Day 384: The words Care, Obligation, and Sacred

Day 384: Care, Obligation, and Sacred

Here I continue with further Self Forgiveness statements and release of energies within how I have personally lived the word Care: and how early in my life that I have put structures into it, how I have used it in the backchat/self definition of ‘I don’t care’. Here sharing also outlines of a mind construct that I accepted and allowed to exist within me, around this point of Care.

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat script of ‘I don’t care’ as a point of self manipulation; and within that, the blame of ‘you don’t care [for me]’, and ‘you should care [for me]’ And then ‘I refuse to care for me as an example of what you’ve done, to make you feel bad.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put this thought into application. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate the consequence of living out this sentence through my life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to speak out with my mother, and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to mention my expectations, or why I was so angry. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of who I was in front of my mother in my emotions and my expectations. I forgive myself that I did not accept or allow myself to really look at who I was within that shame.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store memories in my mind of an image of my mother. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep such an image in my mind, as an effigy, as a trophy of blame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this trophy as a source of justification in my mind, in the resonance of I don’t care.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in holding on to this blame to have become rigid and disempowered in the presence of the word care in my life, not seeing realizing or understanding how I had made this so. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an illusion in my mind of a stance of retaliation, as an illusion of independence within the intonation of these words ‘I don’t care’ within my mind, as righteousness in which I am declaring also my freedom from the lies deception and manipulations that through victim’s eyes I saw being done to me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed righteousness to exist within me, a righteousness that has no reference to physical reality, in which I have defined myself as separate to life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refer to a memory of this righteousness experience in myself with the script of ‘I don’t care’, that in embodying it for a moment, I define myself as dismissive of these things, distractions, thoughts; deliberately ignoring, refusing to consider me or others, and within that, standing for a moment as a memory of this victory over care illusion, as if I had outed the deception of an other being.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I expressed myself directly, that I would destroy the relationship with my mother. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was bad, so not deserving of approval, if I caused a bad reaction in her. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear my father’s wrath, should this happen. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this fear, to have become disempowered within myself, and that within and as that fear and in that disempowerment that I resorted to the ways of manipulation, operating within that manipulation as a decision to live dishonesty.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel this contempt into a manipulation with the intention of making my mother feel bad, feel guilty, so that I could validate myself as a victim and as victorious, and so, win. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sentence me to a life in which through saying the words ‘I don’t care’ I am standing justified in self abuse, and self neglect, just as a result of this reaction. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this justification in my mind as real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be made to feel things by others, and within that, that I am not responsible for what I feel. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as an extension of this belief, a world of blame.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect images of Holy Mother and Child to the word Care, and then to make of that an experience in my mind, and an expectation of my mother, and that in my mind, I accepted and allowed myself to believe this to be an obligation: I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mother was obliged to give me this experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself judge my mother that she, in my projections, broke this obligation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within this to have believed that this was a breach of something sacred.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Sacred as an experience inside me as something that must be protected immediately and at all costs, regardless of the damage. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be triggered by this word, that I have accepted and allowed this word Sacred to control my actions, that I have accepted and allowed this word to become a starting point of me in my reactions. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this system, immediate argumentative attacking responses to protect a lie, while projecting out a world of lies and judgement and malignance, and blaming out at other beings in my world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created programs for me to live that are initiated in this word Sacred. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a certain kind of backchat to be supported by this vehement emotion, judgement, spite, cutting down, undermining, and all of it – for the Sake of Sacred – so as not move, not to have exposed the guilty secret, to not have to look at it face on, that I in fact depend upon this experience of care that I have imagined to exist, that I then imagined in my mind to have been lost.

 

 

 

 

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Day 383: Care and Matter 3

 

 

…continuing from recent posts… in which I have been looking at how I have defined and lived the word Care, finding an entrance to the word through seeing myself within the back-chat script of ‘I don’t care’, where in an everyday distraction I enact the shrugging off – and the declaration of a definition of myself – as in who I am in ‘I don’t care’ instead of where a simple directive Stop to these distractions would have been effective. It brings the question up of this: Do I really any more need to rouse a personality to cause this stopping in me?

 

So here a view of a line of back-chat as the seemingly incidental and everyday personal little moment, like the little peak of an iceberg, while down below, layers and structures of beliefs and self manipulations…

 

Standing back from ‘I don’t care’, I see it’s like a sample of an argument, that in myself that I have accepted and allowed that I need support in the process of moving me, that in needing some kind of a stance, I was accepting and allowing a belief that I could not just simply move myself.

