Day 454: Steadfast (5): Welcome to the Land of Plenty
Sitting with two friends in a café in a local mall, the words, Welcome to the Land of Plenty, printed on a nearby placard, caught my eye; sometimes a word or a line stands out for me, as if being somewhere new within myself, or that I am ready now to receive these words, as simply what they are, and in that they have for me a fresh significance. And so in looking into that, I asked myself, what would Welcome represent for me as a living word, as an expression of Life’s abundance, an unconditional expression/definition of relationship of one being to another, and, would I want that to become a part of me as something that I lived?
And for me the answer to that was obviously Yes I would like to add that into me, and yes I have a place for that, and in fact the place I have for that has opened up in my redefining of the word Steadfast; without seeing clearly for myself the conditional nature of my response to the reality of me, what I had accepted and allowed in that, then this word Welcome may also have remained for me within the shadow of half-heartedness, and this moment in the café in the mall would not have been the same.
The way that words operate and function in the very fundamentals of our definitions of ourselves and so of our experience and of the nature of our lives is something that becomes clear in the Redefinition process; how it was for me in seeing the possibilities of Welcome as a word entwined into my relationship with me was a feeling of expansion in my body, was in the recognition of a gift, a sort of warmth, a quiet joy, and the possibility of letting go of that reluctance that I have in me in sharing who I am with me, and so with others.
A gift: not like bingo, here it is, but like there is something that is specific here that I can work towards developing in a part of me, that was kind of nebulous before. Nebulous: I mean like in relationships with other beings, there are relationships in which you can accept and become used to in some subtle kind of way a constant put down, such as in the example of family politics, where gradually you accept it and then come to allow it as the way things are, and that acceptance and allowance gradually shapes the way you are, you do not see it any more: so also with the relationship with self, reflecting something like that, in which you become used to the abuse of your own self judgements, and you become identified eventually with the perspective of a projected self that is better and superior to the reality of who you really are, and so in that relationship, your actual real self is not a welcome sight when it turns up, so to speak, on the doorstep of your mind, or on the threshold of your projected world reality, and who I am on the receiving end of that is kind of apologetic for being me. And so within and as both parts of this relationship, Welcome comes to have a kind of hollowness about it, it comes with reservations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in reluctance to accept the word Welcome as a living part of me. I commit myself to look into the nature of this reluctance: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the backchat that I’ve accepted and allowed within it. I forgive myself that in sharing who I am with me, that I have accepted and allowed myself to not extend a welcome that is genuine and real. I forgive myself that in sharing who I am with me that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to secret reservations. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out a perspective of myself in which I take offence at who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Welcome to myself as conditional and limited. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing in my sharing of myself, a welcome to this self that I am sharing, a welcome to the world, a welcome to this home of me, and to everything within it.
So in redefining Steadfast, Welcome comes along as a supportive word: when I recognize this moment as it comes up in me, that replay of the programming that I’ve compiled, of who I am within and as personifying Severity and Aloofness, choosing to abandon who I am as Steadfast in my living Self Forgiveness, seeing and understanding what I am accepting of myself in this moment here, understanding the addiction that I have within and as this stance, instead I take responsibility, I commit myself to stop, and breathe and remember how I came to give myself the opportunity of seeing this word Welcome, how it formed a bridge and an opening of the reality within me, how by means of this word Welcome I can look into my relationship with me and see that there’s a different way to be.