Day 416: Solutions of Abandon

Day 416: Solutions of Abandon

Reference: Eqafe  The Atlanteans:  Abandoned.

 

Redefining Process beginnings: towards solutions of Abandon

Walking a process through Self Forgiveness of what I have accepted and allowed of who I am within this word Abandon, I have thus enabled me to see how in my life I have accepted and allowed – with this word directing me – for it to be causing chaos. Not just where I went ‘overboard’ with an obsession, but also for example in my present world where gradually all the moments in which I put something down, in a hurry, accumulates into many moments, and so a chaos, a chaos in which things get ‘lost’, and when I look into this world around me – I mean extending out across this table and this immediate room in which I write this, I see also how I am expressed in it – in the placements of the objects – through the actions taken in moments of abandon, moments abandoned – in some kind of a rush – in which I have become very mean with giving me the Time, giving me the time for the purpose of organising things around me. And so I see now how in accepting and allowing Abandoned as a comfort zone, that ‘rush’ was more an expression of my position of superiority to Organisation, and that casting of little things aside – was like a consequence of this.

Something else that I realised was how for me, even though I had defined it in a negative way, the ‘putting of the feet down on the ground’ – I saw that this was already present – in my definition of the word Abandon, that the word Abandon had always held the opportunity for that; emerging from the process of the release of hurt and blame, I realised that it could become instead a point of deliberate action, coming from > I am Here: I put my feet onto the ground, this is what I’m going to do.

In a state of chaos, and going ‘overboard’ , then an Action Plan is not just a ‘good idea’, but sometimes it is the one and only thing that can be relied on, like – realizing that the consciousness in it’s present state of turmoil – is practically useless – then an Action Plan can be like a life-line – just as with the process of writing-out – whereas, in the Action Plan, the words relate to listing of specific tasks and things that need to get done.

The making of an action plan as the beginning of a physical process: To support myself in looking into this I made a ‘Form’, an ‘Action Plan’, designed for Organising What to Do, I printed it out, I looked at it from different angles, I handled it, I made it tangible, I made photographs of it, I brought theatrical dimensions into it, I brought myself to a place in which I could simply look at Action Plan as something in itself.

Exploring this, the words that have come up for me are: Action-plan, Action, Plan, Organisation, Steps, List – structural words that flow from out of > This is what I’m going to do. Of course, having in my mind ‘what to do’, and hearing the advice of others, ‘what to do’, and even having an action-plan of ‘what to do’, and even writing it, all of that is far away from actually doing it, doing those actions.

More on this next time…

 

 

 

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Day 415: Abandon Definitions 3

Reference: The Atlanteans: Walking through the word Abandon.

 

Self Forgiveness on definitions I have existed as and lived within the word Abandon.

AbandonShip: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and lived a narrative in my mind that was never real, a story to myself in a way to create an experience of dignity in victimhood. I remember at a time a righteous statement coming out , ‘Who me? I would never live a sob story…’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play this part unconsciously, I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to look at this.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing my mind to be chastising me with accusatory backchat of shadow personalities of family programming, suggesting all the bad I’m doing by ‘leaving’ family, as I prepare to spend some time ‘away’, and though I’ve checked it out, with real people, and know it is not real, still these backchats capture my attention: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being the abandoning one, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this through the eyes of Abandon in which I am reminded of a pain, that I then project it onto others as something that I might be causing them. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reacting to these backchats in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give them substance: I see now how I am showing me that in these moments of reaction, that I am still reverting to this starting point of a moment of pain with being within and as Abandon, and being in judgement of ‘abandoners’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this story at the core of all these backchats, this story of hurt: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a moment of shock in putting my feet down on the ground to be interpreted as and then remembered as a pain. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed with this programming, that others make me feel the way I do, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed from this basis, for blaming to be valid. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the word Abandon along with these components. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgements of others, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that fear to be affecting and interfering with my decisions and behaviour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within Abandon Ship to have accepted and allowed that the ship is about to meet disaster, and that therefore everyone must go overboard. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within that picture to have deserted my connection with the ship of me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in that for me to have abandoned me, to have abandoned structure and purpose, to have accepted and allowed myself to be adrift upon an emotional sea.

 

 

continuing next post…

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Day 414: Abandon Definitions 2

Day 414: Abandon Definitions 2

Reference: The Atlanteans: Walking through the word Abandon.

Self Forgiveness on definitions of me within and as my personalization of the word Abandon

In forgiveness of my mother, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blacked out her reality from me with layers of incrimination and insinuation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an image of my mother in my mind from a starting point of judgement. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present an image of my mother to the world in the context of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize this image of my mother in my mind as a way to not see my responsibility for me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wish guilt onto her, that she may carry the burden of her abandonment of me.

I forgive myself that through this means that I manifested a reality in which I was unable to see her any more. Therefore in consideration of my mother as a human being I support myself in releasing me from this Abandoned construct, through giving back to me gratitude and appreciation of her, and perspective of her strength in her commitment.

I forgive myself that I justified a life as a lie for me in my own interest, by casting her in the part of the one who did bad to me, by making up a narrative of myself within and as this definition of myself in which I lived my part in service of the word Abandon.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see how my forgiveness of myself within the point of who I saw her as within my mind would then enable me to through that forgiveness, release myself by then releasing her in my forgiveness, and so release the memories that I had not accepted or allowed myself to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on the word Abandon, and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to face the reality that those memories might expose, memories that would attest to her commitment, to her strengths, to her many qualities, as evidence that would undermine my position as Abandoned, my rightness in my judgement starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thus locked me up into my narrative of who I am within the word Abandon.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the abandoning one, living out abandonment as a relationship with myself.

 

continuing next post…

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life