  

Here, focused on the ‘I don’t care’ backchat moment where I choose to shrug it off, a build up of thoughts and pressures and distractions around making a decision, believing in my mind that by trivializing it, through I don’t care, that I had really in fact made it smaller, or less effective: that according to my judgements it is real that part of me ‘does not matter’ is not worthy to be considered in equality: that is like a frame through which to see one’s own suppressive activities, a manipulation into somehow being ok with: so therefore not to look much closer at it, but instead, moving quickly on, as if walking out of that discussion in the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and be aware of my own insecurity as me as an experience within my own authority, where not seeing that rather than standing and giving myself the space to ask the question of who I am within this, what my purpose is, I have instead allowed myself to rather refer my own authority quickly to the lines of backchat in which I am defined already as a simulation, so that I do not have to face this insecurity inside me, so that I do not have to face myself in seeing that I am insecure within my own authority as me, and therefore need to look into that, or seeing that I am living an assumption of a narrative of who I am, that I know within my self is questionable, where rather than embracing this, I have instead created in my mind a scenario of discussions for me to blame, and within that feel victimized by. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in feelings of righteousness within the trivialization and shrug-off aspects of ‘I don’t care’ that I have accepted and allowed as the declaration of a habitual relationship to parts of me within my mind, and within my body where I have conditioned in my body these reactions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my own mind as in being as separated from it, as an object of blame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made and stood within a judgement of manipulation and deception and that within that have not allowed myself to see myself within the acts of self manipulation as well as the manipulation of others in the world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see my self deception, my self manipulations. Within that I forgive myself that I have held against my own forgiveness of myself, that I have drawn a veil of judgement across my seeing of these things that I’ve become.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of my own self-judgements in seeing how I have designed these aspects of myself, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require this fear relationship for the purposes of self deception. I forgive myself for who I am within this system, standing for and as I don’t care, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within a negative experience in relation to care, like in a gesture to stop the existence of care, as in an act of magic, as in an act of defiance, becoming like this one dimension that cannot be moved.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word Care as being a deceptive word and one that I must protect myself from: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to these perceptions that I accepted and allowed as real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within seeing the word Care as being deceptive, that I am holding Care to blame for the way I feel… therefore seeing that how this came to be, as well as ‘won’t be fooled again’, are both derived from the bubble and the break-down of that, that I lived as care possession, in which I gradually expanded a desire for the experience of care, into a fantasy world of this experience, like in my mind something emotional and spiritual, like an idea in my mind of mother love, that secretly though she could not express it, that secretly she could see who I was, that she liked the way that I was turning into me, so that somewhere in my life even far away there was this point within my mind of support. Although school life and family life were both in reality full of conflict, and becoming more so, I sort of floated along amongst it all, buoyed up with things like, It’ll be ok, and, It’ll all work out, as aspects of this care experience that I imagined to exist.

 

As it happened, in reality, in a period of a few months, my parents moved away and separated, my father died, the children all dispersed, there was no home, and I was out of school: all of these physical support systems that had previously gone unnoticed in a way, were now together, like the proverbial rug being pulled out from under me. I dared not express the anger that I felt towards my mother, I feared the depth and force of my own rage, in seeing that she could just allow herself to walk away, and not respond to me, while what I accepted and allowed for me was to take this personally and resonate my anger as blame towards the parents, family, home, school and friends and education: It’s all a lie! None of it is real! And towards that word Care: it was a lie, it was not real, and, I won’t be fooled again. I forgive myself within this that I have accepted and allowed myself to be playing games of who’s fooling who within myself within my mind within my life here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this sentence as a primary relationship towards the world, as being: You do not care about me, therefore as revenge for what you’ve done to me, I will not care about me either, so that I can be an example of the consequence of what you’ve done. Kind of, Take that, slamming the door in my own face. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to destroy my own relationship of care to me as self support for the sake of a feeling of exaltation and righteousness within this spite reaction.

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the word Care to blame, and grateful to myself that I have allowed myself to see this point, and I commit myself to release the blame that I have invested into Care. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto so tightly my personal definitions of care so as not to undermine the basis of my blame, and within that to accept and allow that I might be responsible within all of this, in which everything that I have defined myself to be might then possibly not exist. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of stepping down as ego.

