Day 305: The Support of Life Reviews

eqafe-life-reviews-w

 

“ Essentially I never bothered to question or introspect or investigate within and throughout my life, because I was under the impression that you are who you are, that’s kind of what your fate is within and throughout your life, and you’ve got to make do with who you are.” From: Life Review, Can Your Emotions Change Your Body?. “It was like, this was me – this is how I am experiencing myself – therefore – this is me.”

 

Anyone who has given to themselves the opportunity to listen to and hear the Life Reviews on Eqafe will have had many self realisations. Even though each of us is unique, the systems that we adapt to and elaborate and personalize in our lives as layers of consciousness – in this shared environment of the Earth – are often similar – so that in the instance of a sharing of how it is with one being will often be evoked a realization in another – and a new perspective of one’s own life will then facilitate an opening, an expansion, an understanding, a solution – and so by extension of sharing – a faster process of self realization for everyone.

 

Here is an example of this: it was through the sharing of a being of their Life Review that I realized that in my life also I had existed in and as the exact same supposition – derived from an impression – I realized and remembered how it was that I had accepted and allowed the thought to persist within me – a belief – that I am just what I experience myself to be, and therefore must, will have to, somehow, make-do with that.

 

How did this play out for me in subsequent creations of relationships to aspects of myself? In for example being susceptible to being overwhelmed by emotional energies, I instituted systems of control and repression and tension in my physical body, and breath, and ways and means to avoid situations in which I might cause conflict, because, in conflict such as a spark of anger suddenly expanding throughout me, in which I would lose control, and then according to my memories, my history of experience, then be crushed or shouted down, and then in judgements, become defined as unacceptable, a process in which my own anger resulted in the destruction of relationships of the respect of my friends, and me experiencing myself as – in the eyes of the world and then me – as unacceptable. What grew out of this – what was it – a sort of existential horror in a way – that such a thing could, and seemingly did, exist. And so because of this belief I tiptoed around in my life, in a way, being careful not to wake such energies inside me, while at the same time believing in this core of unacceptability as the finished ‘what I am’ that I must ‘make do’ with – being fated thus – and that I must therefore make it secret and hide it.

 

There were many consequential issues and points and eventually systems and patterns of thought and behaviour that spilled from this belief: decisions that I made based on the belief that I am just what I experience myself to be; it was from out of this foundation that I then justified an approach to my own life that included and protected this belief as-if reality about myself, and this approach included strategies of avoidance of myself as life, so that, given the situation, I could get along, somehow. Looking at this I can see how little room I gave myself between my awareness of myself and my awareness of my experience of emotion, there was no room for stepping back, there was no room for a sense of agency within it all and there was no room for a question to be opened up, and unfolded. Instead there was my acceptance of a binding into and as the current experience that was provided for essentially by this belief.

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Advertisements

Day 302: Meaninglessness and ‘Lost’ ‘Control’

meaninglessness-detail-w

 Reference –>Here to the Atlantean perspective/series on the system of meaninglessness.

 

Continuing this series of posts from Day 291, and the decision to bring ‘lost’ into and as an energy source within a system of meaninglessness, and a further look into the semantic world or network of memory, experience and self definition that I had installed into the word ‘lost’.

 

A reminder of the critical experience (from 293): “…over summer, at the end of school when all the kids I hung around with were going off to different universities, and a comparison came up: they have all got futures, I have not: I have got no future. Their different futures are expressions of their different meaning – therefore: I have no meaning – and so I accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of myself as meaninglessness…”

  

‘Control’

A sense of having lost control: in which ‘control’ had been defined in maintaining various definitions of self, to be integrated into an illusion of self, definitions that were determined by my interpretations of the experience of me through the eyes of others: that was the sense of control that now seemed ‘lost’, so that experience of this became an element of ‘lost’ within my mind.

 

Writing this I remember thoughts I had at that time, perspectives in which I was looking at an image of myself through the eyes of those around me, such as in imagining my own death, and being buried in the ground, and then, gone, ‘lost’ from the view of those around me. Accepting and allowing this imagination in my mind, I then accepted and allowed this experience of ‘lost’ to then invade and occupy how I had accepted and allowed myself to be in ‘death.’ My simulation of death within my mind then involved this consequential experience of ‘lost’ that played out of the loss of this definition of control.

