release evoke provoke uncover self judgements and experiences of fear that were hitherto unconscious and hidden, because I have suppressed these bad judgements of myself that I have believed in, and so have layered fear around these points.

 

And so I commit myself to breathe and stay with me here in breath and to realize that I am learning to face these fears as they come up and so to look at them and understand who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be in these relationships within my mind, and so to change them, and so to penetrate and specify this fear and so to let it go. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give to me the possibility of comprehension.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in this process of judging me, that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own parent authority figure internalized within myself as a system of energy that I have imitated and modelled on my life experience and accepted and allowed to be my guide in place of me being here and trusting me, and that in this I have accepted and allowed that I should be ashamed of myself in this situation that I recognize in having done something bad or something wrong and hence give to me my own self inflicted bad experience and within that acceptance definition connection of me to this, that I am bad or wrong, but get the energy reward of being seen as therefore someone that is good, as a self-punishing system of energy. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed feelings of guilt embarrassment and regret as energy reactions within and as me as an avoidance of the opportunity of comprehension of myself and the gifting to myself of the possibility of actual change, in which I see my own responsibility in what I have done and see also the mistakes that I have made and as well the reasons for the decisions that I have made that led to the consequences and effects that I have seen as not best for me or best for alI, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how in this I have made a decision for a substitute of energy experience, and non-comprehension, instead of actually exploring further into me and into the actual point that is relevant here.

 

Hence in this situation of accepting and allowing myself to create a personality of futility and then to act from this futility accepting and allowing myself to see around me futility and through this to futilize my world, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and to allow myself to go into these same patterns of reacting with self judgement and fear, to see simply that I have done this, to myself and to my world, but to instead stay with me walking this in breath so that rather than running off again into my mind as fear and shame and energy reactions, I can see and realize what I have done and so bring myself to change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that this experience of ‘ashamed’ as guilt, regret, embarrassment entwined is actually a reaction to myself as blame, and within that blame of ‘who I am’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is the ‘human-nature’ that I am, unchangeable. For this I forgive myself. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that throughout my life I have programmed me by accepting and allowing myself to be as I define myself, or as others have defined me, so that in blaming me, I am accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize my own responsibility for who I am, and my own responsibility therefore in changing me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify a fear of change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the word ‘shame’ the fear of experiencing myself according to the judgements that I have made of me and then accepted and allowed as real. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and be controlled and directed by a reality that has been dictated to me by the authority that I have accepted and allowed as consciousness as who I am, and as part of that this fear as who I am in which I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself through and as an  accumulation of energy awareness as fear through which I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by fear. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become controlled by fear.

 

 

Continuing into this next post….

New Interview: Sunette Spies: 

Day 343 The meaning of Self –for-Gifting/Giving Life

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

 

NEW

the FREE DIP LITE Course now available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

 

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com