 

Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear of loss as who I am within movement of this stand of blame, and I commit myself to release this fear of loss that I have accepted and allowed to bind me, and I commit myself to release myself from the limitation of this stance, and statue in a way, that I became within reaction to collapse of Care as I had defined it, and as I had defined myself within becoming as an objection to it.

 

I forgive myself that in standing as an objection to Care and within that defying a principle of life that I have accepted and allowed a level of guilt within myself, a level of judgement on myself that who I am is bad or wrong, that I cannot immediately simply step from ‘I should care’ to actually living it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form this expectation from myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate a guilt in me as me for the sake of holding on to ‘I don’t care’ this definition of who I am within a stance of blame. Therefore I commit myself to let go of this guilt and instead forgive myself that I have made mistakes in my creations, that in releasing of this blame, I recognize my own responsibility and I re-empower myself to change the way things are in how I have defined myself in relation to Care.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define care from a starting point of a desire for the experience of care, in which I lived within ‘I cannot give this to myself’, ‘This is something that I need from others.’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this for me to define care as a feeling, as an energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this energy, to not see how in addiction that I am open to manipulation within these points. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within exposing to myself how I’ve become susceptible to manipulation with being enslaved to care, as well as judging me in seeing me also in manipulation of another within simulating care not as an expression of myself but as an idea, as a construct in my mind.

 

 

 

I commit myself to clear these structures that I have placed in Care.

 

 

 

 

 

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Day 382: Stop

 

…Continuing here further into the corruptions of Care that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my very definitions of myself in my living of this word within this life, that has consequently shaped my life, that has infiltrated into all the details of my relationships to the world.

So here I continue with another of the ways that I have stood to sabotage this word, more details of this sabotage, wherein deconstructing them I can then deliberately clear and purify this word, because I see and realise that the potentiality of this word to penetrate and infiltrate throughout communication, throughout interaction, throughout relationships of beings… I see for me to really deliberately stand for that, then what I have to do is firstly clear this word for me, in support of me enabling myself to live this word as redefined.

 

Self forgiveness on the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’, and replacing them with instead, directly, Stop.

Stop: the new improved directive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have these backchats exist within me: the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ in which I have accepted and allowed through my attention onto them a go ahead to me within and as these personality designs that stem from backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these personalities to be carriers of my own authority in my life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to habitually seek support from personalities as my own design of manipulated movement of me, rather than simply me directing me to stop.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conjure up in a way the presence in my mind of these designs, within which I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to be seeking an experience of validation through which in consequence I am accustomed to being stopped, rather than as simply stopping me with the directive Stop.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ to have become engrained into me as tools, in internal conversation, as part of my approach to controlling of the energies that arise within me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anxiety in connection to my own authority within myself.

 

I forgive myself that in my mind by listening to these backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ that I am referring to an authority that still is placed within these personalities. I commit myself to deconstruct these personalities that are represented in my mind by the references of the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’, to deconstruct and to understand and realign these postures that I have lived as me, these relationships to energy that I see and realise are the legacies of the consciousness that I have inherited and lived.

 

When and as I am in decision making and I become suddenly conflicted, overwhelmed, when that situation comes up where the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ come up in me, instead I say Stop, I breathe, I do not accept this backchat prompting, I do not accept this validation of authority that is separate from me, I do not accept this insecurity anxiety as part of who I am within authority itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my own authority into the systems that I have accepted and allowed to operate within me, that I have given my consent to go ahead and act for me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in this consent what I am preserving in me is that I can continue to not be here with me in this moment, but somewhere dormant in my mind.

 

I commit myself to be present in my decision making processes. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in listening to the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ to be accepting of habitual sabotage in my decision making, in which I have become addicted to that experience of validation through these personalities. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be standing for and as self sabotage in these everyday moments in my life, in which accepting habits such as this I make way once again for procrastination.

 

continuing next post…

 

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
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Day 381: Collapse of Care, and ‘Not Be Fooled Again!’

Day 381: Collapse of  Care, and ‘Not Be Fooled Again!’

 

Interesting to explore a memory of a time – that comes up in the presence of the word Care – a time in which I had to clear the table and in some ways start again – even though the physical notebooks from 44 years ago have gone – the practice of writing, back then, has preserved some detailed means of access to the memories of those times: a glimpse into specific details of what my thoughts were like, my relationships to things, and to myself. For me there was a personal historic watershed: a world before and a world after the collapse of Care, where I had created care as a bubble in which to live, and that bubble had popped dramatically: so as I begin to explore these things what comes up here is this memory, that shows to me this clearing-of-the-table process that was necessary for me.