 

A memory of a thought in which I was busily defining things long time ago serves to show me a couple more aspects to this: that in this graveyard scene there was much self pity, and also blame towards the people who would apparently walk away and return to their own meanings purposes and lives. Having integrated an illusion of self that was based on projections onto others, the victim role was kind of implicit, and then the option of blame; now that I look at this I see how bringing judgement into it might have been required. Judgement as I had defined it in my experience of life had been an expression of authority and control, coupled with anger and fear inducements: how better else in my mind experience, within and as this paranoia, could I bring about and enforce some black and white simplicity into this grey experience of fear and multiple emotion that I had invested into lost? Control through fear and blame had been the context of my childhood, and in what seemed to me to be an emergency situation, I reverted to it, almost as a natural tool or tendency in my inheritance. This to me at this time was simply the 101 of how to assert control in a tumultuous situation.

 

How this judgement had an impact on me was through comparison of my being to the beings of others and their ‘worth’, was that I had arrived suddenly into and as a formulation of myself as worthless within this meaninglessness, this was like a lightning strike, in my perception this was like a catastrophic experience. Within this, my respect for me fell down like a stone. What were the constituents of this catastrophe? Looking into this I see through the eyes of who I was in that moment, seeing the ‘End of The World’ closing in on me, and a feeling of collapse into nothingness, within the realization and belief that All had been a fabrication.

 

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 117: The Addict and Control of Anger

 

 

I commit myself to Actual Physical Change.

 

Not smoking again today. Not having this substance in my blood stream is a definite physical change for me to cope with. I’ve been spaced out in my conscious mind, sort of fluttery and unsettled, like in a new and different space with me, just me. Kind of zombie like as well, brooding, so I have kept as active as possible, though this afternoon I sat down and dropped for a few minutes into a dizzy sleep. I noticed how much the pre-temptation backchat was like the mind touching on points of memory in which there had been some sort of conflict, and recognizing them for what they were as they began to move I was kind of like going yeah yeah, then I feel this and then I feel that, I participate in that one, then I need a smoke, and there we go, mission accomplished. So it was really like maybe it was the addict character going round and knocking on the doors.

 

But on one of the memory doors I did react and that reaction was to my own rising anger. There was a situation recently where I had got angry because I perceived that someone was attempting to control me, and then I felt bad about myself that I had allowed myself to get angry, and that in that quick movement of anger I realized it was too fast or too strong for me to control or to subdue, and that in that moment my apparent stability counted for nothing, so in that there was a sense of a shattered illusion. And in contrast to this illusion there was this anger that felt so very real, like, very bad news, here is the actual truth of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when I believe that I am being controlled. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert that anger that I feel, towards another person, and that I have gone into a belief that I am righteous and justified to blame and be angry towards someone who I have given the power to take away my apparently sacred freedom of choice to indulge my self interest. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely ignore the question of what would be best for all in this situation, but instead have become obsessed with winning and being superior in asserting my rights to continue to indulge in my self interest.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a relationship with my anger in which I am separate from myself as it, and that this relationship is one of fear in which I am less than it.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be one and equal to myself in my reaction of anger so that I may observe myself in this moment within and as this energy and see what is the starting point of this and what is the end and how does this relate to my self interest, what of my self interest is it that I am trying to defend?

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize that in me exerting blame and anger towards another being, I am becoming the one that seeks to control the other, and I am seeking to take the authority myself and win, when the trigger point of my anger was the other apparently in my mind doing the same to me, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous of authority and have sought to fight over authority and subjugation, and I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that my anger has been instigated from this jealousy of authority and therefore comes from fear of loss.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to subjugate and control the anger in myself by pushing it down inside me through judging myself as wrong and bad for being angry, and then for attempting to subdue these bad feelings and guilt that I have accepted and allowed by controlling them also and pushing them down too through smoking.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and then allow and fear my own self judgements and to hide from them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to programme myself to judge myself immediately as bad and wrong in being angry.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my anger away in a cage inside myself for fear it might get out and for fear that I might lose control.

 

 

 

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/Desteni.org Equalmoney.org