 

So, closing in here and almost looking through the eyes of a young and twenty me: with a view across the wooden surface of a table – where my elbows rested – a place where I would take stock of things going on inside of me. A sort of home ground in the clear simplicity of a wooden tabletop, or of my notebook, or of the scattering of objects that had accumulated here in the consequence of this day, also at the same time an arrangement of expressions telling tales of how this came to be like this; a gesture in the positioning of a teaspoon, in how it came to rest, a skid mark in that ring of water from a glass, a pencil knocked askew, a knot shaped like an eye in the wood grain, and across the surface of the table a patina of marks of history, telling tales of long ago in blond and amber layers of the summers and the winters.

 

Here was a place of stability for me, a place in which I could create stability, a breathing space, a place in which there was for me if not an intimacy, then in company with the physical stability. Looking at this now I see how much delighted I was in the obvious definition let’s say, of things, such as in the example in front of me in my sphere of attention, a red plastic lighter: I mean clearly edged, consistent, complete, clearly itself, persistently that lighter. And then in one of these memories, touching it, moving it slightly, adjusting it, or from the shiny ring of water, a shiny trail of finger play, that playing of a question in my mind of how such things could constitute a form of reasoning. How to read the nature of the world directly was like an ongoing question in my mind, I was on the lookout for the language of reality itself.

 

What I could not see then but can see now is who I was within that question, mystified within the very words that I was living, and in a way in a point of blame towards the words, perceiving them to only somehow reach into this world, or else to be referring to a world unseen, not seeing that it was me who had defined myself within those words in feelings and emotions, that it was me that had invested me as energy into the words that I was living, that in me had accumulated an emotional reality in my perception, that it was through me that my definitions of myself within and as the words, that I did not have a point of application.

 

Yet while accepting that consequential reality that was premised on my abdication, I sought for ways to articulate it, such as with painting, to somehow feel my way into reasoning of some kind. It’s interesting how I was determined ‘to not be fooled again’, to not accept a false reality, to get to the bottom of things, at this point in my life, not seeing how really at that time, I was fooling me; I was looking through the frame of my own personal reality at a world that seemed across a gulf, separate from me.

 

Although for me ‘to not be fooled again’ came out of spite reactions, blame towards having things done, and not done unto me, where I had broken off relations – and treated this as such a disaster – I see now something different, that this collapsing bubble was actually supportive to me, and that in some ways I could handle the support; it enabled me to look at fundamental things that I had previously taken for granted, as it set me on an independent process of investigation. And in other ways I could not handle the support: that aspect of being set down on my feet on the outside of this comfort zone, it’s like reality breaks the egg shell open to assist my birth into the world, and I am furious about the damage to my home!

 

 

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

 

Grateful to Desteni for the support and for the tools with which to see these things.

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

Day 344: Discoveries in Diligence 2

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Day 344: Discoveries in Diligence 2

 

It is both interesting and crucial, how I have made many discoveries in opening up the word Diligence in myself and in my everyday life in the process of walking this word, and yet a list of these experiences of openings and of personal discoveries does not exist as such, while at the same time as I walk this word it is like I have recurring experiences of the word as if opening up or unfolding yet another new dimension of itself that had not previously existed as a part of me.

 

That I have made the word through the process of redefining it for me available to me for application in so many ways, in everyday moments of conversation, or in self reflections, or reviews of past relationships, or in actually writing this now, that I am aware that there exists in me in many intrinsic ways in who I am with Diligence this new found word, as supportive and present, as included in my experience of myself. And this experience includes both an ongoing release of obstructive energies, and at the same time an expansion of stability within me.

 

With awareness that wrapped into Diligence exists redefinitions of who I am in Care, and Purpose, in Work, and Patience, which altogether, as I see it so far into this, make for dimensions of Diligence itself, I also have the means to look at when Diligence within the moments of my life, falls or falters, or fades or fails in some way, that I can look at this and ask myself the How of this: Is this a moment in which for example the Cursory personality has popped up with it’s dark-mind versions of Care? Is this a moment in which I have lost touch with my Purpose in this task? Is this a moment in which I have slipped into my old-self definition of Work? Or is this a moment in which I am not remembering that I can live the word Patience, and gift myself with this?

 

 

 

 

What does it mean, this  Redefinition and living of words?  Self Creation : SOUL 

School Of Ultimate Living: Facebook Page

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 322: Of Nanoscopic No’s and Rabbit Holes

Day 322: Of Nanoscopic No’s and Rabbit Holes

 

A visualization: as a temporary bridge: some micro, nano, no, some nano-no’s, some nano no no’s, knows, where I infuse the knows, the no’s, in microscopic streamings of micro nano no’s into and through the fibres of my local physicality, so that the cells absorb the nanoscopic no’s into the substance of this physical resource that has quietly supplied the local systematic ‘me’ as simulating scripts and spells and sounds and symbol structures and beyond – so as to support this no – in respect of Care for me, this vital me that I have overlooked denied ignored devalued for the sake of, ultimately the convenience of the functioning of the whole world system.

 

And a ‘visualization’ as a deliberate and directed design of utilizing my imaginational resources in support of me, releasing the fear of my own imagination in which I have accepted and allowed imagination to have an independence in my local system, so yes, so to say, absorbing no as part of me, not as a flag-rant flag in battle with the systematic mind, all glorious, but instead of this, to simply know, to simply be and to become a knowing as part of my awareness presence, that I can instead constructively with the tool of living Diligence to learn to learn, to learn to understand what learn could be and how it may support me.

 

So continuing to write also what write could be, and how I’d want it, how I could infuse my organization of the sequences of words so that together they too can be essentially utilized to support these first movements, like stirrings, of my self directed waking of my being, in these packages of words, seeing how that in each of them I have accepted and allowed for separation to exist, and thence within the sentences, the sentencings of me in meaning structures, where in structure itself the word Structure there is a part of me that is really hostile and will bite.

 

There is a point where attention to detail, as a dimension of Diligence, can kind of slip tangentially into my habitual world of rabbit holes, where I have a tendency to disperse into my mind, where the detail in itself becomes a following of the energy, so there is like for me a point of yes, look closely, but not too closely, because I see how easily my attention becomes magnetized, and then in a way enslaved or hooked, and, crucially, distracted, and ‘going off on one’ into an experience of ‘fascination’ within this as energetic curiosity. So keeping me literally together Here, This is where diligence in relation to the task at hand, involves a sort of anchoring within my purpose.

 

So, yes, the past few days have been a walking of this point of no, and exploration of ways and means to absorb this no back into the intimacy of me as substance that has for so long resided in and collaborated in the feeding of a systematic sub sub sub sub subsystem of this world system, where are all of us and have been so long entwined, and in this case as ‘me’.

 

Continuing next time…

 

 

 

 

Redefinition and living of words,  Self Creation Insights: SOUL 

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 321: Mind Gate

 

Day 321: Mind Gate

In relation to the task I’ve set myself of redefining and living Diligence, in support of me, here I’m looking further into how I have defined myself in Care, and within that how I have obstructed diligence

The realities involved in simple moments of one being meeting another go by mostly overlooked or unseen in the current scramble for survival. Sometimes regardless of the dispensation of The System there is a breakthrough, a moment of clarity, an instance of real communication. But mostly through our human adaptability we adjust ourselves to a paradox of a world that is founded on communication breakdown, and that natural moment is then revered as a highlight of mystical significance.

And as without, so within myself, looking into what I have become in relation to this point of Care, I see myself within this dispensation, I mean, the system imprint, the outside inside system mind relationship, as a whole, believing in my mind that I can extend a simulation of a word into the physical world, where words have become like hollow structures.

And in checking out what is actually real within myself in Care, I mean I asked what reference to me exists within the word, through which I could actually live it; I saw that in the process of giving up on me, that I withdrew the possibility of care from me, and so then made a life around that, and seeing that, then comes the other question: What in Care could then genuinely be resonated or shared from the source of me towards the world? So that was like me going into a house of cards kind of a moment, like realising to what extent I’ve lived a fabrication.

And then looking at this collapse scenario – stepping back from it – I realised but yes ok I am here, but what is it that I am doing here within this making out of care this absolute, this lack in care an absolute? That I am absolutely this way or that way? Because when I look into my life I see that there is evidence of care in empathy in which I have sometimes stepped out of the confines of my self-interest, and for example in the shoes of others, taken direct actions to support, done things to make sure that things are safe for unknown other beings, that accidents don’t happen, and that I have enjoyed assisting where I can, and even if in only minor ways extended and lived the principle of equality. Was all of that only simply for the definition of Care as ‘good’, and doing ‘goodness’ and fulfilling constructs in my mind? No: yet some of me for sure was attracted into this.

And yet what stands out for me is the secret mind, relationships to me in which I accepted and allowed hostility towards myself, as in this example of being ready to stand in a perspective of myself as totally fake in Care, and unwillingness to face this other aspect of myself as living out Hostility, in the form of letting go of the opportunity of developing a care for me within my private world.

I have seen within my childhood years this expedient of self-betrayal for the sake of conformity within the system, and how I gradually walked this into life, where this hostility I later on expressed in retaliation towards authority and the seemingly oppressive forces in my world, while this hostility towards myself I was always aware of in and as it, but did not dare to question it, because the question in itself I feared would jeopardise the very structure that I adopted as a frame through which to live this ‘me’. And as I gradually civilised this raw hostility it became the fuel of my self judgement.

Telling an upcoming personality to fuck off is kind of grist to the mill, this shutting it back down, especially when it thrives on such rejection, it goes back down there, fuelled up, because in a way, the fuck-off bit is a part of it; it’s like a part of me comes up into my consciousness, collecting my participation, as if it were an invitation for my hostility to in this cycle once again turn inwards, where in the secrecy of my mind I feel free to treat me with this measure of hostility as self judgement. This practice of hostility turned quietly inwards would make of Care into anathema to who I am as this possession. So that in the practice of self judgement, in each instance, Care for self  is shoved aside.

 

continuing next time:

 

Redefinition and living of words,  Self Creation Insights: SOUL 

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

 

 

Day 320: Diligence and Care

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Day 320: Diligence and Care

 

There’s nothing like being wanted or being welcomed, being valued – a sentiment shared I am sure by many a traveller along the winding roads. For me, I’ve noticed something more within the depths of this: something that would make such a thought more striking, more vibrant, more vital in a way, and I arrived at this through seeing relationships that I had made to points in me of giving up on me, points that I had not been aware of until now, but had somehow long time got along with in my life.

 

There are so many millions of specific details that we engage with in our everyday lives and moments that one could say it’s just coincidental that such and such a thing would suddenly be there before our eyes reflecting what is going on inside, or echoing some recent words that have been in our minds, or something else that happened recently, and the more and more it happens, the more it seems the inner and the outer reality are in some kind of inconceivable mutual embrace, as if the medium of me kind of spreads into the outer world, and the definition of me seems in that moment, too narrow and constricted.

 

And I find this kind of comforting, I like it, I relax into it; I know there’s nothing much I can do with this perception of things on any level, excepting welcoming a reminder that my definition of me is really just a frame through which I see things and through which I see myself, and a reminder that this frame is only how I’ve placed it and become used to it, and become so used to living it. So there is a sense of taking off the pressure and the holding to this frame, and once again being open to that there is something else, something more to this.

 

And so as I’m walking down a hill, with a view across this city, with a break between the clouds when for a moment the sun splashes light across it all, and in that moment also a gentle breeze rustles in my hair; a sense of something intimate and near to me that brings me back to here; such a delicate and subtle realization, that us beings here have only to simply share ourselves to shed forever this illusion and torment of our consciousness.

 

Thus in carrying with me this little no towards the mind, a littleness to suit the seedling nature of my being, this no that is for certain real and part of me, and that I commit myself to take care of; standing in respect of this in me, and me in this, I am nourishing a new relationship within me, a bond of real care, the beginnings of a living care.

 

So in the course of my decision to change myself, my programming, specifically as meandered through in the last few posts, in relation to the word Diligence, in using the tools of definition and redefinition of words, to deliberately bring Diligence into me and as a part of me, that I can deliberately live this word as assistance and support of me, rather than in some way choosing to continue living without it, in the illusion or excuse that I can not have this, be this, or embrace this because of how I am and what according to my mind, I find myself to be.

 

So it may be or it may not be a lengthy process to walk the subsidiary words I find in Diligence, I cannot tell, although for sure already I have found much in the way of self obstruction that has previously made the word almost an anathema to me, an anathema to that petulance in me that wants things done immediately in total arrogance and disregard of the nature of physical reality. But for sure how long this might take is not a factor in a proven plan to wake up in this physical dimension of reality.

And so, back to the plan, and the point that I was writing out in the introduction of this post – and just to mention here as it occurs to me, this dimension of space in which I give myself time for my disposal, to attend to detail, as another aspect of Diligence – and so, noting that, but going back to where I started out this post, to relationships that I had made to points within me of giving up on me.

 

It was something the Atlanteans asked me to consider: do I really self honestly have a care for me? And to me the answer to this was quite a shock, that looking into me I saw that actually no, I had no feeling for me, nothing actually real or tangible in the way of consideration or support, that in me this word Care was derelict: unlived-in.

 

That giving up on me was something I was aware of, and had within that giving up, withdrawn care for me, and that awareness was a thing that I had covered up; I did not want to realize and then experience how I really felt about my parents’ attitude to me, and I discovered that if I were to side with them I could share in their disdain, and so I made a system out of this, in which I projected this responsibility of having given up on me, onto my family group, and later onto my school group, and onto relationships and groups in general in the world, it became a part of my consequential reality, I mean I came to see this as something real, and I came through that to see that I was justified within my mind of a perception of others giving up on me, to then go ahead and use this as a point of blame, and then evolving ‘me’ into: Ok inevitably, I am on my own, because ultimately you don’t care for me.

 

Seeing this aspect of myself, this aspect of the frame through which I see this ‘me’, I look at who I am within communication, and sharing of myself, seeking out perspectives of myself, asking for support and I see myself reaching out through a filter of ‘begging for a moment of your time’ from those I see as having actually already given up on me, and so I see myself making a presentation of myself as being ‘worthwhile’ in some way or another – kind of trying to sell my worthiness to a reluctant listener that is busy on other things, and then this point overrides the point that I wanted to share, because in their response to me I am looking to detect some sign of recognition, and within that I have become deaf to what is actually being said to me or shown to me.

 

So then there comes along this point of becoming dependent on others not giving up on me, in which I have not allowed myself to see that I have chosen to depend on this, rather than facing this primary aspect of myself that I have given up on me. And within this believing they can see potential in me, I interpret support as a belief in me, and take away from this a belief in me as who I am – that they can see potential in me that I cannot see within myself, in which within my mind my own potential is then but a belief within my mind, and meanwhile, entertaining such beliefs I do not question what is underneath that I have chosen to protect and keep in place, this spitefulness towards myself that I imitated as a strategy so long ago.

 

Thence comes clear those movie hooks of recognition moments, like at last they believe in me, or see me as I really am, and yet accept me, or meet me finally beyond the tribulation, that mutual embrace of beings and of a reality that has been doubted, that jerks a tear, an experience of release, and realization that all of it was an illusion. And the stranger, wandering the roads, is received in natural welcome.

 

 

 

continuing next time

 

 

 

NEW Self Creation Insights: SOUL 

 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

Day 282: Communication Errors 4: “I Don’t Care”

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I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to look into and change the dimensions of the words as I have accepted and allowed for them to exist within me.

Day 282: Communication Errors 4: “I Don’t Care”

“Words have got multiple dimensions existent within them and as them – they are literally access into worlds – if you will – worlds or realities – that we have created within the mind. And here to also understand or to give another perspective of what we mean by the process of living words: at the moment when we open up words and walk into words in relation to what is existent within and behind them as our current relationship to them – they open up realities within your Mind Consciousness System and then how from the reality of the word in the Mind Consciousness System, it siphons into your physical body and so into your physical reality. So you are essentially inadvertently living words, but instead of it being a direct self plus word relationship that equals your living, it is now mind plus word equals more like a consequential outflow into your living through your physical and how it creates your world and your reality…” Enlil, Reptilians 266: Redefining Care.

 

Such a statement of the significance of words in the experience of ourselves in this one life is enough to tip and tilt and shake the ground of what each of us have accepted and allowed as who we are. Communication as how it has been lived in this inadvertency has lost its reach. Now has come the opportunity for us to redefine our words so as to include ourselves directly, so as to take responsibility for and change these consequential outflows that so affect the world, our relationships to ourselves and to each other, and to the whole of Life.

 

Here I am continuing from previous and recent posts, in which I have opened up and followed strands of enquiry into moments of my life when I have accepted and allowed and conditioned my relationship to a triangle of ‘authority’ and ‘father’ and ‘system’, in which I became as a personality founded on retaliation to the world, created a backdoor in my mind as a constant excuse so as to protect myself from actual self realization, made as like a shell of positive energy in which to live as an experience of winning, winning in a game against my mind.

 

So a word that figures in the beginnings of the shift, the break-off-from-discussion word as it were, ‘the last word’ as who I am as the final ‘authority’ in hostility towards the mind, is the statement, automated through habitual repetition into a line of backchat, is “I don’t care.” This, extended into a hardening of the blame morphs into the “Fuck You” in which the “not caring” gesture has evolved, becomes more weaponized.

 

What is it that exists within and as this vessel of ‘not caring’? First of all, in ‘not’ I see an affirmation of who-I-am- as retaliation, as a glorious power rising up in judgement of the world, and the mind, and then connecting this to ‘care’, first of all in care, I see ‘carry’. Like simply, the backchat acting like a ticket into a world divorced from self-responsibility, in which I have accepted and allowed responsibility to be as a ‘burden’ laid on me by others, that I refuse to carry, where in this ‘power’ of refusal I have found an expression of myself within this storm, an expression that I cling to, that defines me out of the experience of powerlessness that I have accepted and allowed as my relationship towards the conflicts in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me a definition of ‘care’ that is only applicable to me in my self interest; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look into a world in separation from myself and not seen realized and understood how and why and in what way the idea in my mind of ‘caring’ has seemed somehow inapplicable or out of reach for me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see realize and understand that the settings of this tool have in fact been set by me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my own simulations of ‘caring’ for the world, when within this I have not actually and in fact lived this word for real, but only used it as a negative component of who-I-am-as a personality within my mind founded on a platform of hostility towards myself.

 

Therefore I commit myself to change the definition of this caring that I have accepted and allowed; to change this image of in caring, ‘carrying’ the ‘burden’ ‘imposed’ on me in my projection – into a ‘carrying’ as me supporting who I am in the face of conflict that comes up in me, so as and when the backchat comes of ‘I don’t care’, I stop, and I breathe, I realise that I have become conditioned to this cut-off point from the energies that are coming up in me, and have been using as an excuse to go into as the entertainments of the mind, and within this realization I see realise and understand that this ‘cut-off’ point is actually and in fact a point of opportunity, a point in which I have the choice and the decision to rather than to tolerate suppression as a mode of my existence, to instead stop and breathe and stabilize myself and then look into how I might support myself that is integrated in the conflict that arises in me.

 

 

  

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal

Day 269: “The image and likeness of God”

image-and-likeness

 

 Made: “In the image and likeness of God”. I come round to look at this statement again, last time I looked it was more a focus on my reaction to it, like yeah, right, the Con, seeing and realising how I’d fooled myself by projecting out into the cosmos a denial of my own responsibility, how I had fallen for the virtues of belief and faith, and how I’d judged myself within that for being a fool, and how I’d trapped myself within accepting and allowing such a thought to exist within me, and following up within this all connections to my fears of being fooled, all my experiences of being wrong, of being belittled by a con, and so blame and judgement of a world busy in the maintenance of such illusion.

 

And yet within and as all of this reaction, there was something that I had missed or overlooked within this phrase: that in letting it to exist as something real within my mind there were aspects of my own creation that remained as who I am within the image and likeness of this ‘God’, according to the characteristics of this God that I had gathered, was discernible to me through my observations – such as, in this world, he is not here, such as everywhere I look there is no evidence that he cares, and therefore in my mind, giving him the benefit of the doubt, he cares, he has good intentions, but he does not bring his care into the physical world.

 

In my childish mind I imagined ‘standing on the right hand side of God’, which in my mind meant looking out across the world with the exact same perspective, with the exact same replica of his structure. Within this construct I found comfort, I created comfort as a platform of good intentions, as a virtue in not being here, as a version of care within my mind that need not be extended into action. And gradually within my mind I formed a separated inner world of positive experience.

 

And even though in my emotional reaction, I had chucked the husk of this phrase ‘out’, what still remained within and as me was the consequence of how I’d accepted and allowed myself to be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that the content of this word ‘God’ was of my own assumption and making and my creation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to this word as to something that exists ‘out there’ one and equal to the content I have filled it with within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to take responsibility for what I resonate within the sound of ‘God’.

 

When and as the word ‘God’, and the phrase “the image and likeness of God” comes up before me into my awareness, I stop and I Breathe, I remind myself that I am here in the actuality of the physical, that my good intentions belong in a world of imaginary futures and constructs of hopefulness, and waiting, therefore I commit myself to the action that is in this actuality, to a form of care that is expressed in physical action, and I commit myself to utilize this phrase “the image and likeness of God” to remind me of the fact of my responsibility within and as creation.

 

 

 

 

EQAFE:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

The Quantum Mind

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start-http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.

FIND OUT WHAT DESTENI STANDS FOR

Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal